And there was a time where He. Chose. Her.
I don't know how to even process that fact.
This has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. My H confessed with these words: "I'm in love with someone else." After the f-bombs stopped flying, I really chewed on it and thought that maybe R was possible now that the truth was out there. I offered to attempt it if he would agree to ditch the OW, and he said no. So I asked him to move out. He went to his mother's, three blocks away.
During that time apart, he got a good taste of the life changes that he initiated and he didn't like it. He also asked me and the OW to leave him alone so that he could think without being influenced by either of us. I (mostly) respected his boundary, but she didn't. She blew up his phone and wanted him to come be with her. Thankfully, she lives 50 miles away and he wasn't willing to miss seeing his kids every day so that he could stay with her. Also, I was workin' the 180 hardcore most of the time, and then having bursts of HB, then back to 180. I was taking what I wanted, but also taking no shit. I think that was the time in my life that I felt the most powerful, even though it was terribly, horribly stressful.
A month after DDay, we were sitting on the porch in the middle of the night talking about child support and other D related topics, and I asked him if D is what he really wanted. To my surprise, he said no. We went for a walk, talked about feelings and plans, and I set some boundaries. He sent the NC email the next day and has never looked back.
His IC is of the opinion that he had some kind of psychotic break.
Google says: "In terms of what it means, a "psychotic break with reality" means losing contact with reality, such as hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling, or feeling something that has no external correlate (i.e., hallucinations) or believing something to be true that is false, fixed, and fantastic (i.e., a delusion) or being unable to sequence one’s thoughts or control a flight of ideas that becomes increasingly tangential (i.e., thought disordered), or emotions wildly inconsistent with external reality (such as catatonia, the wild flights of someone in a manic episode, or a complete absence of affect)."
I'm not so sure that I disagree with his IC. That pretty much describes "the fog" to a T. Leaving one's family for someone you've known for six weeks is pretty delusional. In our case, leaving one's family for someone you've already stopped having sex with is pretty delusional. My H could have said, "I had affairs and I need to be by myself for a while to sort things out." But no, he said "I'm in love with someone else."
You know what? This thread is helping me to remember that none of this shit was about her - it was all about him. I feel such fierce competition with this bitch that continues in my head to this day. And I've said 1000x that she could have been anyone who paid him attention and stroked his ego. Intellectually I know that's true, but I still want to "beat" her. I'm mad and hurt that he chose her over me, like you said, even if only for a short while. Hmm. This is good stuff. Good thread. Thank you, Whiskey.
[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 4:57 PM, Thursday, June 8th]