SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just a quick note. After the huge blowout fight tonight she may accelerate whatever plan she and other man have created. You must tell others asap. Secure your email or open an entirely new account that she can't access.

Does she know your passwords? Do you share computers, iPads, other technology that might allow her access to your email, notes, etc? Email your insurance company tonight and let them know what is going on. It is chilling to think of what has been happening.

You might even consider going to a friends house or a hotel for a few days until you can get a handle on things. The expense is absolutely worth it.

Monotone, PLEASE, PLEASE listen to the collective wisdom of SI and get yourself to a place of safety! !!

Do NOT go home! !

Do NOT confront your wife!

Drive to the nearest police station and report everything you have posted here... there's clear evidence of deception, insurance fraud and threats which should give them more than enough to start investigating and I trust Forged's expert instincts....there's going to be dirt to be found on the OM and I wouldn't be surprised to hear he targeted your ' bored, lonely wife' with an eye on the prize ... and you, my SI friend, are the means to acquiring that prize ...or your recently increased life insurance is !!!!

I'm sorry you are in this awful situation.

Monotone another thought and my advice to you. I assume WW is the present beneficiary named on your life insurance policy. I suggest you remove her as the beneficiary immediately.

Read your responses to others. You also know why your WW's phone is no more in your account right? So that she can call and text the OM whenever she feels like it and she does not get caught from the phone bills ! BTW, reading about the insurance stuff (6x increase) and the OM driving around with another man next to him is certainly not good. As others also write, please do not give her any more information about what you know or learned and stay quiet. You might be living with a female monster that you had no idea about. Either kick her out of the house or you move out to a location that she does not know. Reading about further details in your story, I am starting to believe that the best you can do now is to get away from her and her shenanigans. I agree with breadfruit1 that you need to inform people and friends about the current situation, perhaps the law enforcement also.

You should contact a lawyer. I cannot offer any better advice than that. You need help with this.

I think you should stop trying to reason with her. If there is something criminal going on then all you are doing is giving her OM info.

If ever a man needed the 180....it's you.

[This message edited by Smillie at 5:21 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

monotone,

I join the others in saying DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING ELSE. Nothing. Call your insurance company on Monday and find out HOW it was increased and ask for copies of the forms submitted. Also, get an emergency appointment with a lawyer ASAP and do not reveal ANY of this to your wife.

Thank goodness Forged brought up this possibility, as I would have NEVER thought of it. Stay safe, and do not go back home. Be cautious of anything she prepares for you to eat or drink too. You never know what the plan is...slow poisoning is a possibility as well or a roofie in your drink. I know we sound like paranoid crazies, but that increase in your insurance is extremely troubling.

Monotone, please read and re read all the posts on your thread. Let the enormity of your situation sink in, take off the blinkers where your WS is concerned.

Yours is a truly horrific story, but the scary thing is it's real, not fiction.

You cannot trust her in any respect.

Change all your passwords, leave her enough money for reasonable expenses so as not to alert her over the weekend. Monday, get thee to a top D lawyer, in fact contact all the best ones before she can, conflict of interest will leave her with what's left.

Meantime, have you got a trusted friend that could suddenly need to come and stay overnight at your place? Really, you shouldn't let yourself be alone with her, or whoever might also have access to your home.

You've been given some excellent advice here, take it, all of it. The collective wisdom all sees the same thing, she's using you as a meal ticket, she doesn't want a life with you, she just wants you to fund hers.

Lastly, this woman is devious and very likely dangerous, make sure to password protect your computer and your phone, and clear the history after being on SI, you don't want her to know what you know.

Hugs, lots of hugs, take care of yourself, please.

You're in deep shit, and that bitch needs to be exposed ASAP. A lawyer and the police will come to the same conclusion.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 6:56 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

monotone- wow! You need answers, you need to get in front of this NOW. If you aren't going to just dump her- which is my advice, then at least protect yourself somewhat. Say NOTHING to her about any of it- just live life from all outward appearances to her. Do not let her find this site- this is your safe place in this madness.

Personal security. You seem to have good financial resources from the tone of your posts. Get a real safe- a substantial one that only you know the combination for. Hide the safe- in the attic, or basement. Put your important stuff in it. Decommission the phone you are carrying now. Put it in the safe. Get a new phone that you know has not been tampered with and keep her away from it. passcode hell out of it while you are sleeping. Change passwords on everything you own.

Get a new security system for your house- with cameras you can access from your new phone. You need to know what goes on in/around your house while you're away. If it were me, I'd go with a hidden install. Plan a trip, and get it done by a professional while you and the wife are away.

Search your house and vehicles for evidence of all kinds. Burner phones, counterintelligence measures on her part, strange clothes, her cache of important documents, etc... look in weird places- basically any cavity something could fit in.

Get hidden VARS going in her vehicle and around the house. You need to know what's being said and to whom. You have gotten suspicious and tipped your hand somewhat- so she will be on alert and maybe gone underground to let things blow over. She will resume, but much more carefully. You need to be ready.

Be aware that lawyers will advise against vars and clandestine measures. To advise against such is in their professional ethics. They could get in trouble for advising you to, so they will not. Its up to you to protect yourself with that regard. If you do use them, its for your own personal information gathering- tell no one involved you are doing it- Ever. Any evidence you get, make copies and put them someplace safe- not in your home.

If you don't mind blowing it all up, then man up and get her phone from her and send it off to a data recovery specialist and get your answers.

You could hire a PI to find out where she goes and who she sees when you aren't around. It shouldn't take long based on the levels of deception you have posted.

Biggest thing- my man- stop taking crap from this woman. You have been trained by her to take her crap. This is your life. Your house. You make the money. You get to make the rules. You have caught her stabbing you in the back. That changes the dynamic. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK and quit putting up with bad behavior. You are driving the bus. If she doesn't want to play your game to ride along, then send her packing.

Another thing- research this OM- if you dont know how to find out everything about him, then find a friend who can.

Within a couple of days after I ID'd the OM I knew more about him than my WW did after working with him and banging him for months.

Armed with his name, and the county where he is located you can go online to Co. tax assessors web sites and find all his properties. Many of them have gis maps embedded and you can look at a map- even satelite images of where he lives, and businesses he may own. Search surrounding counties as well. Find out who his family is- and search them too. Hell, I ran every county within 100 miles and found his vacation house, relatives houses etc... You can learn alot by looking at peoples holdings and properties. I drove 87 miles round trip several times to put eyes on his place and check his whereabouts when my wife was cheating.

You can go to Co. courthouse and look up all personal records- deeds, marriage info etc... on anyone. It's public information and you can request to search it at will.

You can go to the police station and pay for a criminal background check on anyone.

You need to put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and learn all you can if you are going to let her stay around.

[This message edited by Badsitch at 7:39 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

I would also urge you to contact a PI and have him run a full background check on your WW and the OM. The PI can help identify the OM too.

If your credit card paid for his cruise ticket maybe you can talk to your credit card co for more details and possibly see if that involved fraudulent use?

And the upping life insurance if done by phone they may have recorded that conversation. However that was done without your knowledge sounds like clear case of fraud.

How long did you know your WW before marrying her?

[This message edited by whattheh at 7:34 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

By the way, I agree with others saying you may be in personal danger. The OM driving around casing the area with another male in the car sounds bad. They may be following you, establishing your patterns etc... Things have possibly been set up for you to experience a random carjacking, mugging, or home invasion which you are not intended to survive. Watch your six. Use situational awareness. Trust your gut. If you feel in danger for any reason- then GTFO.

And abso-fuckin-lutely cancel those insurance policies like yesterday.

[This message edited by Badsitch at 7:41 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

I wonder what Forged would say to this since he is the expert but:

I would email or text WW and tell her that you have cancelled your life insurance policies (or that you have changed the beneficiary). Whether it's true or not that would derail any crazy plans she and the OM may have.

Other than that one point, I would cut her off completely. There is nothing to discuss with her. Don't talk to her. Don't text. Don't email. Don't reply to any attempts on her part to reach out to you. And certainly don't see her in person - she'll only begin the love bombing and fake remorse show. Don't believe any of it.

You should see a lawyer ASAP and get those D papers served.

Monotone, please stay out of that house, contact your lawyer and bring your laptop to a police station. Call that security guard and ask him to meet you.

Do not confront your wife, or tell her anything.

Go to the police. Park in their parking lot.

There are two men here who have access to your secure community. They should not have that access. They do not wish you well. One of them was on a cruise with you, right under your nose. You're worth more dead than alive right now. You are in considerable danger.

Please. Go to the police. We can all post stuff here but you're the only one who can actually get yourself there.

Please look after yourself and get to a police station.

[This message edited by Forged1 at 7:39 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

Good call by poster above- dig deeper into your wife's info as well as other man. Run a credit check on your wife- you should have all her personal info. This can tell you if she has other debts/accounts you don't know about. Search the house for account info at other banks. It's really common for a WW to be socking away money in another bank. Dig through her purse when shes dead asleep. Look over her shoulder and clandestinely get her phone passcode- then go through it when shes asleep or in shower. Most people keep a password bank or list these days- find your wife's.

[This message edited by Badsitch at 7:37 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

why not just act first.

teoort your wifes cards to security. get them cancelled. if om is using them then they stop working.

change insurance beneficiary.

report to police your suspicions.

file for d.

no way your wife doesnt know his name, address, etc. shes lying.

this is at least 2nd affair (herpes is other).

her bringing om on cruise is way over the top!

shes got no remorse. none.

file for d and move to a hotel.

Your homeowners association won't look too kindly on some POS having a key card with no stated reason for being there. How about getting the guard to revoke the key card, especially if he's not on anyone's "list" for having a need to be there?

He should be barred entry from your gated community. Who cares what your W wants. I doubt that the community would fire the guard for doing his duty. Have the guard call you each time the POSOM shows up. And keep a log of arrival / departure times. Although, doesn't the key card system already keep track of arrival times? That database could be gotten via subpoena if need be?

There is too much talk of confrontation with a view to reconciliation here.

The OM was brought on the cruise to either kill Monotone or to provide a convenient reason for him to be in Monotone's life in the future. "Oh, honey, this is [name] we met on the cruise, remember?"

You do not know this woman at all.

The security guard at your place has given you a warning that your wife is lying and cheating with somebody that you don't know.

She lied to your face about all of that.

Within two posts, I told you that this had all the hallmarks of a murder-for-life assurance plot. You then mentioned that she asked you to up it 10x but you never took a physical, but that it was upped 6x during open enrollment without your knowledge. I don't know what else you need to tell you that money is at the back of this.

This has been going on for a year. They missed their chance with the first increase in life assurance because you didn't take the physical. Your wife now has a different phone. The OM had access to your complex and has at least one budd who this security guard has clocked. They are looking for another chance.

I can go on and on, but I'm going to leave it at this. These people mean you harm, and "these people" includes your wife, and they are going to move on you soon.

Go to the police. I can't put it any plainer than that. There is video evidence of your wife with this man, and any investigator worth his salary is going to be able to tie OM to the cruise. And then there's the life assurance thing. That, plus the video, will make the police sit up and take notice.

Please act swiftly and decisively. We can talk about the infidelity stuff later. But let's make sure you're alive to do that, okay?

[This message edited by Forged1 at 8:18 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

I am sorry brother,but she is playing you big time. Her reaction of threatening the security guard and to have you fired at work tells me your suspicions of your wife are correct. An innocent person would never do that. Then when that ploy didnt work she cries , lovebombs you and wishes things could go back to the way they were. Of course she does, she uses you for an ATM and gets OM. She doesnt have to work.

What you have now are evidence that have criminal implications. Lets review for a second what you have ....

You came home early in May to find your wife with another man. She claims its a 1 time thing.

The security guard has empathy for you and tells you this man has been coming to your house almost DAILY FOR A YEAR.

You see footage and its a man that your WW invited (and probably paid for ) on the cruise without asking you.

You confront her and she lies about how long she has been seeing him and that she cant break it off because she "doesnt know how to contact him".

She apparently is secretive with her phone, is on it all the time and doesnt interact with you when you come home.

You check her phone online only to find out she isnt on the account anymore , but added a dummy number with no useage so that you wouldnt suspect . Her number is on a seperate account , so it cant be traced.

You check your life insurance and find out your wife increased your policy 6x without your knowledge . If she was just concerned about not being able to make it with you gone , she would have talked to you first, instead she changes it and doesnt let you know she changed it.

To say the least there is no R for this. Be thankful you dont have any kids and most of all be thankful you are still alive. If your lawyer takes weekend calls I would call them asap. This relationship is toxic to say the least. Your wife is not anything like you imagined her to be . She is a manipulative , calculating sneak who doesnt respect you or care about you 1 bit . You need to keep all of this recent information to yourself and do what you have to to be safe . If that means staying with a friend, a hotel , family , whatever until monday do it . You need to be safe. At some point you will need to get law inforcement involved.

Please review the evidence you laid out and judge for yourself. Most of all be safe! Having read forged1 thread, I agree with him 100 percent ! Listen to his advice .

[This message edited by 1survivor at 8:21 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]

Eat nothing prepared by your wife.

Better still, eat out until you get out.

That due diligence shit and other musings can wait.

Get your ass away from her NOW, and contact both an attorney and the police.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 8:56 AM, August 20th (Sunday)]