SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Wow, I am so sorry you have been so brutally betrayed. I know how it feels. The cruise scenario is just so disrespectful it is hard to comprehend. I'm so sorry. As is my opinion of her wayward behavior was not bad enough....she is mad at the guard????! She lies and cheats but she is mad at him? Talk about no remorse and not taking any responsibility. It is HER fault.

I have a hard time imagining my wife, who I took wedding vows with, lying directly and bluntly to my face.

We all thought that. My husband was a fantastic husband in every sense of the word. No one would have believed he would cheat. He made it a point to look me in the eye when he told me he didn't have sex with her. Six months later, he admitted they had sex every time they were together.

I've been here 12 years. I have heard it all. Your wife is looking you in the eye and lying. You work away from her all day and yet she needs "alone time" when you get home. She's using you for a free ride. That's it. If you're gone all day and she doesn't want to spend time with you when you get home, is only having sex with you maybe once a month to placate you, and only seems to enjoy time together when you're watching movies (where she doesn't actually have to converse with you or share anything), you're being used. Period. She had you up your life insurance so she could continue to use you as a free ride even if you're dead. She brought the OM on your vacation.

Dude, seriously, she's a bad person. To be using you like this and not even feel guilty about it shows she has NO conscience whatsoever. She isn't going to come around because she doesn't love you.

And her cheating before the marriage was not pre-wedding jitters. It was her showing you that she was a cheater and testing to see if you'd put up with it.

There are women out there who will love you. Who will enjoy hearing about your day when you get home. Who will have sex with you weekly rather than monthly because they love the closeness and enjoy being with you. Who will be grateful that you provide so much for them. But even before you find one, you have to love yourself. You are selling yourself short here. Who you are is not what you look like and you are not punching out of your league because she's a terrible person no matter what she looks like. You are making a huge mistake in judging both her value and yours on your appearance. She is NOT reconciliation material and she is going to spend a lifetime making you miserable.

See a lawyer and end it now before it's too late. At the very least, if she pulls her head out of her ass you can always put the brakes on later.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 5:45 PM, August 19th (Saturday)]

Sorry I don't know how to respond to a specific message.

Forged1 are you serious or joking?

I haven't seen any violence from my wife ever but now you have made me a little scared feeling.

I mean I've never ever ever considered such a thing. I don't even know how to react to that thought.

I hurt for you as I read your story. Please get to a lawyer immediately and don't tell her. You are sleeping with the enemy. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I am glad you have found this site. It's probably going to be the hardest thing you have ever done but the people here will guide you safely out of the hell she has put you in...I will be praying for you😢

Forged1 are you serious or joking?

I am deadly serious. A request for ten times the amount of insurance you're carrying already is a serious red flag.

This guy first appears in the picture and at your house about a year ago. And "last fall" she asks you to get 10x the amount of insurance you already carry.

No, brother. I am not joking.

Get out of that house and to a place of safety. Call your attorney, and tell him everything.

[This message edited by Forged1 at 5:54 PM, August 19th (Saturday)]

By the way, your wife likely gave you herpes. She can be a carrier who sloughs cells without having symptoms. You work a lot and are under stress so your immune system probably doesn't fight off outbreaks as well as hers.

monotone, one other thing:

I would make it clear to your wife, in NO uncertain terms, that if she so much as squeaks about the security guard, you will serve her with divorce papers within 24 hours. That man was more interested in your wellbeing than your wife. He should not be punished for being the better person.

I'm sorry, but you're being fed a super-sized shit sandwich, and you seem eager to swallow every bite. Time for you to take clear and decisive action and let her KNOW that you're not afraid to lose her. We say around here that you must be willing to lose the marriage to save it. Personally, I don't think your wife is marriage material, but if you want to save the marriage, you have to take clear and decisive action that shows her you are willing to walk away.

Monotone, Forged1 is deadly serious and I back him 100%. This whole scenario makes me afraid for you. You don't know this woman and you never did. She's a damned good actress is all.

She doesn't have to be violent, and she's smart enough to not be violent. All she has to do is maneuver you into getting what she wants...which is the lifestyle you've provided for her without you in it. Don't get more life insurance. Get with an attorney. Change your will and make your parents or whomever your beneficiaries.

I'm scared for you, too!

Just wanted to add...you are out of her league not the other way around! You've given her the fairytale and she has betrayed you. You deserve better. I know you don't see it based on what you have written. Please get away from her, go NC, get a lawyer and get yourself in counseling to figure out why you think you aren't enough for her. The information the security guard has given you is priceless!!! Get your lawyer to subpoena the video footage. Most BS would have loved to have that kind of evidence, please use it!

I'm going to chime in also. That security guard has likely saved your life.

She looked you in the eye and told you it was a one time thing. It's been more than a year.

She has had him in your home. Hundreds(?) Of times.

She took him on your vacation with your money.

You need legal representation.

Can you have a friend spend the night?

It is not necessarily her you need to fear, but what about her boyfriend.

[This message edited by 5454real at 6:26 PM, August 19th (Saturday)]

I'm not on the experienced end of regularly interacting with known murderers the way Forged apparently is, but when my car makes a certain noise that I have no idea what it is and I take it to my mechanic and without any hesitation whatsoever he gives an IMMEDIATE diagnosis as to what's wrong with it because of his experience...and then he tells me that it's only a bad belt or pulley and it's only gonna be about fifty or a hundred bucks instead of the five hundred I was assuming he'd have to charge for several hours' worth of poking around and searching for the problem and the hopefully discovering and fixing it....why WOULDN'T I trust someone that's got nothing to gain but the sense of being concerned for my (your) welfare???

What would ANY of us have to gain by so unanimously echoing DANGER signs and advising you to take Forged's advice? You obviously have nothing to really LOSE by showing her and this POS trash she's throwing herself at that you're not as weak and easily duped as they both seem to presently esteem you to be.

Listen to Forged. I'm a huge true crime fan and I have never heard of a wife who wants to kill her husband for the insurance money to be violent. Actually, we had a member whose exhusband killed his new wife for the insurance money and he wasn't violent either. Easily angered, sure, and shitty in many other ways but not physically violent. He was caught, charged, and sentenced luckily.

Seriously ask yourself, if your WW wanted the money, why would she kill you herself? Why would she make herself a target by getting violent with you? That money does nothing for her while she's in jail. She will get someone else to do it for her and make it look like a senseless murder. Could be the OM but could be some hired gun too.

You're lucky you don't have serious health problems because my aunt got a big payout after she conveniently didn't know to bring her husband to the doctors when he had been in a full diabetic coma and nonresponsive for so long it was too late to save him. I'm sure he thought she loved him too. The only thing she ever loved was the drugs his money could buy. No justice for him because they could never prove it was intentional but her own kids know the truth.

Monotone,

I'm so sorry for this pain. Your desire to move on quickly to "R" only means you don't want to feel this pain. And I fully understand that. I know that you feel inferior or whatever based on what you said- but believe me that you are not. You are valuable as a man and a husband, and what your WW has done is because of WHO SHE IS and not you. It sounds like a codependent relationship where she has the upper hand. I know this from personal experience, I am the one who gave my WH too much control in our marriage. And yet I still did not deserve what he's doing to me. So know that you, Monotone, are enough as you are. And definitely get into IC to learn why you have accepted less than a wonderful and fulfilling relationship.

Listen seriously to the others that have advised you as well. Know that when they say things like "you are a meal ticket" or such that they are saying how your WW sees you and uses you. You are more than that and we all know it. But we know you need to see the reality of the situation.

I know that my WH claims to be an introvert, but when he lies it would be right to my face.. and I knew in my gut that something was off. But I so wanted it to be okay and him to be the guy I knew when we married that I let it go for far too long. We ALL wanted our WS to not be doing what they are/have done. But they have. And we WILL be okay. You will be okay. Hang in there, take actions immediately and don't tell your WW that you are consulting a lawyer. You don't need her support or permission, you deserve to take care of yourself. Hang in there and please keep posting.

As a W with 3 kids we did take out a large policy on my H in case something happened. It was not at all for bad purposes. On Dday my H threw it in my face. Ok? There was a one for me too. It was for the kids! Somehow it made him feel that as all he was worth or something. Anyway, I was the BS. It can be a good financial decision. .My grand mother was widowed at 45 with 3 kids and little money.

The thing to think about for you is.....she was already cheating on you when she asked for this. She has used your resources to cheat in your house. She used your resources to take OM on a cruise. She had some kind of connection that goes pretty far to this OM. To weigh against that, did she push you hard when you didn't get the physical?

I also agree that a random heroes outbreak? Not common. Sorry. It can feel so foolish later. I had an infection that I never had before during my H's A. It as not an STD but can be passed via sex partners. I thought it was strange but nothing. Now I see that it was from AP. Disgusting and my H feels like crap.

Protect yourself on all fronts. She is not trustworthy right now at all. She is very compromised/. Sorry

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 6:43 PM, August 19th (Saturday)]

You have nothing here to reconcile with. Have you ever watched Snapped. I think you should be very worried for your safety. See a lawyer, get her out of your house. Make sure that tape is preserved. Cut off her access to funds. My heart hurts for you.

On the other hand, she and her "lover" have everything to gain by you foolishly giving her (and him) any more benefit of the doubt and acting like the sheep just before the slaughter. If you can't get OUT for some reason, then just get her THE HELL out of your house and have some trusted friend or security over to spend the night instead.

Let her fend for herself and find out what it's like to lose something for a change. She's certainly stolen enough of your dignity and peace of mind as well as sexually jeopardized your health at the bare minimum to say nothing of what will really be left of your heart, mind and soul when you burn that broom and that rug you're sweeping all of this under with.

When the truth of this business really hits you, you'll primarily regret every moment you didn't take this advice SOONER instead of regretting fighting for what's left of yourself and your life.

I know this firsthand, myself, and I've yet to read a story on here where the BS regrets calling those bluffs and shutting down the cheaters' game without asking their "permission" first.

She needs a lot of time alone, and since I'm alone all day at work, I often feel like chatting when I get home but she just wants to be alone on her phone, playing games on it or whatever. Or out seeing movies by herself, etc. She is a bit of an introvert.

Please explain why she needs time alone when she has no job and stays home all day ???

Maybe, she really does not know the OM # and other info - maybe she does not know any of the OM's #'s or info ???

She is overprotective of her phone since you have known her, she sleeps w/it. She was cheating on you before you ever got married, you have had a herpes outbreak(you don't get herpes from kissing or sneezing) It's a sexually transmitted disease(STD), you only have sex once a month. You have been asked to increase your life ins by 10x.

She sounds like a prostitute. Seriously, I'm not saying that to be mean/hateful. Her profile(what you have shared of her) matches up to a prostitute there are a lot of similarities. The sex you have once a month is probably the same every time or very little variation, she is doing this as her duty, part of being married.

Please whatever you do - don't get that physical, don't let her know you are on here, see a lawyer now. She probably has a bank account somewhere where she keeps her earnings - she may even have a different name.

I would dump your phone now and get a new one with your own account - and keep it away from her. I would also start using a computer at the library or a computer cafe.

I am so very sorry. When you realize what is going on and has been going on it's going to be so devastating. This is one of the worst things I have read on Si. I've been here awhile and have heard/read horrible things hear. But this ... oh wow.

Do you have family close ?

(((monotone)))

You need to both get tested for STDs. How do you whether your WW had herpes or not when you had your first outbreak? She can be tested for herpes now and all other STDs including hpv and you need to see the test results with your own eyes.

You need to have your WW take a polygraph to determine how many men there have been and to confirm her narrative.

What would she have to do to make you want to D her? If you do decide to D she will likely have to pay you back at least of what she has spent on her AP(s). Sounds like she needs to get a job and stop using marital funds and assets to further her cheating escapades.

Obviously I want to get to R and as quickly as I can.

Words almost fail:

- She cheated on you before your marriage

- She has been cheating on you for 20% of your

marriage at least

- She does not know his name or how to contact him

- She has given you a STD

- You have sex with her once a month

- She has sex with her boyfriend once every 3 days

- She is alone all day but when you are home she

still wants to be alone with her phone and games

- She wants to increase your life insurance 10 fold.

and you want to reconcile while still in infidelity. Why?

She has quite clearly demonstrated who she is, please believe her. You have no children, she is abusing you, lying to you and disrespecting you. Divorce her straightaway, this person is not a candidate for reconciliation. My default position is to reconcile if the wife is remorseful. Your wife is in no way remorseful, not even close.

[This message edited by SorrowfulMoon at 7:18 PM, August 19th (Saturday)]