W,
Would have been in here to help you last night, had I known. ((((())))) Sorry, man.
The processing gets overwhelming, those mind movies are debilitating.
Can you get to a Dr. today? if you can and get some meds to help with the anxiety and sleep (someone said Ativan), I ended up getting some, I was hairs away from a panic attack day after my breakdown! Breakdown and/or panic attacks are not consistent with my personality, but nevertheless it happened!!! The medication really helped, I only took it when I felt the anxiety overwhelming, like I was going to lose my shit or I couldn't sleep! Haven't had to use it this week at all!
I will say this, the emotional hysteria you are feeling needs to be released, I got that from my breakdown (sadly) and while it doesn't stop you from feeling bad, it does provide partial catharsis. I see you wanting to avoid having a breakdown(who wouldn't) Perhaps Kimichi is right, go to the gym and hit the punching bag ...
This is a safe place to vent, while all of the stuff is swirling around in your head, but in the context of living and being functional you can't be typing and posting in here 24/7 and since its not like IM or chatting, the responses are not necessarily immediate.
I am sure we all would like to have someone we could call to chat with in the wee hours when we can't sleep and feel the darkest and alone.
Perhaps there is someone in this thread who can be a support contact by phone (I know someone offered) so when you are feeling like you were last night and need immediate assistance, you can call them?? Kind of like a sponsor in a 12 step program. I would offer my number, but I suspect you would rather confide in a male who has come out the other end and I am such a Newb!
I totally empathize with what you are going through. The fear is paralyzing...the uncertainty unbearable, all of the things that run through your mind, the good, the bad and the ugly!! Who wouldn't be nauseated and sleep deprived.
Maybe its time for another Bro date (maybe a whole weekend!)....just the boys out doing things together...getting out of the house, away from WW and the constant reminder, away from the things that trigger...I might do you world of good! I did it last weekend, it allowed me to get out of my head and gave me a much needed respite from the mind movies, doubt, fear etc.,
Do what works best for you. You are an action
person, remember that! Try to remember the person you were before this shit happened, and try to find and connect with that.
I recently took up beginners Yoga (so not me, I am not a new age, granola type) 1 class in, and I am going for # 2 this week. It not only provides physical exercise, it requires you to focus your mind on what your body is doing...so you can't really think about anything else.
I wish I could do more than type to help!
Just don't let your personal strength and desire to persevere through this overtake your need to take care of yourself physically. At least if you are taking care of your basic physical needs (food, water, sleep) and maintaining, eventually you will find the rest will improve.
(((((((()))))))))
Want this to Stop!