Valentinessucks and happyman64
Please check in from time to time - Valentinessucks
I hope you find the answers you are looking for
You also deserve to be happy - happyman64
I have not really disappeared, forever! I'm still here and reading from time to time. Yet, naturally I will have to concentrate on myself, my healing, in the future. We are going to concentrate on my healing. So, I will have less time in the future to bother you with some of my questions. It's not only the IC but I decided to accommodate a very radical change in my life style that will help me to adapt to my path of healing. So, naturally I will put all of my energy, focus, drive and determination into it. Additionally, although I feel I could benefit a lot from SI, I also feel I cannot repay my debt to the community by helping others. So, it's a little bit selfish. I feel as if my stance creates some uneasiness here among the community members. I am also a type of person that even when asking for help, still maintain his own logic and reasoning as to what is valid, good and not. And it also seemed to me to create a type of uneasiness with my attitude. There were a lot of people who helped me but also those whose advise didn't seem to resonate with me (for others it might be good). Anyway, while accepting the truth that holding everything secrete and not being open with my wife, my emotions or internal life was a mistake, I could not accept the advice that I should stop thinking, being reasonable, logical and rational. On the contrary, I could indeed accept the idea that emotions are as important as my logic. But giving up logic, being unreasonable, irrational and stop thinking, no, that I couldn't accept! Wisdom, not the kind of logic you develop in the academy, namely wisdom as standing opposed to being smart, is not an obstacle to happiness; it is the very heart of this path; alongside with the work of heart and emotions, of course! At first I wanted to write more about our discussion but based on this, I then decided to only give the very basics. So, I'll still have my questions and would seek help, but now I will actually try to come with very specific ones. I'm however happy, HM64, that there are people like you that could learn something from my post and story. It’s a great honor for me and a way to repay my debt for a community that helped me a lot.
Valentinessucks, I will try in the future to update you all on our situation given I have the time and the thread doesn't disappear (in the depth of SI Archives). Unfortunately, there are apparently so much new stories that the older ones disappear very fast. Anyway, here's a short update. Since, I decided to talk everything is now in the open. We talk a lot. Really a lot! There are no taboos more. She also answered my two most important questions: the why and what that I've asked here so much. Her answers were sincere, authentic, heartfelt and most and for most logic! Wise! They made perfect sense to me. Now, I have the feeling that there is a motivation and encouragement for me to try and rekindle my love for her. In fact, to try to build a new one! I know I made a huge mistake, a huge flow in my reasoning, by not talking to her. I have now in the next time to do much more emotional work, but after that I will come back to my logic to perfect it. Now, we can't proceed without an in-depth emotional healing of mine. I think I got a C-PTSD and an EBO from this shit. This is what I'm going to address immediately not only through IC but accommodating a lot of changes into my life style. I really regret it and am very sorry for her. I know today that it was especially unfair to her after all she's done it those 3 years and I mentioned only a small part of it. I didn't think it was possible, but she's now even better than before, she's in more ways for me here than I've ever seen. I'm curious about her plans about me for the future. Look, not everything is roses and there are still deep issues on my part that I need to overcome. Really some stinking shit that plagues me! Yet, first of all she's here to help me and I also begin to process the possibility and how to overcome it. It was especially her humble and graceful reaction as well as the stuff she told that made me feel as if I was sitting a long time in a dark room and suddenly this bulb of light went on and suddenly I could see everything. It is the essence of understanding, knowing and seeing! It was that that was missing and that which I needed.
I wanted at the beginning to proceed with healing while simultaneously draw an exit plan. I've given up on the idea of an exit plan as it would prevent me from being fully here. Right now I'm all in. I owe her to try it. She's making now really huge sacrifices in order to help me. It's a matter of honor, dignity and integrity. As western said, if there is a WW that deserve to be treated well, especially in divorce but also in a reconciliation that is already 3 years long, it's probably her. I take his advice to heart. Today, more than ever, I believe that there could be a chance. If not, in the same way that I'm committed to success now and am going to undergo a deep change in my life style alongside with healing myself, in the same way if it doesn't work the change in my life will be even more profound - if we will have to part our ways. I do hope it doesn't come there. I hope that I can pursue what my heart yearns together with her but if not I'm going to pursue it by a really radical change of putting my old life completely behind me if we separate later. What I indeed learned (for myself) that there is no justice to look anywhere out there. So, if there's no justice, I'm giving up on it. Giving up on justice and being right; I'm going to look for what is wise, not right anymore. And this wisdom is by no means an obstacle to my happiness. This is of course no less true even in the case that I stay. Having been now assisted with all the answers to my questions I can pursue the emotional work based on wisdom and understanding. So, maybe, just maybe, sometimes wisdom, justice and happiness can do find a place under the same roof. Just maybe! In fact, I'm sure.
HM64 and VS
I'll continue to update,
Thank you all,
I wish you well,
MrSpock
P.S.
Swmnbc, Western and notperfect5
Your contribution was extremely important too. I forgot to mention you last time and for that I'm sorry.
Thank you all.
[This message edited by MrSpock at 3:12 AM, January 25th (Monday)]