My wife and I have been married for 36 years and together two years before that. During our marriage we experienced the typical highs and lows of most marriages. We had four children, one of them died four years-ago. During our marriage I knew one thing I could always count on was my wife’s faithfulness and marital fidelity.
Our entire marriage began crashing before I realized it was in trouble. She was invited over to a coworker’s house to celebrate the coworker’s birthday on July 20, 2017. Apparently they had been flirting for a while and head sex in his home multiple times that evening; the next day they had sex on his desk during the workday. The following day was a repeat. And just like that they proceeded to have sex approximately 20 times, in a variety of positions and places; all without the benefit of condom use.
I was temporarily in the dark about the infidelity. But her behavior started to change. She bought expensive new clothes, was having her hair and nails done once a week. She does a type of social work, so she would get phone calls in the middle of the night on her work phone and tell me she needed to run to the hospital and pick up an 85-year-old female patient that was being released and take her home. She would then go to the guy’s house and have sex. On other nights she would go to bed with me then sneak out a couple of hours to run to the guy’s house to have sex.
I was growing increasingly suspicious and my suspicions began to get confirmed on September 1, 2017, around 7:30 in the evening when there was a knock on the door. I opened it an there was this tall, young(er) black man at the door. He looked startled to see me and said he needed to get some paperwork from my wife. I bring up the man’s color, not because of race, but because whenever I close my eyes I can now imagine the contrast of his body laying against the pale white skin of my wife.
There was no paperwork for my wife. He then suggested that we take him out drinking and dancing and I could be the designated driver. I discovered later that he was hoping for a threesome with me and my wife.
After I declined his offer I excused myself to use the bathroom. I intentionally walked by a strategically placed mirror where I caught them flirting with each other. My heart sank and I knew. After he left I confronted her. She swore repeatedly that nothing was going on. She did the whole swear on the bible and her mother’s grave routine.
We slept on separate sides of the bed that evening. The next morning she apologized, said there was no affair, couldn’t understand why he had come by and suggested that I go treat myself to a few hours of golf. And while I was playing golf she was screwing him.
Our relationship became estranged over the next few days. The on Wednesday, September 6, 2017 a voice in my head told me to call her and confront her once and for all. So I called her. She was about 60 miles out of town “on business.” I told her that I was leaving work in 20 minutes, would be home 25 minutes after that and expected her to be home within 20 minutes after I arrived if she wanted to save our marriage.
When got home within three minutes of the deadline and we proceeded to talk. For two hours she denied the affair. Then she admitted she had been thinking about it. I asked her, “How long did you think about it before you acted upon it?” She finally admitted it and said it was nothing. It took another 30 minutes for her to give the OM’s name. He was the guy I suspected all along.
I asked her if she was sorry. She said “Yes, I’m sorry.” Then she mutter, “Sorry, I got caught.”
This has been the most physically and emotionally damaging thing I have gone through in my life. She lied so easily for the past few weeks. Then she proceeded to tell me what a better man he is than I am. He compliments her, likes her paintings, enjoys listening the one of our musician sons, likes her clothes, etc. I said “Really, he’s a better man than me? He screws a married woman, ridicules her, tells her she’s too old for him and yet he’s a better man than me?”
I then pulled out info from the private investigation I had run on this guy. He had multiple arrests including battery on a woman, failure to pay child support. He has stalked and screwed several woman where they both work(ed). The top female manager there had to leave the state and change her phone number after their short-lived affair. He’s screwing the woman who took that woman’s place. Yeah, he’s better than me.
My wife left the state September 7th and returned on September 20th, telling me she really wants to work on our marriage. But while she was away I told her she needed to cut off all contact with the man who also turns out to be a sexual predator. I asked her to change her phone number. She refused for several days claiming that I was being controlling for even suggesting she do that.
She’s back and wants to work things out but while she seemingly has cut off contact with the OM, she gave her new phone number to several people where she had previously worked with him (she quit the job after I found out).
And she now tells me that they never. With the possible exception of the first time, used condoms. So now I am demanding STD tests from both of us and a pregnancy test for her.
I am removing her as beneficiary on my life insurance as she told me that she and the OM had mentioned to each other that this whole thing would be so much easier if I just died.
People, I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be posting my dirty laundry in a forum where I know no one. But I feel like I have been ripped apart, had my heart removed without benefit of anesthesia and then kicked in the head a few times for good measure. I am a mess and I just need someone to talk to. I don’t know what the procedure is here and I don’t know how to ask for advice without coming up with specific questions. I feel like my entire marriage has been a sham. I might be able to forgive her, but I can’t seem to forget.
[This message edited by 36yearsgone at 11:29 AM, October 26th (Thursday)]
