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When A WS Leaves For Their OP Part 2

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hopefullife posted 3/16/2020 04:39 AM

I'm feeling a bit down today. This pandemic is a trigger. It kind of reminded me of him and how he would have been the first personal to call and worry about me at times like this. I don't want him in my life anymore. I'm sure of that. But there's an overwhelming feeling of loss thinking how there used to be someone who treated me as the most important person in the world.

ShatteredSakura posted 3/16/2020 07:28 AM


ďEverything will be okay in the end. If itís not okay, itís not the end."

-John Lennon

sorryforeverythi posted 3/16/2020 09:38 AM

I hear you but you will find someone else that fills that role, sooner than you think.

[This message edited by sorryforeverythi at 9:38 AM, March 16th (Monday)]

LostandFound75 posted 3/19/2020 00:19 AM

Going through a closet today which has been collecting junk for a long awhile, I found our son's first Christmas album. Then I remembered his plaster new born foot print was in another part of the house. I realized again, even though she gets 50% custody that she never asked for any photos of our son. No mementos of any kind of his childhood. I understand that she wouldn't want pictures or mementos of our 17 years together...but it hurts me....or really just makes me sad for her that she has no interest in those things.
I can't understand the ability of some people who are able to just disassociate themselves from their former life as easy as turning off a light switch.
It just irked me, so I thought I would share as Im sure the majority of this dreaded group have thought this at some point after the discard.

ShatteredSakura posted 3/19/2020 00:27 AM

I can't understand the ability of some people who are able to just disassociate themselves from their former life as easy as turning off a light switch.
It just irked me

Yep, that's a good word. It's very irksome.

Even when some of us do not want the other person back or anything to do with them after all the backstabbing and betrayal, there's this little kernel of feeling that sticks with you "why did they do it? How could they do it?". And it's like you want something back, whether it's retribution or reparations or whatever. Just this feeling something was stolen away from you.

I know mine would say it wasn't easy, but it sure as heck feels that way.

Some people are just not sentimental about the things you mentioned (I don't understand why IMO), at least your son has one parent who is.

[This message edited by ShatteredSakura at 12:28 AM, March 19th (Thursday)]

AbandonedGuy posted 3/20/2020 00:37 AM

I never want to see my ex again but sometimes I feel kind of wounded that she's never even attempted to reach out after what she did. Reconciling those two emotions when the second one occasionally hits feels odd. It's probably a deep ego bruise on my part, mixed with a cocky bit of "if only that awful bitch could see me now". I'd take the Pepsi challenge of current me vs. AP any day of the week.

I'd guess that some of her reasoning is internalized shame-fueled avoidance with heaps of "outta sight, outta mind" on top. Plus some bitterness that I didn't just roll over and let her take me to the cleaners. Not to mention she probably doesn't want to disrupt her new supply of ego fuel. Not now, at least. I'm kind of curious if she'll attempt a hoovering once that asshole stops feeding her monkey. But she's such a coward, I doubt it, and that's for the best.

hopefullife posted 3/26/2020 10:01 AM

Ex left and never looked back. Asked only for the business papers he left and nothing else. I still have some of his things, but don't think he plans on ever getting them.

I do feel wounded, the abandonment after a decade long of relationship is just too much to handle at times. And I can't help but feel and fear that whoever comes next will just do the same. But as they say, survived it once. Surely, can survive again. Maybe. Or maybe not.

Bookgirl posted 4/5/2020 02:02 AM

I have made it to a year since all this began 💪🏻 It honestly gets better.

SadLibrarian posted 4/6/2020 07:52 AM

So when my WW took off with the other man she left me with our two pets, a dog and a rabbit. She says she wants the dog in the divorce, but I have been taking care of her and paying for everything for 6 months so we'll see if she ever actually follows through on that. The rabbit she said to just put up for adoption, which I did. Well it turns out the rabbit is sick and the person I gave him to won't keep him, so now I'm going to have to take him back and either go through expensive medical treatment, or have him put down.

I spent an hour this weekend talking to the wife the OM though, and she's got it even worse. He abandoned her and their two little girls, and she has had to move back in with her family to help take care of them while she divorces him. The WSs certainly do leave us holding all their shit when they runaway don't they.

ShatteredSakura posted 4/6/2020 13:09 PM

The WSs certainly do leave us holding all their shit when they runaway don't they.

Yep...literally. Bunch of selfish people with one foot halfway in a new life and the other still in our shattered lives.

LostandFound75 posted 4/6/2020 23:09 PM

Here's to the EX WS's stuck indoors 24/7 with their new prizes...enjoy the greener grass

[This message edited by LostandFound75 at 8:13 AM, April 7th (Tuesday)]

SadLibrarian posted 4/9/2020 10:23 AM

Here's to the EX WS's stuck indoors 24/7 with their new prizes...enjoy the greener grass

Hopefully they are all F'ing miserable. I know my WWs AP is a terrible nurse and caregiver from talking to his BS. Let them tear each other's throats out for a while.

ShatteredSakura posted 4/10/2020 18:10 PM

We hope, but sadly they're most likely peas in a pod.

rockytop24 posted 4/12/2020 10:38 AM

I just wanted to say that I started following SI on reddit a while back, and trying to get some feedback on my story led me to the site. I'm so glad to have found this group. I posted the gist of my story in the separation/divorce forum, and while it's a novel it's probably an interesting read for anyone who has the time. I just got kicked out of medical school in September and my ex fiancee had an exit affair with a married soldier whose wife is trying to get pregnant through IVF thanks to cystic fibrosis.

I never thought my life would reach such a low point, but it's helped to realize that I am not alone in my pain, and I'm not a (complete) fool for not seeing her true character these 6 years. Thank you all for lending me some of your strength when mine runs dry.

lovelorn posted 4/13/2020 02:42 AM

This is where I should be also. DDay-1 2018 with complete and total remorse expressed, IC and MC we reconciled.

D-Day 2 was 5 days ago. I discovered texts and calls and expected a remorseful WH. Instead he said that he would just do it again and we should separate. It was due to me and the marriage- that is what caused him to go elsewhere bc I was not providing him what he needed- although he never could identify what that was.

He specifically said it is not about anyone else. but it actually was. He is now with the AP all day every day and late into the night.

He was my husband and my life. and without warning he just took it all away. Our plans, our life and our love. I have never loved or trusted someone so much and was completely blindsided by how nonchalantly he wanted to D. Like we were strangers. Like I meant nothing.

hopefullife posted 4/13/2020 10:04 AM

rockytop24, lovelorn, it's sad to see you here but welcome to the thread. I'm 7 months out, not totally out but it does get better. We're here to support you.

He went all out with AP. Changed profile picture to them both. I'm not looking, but friends he forgot to unfriend told me. It's a blow, but I'm taking it a lot better than I expected, thanks to friends. This week even tougher, OC's birthday. Quarantine is somehow making it a bit better, their families aren't getting together like they're legal. I shouldn't care anymore and amazingly not as depressed as I would have thought. But still.

I hope you guys are having better days too.

rockytop24 posted 4/13/2020 17:40 PM

Thanks hopeful, sorry to hear that lovelorn. It's been almost 7 months now, trying to work up the nerve to break NC and ask if she's willing to settle our assets without me taking the issue to court.

I thought I'd have no problem, but I started sobbing in the shower. I realized I was thinking back to her graduation last spring when she bought her own stethoscope after borrowing mine for years, didnt care to wait for the one i wanted to get as a graduation gift. How i got the vague feeling she was embarrassed to have me there with her classmates and family, but I wrote it off to me hiding my own anxiety about a professionalism class I had to take to return to school the following day.

And I realize all at once that she really had been devaluing me long before she was ready to discard me. That she wore a mask and I never saw her slip it on. I just wish she had been honest, or I had kept my eyes open enough to see it coming. I don't think she ever had any interest in having her ideal future hampered by a partner's problems.

I could have focused totally on my last chance tightrope act for the admin. Things might have been different, no matter how much I push that unhealthy thought away. And I cry even more because I realize people who do mental gymnastics to avoid responsibility are never going to feel bad about it. Especially when they leveraged your relationship into a 6 figure job.

I let a broken person break me and I despise myself for it. Not the progress I wanted to make since October. Wish me luck on getting my money and things back without the courts.

lovelorn posted 4/13/2020 19:11 PM

I think the most disturbing part is the fact that the WS seem completely unfazed by the wake of destruction they leave in their path.

We give hearts and our trust and they rip us apart with no remorse.

And I do not know about anyone else but I still want things to go back the way they were. That's the thing. I am rationale and I know that he is the worst human (if he is even human) that I have encountered but my heart still misses him.

I cry bc I miss telling him things. I cry bc I miss sleeping next to him. I cry for a million other things that I miss about him and our relationship and he looks at me with no feeling at all. It is so painful.

AbandonedGuy posted 4/14/2020 10:11 AM

Life after abandonment gets better. I'm 19 months from DDay. It almost killed me when it happened, but turns out I got a best case scenario: settle our assets in 6 weeks then never speak to each other again. Divorce docs were mailed to and fro her lawyer, but never any contact between us. She wanted nothing to do with me, which was a blessing in disguise. If you don't have kids, this rip the bandaid off approach is the way to go.

The pain goes away. The scars remain, but most of the time you forget they're even there. Believe me, being heartbroken and alone is a lot better than remaining tethered to some shithead who doesn't respect you, deceives you, and generally doesn't give a damn if you live or die. Abandonment hurts a lot more on the front end, but we're given a lot more back end tools to work with than those who get stuck in shitty limbo.

lovelorn posted 4/14/2020 17:16 PM

Thank you AbandonedGuy! I am feeling so bad today having to be around WH acting all normal. It made me feel like this wasn't all happening and then he left to go see AP- bc he just does that now like it is ok- and I completely fell apart.

I think you are right about the quick turn around as opposed to lingering in between.

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