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A Letter to AP

Topic is Sleeping.
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 mywholeheart14 (original poster new member #80323) posted at 3:08 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

I don’t know if I’ll ever send this, but I want to post it for some kind of catharsis. I apologize for the body shaming in advance. I’m one angry BW.


Oh W, How does it feel to be low hanging fruit? Did you think you were going to get to date him again? I’m sure you just loooved the attention he gave you. Especially because you fell in love with him while you guys dated but he couldn’t stand you. You probably finally felt wanted again. After all, he was fighting with his girlfriend, and you’re still single. I’m sure you looked at our pictures on Facebook and felt that twinge of jealousy. "They probably don’t have long, you thought. This is my chance. And he must be really hung up on me to keep reaching out!" But you weren’t wanted. You were his razor blade to cut himself with. He hated the way you texted. How dumb you were. How you sent idiotic gifs. He hated your thick glasses and how much makeup you wore. He was disgusted by your stretch marks and saggy boobs. He hated the sound of your voice.

We’re engaged now. He planned an incredible proposal. He thought of everything. We live together. He’s going to be an incredible bonus dad for my kids. He works his butt off to make sure we have a great life. He fixes up our house. I love him deeply, flaws and all. Go ahead and call me stupid. We’re planning a wedding that is going to be so much fun. We are going to have a marriage that is eternal and lasting. And I’m forgiving him. He deserves it. He knows what a mistake you were…

He reached out to you when he was depressed and wanted to feel like shit about himself. Imagine that! Being such a POS that by giving you attention it made him feel like garbage. Powerful stuff. Maybe he hated you the most for knowing about me and still doing it. Maybe he wanted you to wake up and snap him out of it. But you don’t have that sense of right and wrong. You’re selfish. Lonely. Codependent. Willing to be at some guy’s beck and call. You probably think you deserve a guy like him. Hell, you probably do! One that cheats and lies. One that goes behind your back. Blocks you out of shame. I mean, it’s what you deserve, right? Another guy like your ex who abandons you. Treats you like shit. Insecurity isn’t a good look.

I’m glad I’m not you. I’m glad I have my life together. I’m not dealing with a DUI. I’m a great partner. A great mother. I’ve had two kids and still have a tight body and great ass. A great sense of humor. A sense of morality. I believe in God. I’m always working to be a better person (except now…anger is a helluva drug). I even have an ex who pays his child support and actually wants to see his kids. One who actually shows up to court!

Did you really think that you were going to win against the Big Mean Bitch who sent you a Tiktok that hit too close to home? Ouch. Maybe you’ve learned your lesson this time…

But all in all, I’m sure it’s not easy for you. But being easy sure is!

Enjoy your lonely life - I know I’m the lucky one.

trying to get over this

posts: 5   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2022   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 8735536
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 3:44 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

Post all you want on here...and I hope this has helped you smile . I often say that whatever will HELP a BS to heal...as long as it is legal...DO IT grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6162   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8735541
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 mywholeheart14 (original poster new member #80323) posted at 3:49 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

Thank you. I’ve thought about doing some… illegal things. But she isn’t worth my freedom.

trying to get over this

posts: 5   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2022   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 8735542
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 5:56 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

She won't care what you say.

When was your dday? What work has he done on himself to become a safe partner? Your profile says he is a serial cheater,and you caught him.

posts: 4483   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8735558
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 mywholeheart14 (original poster new member #80323) posted at 7:54 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

It’s been about 2 weeks since DDay2. He and us are starting therapy this week. He’s let me install a nanny app on his phone. He’s cut all ties (he did well before I found out) and is muuuuuch different this time around. Looking back at last time around he was more sorry he got caught. This time he isn’t minimizing or downplaying or making me feel crazy about it. He doesn’t get angry about my feelings. He’s respectful of my need for space and time. It’s a very different scenario. What he did was more hurtful this time though, I guess.

trying to get over this

posts: 5   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2022   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 8735578
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HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 9:27 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

I wouldn't send that. Its reeks of insecurity as well.

Sorry MWH14, I don't think you've won anything. You have a serial cheater on your hand, and you're 2 weeks out from Dday...I'd wait and see how the Wayward fiance performs before you go on bragging about winning. Before I get flamed, just know I'm a BS too. 2 weeks out and you still got engaged??? May want to wait and see if there is real progress in R before committing to someone who so willingly cheated on your more than once.

Get IC work, work on yourself. I felt bitter about the AP in my story as well, he was a loser, but he wasn't the one married to me either.

posts: 1343   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8735590
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 10:09 PM on Monday, May 16th, 2022

It's been TWO weeks.

Ok..he's being nicer.

He's doing no work on himself.

Stop rugsweeping. Don't do that. If you truly feel this man is worth investing in, then attempt reconciliation the healthy way.

It takes years to heal from this. Years. Anyone can act good for 2 weeks.

posts: 4483   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8735594
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 mywholeheart14 (original poster new member #80323) posted at 1:52 AM on Tuesday, May 17th, 2022

@hellfire how do I stop rugsweeping? I guess if I’m being honest, I’m doing it for my own sanity so I can carry on day-to-day without going mental.

trying to get over this

posts: 5   ·   registered: May. 16th, 2022   ·   location: Wisconsin
id 8735635
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EnPedasos ( new member #79857) posted at 2:24 AM on Tuesday, May 17th, 2022

grin

RAGE Sister RAGE let it all out. There’s a revenge fantasy thread, Incase you want to post yours too.


Once that’s out of your system go to the JFO and read the tactical primer and information for newbies.

Dd was 12/15/21. Me BS 43Him WH 43
20 years 14M 18DD 8DS

You can ignore reality but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

"Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides." –André Malraux

posts: 34   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2022
id 8735638
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 6:11 AM on Tuesday, May 17th, 2022

Two weeks out from Dday ? I honestly think full panel STDs/STIs should be in order and a bigger priority now, your children need a healthy mother and early detection helps with treatment, some STDs/STIs could remain dormant for years. Like others mentioned you haven't won anything, this should not be a competition where a serial cheater is the prize, the logical thing would be to call off the engagement, he's already shown you who he is, dating is a test and he has failed miserably, life's too short and he's already shown you he's no M material. RUN !!!

posts: 2611   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8735656
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keptmyword ( member #35526) posted at 10:07 PM on Tuesday, May 17th, 2022

You probably think you deserve a guy like him. Hell, you probably do! One that cheats and lies. One that goes behind your back.

You’ve not won a prize here.

It’s not about her.

Yes, she’s a POS that fucks around with married men, but there are zillions and zillions of other women, and men, just like her.

Ripping her apart (as deserving she is) in a letter is not going to do a single thing about his equally, if not worse, shitty problems.

It has nothing to do with you.

Filed for and proceeded with divorce.

posts: 1220   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2012
id 8735755
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dov46 ( member #29283) posted at 2:42 AM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Good luck:(

ME:BS (46)
HIM:WH (37)
Husband caught in EA/PA 1/09. Filed for Divorce 2/09.
Reconciled 3/09....remains rocky!
Dday #2?-1/23/12
Divorced 6/26/12
It's the friends you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that matter....Marlene Dietrich

posts: 193   ·   registered: Aug. 10th, 2010   ·   location:
id 8736481
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 4:03 AM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Just so I understand, you caught him once before, and he didn't seem remorseful, just sorry he got caught. But now you caught him again, and your response is to get engaged???? Because he seems nicer this time around??? OK. Maybe you should try writing a letter to yourself. You and her seem to be in the same misguided fan club.

posts: 1608   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8736489
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StillLivin ( member #40229) posted at 4:45 AM on Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Oh my. Your letter breaks my heart. He's going to tell you anything you want to hear. He's a serial cheater. The odds of him changing are very VERY slim. You didn't win. You're losing your self worth. Please, if you don't have the strength to call off the wedding, then at least postpone it for 1 year. A lot can happen in that year.
My ex did the same thing. Professed his undying love for me and insulted every part of Shrek's body and added she's stupid to boot. Yet, that's who he chose to jeopardize our marriage for. She must have had something he wanted, right?
When I told him he had to leave and get into counseling, he took right back up with her where he left off. She thought she "won" because she believed he chose her over me. Yeah, he lied to her about that. Her self esteem and self worth was so low that she took him back even though he publicly denied her and then threw her under the bus when I threatened to divorce him.
I don't care how hard working he is, you deserve better.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

posts: 5982   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2013   ·   location: AZ
id 8736496
Topic is Sleeping.
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