I know it's a weekend, so unlikely to get much response right now, but figured I would reach out.
For those who don't know my story, aside from Methhead McSexAddict, my lovely XH, I have two amazing step daughters, who I only specify as step because, well, I would have had to have been 12 when I had them, which I feel like needs clarification. In every other way, they're my daughters to me.
Anyway, DD21 can't live at her apartment anymore - they were living there while not on the lease, and long story short, they were found out. Well, she was. The BF was not and is fine to continue living there. So, DD asked me if she could move in with me until she can figure out getting a place of her own.
She knows the rule that the BF cannot live with me, but she has had an open invitation since Day 1, and she's taking me up on it. Great! I wish the reason she was moving in was because she was breaking up with the douchebag BF, but oh well, at least this is one more step towards independence where her whole day doesn't revolve around this idiot.
Now I'm realizing that my 21 year old daughter is about to move in with me, which means I'm basically going to have a roommate again, and I haven't had a roommate other than my husband in close to a decade!
My question is - does anyone have suggestions for the type of boundaries I should lay out with her?
There are the obvious ones like clean up after yourself etc. that I know she will already do. I taught them from a young age to respect the communal space by cleaning up after yourself, and she's always been very conscientious about that.
I'm thinking more along the lines of, what type of boundaries do I draw up surrounding the BF and him visiting the house. I know I don't want him to stay over, that's not ok with me. I also wouldn't want it to be one of those things where he comes over, stays late, and then they try to use that as an excuse for why he should just stay. Basically, I'm thinking I need to enforce some kind of curfew for him leaving by a certain time, like 10pm.
Also, under normal circumstances I wouldn't want to restrict him coming over to see her, but we're still in a pandemic, and I don't know if I can trust how safe he is/isn't being. I know if I tell her that she can't see him at all that's too controlling/boundary crossing. So what say the SI boundary experts?
The last thing I want is for her to go start sleeping in her car again. She did that when she first left her Dad's house and I told her that she could live with me, but the BF couldn't. She chose the BF, and they lived out of her car for over a month. I know I can't control if she chooses to do that again.
I do think it's a positive step that she is the one who called me this time, and she didn't even ask if the BF could come stay. She said the BF is upset about not living together anymore, but she knew that the healthiest thing for them to do right now is to stay separately until they can figure out getting another place.