SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

If your wife asks you to meet her in a secluded area late at night for some hot make-up sex, just say no.

I don't care if you are a troll. Maybe this outpouring of support from perfect strangers will be eye opening.

I KNOW how you feel, wanting to believe in her, wanting to wake up from this nightmare. I sure hope you are taking safety precautions, that life insurance stuff is quite scarey.

But bringing the OM on your reconnect cruise? That's among the most EVIL acts I've ever heard.

You are a gentleman, you have integrity and loyalty. She does not deserve you and I'm doubtful she's really interested in true reconciliation.

Dump her and find a woman who does deserve you.

You know your wife is cheating on you.

So a question. The other day when you wound up having sex with her I'm assuming you didn't use protection?

If you don't want to listen to all the fantastic advice being thrown your way (more importantly act on it) that's your choice. It might behoove you to get to a Dr.

This thread has brought me out of two years of lurkdom, because presuming this isn't someone's (keep your day job) writing assignment, or a troll, (my hubby could use a hand refinishing our deck if you're this bored!)I

have another thought on Monotone's baffling behavior.

Monotone, Hey. You remind me of two adult males and a teenager, all close to me, who are somewhere on the high functioning Autism spectrum.

*They are highly intelligent and functional as far as working, finances, etc., but what is a challenge for them is certain personal interactions,interpreting emotions, nuances,and facial expressions the way others might.

*Big emotional changes aren't dealt with easily.

*They are also very black and white thinkers, there is no gray. The brain also fixates on things that others might find to be a waste of effort, or a very odd priority in a crisis.

Mono, have ever suspected you were on The Spectrum or had the diagnosis when you were in therapy as a teen like you mentioned?

I'd rather err on the side of believing the story than dropping everything because of believing Monotone is a troll and being wrong.

You've had some very valid recommendations, Monotone. Some have been harsh to try and shake you out of your current mindset. No one here has any skin in the game with you. But everyone here has been through some horrible betrayal. All are very concerned about you because they see danger.

I hope you are still reading and considering what you read. I hope you keep the appointment with the lawyer. I hope you set up some ways presented here to protect yourself from both false claims and physically.

It's your life and you get to decide. But consider this - it could mean your life.

Have you seen a lawyer today?

Did you change your beneficiary and go to the bank to set up your own account and move money there?

The thing that really has amazed me is that there has been very little agony about the betrayal. No emotion of any kind that I have seen. Just whimsically perplexed.

I don't know if that is because this is not real, or you don't believe you are worth it.

But it is certainly unusual.

She is still protecting the OM.

you need to expose, expose , expose.

and file for D.

Did she get tested for stds?

hope you drive her over to the OM's house.

This is not a short term affair.

Make sure she does not get pregnant.

Wake up.

Has she paid back that money she used for her A and the money for the cruise? All three tickets.

[This message edited by harrybrown at 5:03 PM, August 21st (Monday)]

FLAMING & ATTACKING: Please refrain from attacking another member, publicly or by using the SI.com Private Message feature. Do not bait or call out others. This includes members and non-members.

Came on to see if there's an update on the lawyer visit... maybe tomorrow.

Hope all is OK with you mono. I didn't listen to SI when I arrived here several years ago. Please listen to the advice. Tell a friend what you've learned about your wife. You need all of the support you can get.

About this camping trip - the OM was on the cruise, why wouldn't he be camping too?

One of the most useful parts of any support group is meeting others who have been or are currently in "MY shoes." Using that information to learn and to grow. Using it for ME. The same is true for everyone here. We each take what we take.

I asked if he ever had a keycard to get in to our development and she said no. (So he must be borrowing someone else's.)

This quote from Monotone has stayed with me for the past 24 hours. It has been in the pit of my stomach. Because when I read it, I thought... "you have got to be kidding me!" There is no way in hell, you can possibly believe this!" And I couldn't let it go. I couldn't sleep and I haven't been able to think about anything else... but this line.

WHY? Because this was me! I had all kinds of information about what my WH was doing... where he was, phone calls he was making, stuff that just didn't add up. And I would ask him, he would tell me.... and I would believe him. Just. Like. That.

My friends would tilt their head, then shake it, question me and look at me like we are all looking at Monotone.... and I didn't get it at all. because well... I asked and he told me. And why would he lie? Because he felt bad and was crying and wanted to save our marriage.

In the beginning.... and by beginning I mean MONTHS... I would have done anything to save my marriage. And yes I made many mistakes. But I could only do what I could do at the time. I believed every word he told me. And guess what.... he was lying!!!! Ha! But.... I wouldn't have and didn't hear anyone who was telling me otherwise.

I'd love to see us tell Monotone what we know and what we think... without all the hate and anger. Seriously.... work on your own stuff. Put your emotions into your own relationships and your own grief. Tell him the truth without all the anger. He needs truth and grace right now.

Lord knows I sure did.

Hi Monotone. Thinking of you. Hope you are sharing with friends or family.

Monotone - I was not going to post on your thread because you already have tons of advice and support, but I am compelled to write because...

I turned on the TV last night - the show was on the OWN Channel (Oprah Winfrey Network) "Dateline on ID - Toxic" - I was getting chills watching this because it instantly brought me to your sitch.

Basically - woman is screwing around with BS's 21-year-old subordinate of BSs and WSs landscaping company (and she had been having As for YEARS that her BS KNEW ABOUT). It was a very toxic relationship - she would leave her BS for days/weeks at a time off and on for years, come back like nothing happened, BS was happy to have her back...later, rinse, repeat. Then out of the blue, HE disappeared and was writing very cryptic text messages to his family and on Facebook (I just want to be left alone; I just need some time away), who were worried sick about him. Turns out it was not him writing the texts or Facebook posts because he was DEAD - killed by his ex and her lover. There's a lot more to the hour-long episode...but it is NOT FICTION. This man had the exact same mindset as you seem to have...it was eerie because I was reading your thread yesterday afternoon and the first thing that comes on TV when I turned it on...

Monotone, you're very likely in grave danger. I won't belabor the advice that's been given, but I implore you to see an IC...you need help to get out of this toxic relationship and I don't think that anyone can help you with that but a well-trained professional.

I wish you well...and please ignore the flaming and attacking posts...we are normally a very supportive group, but get frustrated when advice is ignored, especially knowing the danger you are in.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 7:36 AM, August 22nd (Tuesday)]

Too bad you didn't know who he was when you were out at sea. My fiancee used to work on a cruise ship. She said the staff is full of crooks and ex-cons who would have chucked this guy overboard into the middle of the ocean for about $100. Just sayin'...

Monotone, I hope you are doing ok. I think you have received some pretty harsh words here if you are a new BS. It is shocking and traumatizing. It is hard to know what to do. Please read the advice and disgsregsrd fhe judgement.

Please post an update.

Yes, I am assuming it is not a troll.

I'm worried about you, monotone. You haven't posted since late afternoon Sunday. I hope you will post something even if it's to tell us we're full of shit.

Who has a locked drawer in their nightstand? Anyone?

This thread is bizarre to say the least. Little expression of pain and grief, WS brought the OM on the cruise, locked nightstand, security guard, and the BS still wants R. SMH Any normal person would have filed for divorce immediately.

I really think you need to reconsider how much you just believe everything she says. Before DDAy while I was extremely suspicious that my husband was involved in an A he would say anything to keep me happy until he (selfishly) could figure out his plan. Your wife seems to be doing this. You finding out has thrown her timeline off and her plan cannot play out like she likes if you keep throwing a wrench into it so if she is convincing you to just stick around then her plan can go on as she likes.

My WH was planning on leaving with his AP and when I became suspicious he even went to MC with me to "keep me happy". When push came to shove he never wanted to leave and came out of the fog but your wife seems to be just "keeping you happy".

Second, her not wanting to give you information gives her power and keeps the A secret. She is your wife. A are powered by the secrecy and when the secrets are exposed they do not have the power they once did. She needs to answer your questions and give you answers. Its not her choice. And if you do not R based on her answers to the questions, well, she made her bed and can lie in it.