SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sounds like torture. But the kids look forward to these things and school is starting soon. Any thoughts?

You asked so I'll give you my thoughts.

Have the damn barbecue. It is for your family. Not you. Not your wife. But for your entire family.

Slowly you are going to realize that her affair truly had nothing to do with you.

It had nothing to do with your marriage, your sex life or your manhood. Absolutely nothing. Zilch. Nada.

Now that is good in a way. But coming from a guy who is happily married to his wife for a good amount of time who was massively blindsided not good at all.

Because you are also asking yourself "Who the hell is she? Who the hell am I now married too?"

And mostly "Where the hell did the woman I married go off to?"

And that is your wife's cue to how she is doing on her IC.....

Enjoy the BBQ. Enjoy the time with your family.

And good luck on your conversation with your wife later this week.

I will say it again. You are doing great.

HM

Wal, 50 pages is the limit for a thread, so I recommend you start a new thread (here, in General or somewhere else) and post a link here.

Be patient with yourself. I'm very analytical as well, so I know it takes time for my IC's advice etc. to sink in and for me to internalize them. So give yourself time.

You're a good person. You and the kids will be allright, heck, you'll eventually all be great and happy, no matter if you stay with your wife or not. So please, try not to worry too much about your future happiness or the kids'.

Best wishes

I'm with HM on this one.

But for your entire family.

Let the kids run and play and roll in the grass and the dirt with their cousins (or whatever). Your brother-in-law offered to host. Let him. That takes the planning pressure off you, and if need be, if you need to get away, you can "discover" an emergency that you have to go deal with and the kids' party can go on.

Not gonna lie, your description of the fudge-giving brought a tear to my eye, or maybe I just got an eyelash in there, hard to tell.

I opened a door for her to come back in

You did, and I think that's important. You opened the door, showed her that you're not totally cutting her out of your life. But it's up to her to walk through that door. She's standing on the threshold, wondering if it's ok to take the next step. Have that conversation with her next week and see what she has to say.

less of a man, I wasn’t enough for her, scared, angry, conflicted, emasculated,

Everyone here has been through those feelings. They're not true, of course, but that's just me saying words. You'll also come to realize that they're not true. Not at all.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 10:35 AM, September 4th (Friday)]

Just remember.

Your life only suffers if you allow yourself and your life to suffer.

Your wife hurt you terribly by her crappy decisions.

But she is not making your life suffer at all.

Only you can be responsible for your own actions going forward.

Have the damn BBQ.

I'll even do the cooking for your family. Here is a video from my last bbq.

I hope your family likes fish.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo-SbQF9bu0

Hi Walloped,

I've not posted to your thread before, but I did read it and want to thank you for sharing your story. It has taught me something that I think is good for my own marriage, so I wanted to share it with you and let you know that even as you receive advice for your own pain, you are helping others, too.

My fWH and I have been reconciled for 3.5 years now. Long story, not important. But for the past 3 months, there has been a somewhat tenacious gentleman at my gym. Whenever I go, he seems to show up and get on the machine next to me, always starting conversations with me, always saying nice things to me, etc. Before reading your thread, I was really thinking...wow, this guy must be lonely, it's annoying but how sad...and I would continue my workout as normal, bring up the fact that I was married, and try to give him the brush off while still being polite. Well, after reading your thread, all I can think is "Danger, Will Robinson!" I told my husband about gym guy (didn't really register to me as important before), and he agreed...this was sketchy behavior. We agreed that the next time gym guy got on a machine next to me, I would just switch machines no matter how rude it made me feel. And if he also switched machines, then I would leave the gym for that day and come back later.

So for the last week, I've been enacting this new plan. I felt like a jerk, and I could tell gym guy was confused when I would just up and leave, especially when I would switch to machines I don't normally use.

But today, he left me alone for the first time, and I even saw him chatting up a new woman who looks strikingly similar to me.

So thank you for sharing your story. You and the responders to your thread have taught me to be more aware and to be a smarter wife...even if sometimes, that means being rude!

Good luck, Walloped.

P.S. I'm also glad you gave her the fudge

Your fudge story was very touching. I agree with your therapist. Your actions show you still care about her, you still think about her, that whether consciously or unconsciously you fight this you still love her.

Just because setbacks happen in business does not mean everything stops right? Have to keep moving forward. Same thing in life. Have the bbq.

You are doing great wallop many hear are cheering for you and your wife. God bless.

Dear walloped ,

U are great man.

Hopefully you will find the right decision soon , wish u and ur family the best

:)

Thank you for sharing your trip with us.

So glad you have Brad...he sounds like such a good friend.

Keep yourself and your kids happy.

The rest will fall into place.

Unfortunately, at its own pace!

Strength.

He's saying all the right things. I just don't know if I'm internalizing them.

If you internalized it after one session, or if that was even possible, people wouldn't be in therapy for years. It takes time, but you MUST trust the IC, and believe what they are saying.

Regarding the family get together thing....just my opinion, but my vote is no way in hell.

I went to one such event at my BIL's for Easter after we told the kids but before WH had moved out, etc. It was pure fucking torture for me. Thankfully my BFF popped in for about 30 seconds and I met her at the curb bawling. It's awkward, no one knows what to do, and the elephant in the room follows you everywhere and sits on your chest as often as possible.

Just my two cents worth.

I think you need a name for your saga on the new thread.

"The Walloped Chronicles"....or something.... "Fudgeman Diaries"....

Hi Wall,

It has been a lil bit since your last posting.

How are things at home with you and the wife?

You know, I went back to the beginning to read then some others more to read, man it did get my blood reboiling again.

What are your feelings about staying or leaving?

how are the mind movies going for you? Less? More?

How are the kids and family handling this now? Better, I hope!

There were a few things with your wife when she was in her lil world that still hits me.

The thing is there are 3 people/personalities you have to deal with and address and which 3 your wife truly is. She is not the same person you married. She is one of the 3 now.

Hope your doing a bit better these days..

BUMP...

Any update Walloped?

Do you feel like sharing?

Or is the upcoming Presidential election consuming you......

Oooh weee! What's good, Walloped? Lol

CT, lookin' at that Plum Book...

Seriously, hope you're doing well.