SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I caught them in the act a week ago tomorrow. Extracting myself was physically easy. We weren't married. We had been an item since the first day we met. It was magical, and everyone in her family was so stoked that she had FINALLY met a good guy. I was helping to raise her little girl from her first broken marriage- first husband had a problem with pain meds. She would always tell me- you are her real Daddy. I really laid it down for both of them, provided financially, and with a ton of love and support. She had been gaslighting me for the past 5 weeks. Her heart was dead, I never trusted her, I was too controlling. I'm sorry there is a way a committed person with a small child is supposed to behave, then there is the way she behaved, so I tried to corral some of that. We had a big blow up when I was out of town to see family and she went to a music festival with "friends" and didn't contact me for 14 hours, no courtesy call to let me know she was home safe, no text, nothing.Very very out of character for her. I get home and the fight ensues. Thats when the gaslighting ensued She tells me I'm the one that needs help. A week goes by and then I see text message alerts on her phone from her chiropractor at 10:30pm...on the night I took her out for her birthday. Highly irregular and inappropriate from a medical professional I said... She explains it away in a typical liar's fashion. "I've been in so much pain and depressed, crying in their office every time I go." he was just checking on me. Funny- i knew she went to music festival with a girl that works at the desk of her chiropractor's office. I started to add it all up. That's where it all started, he was there too. There were all the signs and I saw them flashing and bright- Disappearing for hours at time. Taking long walks at sundown out of the blue- with her phone. So, last Thursday. I knew something was wrong. Something told me in my gut, a deep nagging pain to go home from work that day, in a monsoon. I show up and there is an unknown car in the driveway. I pound on the door. The dogs go nuts and through the glass I see the bedroom door slam shut. The front door was locked via the internal only deadbolt, but my garage door opener came in really handy.He was half dressed hiding in the bedroom. It was like a scene from a movie. I was dripping wet from the rain and pushed my way inside. I confronted them and left. Called her after I left and laid into her. I wished her good luck in finding someone that would accept her and her intolerable 40# ball and chain.Let her know what a garbage human being she really is. I dropped some personal bombs on her for a couple of days after, told people that needed to know what she was up to etc. Her parents. Some dear friends. It's funny how stupid she thought I was. Freaking idiot. She messaged me on Friday. She promised it was the first and only time time. She promised it was over and NC. She professed her love for me as I got out town to escape the horror I was feeling. I know she is lying though. Don't even need any more proof. I've moved out. I don't see any point in even trying with this woman, if you want to call her that. I'm not tied to her in any way. We lived together as a family. I served her as if she were my wife. This really sucks. Miss Goody Goody with her religion and love of all people and community service. All so self serving and glorifying. Yuck.

Been a week now and I'm free of her self-absorbed garbage and well on my way back to me. I've pretty much ghosted and so has she. I still love her, but right now, I just can't see any way back. Even if I knew she wanted to, which is unclear to me still. Sorry if I rambled...

Thank you for being here.

I think leaving was the right decision. I think keeping her out of your life is also a good thing. I also think I'd report the chiro to the state board as there are usually strict standards of doctors having sex with patients. And if he's married, please tell his wife.

Stay strong. Stay very strong.

You don't really need advice, you're doing exactly what you should be. She's a F'd up person. You're not. You have self-confidence, that's great. Walk away clean and don't be bitter about it. Her loss, not yours. Keep your head up, eyes and heart open, and you'll find a much better woman. Virtual fist bump. You're doing everything right, my man. Good job.

You're not rambling. This is the place to be. Whether you decide to go back or to sever all contact forever, this community will be there to help, support, advice, cajole, poke at, etc. Sadly, welcome to the club.

She had been gaslighting me for the past 5 weeks. Her heart was dead, I never trusted her, I was too controlling.

Consider yourself lucky to have caught them and to have gotten out when you did. She could have would have kept this going for as long as she could. I'm guessing you didn't live together - so she is out of you house/life. I think you did the right thing. Good luck

Have you considered turning him into the professional board? Sexual contact with a patient is sooooooo verboten.........

Another virtual fist bump.....it sounds like you handled the discovery as well as anyone could expect.

If he is married or attached...please tell them.

carry on with your bad self...your doing great :)

Thank you for the support everyone. I've been lurking here for three days mustering the courage to post. I knew this was the place to come to feel supported.

I haven't decided yet re: turning him in to his governing board. I told my ex on DD that I wouldn't as she was pleading with me to punish her, not him ( as I can hear him chirping in the background- "don't worry he can't hurt me.") He was still there after I left and called to lay into her.

Those near me say leave it alone. I'm leaning towards dropping some more bombs. She is a spoiled little rich girl, rarely held accountable for anything because mommy and daddy have always bailed her out. Got pregnant by a druggie within the first 30 days of knowing him, shotgun wedding. He robbed her blind, she left him and parents picked up the pieces etc. She needs a good dose of accountability, I believe. It's obvious that OM does too. I may just do that. Some people have to learn the hard way.

The good news is I've shed the 33 yr old nitwit, her fake rack, and her other baggage for now, probably for good. I'm 45, in great shape, great career, my wallet is fatter and open road ahead of me.

Going to the clinic to get full STD work up in a few.

jack, I'd thinking a long the lines of a scorched earth policy here.

Catching them in your house deserves that kind of a response in my opinion.

I hope you follow through with his governing board. He will receive a serious slap on the wrist, more than likely have to go through a boundaries class.....no big deal you might say.....it is a very big deal. Board actions are open records in most states and if he tries to work anywhere else his future employer(s) will know of his past transgression(s). Who knows, maybe your complaint might trigger others to come out of the woodwork. Good luck and please keep us informed. I informed on my fiancé's cheating partner and he got conduct unbecoming and a dishonorable discharge. No regrets my man.

I love your positive attitude!

You have the power in your hands to utterly destroy this man's world. Call the professional licensing board in your state. Screwing your patients = a great way to lose your license.

You have a nuclear bomb.

Forgot to add. I took a picture of his car with license plate in the driveway that day. Exif data on pic shows time date and precise GPS coordinates. In hindsight, I should have video recorded the whole thing.

Trust your gut everyone. It doesn't lie.

Thanks again for the love and support all.

is her married?

You need to turn him into his board of ethics..

Why the hell aren't you telling to governing board? You could save someone else's marriage with 15 minutes of sympathy

I had a bunch typed up ready to hit submit when I read your last post. All I can say is keep up the good work... let her be mommy and daddy's problem. Don't walk...RUN! I hope you can see the big picture. This is your GF' s life. The changes that she needs to do to become a decent person for marriage would be far too life altering for her to do anytime in the near future. Mommy and daddy WON"T let her hit rock bottom for this to occur.

jack,

Sorry to hear about the lousy way you were treated, but I think you handled it exactly the right way.

However, you should definitely report this guy to his governing board and every other official body that regulates ethics in his field. There may be an element of revenge there - and why not, considering what he did to you? - but the whole point of having professions like teaching, medical, psychological, therapeutic, etc, controlled by strict rules that forbid doctor-patient or teacher-pupil relationships is that there is so much vulnerability in those relationships that can be exploited. If guys like this joker are not reported and stopped, how many more marriages will he wreck? How many marriages may he have wrecked already?

If you saw a guy burgling your house, would you report him? Well, you caught a guy burgling your life; why do him a favour and say nothing about it?

And her stories about the first and only time, etc...Those lies appear in hundreds of threads here. You may still love her, but it's clear that the person she really loves is herself.

Report the bum, drop the cheat, and get yourself a better relationship. More power to you, jack!

[This message edited by M1965 at 2:04 PM, May 31st (Wednesday)]

The only advice I can give is that He needs to be reported.

You've kicked ass so far. See it through to the end. Report him.

I don't believe the creep is married. No signs of it on social media or anywhere else.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I'm doing the best that I can right now. I'm being deliberate and measured in every step I am taking. I value all of this input greatly. It is near time to go nuclear.