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MrsWalloped (original poster member #62313) posted at 12:48 PM on Tuesday, August 21st, 2018
Sharkman,
Maybe.
I don’t think we need a hiatus. But he hasn’t been posting as regularly as he used to. Probably because it’s healthy sometimes to take a break.
My A does define us and our realationship. But only part of us. I can’t go back in time and change it so it’ll always be with me and with my BH. But there’s also a lot more going on in our lives than my A. Besides I wouldn’t want to put it in the past and forget about it (actually, I really would, but I can’t and won’t 
). What I mean is that it’s important to me to think about my A and everything since then because it helps me be me today and do the things I work on. Does that make sense?
It was the big reason I was so damn frustrated here early on. Everything was trying to get that poor man to see something that can’t exist.
When was that? What are you referring to? When my husband first came to SI? But you registered on SI a year and a half after my DDay??? #confused
Me: WW 47
My BH: Walloped 48
A: 3/15 - 8/15 (2 month EA, turned into 3 month PA)
DDay: 8/3/15
In R
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 6:36 PM on Thursday, August 23rd, 2018
I was referring to when you first started posting and the overwhelming sentiment was based around finding forgiveness. In my view forgiveness rarely comes into play and, in the situations that it does, it follows acceptance. There was no acceptance of the affair so I did not see forgiveness occurring. By searching out something of an unknown it would create complexity in a situation that demands simplicity.
My main concern now is you. You were finally able to process what you did when you read his posts. For you to accept this you need to acknowledge a broken person exists. A strong person needs to do that, but it’s hard being a strong person to fix things while understanding that you’re a broken person for having to do so. It’s a mindf*ck. It can and will impact your reconciliation.
Trdd ( member #65989) posted at 3:57 AM on Monday, August 27th, 2018
I think those are basic requirements before forgiveness can come. But true forgiveness is on a higher plane than that. It’s special and beautiful. It’s an act of grace and love. And the people who are able to offer that forgiveness to their WS are nothing short of amazing.
MrsWalloped, I pray that you find this forgiveness from your husband, daughters and in yourself. From what I have read, both in your husband's early posts and in yours, you are as worthy as any of us.
Our lives should not be defined by one decision nor from 3 months of poor choices. We may suffer the effects long term but it should not define us until the end of our days. Your time, before and after dd, is marked with many achievements and much love. If I can see it through this site, I am sure the Creator sees it. May that love one day be fully restored for your family.
And thank you for sharing your story.
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