SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Lol! Who would ask a question and then never look for the response? Oh, that was ME! Lol.

Sorry about that, I think your thread fell off and I kinda forgot to look again. ☹️

Thanks for your answers and suggestions. I mean, we do have some disagreements, usually dealing with our kids. I am more the drill sergeant in a lot of ways, and having her there to advocate for them sometimes is helpful. Have to admit, my parenting role models aren't exactly great.

I have expressed to her that I didn't want a doormat. I want someone who will challenge me intellectually, and who will speak up if I make mistakes. I'm not perfect, but then again, who is? I do worry that she is not willing to challenge me because of this hanging over her head. As for IC, yes. We are both in IC.

It really did strike something when you said that you felt that you had no rights since you broke your vows. I think she feels that way a lot. I'm not going to try to get all spiritual, because I know that put some people off, and I surely don't want to get the mods to drop a ban hammer on my happy butt, but she even has a hard time in church. She struggles with the idea that God can love her. I know that I have much more faith than she does, but still, that must be such a terrible burden to walk around with every day.

I understand that it was her choice, just as it was yours. I can understand the shame, and I really wish that I could help her move past it. Part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself.

I did get quite a laugh out of your story about you blowing up at MrsWalloped. Lol. I'm actually surprised that he didn't laugh at you over that. I know I would!

Thanks again for your answers. There are a lot of questions that I have that I will never ask her. I'm not sure if the answers would help me move forward, or if they would be a roadblock. Was he better in bed than me, for instance. I don't know what the best answer for that would be. Of course, no one wants to be inadequate, especially for a man to feel that way sexually. Part of me thanks though that I hope he was amazing! I hope that he made her speak a foreign language with her eyes roll back in her head, something that would make this pain worth it on some level. I'm a realist, I know that I can get the job done, but am I the only one that can? Certainly not. Some might be better, some might be worse. That is one of the questions I will not ask her.

Mrs W, I think it is great that you found your voice. Frankly, I think that might have been one of the things that was a death knell for us.

In the beginning I was frankly pretty brutal, but that ended after about a year. What didn’t end was her never being able to make a decision. What movie should we see, you decide was the answer. Same with restaurants, trips, etc.it drove me crazy. I probably didn’t help matters by just buying and doing whatever I wanted. I felt like a two year old testing her to say why are you buying that, or no maybe you shouldn’t take that 4th golf trip but she never did.

It was the same with her appearance. Prior, and especially during the affair she was in great shape and always put together. After she gained weight and looked 10 years older. One of my early posts was complaining that she took time to look perfect for her AP, but now I got the heavier not sexy version of her. In retrospect, and it was pointed out by a member here that it might have been a defense mechanism to protect her from making the same mistake. I do know shame probably did having something to do with her deterioration.

Anyway, you have done great, and Mr W in the same way giving you the space to get some of your mojo back. You now have a partnership back. That is crucial

Oh, and he’s on board for ballroom dancing! We haven’t done something fun like that since about a year or so before DDay. I’m getting recommendations of classes in our area. WooHoo!!!

Learn the Waltz first. The rest is easier after that

Oh, and he’s on board for ballroom dancing! We haven’t done something fun like that since about a year or so before DDay. I’m getting recommendations of classes in our area. WooHoo!!!

This presents a perfect opportunity for you both:

- You can do something romantic together

- You can feel a sense of joint achievement as you progress

- You can laugh at each others' ineptitude

- But most important of all, Mrs Walloped, you can show him evidence of true remorse by giving him loving smiles and big hugs every time he stands on your toes

Aha!!!! Not having fun. No wonder you guys might think rebuilding has stalled. You've got to have some fun together, Laughing together, you have to. The dance lessons will be great for that because believe me you will step on each others feet. Play board games, Bowling, Karaoke nights, Ice skating (falling on your buts will make you laugh) I don't know but yes have fun with each other.

Oh and someone mentioned learning the waltz (Marz I think). The basic waltz is one of the easiest learn.

moves like Jagger

Yeh, right

I hope he realises that someone in England who owned and/or managed a team of packhorses was known as a "jagger", so this English surname probably originates from that occupation. So watch those toes carefully. Can you get steel tipped stilettos?

Mrs Walloped, I sincerely hope you two make it to full reconciliation. We are each one human and fallible. I read all 100 pages of your H's from when this all happened, and your thread in this sub-forum. I pray that there is forgiveness in him for you. And in you for yourself.

[This message edited by Hiram at 10:05 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

MrsWalloped, I hope you and Walloped are continuing on a good path. I’ve read many of your posts and find hope, courage, truth and vulnerability, thank you. I hope to do the same and show my H that trust can be built back between us. You are inspiring, please continue to post.

Heard of your struggles.

Praying for you, MrsWalloped.

(((MrsWalloped)))

Keeping you and walloped in my thoughts. Take care of yourself. Please come back and let us know if you are okay.

So many people posted here seeking their pound of flesh and lashing out at you for things that happened years before that you and your husband had already resolved. And constantly referencing things in his very personal, very raw and painful threads, whetting your curiosity about those threads.

Walloped asked you to join SI in an attempt to help your marriage, not for you to be hurt in this way. I wish people wouldn’t have projected their anger, resentment, and pain upon you and your situation. You are, in my opinion, the epitome of a remorseful spouse and should not have been attacked on here the way that you were. It’s shameful and unjustified.

I attempted suicide last year after D Day. I confessed my A to my shocked husband and his grief and pain was so staggering that I had a mental breakdown. A lot of times on SI BSs dismiss these types of things (anxiety, mental breakdowns, suicidal ideations or attempts) as “manipulative” and “selfish” and worse. Apparently the possibility that a WS could be so overwhelmed with shame for inflicting hurt on their loved ones and for degrading ourselves in such a way doesn’t exist. I know I wasn’t trying to manipulate anyone nor was I thinking rationally; I just couldn’t see a way out...if not for my brother, I would be dead. He guessed (correctly) where I would be; we are twins and he knows me inside and out...

I pray that no one will be hearltess and disrespectful enough to imply that you did this to “manipulate” Walloped or that this is a clear example of your “selfish” and “wayward” thinking. Or any of the terrible things they said about Abivalent One’s WW’s suicide attempt or the WW of the BH who posted about how she attempted suicide a few months back not long after the premature death of their daughter. I hope people will have some decency and will afford you and your family the opportunity to heal.

For BSs SI can be a place of solace, of community, of support. For us, it is often a place where we just end up feeling more and more like $h!+ and may become convinced that we do not deserve to live. I keep up with all of the Waywards who have stopped posting in the time I have been a member here (less than a year). And I wonder why...and yet I don’t blame them. This place can be an unhappy place where one’s pain and feelings of despair become exponentially intensified.

I’m so sorry. I am praying for you, Mrs. Walloped. And for your husband and your children. I am praying hard. With all that I have in me.

You are a very wonderful woman. I pray for your strength to return. You have taught me such a valuable lesson in regards to grace and love.

Please be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I am praying for you!

I'm sure that you know that you are admired here, not for your mistake, but by how you have shown the other side that not many of us will know. You have helped me, and I hope that God hears our prayers to help you.

Get well... We need you, and your husband loves you and needs you back.

(((((Mrs.Walloped)))))

I'll be thinking of you.

Mrs. Walloped- prayers for you and your family. This hits so close to home for me. You are fighting the good fight. Don't give up! We are thinking of you.

MrsWalloped,

Sending strength to you and Mr. Walloped to get through these difficult times. Thinking of you.

Mrs Walloped, I offer my most fervent prayers that your health and well being is restored. Please be good to yourself, dear lady. And you mean bastards, back off her.

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.