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Wow A1.... That's some scary stuff there my friend.

I agree as a few have pointed out, might behoove you to lay off potentially asking her questions right now, and put your focus on your health.

There will always be a time for the questions.

Hang in there!!!

Put health first right now. Asking questions may not help you at this time.

Focus on you to

Glad you are receiving good medical care. Please take much better care of yourself and continue hydrating. Give your wife thanks and then carry on with creating a new and better future for yourself.

Again, I’m glad you are on the mend.

[This message edited by Absolution at 11:29 PM, February 22nd (Thursday)]

I hope you get well soon, AO.

I agree with others as well regarding the questions. Get yourself healthy first.

Cheers!

...

[This message edited by Absolution at 12:20 AM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

Tell her it's not making you feel any better, and to please stop it. Thanks for calling 911, but fact is you are killing me, and I need space. Go cry in the stairwell.

Solid suggestion. You need to focus on your self/health. Her putting on the water works in your hospital room is not going to help you in that regard.

Hoping you recover and get well soon. Wishing you strength...

Wow, so clearly you need to take a step back and take care of yourself. Nothing else matters.

Your wife seems like a bit of the caretaker type, based on your prior descriptions- didn’t she place a blanket over you when she found you asleep on the floor; and wasn’t she worried you had cancer?

Any caretaker-type wife would fall to pieces to find her spouse in a pool of blood on the floor. It’s traumatic. Of course she wants to be with you.

Please do what feels best to you at any given moment. If it helps you feel better to have your wife with you, then by all means do so. Please don’t overthink or analyze it - I suspect you’ve done plenty of that already.

[This message edited by hpv50 at 6:24 AM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

A1,

It does sound like you ended up malnourished and you finally passed out as a result. It is a miracle that nothing worse happened, and that is good. Thank Heaven it did not happen on the staircase, or while you were driving. We are all thinking of you, and pulling for your recovery.

Hopefully your doctor will prescribe a course of action for you, and maybe some better diet supplements if you still cannot face eating meals. Please do look after yourself, my friend, and follow your doctor's directions.

As others here are saying, your health is the number one priority here, and any questions, etc, can wait until you are in a stronger physical condition. It is not as if the answers are going to change if you wait a few weeks before asking questions, is it? So put all that aside for the time being and focus on yourself.

How you want to play things with your wife is up to you. She will know that she has caused you a lot of mental and emotional pain, which has now expanded to include physical pain too. I know we are not going to pin any good conduct medals on her anytime soon, but she really must be feeling like crap at the moment.

If her presence does bother you, it would be kind to send her on her way gently, by thanking her for finding you, but explaining that you really need peace and quiet to heal and rest. Tell her that you appreciate her concern, but that the medical staff are taking care of you, and all you really want to do is sleep. And in reality, that is what you should be doing anyway.

Please get yourself better, and enjoy Christmas with your daughters, A1. I am sure they will make a huge fuss of you, and you deserve that. Put all the other stuff to one side for now; it can wait.

hope you get some rest and peace.

Your "diet" is not good for you in the long term view of your life.

Glad you are getting good treatment.

Hope you are able to have a good Christmas with your daughters and have a speedy recovery.

you do not need any more drama in your life right now.

I appreciate everyone’s kind thoughts and words. I will be heading home in a few hours. Waiting for the neuroradiolgist to perform the final interpretation on my MRI. Feeling much better this morning after getting a bunch of IV fluids. I had a consultation with the hospital nutritionist who understood my dilemma. She made several recommendations for smoothies that sound easy to make.

I ended up calling my SIL to retrieve WW and take care of her. She still hadn’t stopped crying when SIL took her home. I did thank her for getting me to the hospital yesterday but insisted that I still need separation. She seemed to understand but wasn’t very coherent.

I am not a big fan of showing weakness or relying on others help and this episode forced me to do both. I guess I will go home and try to drown my worries in a tofu strawberry banana smoothie. Wish me luck.

[This message edited by AmbivalentOne at 9:34 AM, December 13th (Wednesday)]

Drinking lots of water without eating enough throws off the electrolytes and literally can kill you. My father did this, ended up in the hospital for a week, and then into rehab for two weeks. Please take this seriously.

Hi A1

As a fellow engineer, I have watched with some pride the structured and logical way that you have handled this awful life experience that has been handed to you.

I would imagine that it does not always look that way to you, but from the outside looking in, and then comparing it to several other experiences on here, I can tell you that you are handling this well.

Then I see quite a bit of me in this.

I  am not a big fan of showing weakness or relying on others help and this episode did both

The damage done to me by my finding out about XWW 's A, saw me turn into a blubbering mess in public more than once. Hated it when it first happened. Then some of the kind folk on here pointed out that it was nothing to be ashamed of. Can't recall the wonderful way that they put it but it effectively meant that it showed that I was a kind, loving human being who could care and love. Subsequently, I have found that allowing myself to feel more emotion, I am experiencing life with more vibrancy. I know that I am not sounding too much like an engineer over here, but this thing changes you in ways that you would not expect. Not all of it bad.

I must say that I loved the;

I guess I will go home and try to drown my worries in a tofu strawberry banana smoothie. Wish me luck

We are supposed to be the dry boring ones but somehow we seem strong enough to find humour even in this

Well played A1, well played.

Tofu?...seriously man...drop a couple of hamburger patties in the blender with the fruit.

Did you have stiches? Hopefully you'll have a scar...you'll look like a bad ass...

In reality you are an SI bad ass (compliment just so you know)

I am not a big fan of showing weakness or relying on others help

Neither was I, but we're all human and we all need help from time to time. I'm glad someone (even WW) was there to find you.

I guess I will go home and try to drown my worries in a tofu strawberry banana smoothie.

My first thought would have been, "Tofu? What kind of nutritionist misspells 'rum' that badly?" I kid, I kid.

Engineer?

I guess you know that when pouring cement in the foundations of a building you need to wait for it to set and dry properly. You can’t rush that part.

It does sound like you made a Gantt-chart out of infidelity but didn’t schedule for the emotional cost.

Your biggest asset is time. Use it.

AI,

your story has touched me and brought up many emotions within myself, I ponder what I would do if i were in your specific situation with the length of time that this has happened.

Maybe I can offer you another thought,

I was raised in a Buddhist faith, and when I met my wife (black and white from my WFG), she introduced me into the christian faith. I'm not really promoting the faith per say, but there is a teaching, philosophy, believe, I guess, what ever you call it that the faith teach us to forgive..... I said forgive, not forget....

if you forgive her, then your live can be as good as it was before DD, she has to try harder then hell to allow you to slowly forget over time if that is even possible. you would have a good quality of life.

you can also choose not to forgive her and divorce and go into the new adventure of a new life. Would this life give you a better quality of life vs the one with a R'ed wife that is trying very very very hard to appreciate your forgiveness and to slowing heal you to the point that you can forget?

rambling a little, I guess. Which senario would give you the best quality of life, to forgive and try or to not forgive and start a new...

Emotions that you retain in your heart, sadness, anger, disgust, fear eats up a person from the inside. either way you have to let it go so it doesn't harm you anymore.

Tofu? Really?

You could try an Idaho smoothie. Venison and beer blended with a pinch of parsley.

I guess, what ever you call it that the faith teach us to forgive..... I said forgive, not forget....

if you forgive her, then your live can be as good as it was before DD, she has to try harder then hell to allow you to slowly forget over time if that is even possible. you would have a good quality of life.

Forgiveness is a hard thing because the literal meaning of forgiveness in the Christian faith, in the sense that Christ forgives your sins, is that not only does He forgive but He remembers them no more. This seems an almost impossible standard for a person to live up to and I guess why he is God and we are not. I read once that people with those really good memories, called hyperthymesia, have difficult inter-personal relationships because they cannot forget the little slights and small lies that people tell all the time even unconsciously. Those of us with normal memories have forgotten that a friend insulted us in 1998 over our pants not matching our shirt but these people never can and it eats at them.

For me I did forgive, as best as I can in my non-Christ like way, my xWW. I never forgot because frankly you can't forget something that big but I was able to live with it until I just couldn't but I remain in forgiveness to her for the events. I don't think that forgiveness=Reconciliation and non-forgiveness=Divorce. You can forgive in the sense of not holding a grudge, allowing that person to have your forgiveness but still say "I am going to leave this relationship"

[This message edited by beenthereinco at 12:17 PM, December 13th (Wednesday)]