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Yesterday was difficult. My eldest son contacted me and wanted to know why I refused to communicate with his mother.

He then told me she was suffering from nausea and vomiting and might be experiencing morning sickness. WTH?

So I spent much of yesterday and every minute this morning pondering the possibility of pregnancy. My first thought was, "Well, no way this is going to work out. If she's pregnant, it's not my baby. And no one is going to believe that "we" gave birth to a half black/half white baby that came from the two of us; especially considering I had a vasectomy in my early thirties.

Now I am back to thinking about her claims she is in menopause. She claimed that one if the reasons she had sex with the POSOM without using condoms, was because she was in menopause and didn't need to concern herself with getting pregnant (I don't know WTF she was thinking about catching an STD).

So now I am confused. I don't know whether she's really in menopause or not. I assume that a woman can't get pregnant during menopause, but I'm not an expert on the subject.

I have the feeling this is just another bunch of crap she's come up with just to get me to talk to her. If so, it's really cruel because it just spins me right back into the whole mess.

So now I have to get in touch with my lawyer today to find out what to do on the remote chance that she is pregnant. Will I have to pay child support if she's pregnant while we're still married?

This is upsetting even though I think it's more manipulation.

First off....if she is in the early stages of menopause yes she can still get pregnant.

Second....standard ploy to rope you back in.

Third....not your circus anymore.

k9

I don't know whether she's really in menopause or not

As a woman of a certain age myself, I have to ask...why does it matter if she is or isn't experiencing menopause? I am missing the relevance.

Menopause can cause havoc on your hormones and your emotions (night sweats are the worst) but it doesn't excuse or justify any of her horrid actions.

I do think she is manipulating you. Yes, there is a VERY slim chance she could still get pregnant (obviously not by you if you had a V) but why can't she just take a $8.00 pregnancy test and find out? Not yours to own.

She is manipulating your son too. As this is not his to own.

A DNA test can prove the paternity of the child IF (big IF) she is pregnant. You would have no legal obligation rearing or financially supporting the child when it is not yours.

I seriously hope she is under some psychiatric care. Suggest that your son.

It IS manipulation.

You need a break 36 !!

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 11:01 AM, October 30th (Monday)]

As a woman of a certain age myself, I have to ask...why does it matter if she is or isn't experiencing menopause? I am missing the relevance.

The only relevance to me is in understanding whether or not she could actually get pregnant during menopause, especially at her age...

And you're right, I need a break. It seems like every opportunity is taken to ruin any good moment I might have.

I called my attorney and left a message. If by some remote chance she is pregnant I don't want to be paying child support for someone else's baby. I know in some states that can happen. I don't know about my state.

[This message edited by 36yearsgone at 11:06 AM, October 30th (Monday)]

Hi 36

This is tough stuff, I know. You are actually doing so well. I know that I had a hard time believing it when all I felt was confused and hurt, but those of us who can now look at this with a bit of experience and from the outside in, can see that you are closer to closure than what it might feel like for now.

I was repeatedly told go NC. It was difficult for me, with just how determined and creative XWW was but, each time she managed to touch my life somehow, set me back quite a bit.

I know that you did not go looking for any form of contact with your wife with this contact from your son but, next time please be honest with him and tell him that you have lived through hell. A more horrible hell than he could ever imagine, and him bringing her back into your life like that, is putting you back into the very middle of that hell. Ask him if that is what he really wants to do.

Then, I suppose you already know it by now but your WW is not the brightest button in the jar, thinking that going through menopause will protect from pregnancy. It is only once they are fully through it that there is any protection from pregnancy. Going through it is actually a high risk time since there is ovulation, just any predictability is lost.

Ooops. She and OM did not use teh most reliable protection method here. Sorry to say.

Well, I guess if she is pregnant she should contact the father and find out if he's going to make her an honest women.

hahahahahahahahahaha

[This message edited by leftbroken at 11:17 AM, October 30th (Monday)]

But 36,

In your very first message here you said you were “demanding” STD tests for both of you and a pregnancy test for her.

Obviously a month ago you believed she could get pregnant.

why is your son badgering you over her again ?

Tell him that if he calls wanting to talk about Mom, don't bother and put him in his place

In your very first message here you said you were “demanding” STD tests for both of you and a pregnancy test for her.

Obviously a month ago you believed she could get pregnant.

Yes, I did. But then she kept telling me it was impossible. But this is what I mean about spinning back into the mess.

At this point I think she's lying through her teeth. She's gonna have to make up her mind between the reality of what she did and the fantasy of how she's dealing with it.

especially considering I had a vasectomy in my early thirties.

Seriously doubt she is pregnant but if she is does your son know you had a vasectomy? Would he really expect you to stay married to her and raise this other man's child? Have you been having unprotected sex with your wife for all of these years since the vasectomy? Have you used any form of birth control in this time? Did she ever get pregnant before? If not then I think you know its not your baby. All the more reason to get the D done and move on if it is true and make sure that you tell your attorney about this. Like I said I seriously doubt she is pregnant at her age but if she is you better make sure there is no way that you can get named as the father.

She's gonna have to make up her mind between the reality of what she did and the fantasy of how she's dealing with it.

Doubtful she will or even wants to. This would require her to face herself and all that she's done. She doesn't appear to have the integrity or the where with all to do so.

As hard as it is, IGNORE.

So what was the result of the pregnancy test you demanded?

Seriously doubt she is pregnant but if she is does your son know you had a vasectomy? Would he really expect you to stay married to her and raise this other man's child? Have you been having unprotected sex with your wife for all of these years since the vasectomy? Have you used any form of birth control in this time? Did she ever get pregnant before? If not then I think you know its not your baby. All the more reason to get the D done and move on if it is true and make sure that you tell your attorney about this. Like I said I seriously doubt she is pregnant at her age but if she is you better make sure there is no way that you can get named as the father.

My son knows about the vasectomy and that "we" can't get pregnant. Yes, I have been having unprotected sex with my wife since the vasectomy. No we have not used any birth control. I have no doubt that if she was pregnant that the baby could not be mine.

My wife and I went over this on DD when she said they always used condoms to after DD when she tells me they didn't use condoms. I have to imagine she thinks I have grown stupider in the last few weeks than I was at the beginning.

I think she's just trying to manipulate me into talking to her on the phone or in person. Anyway, just wanted to get it off my chest and now that I've done so, it sounds ridiculous. So I'm going to let the fire burning in my brain go out.

She has nausea and vomiting because she's realizing she's going to lose everything. That's common among WS when it starts to sink in. Happened to mine, too. I just walked away.

So what was the result of the pregnancy test you demanded?

She claimed at that time that she wasn't pregnant. Though I didn't actually see her pee on a stick.

However, if she did take a test then and she is somehow pregnant now, but wasn't then...I guess she has still been screwing the POSOM.

I think she's making the whole thing up, just to screw with my mind.

That joke would probably have been funnier if I'd used the word endorsement in there some where

A joke? Did I miss something?

If she really is pregnant, that would make even the barest possibility of R more difficult. Raising someone else's kid out of a betrayal would be a constant lightning rod in a marriage.

Also, not to be Debbie downer, but in Oregon if a woman has someone else's kid while married, then her [estranged] husband pays all child support.

I hope you state isn't like that.

Her sickness could be from any of a number of things- if indeed the report is even true.

As to talking to her, wait until you are ready. I'd make it clear that if she isn't 100% truthful at all times, then you will up and leave.

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 12:01 PM, October 30th (Monday)]

Maybe it's time to have your lawyer send her a cease and desist to stop her from contacting people to get in touch with you on her behalf? Let her know if she continues to try and manipulate your kids this way, you're filing an order of protection to stop her harassment.

More importantly than the pregnancy nonsense does your son know what she did? He’s old enough to be told by his dad that his mom had sex 20+ times in different places and positions with a man from work and that is a deal breaker for you.

He should understand, especially if he is the one that had the cheating wife.

What is the next step in the divorce proceedings?

You’re doing well. Keep it up.