SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just hoping you are okay, SpaceGhost.

Just checking up on you. Seems you are doing well under the circumstances. Keep on moving forward.

Just checking on you, SpaceGhost. You OK?

Well it has been a while I needed to take some time away and not think about this Shit Sandwich my wife has fed me. I have been trying to stay away from all of the drama but I did get sucked back into it. I have been working and golfing. I am in Florida and it has really helped my healing and I am feeling much better. Time is helping and it will all take time. The kids are feeling a little better but they are struggling still. My daughter is still very angry with her mom. She is getting counseling now so I hope that gets better between them.

Alright so my wife was staying at her parents but moved back to our home and it is up for sale now. She kept sending me emails and texts asking to talk things out and give her a chance. She did send me a huge email confessing about the affair. A lot of the details but nothing about having sex with the OM. She did not want to talk about any of that since it would make me more likely to not give her a chance according to her. Her “Friends’” decided that so she did not want to tell me anything about that. So that did not sit well with me so my contact dwindled with her and the divorce is moving forward. Her parents called me a couple of time all “Worried” about her.

Last week I talked to her and she wants to reconcile and asked me if I was dating anyone. I told her no since we are still married it would not be right. She was happy about that and said she would not be dating either since she only wants us back together. She did say two of her friends want her to come out that night so she was going to do that if that was Ok. I told her she could do what she wanted it was up to her to decide. Well you can probably guess where this is going….

That same night I was relaxing after some golf and I got a text from a good friend. He did not know about me filing for divorce and he had not returned 2 of my calls since he is starting up a business so we have been out of touch. He is divorced but out on a date and he texted me that my wife and two of her friends are at a club and there are three guys sitting with them and they are all dressed up including my wife and another guy is sitting close to her…. I was not happy since we are still married and not dating others until it is official. The guy is not the OM he is someone that I know and my friend knows him since he is divorced.

So I go to Facebook and my wife’s friend posted a picture of the three of them with the three guys at their table with them. This is 20 minutes after my friend sent his text so it just happened. Now to me it looks like she is out on a date. So I sent her a text to ask if she is on a date? She did not respond to me and then the picture was removed and was not on Facebook anymore. An hour later I sent her another text and she did not respond. At this point I thought about when she was cheating with the OM and would not respond on her phone. She may or may not have been on a date but one thing I do know. When she was married to me she was already dating her boss anyway. Going away on trips and hotels screwing her boss. Nothing really has changed much except we are still married. I removed her friends from Facebook as my friends as well as my wife so I do not see any of this anymore.

I stopped taking any of her calls. I also stopped taking any calls from her parents. I sent her an email telling her I hoped she had a great date and I wished her the best. I am no longer a part of her life so I do not want to know what she is doing or who she is sleeping with. I told her she also has no right to know what I am doing. This was goodbye and the Divorce is at full speed ahead. And I have blocked her texts and calls. So no calls and texts from her for over a week and I am feeling much better.

The only bad thing is I did get two calls from her friends telling me she was not out on a date. I honestly think they were trying to come up with a way to make me jealous. The two friends said it was their idea to make me jealous that is why they put the picture out there and they told my wife not to respond to my text and she didn’t. They of course did not know my wife would not respond to me when she was with the OM so anyway I told them they should not be trying to play games. They both told me to give her a chance she is heartbroken and they were only trying to get us back together. I told both of them they should stop giving her advice because they led her straight to a divorce

After the two calls I decided to change my phone number to stop the circus. I have only given it out to my family and kids. It has been quiet and I am feeling so much better and relaxed. Divorce is moving forward and I am feeling much better. Part of the reason that I left home is because I did not want to see her or worry about who she was with. Since I have been away I am getting to a much better place. I have 22 emails in my account that she has sent me and I have not read even one of them.

I am working out every day. Doing my programming for work and doing some golf. I do miss my wife but I miss having female companionship. I am trying to wait until the Divorce is final but we will see on that. I am not drinking so I make sure I do not do anything to crazy.

That is it from me. I will try and keep you updated. I have read the responses and I want to say thanks to all of you that have been giving me support. It has been hard since I relocated and being a guy it is not something you talk about with other guys. It is embarrassing to think your wife was out screwing another man behind your back. I really tried to be a good husband so it has been a long couple of months.

Six months ago my wife and I had a great life. Around that time she put a nail in the coffin of our marriage and I did not know it. Both of our lives have been turned upside down. We had a happy home and kids and she started banging another man…

SpaceGhost0007 out…

[This message edited by SpaceGhost0007 at 9:04 PM, March 12th (Thursday)]

She is so heartbroken that you are divorcing her that she went out with her girlfriends and had drinks with guys at a club.

Whatever. She is a mess.

I just read your story and your latest reply assured me that while you are not happy with what has happened, you are taking it much better than many of us.

Anyways, I wish you all the best and hope your future relationship won't have the bad elements of this one.

Your WW's two friends are either two of the biggest dumbshits on earth or they didn't know it was your WW that cheated on you, not the other way around. So, they think your WW is the prize after what she did to you, your kids, your M? Who are those two, dumb and dumber?

Even more surprising is that your WW went along with it at all. Good friends would have bought her books like "How to help your spouse heal from your affair", not tell her to keep the details of the affair secret. Good friends would have empathized with you and talked some sense into your WW, not come up with a hair brained scheme worthy of a sitcom script. It's really interesting that they thought going on a group date would get you pining for your WW back.

I can't blame you for going full steam on D, SG. Clearly she does NOT get it at all. Maybe after D is official you can send her "Not just friends" and the book I mentioned above. Tell her to read those books if she wants to understand why you were fully on the D train. Maybe if she actually reads them she will realize where she went wrong AND just what absolute idiots her friends were all along.

What was that parable about the scorpion who convinced the frog to swim across the river with the scorpion on his back? Half way across the scorpion stung the frog. Frog looks at the scorpion and says something like "you promised not to sting me." Scorpion shrugs and says, "hey I'm a scorpion." And they both perished in the river. Sorry bro, but thats your WW.

So much for his 'remorseful wife,' eh guys?

SG, I've said it from the beginning...you're better off without her.

It seems your WW thinks sounding very sorry is the equivalent of true remorse.

It isn't.

Seriously what did she think would happen? On the heels of being caught in an A and her BH moving and filing for D she goes clubbing with friends (who clearly have wayward mindset themselves) and post pics of it on FB. To make matters worse when you text to ask if she's on a date she doesn't take the chance to respond and maybe be reassuring. No, she goes silent. She plays games instead of coming clean and owning her behavior.

Your first instinct to D her has been affirmed. It's not to be proved right about that but better to learn this now than after months or years of false R.

SG

Glad you posted. I find it unbelievable . When you got her served Inthink her response was she would tell you anything you needed to know to try to get another chance from you.

Now it is she'll TT you and only answer questions you already know the answers to.

I don't believe an non quack MC would tell her to refuse to answer your questions , so my guess is the MC was just a set up to try to talk you into staying and her real therapists are her two idiot friends. You are right, they helped lead her right into divorce.

You will come out stronger and you will be OK . I don't think you have any obligation to limit your social life . She was dating and fucking her boss while you were living with her. You don't need to isolate yourself now waiting for a court date. You centrist assured the two idiots she runs around with will certainly be telling her not to wait to date, especially now that thief little game did not work. And by the way, I don't believe it. I believe she was out on a date and when you found out, they came up with the scheme to make like they set it up. They never thought your buddy would text you.

SG, you made the right decision . There was no true remorse here. Sadness and regret she got caught and embarrassment at getting served I her office .

I thought the story the girlfriends came up with sounded hokey and contrived. WW just keeps thinking she won't get caught. What were the odds that SG's friend would be there, see her, have SGs # and text him. Serendipity or the Infidelity Fairy, but someone was looking out for you SG.

I know you are hurting. I know you miss her. I'm sorry.

good point goingtothrive.

if SG's friend wasn't there, how would he know to check out the FB page? How would he know to text? How would he know to get jealous? sounds hokey to me too. and of course, if the intent was to make SG jealous, why take the picture down? that was the supposed purpose, right?

I believe her friends were trying to cheer her up by taking her out, maybe flirt with other men, etc. but that they were caught by SG's friend.

I can see telling her not to text back, kind of 180 to cause someone to be more interested. But I'm astounded that your wife would do that considering she did that when she was having an affair.

Of course, you can read her emails to find out what she has to say. maybe she's told you all the details now? I don't know. It doesn't really matter if you've definitely decided to divorce. the less you think about her, interact with her, the better. just wish her the best and move on.

[This message edited by mike7 at 1:01 AM, March 13th (Friday)]

Hi SG, glad to hear that putting physical distance between you has been beneficial.

Developing and maintaining emotional distance can also only help, please take care and look after YOU !!

Thanks for the update. I'm glad the kids are in therapy and that you're are doing relatively well!

Best wishes!

On one side, I'm sorry you had to go through another piece of heartbreak again... On the other side I think it's good she reminded you what she is capable of and why it was a good idea to D her in the first place, so you'r not going to have so many regrets about this.

I always said she was regretful you caught her, but she didn't do anything to show she was remorseful. Now you know she didn't because she actually isn't remorseful, just regretful, which is different...

I don't think the friends took her out to cheer her up and they just met the three guys. I think this was a date and she tought she could get away with it.

The point with her is she always thinks she can get away with anything and that makes me wonder again if the affair you caught was really the first one.

The fact she says she's witholding information about the sex because you might not give her a chance if you knew makes me wonder what she and her boss were up to. I think you better go on full speed with the Divorce and never ever open that can of worms.

IMO, your wife just don't get it,

Why has she lied to you again and didnt answered your call? To make you jealous so you get back together...didn't she think that hurting you again will pull you away even more.

Doing the same thing, not the affair but puting another guy between between you, she was expecting to get a diffrent outcome.

I belive she just blow a chance to be back with youn in the furure

She regrets what she has done because that lead you to D, but not had to hurt you.

That's why she offered a timeline to you but omitted the physical part, the most important port for you, trying to bury it. Well if she were trying to help you heal she would come clean about everything, every single detail as this is amn important thing for you.

Going out with girls for a drink is not a bad thing, going in a date, informing you about it previously to keep you watching in order to make you jealous, is just the same BS.

She thinks that you are only mad about the physical part but not the treason.

I don't believe these girls are bad influences, your wife just dont get it and maybe she will never do.

Anyhow, I am glad you are better and that you are doing just fine.

Keep contact to minimum and just about kids and D matters. This is will help you, and her, to move on.

Be careful about dating at this moment, you may miss female contact but at the point you are you may end in a rebound relation. Date for fun, not just sex but for the company feel desired, and diont get in any relation.

Great job and good luck.

I'm so sorry; ugh.

But I've lost all sympathy for her. That was just a moron move. It still seems to be about her ego. She doesn't seem to have done any meaningful work in counseling. Even if she just happened to be talking to some guy for a minute there is no reason she should have wanted a picture taken. She is thinking like a wayward, IMO.

You have made the right choice. Strength to you.

The two friends said it was their idea to make me jealous that is why they put the picture out there and they told my wife not to respond to my text and she didn’t.

Oh great. She called a meeting of her friends.

If I was to give your wife any advice, it'd be to stop looking to her AP and friends and even her IC to figure out what she ought to do, and dig around inside for her own moral compass. Doesn't appear that she has one. Just a closet full of wants and needs.

Thank you for sharing your story. As a dating divorcee I always say "if it happens again, I'm out". But reading your story and how much strength it took to actually do it, wow. I'm floored at your resolve and it makes me question if I would have the same determination if faced with it again.

I know you come here to vent, but your story was helpful to me in examining my own life.

Enjoy your golf and your new beginning.