Newest Member: Lilident

Just Found Out :
Boundaries and Consequences 101 for all new BS

default

Foolfernobody ( New Member #61825) posted at 2:01 PM on Thursday, December 14th, 2017

Quite an insightful post. I'll tag this one for future reference and come back to read it from time to time, maybe even comment more later.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2017
id 8047144
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:39 PM on Sunday, December 17th, 2017

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8049320
default

MsCajunBelle ( New Member #60706) posted at 5:08 AM on Monday, December 18th, 2017

Bump

posts: 40   ·   registered: Sep. 19th, 2017   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8049698
default

BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 8:04 AM on Thursday, December 21st, 2017

Bump

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4209   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8052316
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:24 PM on Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

Bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8055759
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, January 2nd, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8061075
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 10:57 PM on Sunday, January 14th, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8070872
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:31 PM on Wednesday, January 31st, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8083081
default

BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 7:46 PM on Sunday, February 4th, 2018

Bump

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4209   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8086160
default

HeatherM ( New Member #62496) posted at 1:33 PM on Monday, February 5th, 2018

Mine won't go "no contact". He has been "thinking" for two months about whether he wants to stay or go but that has involved being nasty and dismissive and defensive to and lying to me while constantly messaging her loving messages about how they will be together. He has made zero progresses He has said I haven't given him space to think. That I ask questions repeat myself and am bullying him. I've said the only way we can have a proper chance is if he ends things with her. He says he can't. I just don't know where to go from here :( he keeps saying he's going to move out and I keep asking him not to. He told her he would be living on his own by January so I feel it means it is the end. Not for him to have space. Please help me I just don't know what to do. I love this man so much. He is infatuated with her and they just won't work - she is really cheap and he is going to be a laughingstock in his job and with people who know "us". He has a hugely stressful job working about an 80 hour week with little timemoff and we get almost no time together although he's "made" time for her by staying up even later to "work". She is 14 years younger, married! I just don't know what to do I feel so helpless. He is really volatile, I'm sure he is in mid life crisis which he absolutely denies. He is really angry that I have been cunning and, he says, manipulative in snooping on him and being one step ahead. I have him Janice after chance to be honest - while I had live access to his messages - and he just kept lying. He says he will never trust ME again! It's so ridiculous :(

posts: 35   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2018   ·   location: London
id 8086535
default

 lordhasaplan? (original poster Member #30079) posted at 1:45 PM on Monday, February 5th, 2018

All sounds like the Wayward handbook chapter and verse. you need to make a strong declaration and follow through. Cut him off from all you provide until he demonstrates he can commit and becomes completely and totally transparent. Hope you stay strong. Keep posting more here in JFO. There is a lot of help for you.

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 8086542
default

Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 12:18 AM on Saturday, February 10th, 2018

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8090787
default

Skan ( Member #35812) posted at 5:06 PM on Friday, February 16th, 2018

bump

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012


posts: 11513   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2012   ·   location: So California
id 8096565
default

Jewel44 ( Member #59265) posted at 6:30 AM on Tuesday, February 20th, 2018

Amazing article! Thanks so so much for this! Life changing!

posts: 151   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2017
id 8099085
default

minusone ( Member #50175) posted at 1:09 AM on Tuesday, February 27th, 2018

bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8353   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8104264
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:47 PM on Saturday, March 3rd, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8108040
default

sassylee ( Member #45766) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, March 12th, 2018

Bumped for DWF

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8114001
default

KnowOneSpecial ( New Member #62919) posted at 7:30 AM on Tuesday, March 13th, 2018

[This message edited by KnowOneSpecial at 7:12 PM, March 23rd (Friday)]

Me: 42
F(?)WH: 39
2 amazing kids
Together 15 years
Married for 9 years
D-day: 10/12/17

posts: 33   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2018
id 8114576
default

sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:37 PM on Wednesday, March 21st, 2018

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 25988   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8120679
default

sassylee ( Member #45766) posted at 9:13 PM on Monday, April 2nd, 2018

Bump

My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor

posts: 11459   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2014   ·   location: 🇨🇦
id 8130111
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.000.20210918 2002-2021 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy