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BS, what were the most horrible things you said to your confessing WS?

Confessing WS, what were the most horrible things your BS said to you?

[This message edited by blitzkreig at 10:09 PM, April 20th (Thursday)]

blitzkreig,

You need to be more careful with the Stop Sign. We take them very seriously, and when BS's post on a thread with a Stop Sign, they will be removed from the Wayward Forum. In addition, only the Administrators have the access to remove Stop Signs, and we're not on all the time.

I'll remove this one, but you really need to be more careful.

I don't know what my WH considers the worst. I'll have to ask him because now I'm curious.

I personally think the worst was when I had a meltdown after D-Day #8 and I said it would have been better if he had died. I didn't mean it, but I said it anyway in anger and hurt, and I regret it

[This message edited by Breakaway at 1:49 AM, April 21st, 2017 (Friday)]

The ILYBINILWY speech absolutely crushed me.

Then another time at thanksgiving, she proceeds to tell me that she felt like I had raped her!

It's hard to put those kind of statements behind you when you are trying to R.

I think probably when I told him that he killed me on that day.

It was / is the truth.

On D-day, I don't remember what I said... but I remember how I felt... and it was blind rage. She compounded my rage by telling me the dumbest lies imaginable. Like, AP flew to our town for the weekend, came to our house after the kids were asleep, and they just talked.

When she finally told me the full story a couple of months later, I simply sat there and repeatedly said in a calm, exasperated voice:

Wow, you are a horrible, horrible person.

It was awful. I had years of pent-up resentment and anger. I was a step-ford wife. . The nanny and life manager. I was home cleaning his closet out the night he screwed her for the first time. And I knew it. I could sense it. I actually asked him the following week if he was having an affair.

Anyway--the four weeks after D- were horrible. He broke NC. I later found out very normal (ha) after discovery of an affair.

He told me he hadn't loved me in three years. He said he had never felt a connection like this to anyone. (That hurts even now). He wasn't attracted to me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. (She is so ugly and white trash looking). Zero class at all. They were getting married. He had started manipulating his work to get her out of his territory. He said, children come from divorced homes and it didn't matter. (Neither she nor he, have divorced parents). He answered a text from her in front of my son. We all knew about the affair. My 12 year old son called him out on it. He responded. It's his life he will do want he wants. I got my kids into therapy the next day.

For me I raged. I had been begging to accompany him ok work trips forever. No one was good enough to watch our children but me. I organized all date nights. He never participated in the home. He watched tv all the time. He suffered from depression and anxiety our whole marriage.

Anytime we went on vacation, I would ask him to walk with me on the beach. I wanted romance so badly. The first time they slept together...he sat outside on the beach with her so she could smoke.

The pain realizing I tried so much and prayed for a better marriage...I moved all over the country for his career. Making a home in each place for our family. Never complaining. Looking at the bright side. Just putting up with his constant bullshit. Feeling as though I wasted my life on a man who was incapable of love. The rejection.

Anyway...it was all of it. All of it was awful. He was always so emotionally immature and now he is finally growing up at my expense.

There wasn't anything that wasn't awful after the discovery of infidelity. The saddest thing of all. I was so used to making excuses for him...I didn't know I was unhappy with my marriage. I just accepted and tried to make the best of it. I think the affair proved to me he obviously was so disconnected from our life. He didn't participate in anything with us. Getting him to do anything was a struggle.

The affair opened me up to the knowledge I would not make excuses for him. I did tell him, if he was going to be cheated on, I should have been a politician's wife. At least my classiness wouldn't have been wasted on him.

Honestly, everything I said to him was the truth. Sometimes the delivery wasn't the nicest. However, he deserved it.

The ILYBINILWY speech absolutely crushed me.

Then another time at thanksgiving, she proceeds to tell me that she felt like I had raped her!

Similar experiences here. ILYBINILWY was like a sharp blow to the head. I actually started banging my head into the wall to try and replace the emotional pain with a physical pain...one I could recognize and comprehend. Pro tip: it doesn't work.

And while exWW didn't claim that sex with me felt like rape, she did say that the last time we had sex (before I knew about the A) was just duty sex that she initiated...an attempt to see if she could just get through the experience. This hurt because it was the last time I could remember feeling happy about us. It made me feel that she still desired me and that our marriage, though rocky at the time, would survive. But it was all a lie.

It's hard to put those kind of statements behind you when you are trying to R.

Despite never attempting R because my situation was an exit affair (or perhaps because of it), I can't put these statements behind me either. Probably never will.

You're a horrible mother

You don't love your kids

You kiss your kids with the same lips that suck random dick

Your children only love you because they don't know the truth about you.

Or something to that effect. Lots of dick sucking comments. I chuckled a sad chuckle at MJ's last one. I can't remember if BH said that, but it seems familiar.

My wife has more self control then humanly possible and she is so sweet and kind that she did not say terribly horrible things to me. She told me she hated me once (within the first hour or so of her discovery) and she apologized for it like 10 times.

The only things she says that are "horrible" (I use quotes because I allow and she deserves to say what she wants about my AP) are about my AP and she did say one time she hopes she dies. But she also wrote her a letter telling her how she forgives her, hopes she comes clean with her hubs and that she wants her to find happiness because everyone deserves it.

Needless to say, she's incredible and I've been blessed at how forgiving and loving she has been.

BS here - I told my husband the truth - that I felt like he should have just killed me.

I have asked him if he rather have sex with manly who- than me.

WS - DDAY talk - he said he had an affair because I always wanted to go places - meanwhile he was going all over the place with his married who-

Yes - it is horrible-

[This message edited by Heart at 8:58 AM, April 21st (Friday)]

My W only confessed after I cornered her. Repeatedly. At that point I was so upset with the lies. . . Anger then shock and then I feel apart in the fetal position on the floor.

I'll never forget the look on my Ws face when I finally broke down. She had plenty of time to process it already. To me it was brand new.

She tried to comfort me, but I told her that she isn't allowed to touch me.

Pretty sure I said "How could you?" Many times. Fairly sure I said that she had ruined my life after everything I have given her. I told her that she was a horrible person. It is still kind of blur to me. The memory of it is hazy.

Blitzkreig- I am not sure if you are asking because you are planning on confessing or you have already done so . . .

There is no way a confession and reaction can be determined. It is going to be horrible no matter what. It is the revelation of one of the most hurtful things can you do to a spouse.

I don't think the way it is done in lessens the impact or the fallout apart from being at home (no kids around) and no obligations in the immediate future so there is time to fall apart.

Don't internalize what your BS says right after confessing. It is likely very raw and very much like how someone having a nervous breakdown or psychotic break would react. Understand things said in those moments may not be what they actually think and feel.

WH's first ONS, he told me he kissed someone. We fought and then made up that night. I went "down" and was suspicious. Decades later he confessed to sex. When I asked him how he could fuck someone else and then let me go down on him, he said "I never asked you to do that." Absolute disrespect. I can't believe who I married.

When discussing the ONS that he had while I was pregnant. He said "I hated you then". This hurt so bad because I was pregnant and we were only married a year before. I thought we were in the honeymoon phase. His words cut me deep. No remorse. Cruel when I needed comfort.

After D-Day 2015 ...He spoke about OW like she was an amazing woman. He told me she "built him up".

My wh would say that the worst things no I said is

"I wish you would have taken an actual knife and stabbed me in the heart 100's of times, it would have hurt less".

I called both him and her sluts.

Since he said he didn't find her attractive or even remember really what she looked like- I asked him if any one would have done even a man

I told him I never entered his mind only his dick

I told him my feeling didn't matter at all just getting an orgasm.

That's about it but I'm sure he could come up with more.

I had several melt down with lots of alcohol involved so I may have forgotten.

I remember early on post dday calling my wife a whore and other names. I know that within the first few days post dday, we had sex and I said something to the effect of "if youre going to be a whore, then you are going to be my whore".

not my proudest moment...

I'm sure there were times when I told her that I hate her and that I'd never forgive her as long as I live.

I also remember telling her "I wish you would have just killed me instead of cheating on me"

I also at one point told her, "I wish I was dead, or you were dead"

I think I also said something like "it would be best for the kids if you just died, instead of them finding out what a horrible person you really are"

that was within the first 4-6 months post dday, when I was at my lowest and rawest.

[This message edited by gettingintune at 9:47 AM, April 21st (Friday)]

I don't remember any specifics I don't think. I think he called me a whore. I don't recall him being extremely angry (which is what I expected), more devastated in pain (which I didn't expect).

I do remember him saying that my words say I love him, but my actions say I hated him. That wasn't a "worst thing"---it was true---I didn't hate him but I didn't really care about him, which was unbeknownst to me at the time; I didn't figure that out until later---and that WAS what my actions were saying, whether I intended that or not.

It was too long ago to remember anything more specific, sorry.

[This message edited by Darkness Falls at 9:49 AM, April 21st (Friday)]

I am seeing the same thing as numb & dumb

Are you asking these questions so that you can know possible every outcome to what will happen once you confess?

Here is the thing, if you are so busy trying to steel yourself against what is being said by your BH, because you are afraid of what he is going to say, you are not going to be open to the fact that you have just inflicted horrible pain on this person. You need to be more concerned about what he is going through, rather than what is being directed AT you. I know this is tough, believe me I get it. I went through my own tough time with my BH, and had to listen to all of it, but I had to learn to listen to HIS pain, and put mine on the shelf.

This is a very tough thing to do for waywards as we tend to have very fragile egos, and thin skins. Instead of being afraid of every single that he might say or do or ask, focus in on the fact that your empathy is going to need to be at an all time high. I am not saying this is not going to be tough with what is going to be getting said to you, but you can do it. Coming here for support, reaching out to other waywards who have walked this path before you really helps. Talk here when you feel frustrated and hopeless. It helps. You can do this.

Worst thing I heard her say "I think I love him." This was on DDay.

Second worst thing I overheard about me, "The thought of sex with him disgusts me."

I think the worst things I heard from my wife was when she told me that she believed she fell in love w one of the APs because he reminded her of me the most.

[This message edited by gettingintune at 12:55 PM, April 21st (Friday)]