I sent her a modified version of the things Stevens posted. The response so far has been letters she drafted to him and the OBS. Really a new NC letter to him makes no difference to me at this point. I don't see the point of sending it since she didn't follow through after the initial NC. The letter to the wife though is important. I feel like the goal of that letter should be to piss off the wife so the dickhead suffers some consequences. I'm not sure that's the point of it though. It appears she's moving in the right direction, but again, she can do everything on that list and more and I'm not sure where that will leave us. Also, the letter seem premature. I really don't feel she has made a full disclosure. It seems like an unredacted timeline is needed before any letter is sent. She also tends to place blame primarily on him and casts herself as a victim.
To the wife ( I changed my name on the letter)
It has been a long time since we’ve talked. I hope things are going ok.
I am writing to tell you about my relationship with Barry. You know that we were good friends for a long
time, but it eventually crossed the line. Our relationship was inappropriate. We were never sexual, but
we were intimate in a way that was not just friendly. I shared things with him that I shouldn’t have
about me and my marriage and things I should have only shared with Matt. And then I snuck around
behind Matt’s back (and yours too I guess) to talk to Barry when I knew that it was ruining my marriage.
I recently emailed with him! I am not sure what I have been thinking!!! Now Matt has no trust for me
and my marriage is portably over and its all my fault. But I also blame Barry. If he was a real friend, he
would have told me what I was doing was wrong, but he didn’t. He let me go on hurting myself and my
I wanted to admit to you that I diminished my relationship with Barry when I talked to you about it. I
always said we were just friends. We were friends, but that led to an emotional affair that I lied to
protect. I just felt like you deserved to know that I lied to you. We also talked about you and Matt. This
too I know was inappropriate. We talked about your being in pre-menopause and how this affected your
sex life and how it made you crazy. He told me he needed me in his life as his counselor and therapist,
claiming he had no one else.
I also led you to believe that Matt was crazy and had no right to be upset over the relationship Barry
and I had. Well he did!! I led you to believe (and I am assuming Barry did too) that it was Matt’s problem
and that he was the crazy one. He had every right to be upset! I deleted texts and emails from Barry
even before he was worried about it. I never told him you weren’t going to be in Georgia when I came
down for the race, so that raised a red flag for him understandably so. When Matt did get upset about
all that, I turned to Barry and complained that he was crazy. (I now see that pain that I caused Matt—I
only wish I had understood then, I would have made much better choices and we wouldn’t be where we
are now.) We belittled and minimized his feelings to you (and ourselves) and that was just plain wrong.
Barry always said you were ok with our relationship, but now looking back maybe you weren’t. Maybe
you were just being told what he wanted you to know just like I did with Matt. I know you’ve been
married for awhile and maybe you are aware of all this about him. Maybe he’s done this with other
women. Maybe it’s a pattern and not just me. Maybe you aren’t aware of it. Maybe you don’t want to
be. I’m not sure and I don’t care.
I need to eliminate 100% both of you from my life, but I needed to get that off my chest first (not fair for
you, probably). So, I hope you have a good life and I’m sorry for my part in any pain I’ve caused. Please
do not try to contact me ever.
[This message edited by Legatus at 2:43 PM, July 23rd (Friday)]