SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"I tried to generate a list of questions to send to WW. But I keep hitting a wall. I'm not sure what she could say right now that would make a difference."

I understand where you're coming from. It's not a bad thing that you have no questions. At some point you get numb or more accurately become indifferent. It's a normal state of mind and I agree that the entire affair is a moot point now. She did what she did and you've likely seen and heard enough to know what occurred.

Counselors deal a lot with folks who've not gotten all of the answers they need in order for them to move on. Your counselor should be okay with the fact that you don't have questions. Also, you can write questions at any point; it doesn't have to be done immediately, or ever if you're doing fine.

What matters is that you keep checking your temperature to see how you're doing physically and emotionally. If you and those close to you feel that you're doing well, then there's no need to sweat it. If your analysis of your state of mind isn't matching with close friend's analysis, then you may want to bring that up to the counselor.

You're doing great. I'm really hopeful for you.

What questions would you ask?

She already told you she started because of the excitement of being a bad girl?

Maybe you can ask her why it continued so long.

EDITED

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 6:50 PM, December 12th (Tuesday)]

Midnight Run, just how is such a response helpful?

There you go again, MidnightRun, applying a 2x4 appropriate to someone in infidelity to someone who is not.

Why a wayward changed is irrelevant. That they genuinely changed is relevant.

What purpose does your comment serve? Whether reconciliation or divorce will make the OP happiest is purely up to him.

[This message edited by PlanC at 2:34 PM, December 12th (Tuesday)]

I apologize if I was overly harsh, but sometimes tepid semantics obscure basic truths.

She had nine years to contemplate her behavior; he has had but a few weeks to digest the shit.

Again, I apologize.

Why a wayward changed is irrelevant. That they genuinely changed is relevant.

Really?

Modivaton counts for nothing?

So I rob a bank because I just want money.

Or I rob a bank because they have a gun to my kids head and will kill her if I don't.

Zero difference? The only thing that should matter is that the bank got robbed?

Ramius, does it matter why she had the affair? Anything that can make it OK?

To go off your bank robber analogy, if he finds he likes it and keeps robbing banks, it doesn't matter why he started.

[This message edited by HouseOfPlane at 7:22 PM, December 12th (Tuesday)]

Keeping with the bank-robber analogy: If we didn’t believe people can change we wouldn’t bother sentencing the robber to jail. After all; no change and after serving his sentence he would simply rob another bank. We would rather just get a rope and yank him up in the next tree.

Instead we believe in people’s ability to change and mend their ways. In fact, most religions are based on that premise.

This does not automatically mean the bank-manager – AO in this case – needs to welcome the newly reformed bank-robber with open arms. He can deny him further business if he chose to do so.

And Midnight. If you are truly sorry then there is an edit-button that enables you to clean up your hurtful post. Just saying…

Bigger,

I agree. The post has been edited.

The gist remains.

A1, my apology again.

t/j

Midnight – as a cop I sometimes took shifts in the lock-up. There is an art to escorting someone in such a way he willingly walks into the cell without a fight. The result is the same as if I pulled him screaming and dragging – he ends up in the cell. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is a nice way to get the message across and everybody is happy.

Thanks for the edit.

Ramius, does it matter why she had the affair? Anything that can make it OK?

Nothing makes it ok. Ever. FOO issues and such are all bullshit IMO.

But it might matter to the BS if the affiar was just for fun, or if the WS was an undiagnosed bi-polar that was RX an SSRI that drove them manic.

Well, I had something of an eventful day.

I went home from work today to pick up some old schematics (from back in the day when they were actually on paper). I remember going inside and heading for my office. And that's it. Woke up in the hospital.

Apparently I passed out and/or had a seizure. WW came by the house to take care of the animals and found me laying on the floor in our hallway. Split my forehead open and bled everywhere. She called 911 and off I went to the ER. They ran all sorts of tests on me. No broken bones. No internal bleeding. But my electrolytes were way out of whack. Like, WAY out of whack. They hooked me up to a bunch of IV fluids and I eventually woke up.

So today I learned that eating only 1 or 2 protein bars per day for several weeks isn't all that great for you. I had noticed a fair amount of weight loss recently, but I honestly needed to drop a few pounds so I wasn't all that concerned. Apparently I should have been concerned. My doctor said I was effectively malnourished. He did compliment me on staying hydrated though. Small victories.

They are holding me in the hospital overnight for observation and an MRI. Seems unnecessary, but if I don't want to stay, I have to sign out AMA, and I'm not that crazy.

WW seems to have suffered some sort of breakdown. She hasn't left my side since she found me. Insisted on riding in the ambulance too. I am kind of surprised they let her.

She is sitting across the room from my bed, crying constantly, blaming herself, etc. I'm not really sure what to say to her. This is only the third time I have seen her since Dday. I do need to thank her for finding me and getting me to the hospital. Not sure how long I would have laid there otherwise.

So that means I missed my second IC appointment today. I texted therapist to let her know what happened. Rescheduled for next week.

Thanks to everyone for suggesting questions for WW. If she won't go away tonight, I may ask a few of them.

BTW, I never saw Midnight's pre-edit post, so no harm, no foul.

At least you're getting some fluids.

Dehydration can kill you.

Take care

Glad that you're okay and still with us, A1.

AO— totally scary! Glad you were found and you are being taken care of. PLEASE put your health first after this, okay?

Sending you healing..

If she respects you she will honor a request for her to leave

Your health is paramount; regain your strength. Skip the questioning for now. Relax and watch tv.

Wishing you the very best.

Well, I had something of an eventful day.

That's some scary shit...see the church ladies were right...they needed to cook for you.

All good thoughts for you.

Perhaps you want to call your SIL so she can support your W?

I do need to thank her for finding me and getting me to the hospital.

Yes but keep in mind that the reason you were in the hospital is because of a 9 year affair and aftermath.

She is sitting across the room from my bed, crying constantly, blaming herself, etc. I'm not really sure what to say to her.

Tell her it's not making you feel any better, and to please stop it. Thanks for calling 911, but fact is you are killing me, and I need space. Go cry in the stairwell.

What a horrible tragedy for you, A1. Lots of people are pulling for you.

Sending strength!