SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It sucks that the lessons we learn have to be so painful.

At least you know what you need to do to make yourself feel better.

The lame story/excuse given by WW friends is stupid. Your WW should've know what to do and what not to. If she's too fucking dumb to figure that out without help from her friends, then she's too fucking stupid to have the respect of a SpaceGhost.

Keep us posted, brother.

They both told me to give her a chance she is heartbroken and they were only trying to get us back together. I told both of them they should stop giving her advice because they led her straight to a divorce

I agree with what Jduff said, they are either the two dumbest people on Earth, or have no idea what the full story is.

It is amazing how people that have never been betrayed really have no clue to the hell and pain of an affair for the BS.

So, lets all go out with some guys and make SpaceGhost more mad than he already is. Wonderful plan.

And the fact your wife doesn't even return your text or calls, right after she is seen in a bar. Now that is sure the way to rebuild trust and show remorse.

Just shaking my head at the stupidity with her friends.

Instead of making you jealous with this so-called plan, lets twist the knife a little further into his back.

And who knows if it was really a plan. Sounds more like excuses after getting caught being out with other guys.

That is some of the worst BS I have ever heard. I am speechless.

Take care of yourself. You seem to be doing a good job so keep it up.

Strength to you brother.

SG

Your wife's friends are even dummer/immature than your wife is.

Glad your daughter is in therapy. Might I suggest some father/daughter time in the near future.

Because your wife is still making bad decisions so God help your daughter having a rational relationship with her mother at this time.

Last but not least I understand why you left. I understand changing your number and ignoring your wife, friends and inlaws.

But sooner or later you will need to deal with her.

Better you do it now before you have a crazy, delusional STBXW on your doorstep in Florida.

Enjoy the weather. Enjoy the golf.

And good luck with the divorce.

HM

Your first instinct to D her has been affirmed. It's not to be proved right about that but better to learn this now than after months or years of false R.

This ^^^ 100%

She just reminded you, with some help from her dumb-ass friends, that you made the correct choice. You are doing great...hang in there Ghost.

Hi Ghost. Sorry you had to go though it again. But as others have said at least it confirms that you were right to go through with divorce. It does make you wonder how many OM's there have been throughout the relationship.

If her friends are like the people I work with then they'll probably be telling her she deserves better. Even though that makes no sense. An example of this that I've seen was one woman who cheated all through the relationship then dumped her spouse for her current OM. That didn't last very long and she had still kept staying friends with her ex. Well, one day she walked in to a pub and saw that he now had a girlfriend so she attacked him. And at work all her friends said he was an a$$ and she deserved better. Even though she had cheated on him all the time, dumped him and so he was single at the time. Sometimes I think there is something mentally wrong with these people.

I would stick to your plan of not starting a relationship until the divorce is finalised. Its best to use this time to work on yourself and heal from all the damage your WS has caused.

I would have taken a screenshot of her facebook page, with her out on her date, with her "boyfriend" and emailed it to her parents, to show them what an "Angel" of a daughter they have...

Very gently friend. You fired her. You told her there was no hope. You should not be stressing what she does anymore. Don't be contacting her if she is dating, or clubbing or whatever. Don't be calling her and demanding to know what she is doing. Most of all, don't let her see it hurts. All that does is give her false hope and stresses you out. Other than not responding, she did what many people do in these situations, try to get out there again. Yes it's too soon, but it's not your problem

Go dark, get the D over with and try to ignore her. I know it won't be easy, but you gotta let go here, absent some horrific behavior that affects you or the kids.

Before this is over, she will probably meet someone and fuck him, if only to make herself feel empowered. You cannot be worrying about what she does or who she is with. I know it's not easy, but you cannot expect this "beauty" to join a nunnery or swear off men. It's not happening.

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 6:29 PM, March 13th (Friday)]

They both told me to give her a chance she is heartbroken and they were only trying to get us back together.

It is soooo high school!

^^^

Was thinking Jr. High

great thoughts from Longandsadstory1952, Craig, Nononsense and some of the others.

Look, SG, I really don't know if you simply report on yourself or if you read what we say. But I will add a few things

1) You have gotten your a$$ kissed more than George S Patton on this thread and it has been deserved.

2) You are a man of principle and morals and your not wanting to go out with anyone while still married is principled, worthy of respect and a good throwback to traditional morals our society lacks nowadays. Keep at it until the D and when you start going out again with other women, please keep in mind your morals. You will have other married women hitting on you like when you went to Florida the first time and it is only right and proper to reject these heathens as it is easy to get as much aSS as you can but doing it right is the best way to do it. I have no fear that you will do this.

3) personally, regardless of what you have said, I think you were keeping the door 'slightly ajar' at reconciliation though it was obvious it was only slightly ajar. Maybe I am wrong and like you, I couldn't do it either. You have said nothing but good things about your WW since this thread started which tells me that. However, she had ZERO margin for error and she just made a huge blunder thanks to her and her toxic friends. Get to D asap and don't look back.

4) Your story scares the crap out of those of us who are in good marriages. if it could happen to you, it could happen to any one of us and that is discouraging and scary as hell.

5) I hope your kids are ok and your D being upset at her mom is a good thing IMO because it shows she has morals and character.

I don't know what the WW was thinking but it doesn't matter anymore. She can have her toxic friends all she wants. It's irrelevant now.

I wish most BS had your courage and discipline. They need it.

Go forth and enjoy the rest of your life. You deserve the best.

Godspeed

Sorry for all the pain you and your kids are feeling. Only those who have been hit by betrayal understand the damage it does to everyone.

Your WW sounds very immature, spoiled and selfish.

After getting caught screwing her married boss and being D because of it, the last thing she should be doing is going out partying

Your poor kids. she needs to grow the f*ck up and act like a responsible adult.

Like someone said above. Go dark on her.

I envy you, I wish I could move away too

SG

I just reread your most recent post and I don't think her girlfriends had as much to do with this as first appears. I know this is speculation and does not matter but humor me.

I think just as your wife was able to lie to you for months and months while she was carrying on with her boss, I think she has tried to still manipulate you from the beginning here once you left.

Let's recap

(1) she hates OM but she sure did not block his number or de friend him because she was not at work but knew he was still calling her

(2) she has her so called journal that I am sure has details of her sexcapades that she said she would share with you but changed her mind

(3) she asks you if you are dating. She did that because she had a date and was trying to justify it in her mind. Told you another lie and never figured in a million years your buddy would send young text.

Her friends may be influencing her but SHE is making these choices.

You know more than we do obviously but this affair of here was not some mistake. And she was not mixed up

She has shown her true self begging you to take her back and then pulling this stunt .

To be honest you should be glad she did it . If you were wavering on your decision this should make it clear you did the right thing .

You will beat this. You owe her nothing . And you should have a clear conscience about it.

I also wish you had sent that picture of her on her date to her parents . My guess is they think you are being kind of unreasonable because she told them about her affair but probably not anything about all the lung she did.

Best to you SG

You fired her. You told her there was no hope. You should not be stressing what she does anymore. Don't be contacting her if she is dating, or clubbing or whatever. Don't be calling her and demanding to know what she is doing. Most of all, don't let her see it hurts. All that does is give her false hope and stresses you out. Other than not responding, she did what many people do in these situations, try to get out there again. Yes it's too soon, but it's not your problem

I don't think SG had a problem with the fact that she is "getting out there"..

The problem is she tried to have him believe that she was there waiting for his decision when it wasn't true. In other words she was deceitful again.

SG maybe had kept the door a little ajar for R, since she acted so remorseful and felt a little let down when it turned out to be just an act.

But I think in the end it's better that he had the chance to see reality early on than having to face it later...

I want to say I am sorry to everyone but I really have read every post to me. The reason I do not respond to many of them is because I would be on here to much and not living my life. I get more upset the more I am on here. I have read other people and I get mad at their situation too! I am shocked at how many men have their WW who keep cheating on them and they cannot get the truth and they just keep hoping they can save the marriage. When I read these it makes me wonder how much I loved my wife? I loved her so much but it is not in me to stay with her after what happened. Here is another update maybe others can learn from my path.

I am doing best when I don't have any contact with my wife. My son called me and asked me to either call, text or email "Mom" she is losing it. My wife knows the kids have my phone and she wants to explain the night out over a week ago. So I looked through 25 emails and she said she wanted to explain things and the emails did just that. She said her and her friends were idiots and she just wants a chance to save our marriage.

I do not want to talk to her since it always makes me upset but I don't yell or anything like that. I sent the following email to her:

Dear Wife:

I read through all of your emails. I am sorry you are struggling right now. I know how it feels when the one you love is not there for you.

The only thing I can tell you is you did the only thing that would ever end our marriage. I am not able to stay married to you since I know you are not an evil person. Unfortunately for me for whatever reason that was not enough for you. You did the one thing that ended our life together. I no longer love you like a husband should love a wife.

You still have not even told me why you did this. You never told me the sex acts you did with the dipshit. One thing I do know is you were dating another man while we were married. You had another man’s penis in your mouth and vagina and who knows where else and came home and were intimate with me. I got sloppy seconds from a piece of shit guy and that cannot be undone. It really is a head scratcher since he is nowhere in the same league as me. The fact that you would sleep with that troll has made me despise touching you.

I want to be happy again. You need to be happy again. You are a very beautiful woman who had a man who adored you. You deserve that again but it cannot be me. When I look at you I think back to you with him sweating over each other laughing at your husband. I deserve better than that.

You need to let me go. I had to let you go and I have done that. I want to enjoy my life with another person who will treat me like I deserve to be treated. You ruined both of our lives and it is time to move on. Years ago I had to give up my Mom forever due to her cheating on my Dad so I have done it before. Now I have to do the same to you. I loved and adored you but now I just don’t want to see or talk to you anymore. The best part of not being in contact with each other is that we have a better chance to forget about each other.

Please accept this as our new life together. Keep the kids out of it. When people break up they go no contact to get over each other. Accept it is over and get help and work on yourself. You deserve a good life and I hope you have one. It will be without me ……….. I don’t write this to hurt you but to explain why I don’t want to be with you. Let’s just both move on with our lives.

SpaceGhost0007

I have read a lot of posts on this site and one thing I have learned is this. If you fawn over a cheating wife she seems to want to try and decide between her husband and the OM. Many times they seem to not be able to stop with the OM. They put the guys through hell.

I don't know if it is a coincidence but I have not had that problem with my wife. She cannot stop trying to run to me since I filed for divorce. I hate reading other posts where people have a partner who keep doing this to them.

So that is where we are again. My wife did respond and is thinking of flying down here to prove her love. Anyway that is the latest.

If anyone thinks I am handling this right or wrong I am willing to listen. I just don't see any option other and Divorce.

Take if from someone who stayed for 20 years after the first Dday, you're doing the right thing. You never feel the same about them again. My kids were adults when we divorced.

I think I love reading your story, because you're doing the right thing, and you're not sticking around for the fall out crap that WS put so many BS through.

Good for you!!

SG: YOU know your bottom line; you know what you can or cannot live with and have determined you cannot live with a WS. You have clearly explained to your WS why you want her in your life no longer. If she does travel to see you (i.e., beg, plead, threaten), you don't have to engage with her. You do not have to give her the courtesy of an audience. You don't have to give her anything. So, just don't. And don't feel guilty about any of it. She created the mess she's in. The fallout is called consequences.

Enjoy your new surrounds and make the most of the years ahead of you. ((((( )))))

Your email to her is perfect. Your reasoning makes sense. Yes, you do deserve better. She confirmed this for you with her actions. You are doing what I did so I completely understand.

What will you did if she actually does fly out there?

from reading your email to her it appears that you probably won't get over this. I can definitely understand. Don't feel about it. It is what it is. She shouldn't have cheated.

also realize that there are a few people here who appear to be projecting their own anger at your wife. You know better than anyone whether she's evil. Whether she regrets what she did, has remorse, etc. The stunt she and her girlfriends pulled, if that's what it was, was really stupid. But I can see the logic in it, really immature logic. but some sort of logic nonetheless. Your wife still doesn't understand the depth of the damage her betrayal has caused yet. And her girlfriends have no clue. It's as if they're thinking, "let's make him jealous, let him realize what he might be losing..." Right! like she's the prize now. lol. she doesn't realize enough that she should be ashamed to even talk to you. Just really clueless behavior. But it does seem like she really wants you.

all that aside, based on what you wrote, I don't see you getting over this. which is ok. you don't have to feel bad about not getting over betrayal.

good luck friend.

[This message edited by mike7 at 10:00 PM, March 15th (Sunday)]

She's flying down there? Seriously? Don't let her stay with you. Do not have sex with her. It will just get harder to pull the pin later.