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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread - Part 34

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elKAPPYtan ( member #72085) posted at 9:32 PM on Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

sup folks.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/653739/had-my-final-talk-with-ww/

might get to post here a bit, WW has promised that she would refrain from reading my posts, but, well you know, I don't trust her.

My son turns 8 today, tomorrow is my 36th birthday, taking work off and gonna get blazed lol, doesn't take much to make me happy really

I was excited at the possibility of sharing my birthday with my son, how cool would that have been? But this way, when he is older we will take a golfing vacay for a few days somewhere every year.

Things are on hold for a few days until we get through this week, with the birthdays and stepdaughters drivers ed, and softball. Still no timeline. I read through the book Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, Incredible book, it made me feel good for the first time in a long while about dealing with my fence sitting. holding onto that for now.

[This message edited by elKAPPYtan at 9:54 PM, June 9th (Wednesday)]

Me: 36 STBXWW: 36 DDay: Oct 3rd 2019

"You keep it in between the pages of the books you burn so no one gets to read" -Corey MF Taylor

posts: 159   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019   ·   location: MI
id 8666221
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WearingTheHorns ( member #37916) posted at 4:05 AM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021

steadychevy, I did press her on it but didn't get anything more than she thought we'd gone there. A couple of years ago her and her BFF did go to Eureka Springs for a long weekend so she seems to think that's what she was thinking of and it probably is. Wouldn't be the first time she got a trip years ago with her BFF mixed up and thinking it was with me. Still like I said, always going to be that nagging doubt.

KAPPY, not to be a negative Nellie, but when I was first on here my WW signed up too. We also agreed not to read each other's posts. Then when she finally gave me her timeline it was written on the back of printed out pages from me posting here about my demanding a timeline from her. Irony huh?

Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months
Hoped I'd never have to add this: Dday #2 11/22/2015 Not sure how far it went yet but have a pretty good idea.

2 Cor. 12:9-10

posts: 1029   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2012
id 8666302
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elKAPPYtan ( member #72085) posted at 7:42 PM on Thursday, June 10th, 2021

Horns, I assume she will read them so I'm gonna hold off telegraphing any of my moves, I will post about them only when she is already aware of them. Pretty pathetic if she ventures here to spy on me.

Off to the grass station, ✌

Me: 36 STBXWW: 36 DDay: Oct 3rd 2019

"You keep it in between the pages of the books you burn so no one gets to read" -Corey MF Taylor

posts: 159   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019   ·   location: MI
id 8666442
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CuriousObserver ( member #78743) posted at 12:44 AM on Friday, June 11th, 2021

Horns, more like, Off to the polygraph station...

[This message edited by CuriousObserver at 6:45 PM, June 10th (Thursday)]

Listen to their words but believe their actions.
The power of a lie is that it is believed to be truth.

posts: 127   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8666529
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elKAPPYtan ( member #72085) posted at 7:22 PM on Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

coming up on 21 months, no timeline in sight

628 days

[This message edited by elKAPPYtan at 2:13 PM, June 22nd (Tuesday)]

Me: 36 STBXWW: 36 DDay: Oct 3rd 2019

"You keep it in between the pages of the books you burn so no one gets to read" -Corey MF Taylor

posts: 159   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2019   ·   location: MI
id 8668937
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:01 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Watching the Tour de France on TV, I note that the winner of today's 'hilly' stage had an average speed going up the last 'hill' that is faster than my average speed on the flat land around here.

That is all.

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:02 PM, July 2nd (Friday)]

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26138   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8671991
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 5:59 AM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

Given those guys are seven sigma it's no surprise they make those of us around average look bad.

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8672122
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 11:10 PM on Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

I actually matched LeMond's time to the minute one Sunday in 1986. He went just about twice as far as I did.

The Tour de France is on NBCSN and Peacock this year, and it's very different than usual. Tactics look different, and the results are not totally expected. The teams that are expected to do best are not doing well at all.

Big mountains tomorrow - probably well worth watching. One guy is performing like Lance Armstrong and Floyd Landis did, and we know what that meant....

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26138   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8672248
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 4:47 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

Hey fellas, I don't think I've posted here before.

I'm a road biker, and typically do at least 15-20 mile rides a couple of times a week. But I have been out of commission all summer because of a torn quad muscle (thankfully not the tendon). Very painful, slow healing. Looking forward to getting back to it as soon as I can.

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19

posts: 4310   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8678534
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 10:23 PM on Monday, July 26th, 2021

You might want to consider swimming (with a pull buoy) and/or a handcycle (most gyms have them these days) to not lose all of your aerobic fitness. You are kinda screwed as it comes to maintaining leg strength and endurance.

I'm pretty active myself, and while not "injury prone" have suffered a number of injuries and rehab. It's always good to keep up what exercise you can do even when you lose a major muscle group or limb.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1393   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8678638
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 9:34 PM on Tuesday, July 27th, 2021

For aerobics I mow my one plus acre yard with a push mower while watching all the people on their bikes peddle by .

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8678980
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 8:06 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

A torn quad sounds more painful than I want to think about. I hope you heal as quickly as possible.

Son and GS are visiting. Son just bought a LeMond Tourmalet in great condition. He just noticed that GS's bike is too small for him, and he located a great buy on a Trek that looks like a really good fit for our GS at a very favorable price.

I was jealous of the LeMond, but it weighs about the same as my bike (1973 Reynolds 531 frame), and mine is prettier than his black bike - good thing it's not one of the red or blue Tourmalets....

He also located a 3 bike rack, so he'll be able to go home with his new bike, GS's new bike, and GS's old bike. That beats leaving it here.

Son & I have taken a few rides together during his visit. Very nice .... Now, if we could only get GS to join us....

[This message edited by sisoon at 2:09 PM, July 28th (Wednesday)]

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26138   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8679265
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 8:38 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

A torn quad sounds more painful than I want to think about.

So painful! I almost passed out from the pain, got nauseated and started shivering. I fluctuate between 240-250 pounds, and so there was no way for my wife to help me get up. I had to get it together and heave myself up on my own.

I found out from my ortho surgeon that the nausea and shivering is actually pretty common after tearing a major muscle group.

I'm hoping to get my son into it soon. He's on a swim team and doing really well.

On a side note, I am a huge board game geek (the new wave of board games the past 20 years or so are phenomenal and fun mind-benders).

Any road cyclist would enjoy a great little game called "Flamme Rouge." Retails for about $45 on Amazon or go to your friendly local board game store. $45 might sound like more than your average Monopoly or Clue game, but trust me it's worth it. High replayability and has the feel of a real bicycle race.

[This message edited by Thumos at 2:39 PM, July 28th (Wednesday)]

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19

posts: 4310   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8679275
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 9:28 PM on Wednesday, July 28th, 2021

I like to cycle but in my area gravel biking is all the rage. Lots of rural area not far from town with lots of gravel roads, plus a ton of converted rail trails mostly surfaced with crushed limestone.

I like to build bikes. My gravel bike is a conversion of an old Trek FX series, with a new carbon fork, drops, brifters, etc.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8679294
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 4:13 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

Our son started riding with me and a group when he was 15, Thumos. The group had 2 routes; one was 35 miles, one was 50. The fast group did 35 miles about 20 minutes slower than the slow group did 20 miles. We met up for lunch, so the slow folks got more rest before we raced home.

I stayed back the first week that son rode, because he couldn't keep up. Then we went with the slow group for a month or so. Then son joined the fast group, and every lunch included some criticism of ME for not outfitting son properly.

IOW, I really hope your son takes to cycling. It's great to ride together, even if he rides ahead.

*****

A board game? My W is lousy at board games. GS, son, W, and I play when we're together, but ...um... we're all competitive, and GS usually wins and crows about it.

He's a wiz at Ticket to Ride, Sorry, and '1000 mileposts' (It's a French game with a French name that begins 'mille', but I've forgotten the 2nd word.)

*****

I've got one bike, It's built. I had the frame powder-coated last year, so I got to build it again, but...I'm in the process of figuring out how to change it.

Yeah, building bikes is fun.

Do you build your own wheels? That, too, is fun.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26138   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8679483
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Thumos ( member #69668) posted at 7:11 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

'1000 mileposts' (It's a French game with a French name that begins 'mille', but I've forgotten the 2nd word.)

Mille Bornes!

I haven't built my own bike. It's a Trek. A decent one, but nothing fancy. Looking forward to getting back on it!

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH: 50, WW: 49 Wed: Feb.'96 DDAY1: 12.20.16 DDAY2: 12.23.19

posts: 4310   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8679522
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 9:41 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2021

I have not built wheels. Beyond my pay grade.

I have built out a new bike about once a winter for a few years. It started years ago with a mountain bike for myself (an old Voodoo Bizango frame (Reynolds 853 tubing), then a road bike, then a two for my wife, then one for my son, then my daughter.

The gravel bike came about by happenstance. We had an old aluminum Trek FX in the garage bought for the kids when they were in middle school (both are taller than me now). I was tooling around on it one day and realized that the geometry is pretty long. With a bit more seat post, a decent stem, and some drops, it fits me pretty good. I mostly ride this bike nowadays. Brooks B17 leather saddle, which I've also now put on my road bike and my mtb.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3771   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8679574
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 12:11 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

Hey, been a while. It's been wild around here. Don't have a lot to add on the bike thread. June was pretty sucky, started off with a busted water pipe (not leaky, or cracked, busted) that flooded the basement with probably near 10,000 gallons of water in the 90 minutes that it took the water co to shut off the water st the street. Yes, it broke in front of the shutoff. See, about 10 years ago when the water heater went out, I discovered that the 50-year old shutoff wouldn't move anymore. When the plumber installed the new water heater (again, having to shut off the water at the street) he installed a new shutoff in the line, but where it was convenient for him to reach, I guess. I didn't really think much about it at the time, I was just happy to have a working shutoff again if needed. Fast forward to the first of June, when the 10 feet of pipe between the service entrance and the "new" shutoff became important, when the tee leading to the hose bib out front apparently cracked with age, or was hanging by a thread or whatever, and when I removed the hose, it finally let go. With the whooshing sound I heard from the other side of the wall I knew what happened.... After several frantic calls to the water co to PLEASE get someone out here to shut off the water, and that whatever emergency they were currently working on, mine was worse laugh , and calling plumbers who said "we can't touch the shutoff, liability you know" they finally showed up and shut off the water. Got the shorted-out electricity back on a couple days later when most of the water was sucked out, and the next week and some were spent with the salvage company as they hauled out sodden boxes of books and papers, and all the other stuff stored in the basement. Including all my scouting memorabilia, boxes of B&W negatives and prints that I had made in the 80's, slides and prints from when I was living in Europe (I had been to Berlin about 6 months before the fall of the wall and had a whole series of pictures from there). HS yearbooks (well, a little less upset about those, I'm not terribly fond or nostalgic about HS), and (ouch) my servers, switches, battery backups and such. I'm still fighting with the insurance company about some of it.

Oh, and I got a form-letter for a job I had applied for in December that they "had decided on another candidate." So, June pretty much sucked.

Last week a former co-worker, who was one of the guys on my team, texted me that his dept had a job opening and he had talked to his boss, and his boss wanted to see my resume. So I sent it off and got an email the next day wanting to schedule a "conversation." Not an "interview" because I hadn't applied for anything yet laugh , just a "conversation." Had a 90 minute phone call, and was told I should send in an application. Got another email the next day to schedule another interview (since I had applied now laugh ) with the boss and his boss. Had another 90 minute call, and at the end he said he "had had the job open for ages, and hadn't had any qualified applicants until now, and he wanted to make a decision quickly." Had a third call Friday where we talked specifics, and it kinda sounded to me like he was kind of treating this as a done deal.....

Friday evening my friend called to say that a bird had whispered in his ear that I should expect a phone call from HR in the next couple days.... We'll see what kind of offer comes around, but we already discussed what I was looking for, and what his range was, so I'm really hoping to not get low-balled.

So, from really sucky, to being hopeful. Course, I would still have to finish my 30-day notice at this job (assuming they want it), but it would be a lot easier knowing I was getting out laugh

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 12:12 AM, Monday, August 9th]

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8682263
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HeartFullOfHoles ( member #42874) posted at 5:49 AM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

Hopefully the bird finds some time for you tomorrow. Given how long they have been waiting I doubt they will give you a low ball offer. Do you have any vacation to shorten the 30 days? I have an acquaintance transitioning jobs right now and she is taking two weeks vacation and then going back for a final week.

All the water damage really sucks. I had part of a garage that I was converting into an office. I had all the book shelves in, but had not unpacked my books yet when the pressure tank broke and flooded all the boxes still on the floor. It took some work, but I was eventually able to get the insurance to cover everything, but they certainly tried everything they could to avoid paying. When I lived in the city I had a tool to turn off the water at the meter for just that reason. It also is very irresponsible of the plumber to put the shut off after any pipe in the house. They are the professionals, but it's amazing how many times they don't do it correctly!

BH - Tried to R for too long, now happily divorced
D-Day 4/28-29/2012 (both 48 at the time)
Two adult daughters

posts: 674   ·   registered: Mar. 24th, 2014
id 8682316
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, August 9th, 2021

OK I'm so disgusted with my condo board right now that I was considering moving to a standalone house. Your experience reminded me of why I moved to a condo.

I'm really sorry for your losses, especially the irreplaceable mementoes.

Good luck on the job. 30 days notice sound excessive. Man, I hate to think about the effects of having a staff member who has resigned stick around for that long. How motivated could the guy be? And why would I want him around as an example to other staff members? When I left one company that had me work out my notice, team members asked me to help them get new jobs. smile

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26138   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8682392
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