Hi, secretsout -
I don’t have much more to add, but I wanted to just let you know that you’ve been heard and you’re not alone.
My experience was the same. Married for 20 years to a man I was head over heels in love with who I didn’t think I had the capacity to lie or cheat. Boy, was I wrong.
I found out on March 6, 2014 that he had a long history with prostitutes and he was also very active on a whore/John webpage where he would review the whores. It was all there in black-and-white for me to read. Over 4000 posts. Many years of seeing prostitutes during his lunch break at work. My world exploded that day.
I made a brief attempt at reconciliation, but I just couldn’t stomach it. He was so far removed from the man I thought he was. In my mind, he was nothing more than a rapist. Whatever cash he handed those women were the only thing That made it not "really" rape, but he was still having sex with women who didn’t want to have sex with him. Using young, probably trafficked women to get his rocks off. Fucking gross.
And then I just think about the lies, the lies, the lies, the betrayal, the not giving a fuck about my mental or physical health, the money he spent, funny funny jokes he must’ve shared with the other Johns about what a blind idiot his wife was.
Fuck that guy. I divorced him and didn’t look back. Yes, I’m still pissed off about the 20 years wasted, family I could’ve had but didn’t, the dream I had of growing old with my true love, all that.
But the bottom line is he was really truly just a piece of shit and he never deserved me, so I had to go. I hope you do, too.
Me: 50 Him: 59Married 14 years, together 19.D-day: 3/6/14Me; loving, devoted, faithful wifeHim: lying, cheating, wh0re fu€king john6/4/15 - Divorced. Done. I wasn't kidding, asshole.