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Newest Member: May28

New Beginnings :
A huge life change.

Topic is Sleeping.
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 10:09 PM on Sunday, January 8th, 2023

Well now that I am weeks out instead of months out...

I am moving to Louisiana in late spring. I have lived in Colorado my whole life, in fact have lived within a 5 mile radius of where I am right now for the last 30 years.

Why you ask? Well for starters, have you freaking seen how expensive Colorado real estate is lately? After my divorce, I really wanted to downsize cus I definitely don't need a 2300 sf house with 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms for just me. When I started looking into it (an mind you this was three years ago and prices have only gone up since), I realized that paying $300-400k for a condo with no yard, garage, or equity was just stupid. Right around that same time we visited family in Louisiana and the property values are like CO was 25 years ago. You can get a new house, brand new never lived in house, for $200k. So the initial thought was more financial than anything.

But as I have had junk haulers out this last year, and gotten rid of stuff, and gotten house projects done in prep for this move, I have started really thinking on what this move means for ME personally. I just have felt so stuck here for so long. Truthfully I did in my marriage too, tho I didn't fully realize that until after. I live close to my family, I do the same things day in and day out, here my path is set. And it's not that it's a bad path - I'm comfortable.

But that's the problem. I feel like for me, at this time in my life, getting out of my comfort zone is JUST what I need. I'm scared shitless of this move, but I am so very excited too. Is such a weird mental space to be in and not one I have been in for more years than I can remember. And it's the first time in SO long that I have done something like this for MYSELF. I want this year to be about embracing healthy selfishness for me. With the extra disposable income I will have as a result of this move, I am planning on investing in therapy and my bodily health. I am planning on traveling. Investing for my retirement. Buying a house and fixing it up as it pleases ME (without worrying about resale value or anyone else's opinions). And so many things that I simply cannot afford to do if I stay here.

These next few months are gonna suck logistically - I still have so much to do. But I can't wait to start this new chapter, in a new book, in a library somewhere far away.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8772564
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Solarchick ( member #80222) posted at 3:35 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Congratulations! And a smart financial move too.

It took me 38 years to break out of my 12-square-mile box, but now that I've been settled in the South for 6 years now, I'm loving my new home state. Heck, I can even drive a pickup truck like a pro and throw "y'all" into a sentence without a second thought. laugh

Yeah, moving is a PITA, but it's so nice once you're settled into a place that is ALL yours.

Me: BW, 57, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Not even a blip on my radar anymore. I'm glad he's messing up the OW's life now and leaving me alone. D (with cause) in 2004.

posts: 153   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Charleston, SC
id 8772584
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:41 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Ellie, you are such a badass that it's difficult to think that you're second-guessing what you're going to do.

You have had such "suck" in your life, what does a few months more matter? (Yes, that can be a trauma response.)

I think you realize that this is growth for you and is a good thing for your situation.

Very happy for you.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3441   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8772585
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 7:24 AM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Woweee!!! That is exciting! Financial security is empowering and a new place will be just what you need!

I used to spend a lot of time in Louisiana for work and found the folks there really nice and fun. Still don’t get noodling as a sport though😂.

Congratulations! Very excited for you!

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5985   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8772592
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 4:02 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

I did a "relo to less expensive place" over the summer. Best. Thing. Ever. Now, I relocated to where I don't have family, but family is fairly close (about 3 hours), my SO is 40 minutes away and I was able to get a cute little house for about half of what I sold the big old barn in New England for.

This is great. Cost of living is so reasonable. We went to the symphony over the weekend. Instead of hoofing it into Boston and paying a lot to park (not to mention a lot for the tickets), we were down and back with ease. Really great, and a fun time (he enjoyed it more than I, but he loves the Slavic composers and me not so much). I'm still singing, and I'm in a cute college town with a LOT going on. It's great, and I'm glad I did it.

Be prepared--the big downsize is not without discomfort (but I am glad I did it, even though I am still shoehorning myself into this place). The downsize is paying off in terms of utilities, as well as taxes. I am home-based, so no commuting expenses. This is really great.

All the best,

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 8772636
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 4:19 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

@Solarchick - My mom is from Louisiana originally, so I have y'all-ed my entire life laugh

@leafields - I wouldn't say I am second guessing per se. Just... I am nervous (?) about this just because it's such a huge change for me. I do think it will be a really good one, but of course any change like this has bittersweet parts too. I'm just trying to focus on the big picture view!

@BB - Noodling? I haven't heard of that... will have to ask all my cousins about it LOL

@Cat - Oh man, I can't WAIT to downsize. My condo that I owned before xwh and I got together was 975 sf, 2 bd 1 ba and it was damn near perfect for me. I can't wait to be in a smaller place again - easier to clean, easier to maintain, simpler to live in.

On that too... A big part of this move that I'm looking forward to. Back in 2009 I bought my first 'big-girl' house (my condo). I was single at the time and I fixed it all up just how I liked it. Of course I did the thing where I 'finished' it to get it ready to sell, and man was it beautiful. "We" sold it to buy the house I'm in now. This house isn't bad, it's just too big for my liking and just has bad/sad memories for me at this point. I have never felt the soul connection to this place like I did to my condo and my home is a very important thing for me.

I can't wait to buy another just-me house and fix it up and feel that connection to my space again. I am fairly bursting with ideas grin And I am doing ALL the fixes I want to right away, with no regard for resale value. I'm gonna paint the bright colors and get the cool sparkly iridescent tile I want, I'm gonna wallpaper the ceiling and do stain glass insets in the windows... all the things. And I get to do all that without having to consider how anyone else 'feels' about it. Is gonna be AMAZING!

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8772639
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ibonnie ( member #62673) posted at 8:05 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Laissez les bon temps rouler en Louisiane. :)

"I will survive, hey, hey!"

posts: 2111   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2018
id 8772672
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Reddirtman ( new member #77340) posted at 10:56 PM on Monday, January 9th, 2023

Ellliie,
Noodlin’ is the act of easing along a creek or river, in water up To your neck, while running your hands up into submerged logs or holes in the bank, looking for catfish. When you find one, you block the hole, and reach your hand up into the fish’s mouth, dragging him up onto the bank of the river.
Just make sure you don’t grab a snapping turtle or moccasin.
Results vary depending upon the noodler’s constitution.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2021   ·   location: OK
id 8772692
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 12:12 AM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023

OK so definitely no noodling for me except for pasta laugh

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8772696
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emergent8 ( Guide #58189) posted at 2:38 AM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023

Congrats Ellie! Very exciting.

Me: BS. Him: WS.
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
Happily reconciled.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8772712
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MangledHeart ( Webmaster) posted at 3:40 PM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023

Wow. I can relate to this 100%. Today I am turning over the keys to my apartment I've had for the last 6 months which was my landing pad on my transition back to Texas. I sold my house in Florida last July for a very nice profit and used some of the proceeds to make the whole experience less stressful.

I am now back in the house that DS and I shared for decades and couldn't be happier. Yes, the uncertainties can be overwhelming. But it is also an adventure you will never forget. Make the best of it, take your time, and do everything that makes you happy. smile

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002   ·   location: Texas
id 8772747
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 5:28 PM on Tuesday, January 10th, 2023

Happy New Beginning Day, MH. May your days be filled with joy, laughter and happiness from today on.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33182   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Ohio
id 8772768
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MangledHeart ( Webmaster) posted at 12:49 AM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

Thank you Cat! smile

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. ~Corrie Ten Boom

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2002   ·   location: Texas
id 8772836
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 3:36 AM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

Very happy for both your new beginnings!

WW/BW

posts: 3628   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8772856
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nothisfriend ( member #53171) posted at 2:42 PM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

How exciting! When we separated I bought a little house that my mom and I fixed up. Then when BF moved in and DS came home from college I bought a little bigger house (but still small) and mom and I fixed that up also. It's such a feeling of ownership and empowerment that's hard to explain. It was so important to me in the beginning that WXH had never set foot on the property of my house. And though I'm the owner of the new house I love that BF has called it home from the beginning.

Rebuilding, renovating, etc. - it's not just the house, it's you also.

Me: BS 50 (at the time) Him: WH 53 (at the time) D-Day: 10/25/15 Married: 28 years. One son, age 18 (at the time)
D final 2016 REMARRIED to a marvelous guy on 4/22/23

posts: 1295   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2016   ·   location: Illinois
id 8772899
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MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 6:33 PM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

Congrats on your upcoming move! It sounds so exciting being able to do up a space just for you!

Wishing you many happy discoveries in your soon-to-be home!

WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

posts: 1178   ·   registered: Aug. 15th, 2019   ·   location: Michigan
id 8772957
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 7:02 PM on Wednesday, January 11th, 2023

EllieKMAS, this is such an exciting and uplifting new beginning post! I'm brimming over with questions about how you researched Louisiana! Like, had you been there much before? Other than the family you have there, which has to be a big plus, how did you go about sizing up the final destination town or parish??? 🙂

Both of my brothers downsized years ago from houses of about $600k, one near D.C. and one in Los Angeles, and both brothers ran through their capital gains in just a few years. My brothers never were good at budgeting. But since I've been a lifelong construction remodeler, just a little advice if you like: to set a firm budget amount you will not exceed in fixing your new digs up, and then careful financial management should see you through. As my father used to warn me after I bought my first Big Girl House, "Don't get a case of the Might Swells." I asked him what the heck that meant. He explained: "That's the disease that hits when you are in the middle of a project and somebody says 'Well, if we're going this far with it, we might 's well go ahead and do THIS, too'!"

posts: 2054   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8772963
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 EllieKMAS (original poster member #68900) posted at 3:23 AM on Thursday, January 12th, 2023

I'm brimming over with questions about how you researched Louisiana! Like, had you been there much before? Other than the family you have there, which has to be a big plus, how did you go about sizing up the final destination town or parish???


Well that's a very roundabout story lol

So my mom is originally from Louisiana and she was always planning on moving back when she retired. She was going to retire right around the same time that my divorce was finalized and I really didn't want her moving to a different state far away from both of her kids so I decided that I would move down to Louisiana at the same time. It made sense because I was single and don't have children so changing my life in that way really wasn't a big deal for me. Also with my divorce I was and am ready for a life change like this. Originaly for me it was more about just moving so that my mom had one of her kids close by, and also big time for me was a financial decision because the cost of living is so much cheaper there than it is in Colorado.

But right when she was looking ready to move my sister ended up pregnant with her second child and my mom is very attached to her grandkids so she really didn't want to move all the way away. She's really lucky that she made a really wise investment with her house so she's got her house paid off and she's in a good position here in Colorado so she said that she would just stay because she didn't want to live far away from her grandkids but she was really upset about not being able to move back "home".

Side note that's relevant but I am really into watching a YouTube channel called Big living in a tiny house and we were talking about her move and I floated the idea of well if I'm still going to move down there why don't I get a property where we can build you a tiny house on it and you can come and spend winters down in Louisiana with me (she hates the cold and snow) and then spend summers up here with Emily and the kids. Best of both worlds for her.

The more we talked about it the more it sounded like a really good idea so that's what we're going to do. I'm going to move down and I'm going to buy a house for myself hopefully on some property or with a workshop or some structure (detached for sure), and then once I'm settled and all of that she's going to invest in getting whatever it is built or fixed up and she'll start being a snowbird.

As far as deciding on the area, I have tons of family all over Louisiana and New Orleans and baton rouge but I have a whole group of cousins that live in Lafayette so that's where I decided on going. It's far enough inland that you get hurricanes but you don't get direct hits like you do if you were closer to the coast like in New Orleans. It's a college town which I also like and one of my cousins that lives right there is just awesome and we are going to be peas and carrots once I'm there. She's super excited for me to get down there finally since I've been talking about it for 2 years now.

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"The love that you lost isn't worth what it cost and in time you'll be glad that it's gone." – Linkin Park

posts: 3901   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: Louisiana
id 8773026
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 6:08 AM on Thursday, January 12th, 2023

EllieKMAS that is so natural a move for you, as you explain it! I am of the snowbird age, and just wish I had somebody down South to could go visit like you are setting up for your Mom. My only living relatives are out in St. Louis and points 'up river.' But anyway, I am so excited for you, this sounds like a win-win in the post-D rebuilding of your life with your family in mind. You GO girl!

Is it true that summers are so humid down there most folks don't get outside and exercise much? They just stay in the air conditioning? I love hot weather, and want to find a 12 month a year gardening place...but my dogs are large and they didn't even like it in Texas in late October of 2021, due to the high humidity the week we spent there.

Still, I think I could get used to it...and to the food! We meant to go through Louisiana on the return trip East, but instead went up I-20 and didn't see the biggest part of the state. What we did see out of Shreveport was nice and rural, level country.

Sounds like you may be looking in a wide area around Lafayette, not necessarily in one precise location, which makes for more flexibility? I looked for a year for the farm we found, and what I finally found wasn't as close to his then job as the H wanted...I wasted a lot of time looking at properties in counties closer to his job, but we never found the right place that was affordable...so we had to go a little further out. Is Abbeville close to Lafayette? I want to visit there someday.

Good luck!

[This message edited by Superesse at 6:11 AM, Thursday, January 12th]

posts: 2054   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8773039
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skeetermooch ( member #72169) posted at 3:36 PM on Thursday, January 12th, 2023

Congrats, Ellie! This move sounds amazing.

Me: BS 56 on DDay 1 - 7/2019 DIVORCED - 1/2021

posts: 1264   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2019
id 8773071
Topic is Sleeping.
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