New on this forum and was recommended to me by a netmums user that am a member of.
I don’t know where to start but I can relate to all of you guys. Am BW who found out in May this year my Husband of 22 yearshas been paying for sex. Yes you heard right paying for sex.
I found out as one of his work friends told me as he to was paying for sex at one time and decided enough is enough and told my husband to pack it in but he wouldn’t. When he told me I thought he was saying it for my best interest but later realised he had and ulterior motive.
I confronted my husband who originally denied it and finally came clean after I took an overdose and hit my car into a wall ending up in hospital. He broke down and cried and said it was a mistake that he made and would never do it again.
I then showed him all the texts from his work friend that declared his love for me that’s right his work friend said to leave my husband and sleep with him or even marry him bearing in mind he’s already married.
The more I questioned my husband the more I realised he had been at it for 10 months and probably slept with prostitues on many occasions. My heart broke I felt like the world crumbled before me as I thought we had a fantastic marriage with a great sex life and I am 15 years younger than my husband. I was a total mess and started to self harm myself.
I struggled to cope with this information coming to light I just couldn’t understand why why why. I asked him repeatedly why but he had no answer. I asked him was I notbenough fornhim he said that was not the case I asked was there sex better he said no so I asked why he said he doesn’t know maybe because there bodies were younger firmer and toned as they were in there 20’s and I turned 40 last month.
I’m 40 with slim build and height of 5’10. I know there’s a huge gap in our age but I loved perhaps still love him.
I pleaded with him to tell me why as that answer was not enough as how younger did he want them and we both knew when it came to looks I was told I could be a model and never once thought of anyone or anything apart from my husband. I have 3 children 15, 16 and 22 who are not aware of anything as I did not want to break there faith in there dad as he was or shall I say is the best of the best dads and loves his children.
The weeks to follow were so hard I could not cope my head was all over the place and my heart felt like it had been ripped out and stamped on.
Our marriage started of rocky as we had many family members that didn’t approve of it and financially we struggled in the first 10 years. In the last 7/8 years we were the most happiest couple alive and i worshiped the ground my husband walked on. He was my soul mate my best friend my everything so when I found out you can imagine why I broke. My birthday my 40th was few weeks later and he went above and beyond a week later was our anniversary and he took me away for the weekend. That was the first we were intimate since I found out and I cried as all I could think of was these women he paid to have sex with.
He tries his best he reassures me was no fault of mine but the wrong crowd he got involved with at work. At that time I didn’t trust him or believe him. 8 weeks down the line I’m starting to believe him I feel I’m stupid and foolish but my heart tells me he’s telling the truth even though my head is telling me don’t.
I still have moments through out the day where I think back to what he did and it sickens me to my stomach where I want to be sick.
My husband claims he stopped in April and decided he wouldn’t go back there even though his work friend claimed he hadn’t he is now sacked as mangers found out and they asked him to leave for asking me to leave my husband and be with him.
I could go on and on and on but few I’ve siad too much already.
I do love my husband and want to work this out but I’m scared to let him go out on an evening now with anyone.
He tries on daily basis with me and at times I fee like telling him to just back off but instead go numb and listen to his shit
I guess il never know the real reason of why he did what he did as he says he does not know himself
I’m so exhausted and tired mentally drained from this and feel like fucking his friend and say ok mate now we’re even Stevens but thas my anger and hurt talking.
If anyone has any adv to offer me pls do as I’m struggling so much to cope at times.
There’s so much more to this my stupidity for a start trusting him with my heart even when I sensed something was not right in January I thought maybe as he lost his mum few months prior he was sad.
He was the best of the best husband always supported me encouraged me and stood by my side that’s why I’m so hurt and broken.
I’ve not told anyone as to embarrassed to tell anyone but post on forums such as this where I’ve been advised to leave him or teach him a lesson which I don’t want to do as I don’t want to throw away 22 years of marriage and believe he won’t donit again.
Sorry guys if I’ve ranted on to much