SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anything I can do to help assist in any way, please let me know.

Just good to correspond with like minded interests. Thank you, and back at you!

Yesterday I was at band practice, and you know how people just kind of noodle around between songs? In this project, I'm more of the rhythm guitarist. I'm 46, and the lead guitarist is like 15 years younger than me, and freaking amazing. He starts noodling around, and I'm like, "I know that! What is that?" and he said, "Lark's Tongue in Aspic".

And then, like two seconds later, I was like:

So, yeah King Crimson all the way. I have always loved Alan Parsons Project, and have a few of their albums on vinyl. Great music. I currently listen to a lot of progressive metal. Love Dream Theater.

As far as what I want to write and record? Probably something more acoustic, but I am a die hard metal fan as well. I'm just going to have to wait to see what comes out of me. My main axe is a Jackson Dinky Professional reverse with a humbucker and dual rail pickups, and a Floyd Rose tremolo system. Definitely a "metal" guitar, but I've used it for a lot of different genres.

How much does your writing style match what you listen to? I hope you've been playing. Such a damn good release.

...it feels like being on a plane of lethal flatness for many years to stepping off a cliff.

Nothing wrong with stepping off a cliff so long as you know where, and how, you're going to land. Even if you jump blindly it seems better than living in POLF for years.

We don't talk to each other or really bond in any meaningful way.

I think we bond in a meaningful "Menz" way, if that makes any sense. We talk about feelings and shit long enough to get distracted by beerz, smokers, fart-jokes and why Losfer drinks blended scotch.

I feel much closer to HT knowing he's got a PS4 for Christmas (even though he won't say who got it for him).

Losfer, I'm really sorry to hear about Koda. I really enjoyed the old Friday beer and Koda updates. He has very good taste in beers, and I'm sure he has a lot of beer recommendations left.

I just went through that with my girl. About a 8 months after her brother didn't recover from surgery for liver cancer, his sister was diagnosed with the same thing. In his case the surgery was technically successful, but the complications (pancreatitis) were too much for him. In her case they weren't able to remove all the tumor.

After a very good 18 month fight on her part, I said good bye a couple weeks ago, when she suddenly took a bad turn for the worse over Labor Day weekend. On the fifth anniversary of the end of my old life.

Today I put another small box on the mantle, next to his. It's a bit smaller than his, but in the same style, which is fitting.... He wasn't heavy, he had an excess of gravity......

Today I put another small box on the mantle, next to his. It's a bit smaller than his, but in the same style, which is fitting.... He wasn't heavy, he had an excess of gravity......

That's heartbreaking. No other words.

Nothing wrong with stepping off a cliff so long as you know where, and how, you're going to land. Even if you jump blindly it seems better than living in POLF for years.

I've actually fallen off a cliff in my younger days, but now I'm old and don't anticipate I'll recover quite as quickly. Point taken though.

WW's IC replied to my email and set our phone conversation for Monday morning. Don't know for sure what I'll tell her other than what I've been sharing here as of late.

WW brought up the subject of a polygraph today but pointed out that she'll probably fail because she'll be a nervous wreck. Tough titties!

Yesterday I was at band practice, and you know how people just kind of noodle around between songs?

Indeed. In one of my old bands someone would eventually yell out, "No noodling!" because someone was usually trying to tune up. The thought of being stuck in a room doing that again is incomprehensible to me.

"Lark's Tongue In Aspic" is when Robert Fripp began to get more and more into experimentation and away from songs like "Epitaph."

I have one of his apps in my DAW. A tape loop thingy called "Frippertronics."

I currently listen to a lot of progressive metal. Love Dream Theater.

Early Dream Theater had a fantastic drummer - Mike Portnoy.

My main axe is a Jackson Dinky Professional reverse with a humbucker and dual rail pickups, and a Floyd Rose tremolo system.

Jackson makes good guitars especially for shredders. This is the first time I've ever had a guitar with a whammy bar. Always thought it would throw the tuning out. So far so good.

How much does your writing style match what you listen to? I hope you've been playing. Such a damn good release.

It fits with what I listen to. Try to play a few hours every day and then spend time crafting songs. Yes, it's a great release. Put the headphones on which avoids those nasty discussions.

Sorry about the music hijack guys but I don't drink so there's no beer stories to share.

Incarnate - How are you doing? I'd love to hear from you, man. You're going through the worst of the worst right now, and you've got a team behind you right now. Come on in, pull up a seat. We have your back, brother.

and why Losfer drinks blended scotch

Vatted malt. Ever hear of Compass Box, Unhinged? I do enjoy single malts, very much, but they are not the be all end all. Bro! You live close enough to where I could change your mind. I'm not sure about your taste in NFL teams, though. We'll see how things go today.

Losfer, I'm really sorry to hear about Koda. I really enjoyed the old Friday beer and Koda updates. He has very good taste in beers, and I'm sure he has a lot of beer recommendations left.

Thanks, tbkjcn. My husky, Isaac, really got me through the roughest early throes of d-day and the year or so after. About a year or so after d-day, Isaac got a sudden brain tumor, and we had to put him down at 11 years old. I was at a loss. My STBX got me Koda to try to heal from Isaac. He turned out to be exactly what I needed. He wasn't a replacement, but he filled a void in my life. I really enjoyed doing the weekly beer pics with him, and I think he enjoyed it as well! Very sorry to hear about your girl. These pups give so much and leave such an imprint on our hearts when they go.

"Lark's Tongue In Aspic" is when Robert Fripp began to get more and more into experimentation and away from songs like "Epitaph."

Fripp is unreal with the stuff he plays. Epitaph is such a great song. I had a very close friend, one of my best friends in life die a few years ago or so, and I posted the lyrics to Epitaph in the off topic forum here with no other explanation. Got a hug from one of the guides here, and it meant a lot to me.

Early Dream Theater had a fantastic drummer - Mike Portnoy.

Portnoy. Amazing drummer. One of the best. I do think Mangini is proving himself, though. Took my son to see them this year, and the song "Pale Blue Dot"? Wow. He owned that song. The dude had the whole building shaking. It was insane. It seems like Dream Theater and Mike Portnoy are done. Dream Theater is still awesome. How are Portnoy's projects going?

Sorry about the music hijack guys but I don't drink so there's no beer stories to share.

No such thing as a threadjack or a tredjack in the menz forum. It's all good here. HT doesn't drink, and he's one of the coolest posters here. I've sat with the man and talked to him in person. He is, in fact, legendary.

How are Portnoy's projects going?

He continues to perform with different bands such as 'Sons of Apollo' and 'Adrenaline Mob.'

Apparently we can't post links on here so check him out on You Tube.

Portnoy has been sober since 2000. From Wikipedia -

"The five-song set Twelve-step Suite deals with his experience of alcoholism."

How do you record your songs? Do you have a Digital Audio Workstation such as Pro Tools or Sonar or do you use an analog recorder?

Have a great Sunday gentlemen!

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 6:35 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]

Hey, Losfer. Thanks for calling me out. I've kinda turtled up a bit, exactly what I was saying I/we needed not to do.

Yesterday I took the kids to the beach and got a lovely sunburn. It was super overcast and kind of drizzly, so I thought I'd be good, but NOPE. The sun came out and I got a nice red sheen to my shiny bald head, lol. Totally worth it; the girls had a blast. We found some fossils and a few agates. I lost three hours that I SHOULD have been working on my newest novel (my deadline is September 27th, and I'm barely a quarter of the way through revision...), but it was okay. I needed to get out of the house.

Speaking of revision, it's going... slow. My cover artist is not going to be able to get me my cover on schedule, so... I feel kinda screwed on that front. He's an amazing artist, though, so I don't really know what to do/say about it. He's also my brother, so... yeah. Here's what he's done for me in the past, with titles and my name removed.

First novel, my debut; hit #1 for its genre on Amazon in 2017:

My fourth; he wasn't able to do my second and third for me, but he wants to redo covers for them.

My sixth novel, and my most recently published. I am working on the sequel to this one right now;

So his art is worth waiting for, but... I've not missed a deadline yet, and it irks me to miss one due to forces out of my control.

I have another cover that I designed, using art elements from him, but I can't seem to find a version that doesn't have my name and the title on it. I know there's a strong sense of anonymity here, so I'm going to refrain from posting that for now, even though, frankly, I don't give two shits. I've never had anything to hide.

Struggling with apathy right now. I don't want to do -anything-. I mean, okay, I REALLY wanna go out and score some tail, but I have not the resources nor the time nor the prospects to do so. Being an author is a feast-or-famine kind of thing, and I'm between books, so I'm in famine right now. The bills are paid, but I don't have access to discretionary spending money. Yay.

When it comes to music, the STBEW was big into guitars. Spent a LOT of money on fancy/significant guitars and amps and lessons and then... stopped playing because she found her APs. She still acts like a guitar nut, but she's too busy spreading her legs on video for them to pick up a pick.

I have a cheap keyboard I was learning to play, but I can either learn keyboard or I can write, and writing is much more of a drive for me. I might learn to play it eventually, but right now... I have books to write, stories to tell, and my kids to raise.

And a few one-night-stands to hunt down. I'm not gonna spent the next few years celibate because STBEW decided to be a slut.

Incarnate!! Good to hear from you. I understand about the turtling up. I am a consummate introvert.

Sounds like a great day with the kids. As a dude with no hair who has visited northern California, the sun can be deceptive out there, even on what appears to be an overcast day. I'm glad you got out of the house. It's good for the soul to get out and about.

Really great artwork on your novels by your friend!! And yes, it is all about anonymity here. Keep it up with your novels. Honestly, I don't know how I was able to stay productive, and the first couple of years out of d-day were so freaking brutal. Keep up with it!

As far as going out and getting "some tail". Do what you need to do. I have my own opinion on that. Get your freak on if you need to, but is that what's best for you? If so, no judgement here, bro!

You mentioned apathy - try not to get caught in that trap. It's actually depression. The best thing you can do to counteract that is doing stuff. You've got this, man. Really good to hear back from you.

I just want to say to you musicians: Boy, I wish I could join you in playing an instrument.

And when it comes to composing? Wow. Just wow. (I mean that as a compliment.)

Sisoon, you fit right into this conversation. If I remember correctly, you are are a fan of classical music? I never could get into classical music until my son started becoming a classically trained musician. It's opening up a whole new world to me. Are you into cello at all?

Spent the day revising my novel, and made great progress while listening to Jeremy Soule mixes (the composer for Morrowind, Oblivion, and Skyrim, as well as other classic video games; his first video game composition was for Secret of Evermore on the SNES), but had to leave the house today to run to Kohls and pick up some things for one of my girls (my second oldest daughter is on the Autism spectrum and destroys her clothes regularly, so we're constantly replacing them).

Well, the ex got home with three of my girls (she took them out clothes shopping and to our local Pride festival. She was on the phone with her degenerates (the OM and OW) and a little switch inside me got flipped. On the way to town, I started blasting metal, and YouTube was more than willing to cater to me. The playlist I got was;

Divide the Day; Fuck Away the Pain

My Darkest Day; Porn Star Dancing

Hollywood Undead; Coming In Hot

Halestorm; I Miss the Misery

Hollywood Undead; Undead

Monster Magnet; Space Lord Motherfucker

Spiderbait; Black Betty

Marilyn Manson; Slutgarden

Marilyn Manson; (s)AINT

Marilyn Manson; SAY10

So yeah. There was much headbanging, much screaming out the lyrics in the car, and many horns were thrown up. My throat is raw and has an awesome deep gravelly sound to it now, and I wish there was karaoke going on somewhere tonight, because I could rock Billy Idol's Rebel Yell right now.

But, I have to get back to work. Cooked burgers on the grill in the rain, did our mid-month accounting, and now back to book revision. Hopefully I can get this chapter done before midnight and make some headway.

Boy, I wish I could join you in playing an instrument.

This one time, I played the radio, but I wasn't very good at it, and it didn't sound right.

He wasn't heavy, he had an excess of gravity......

Quoting myself here, but I re-read that, and it was kinda awkward. My boy was kinda big.... not fat, but he was certainly hefty.... Big boned .... Just like he wasn't lazy, he just didn't believe in expending unnecessary energy. I always said he wasn't fat, he just had a lot of excess gravity.

That's heartbreaking. No other words.

I'm not too much of a man to admit that when I put her little box next to her brother's slightly bigger box I cried a little. They couldn't stand to be apart, and now they're together again.

Isaac, really got me through the roughest early throes of d-day and the year or so after.

Same. If it weren't for my two, I would have been lost after DDay. There were many times I was curled up on the floor in a fetal position, literally, and they'd come over and just lay with me. If it weren't for that fact that I didn't know what would happen to them if I were gone, I'm not sure I would have made it through the first year alive. Between them and SI I got through it.

It's good for the soul to get out and about.

Amen. This weekend I took a couple students out for open water dives on Saturday, and today I taught class in the pool. Didn't have much time for myself, but it certainly was good to get out and do something.

There is nothing wrong with some metal therapy, Incarnate! That's a very respectable playlist you have there. When I need to get some anger out, I tend to gravitate towards Slayer, Slipknot, Opeth, etc. Nothing is too heavy, as far as I am concerned.

That's great that you are staying busy and productive. That's really one of the best things you can do. My d-days were right at the tail end of 2010, and I had no idea I had been living with Major Depressive Disorder since adolescence. I didn't get a formal diagnosis until about a year later. One thing I learned about while researching depression was the "cycle of do-nothingness". I believe it was Dr. David Burns that came up with that one. Really the best thing you can do to stay out of depression and anxiety is to stay active and busy. I don't know if you're dealing with depression or anxiety or not, but wanted to throw that out there just in case, and to let you know that you are checking off all the boxes on doing things right in that department. Keep it up!

Quoting myself here, but I re-read that, and it was kinda awkward. My boy was kinda big.... not fat, but he was certainly hefty.... Big boned .... Just like he wasn't lazy, he just didn't believe in expending unnecessary energy. I always said he wasn't fat, he just had a lot of excess gravity.

He sounds like he was my kind of fella, tbk. That's great. I'm glad you had some pups to help you through this.

Mr. Kite!! My apologies. I have no freaking idea how I missed your post yesterday.

He continues to perform with different bands such as 'Sons of Apollo' and 'Adrenaline Mob.'

I've heard Sons of Apollo, and they are pretty decent. I will have to check Adrenaline Mob out. I love Portnoy's music, and I think he's a brilliant guy. It just seems like a lot of people don't want to accept Mangini into the band. From what I understand, Portnoy wanted to play drums with Avenged Sevenfold, and take some time off. The rest of the guys didn't, and they decided to move forward without him. I wish Portnoy would have stayed with the band, but what can you do. It does look like Portnoy and Petrucci are still pals, and some healing has gone on there, which makes me really happy. Maybe we can hope for a Liquid Tension Experiment reunion?

Portnoy has been sober since 2000. From Wikipedia -

"The five-song set Twelve-step Suite deals with his experience of alcoholism."

His suite is amazing.

How do you record your songs? Do you have a Digital Audio Workstation such as Pro Tools or Sonar or do you use an analog recorder?

I haven't recorded any songs recently, but I hope to do so sometime soon. I picked up a Focusrite unit for my son, and completely plan to hijack that to get started. I just want to get some ideas going and get the creativity flowing. It has been so many years.

Hope you were able to enjoy some NFL yesterday and have some peace! I'm a Broncos fan, so, yeah, I am a glutton for punishment. Doing decent in my football pool so far, though.

Hope everyone is getting off to a good start this week.

There is nothing wrong with some metal therapy, Incarnate! That's a very respectable playlist you have there. When I need to get some anger out, I tend to gravitate towards Slayer, Slipknot, Opeth, etc. Nothing is too heavy, as far as I am concerned.

That's great that you are staying busy and productive. That's really one of the best things you can do. My d-days were right at the tail end of 2010, and I had no idea I had been living with Major Depressive Disorder since adolescence. I didn't get a formal diagnosis until about a year later. One thing I learned about while researching depression was the "cycle of do-nothingness". I believe it was Dr. David Burns that came up with that one. Really the best thing you can do to stay out of depression and anxiety is to stay active and busy. I don't know if you're dealing with depression or anxiety or not, but wanted to throw that out there just in case, and to let you know that you are checking off all the boxes on doing things right in that department. Keep it up!

Absolutely. I was diagnosed with severe C-PTSD, anxiety, hypervigilance, and depression in July of last year. I take between 3 and 6 Propranalol for it daily, as well as having Lorazepam to manage panic attacks. Over the last few months, it's been determined that my panic attacks manifest as either overwhelming despair and crushing hopelessness, or bouts of blinding rage.

The last month since DDay 2, the blinding rage attacks have been the most common, and they increased my Lorazepam dosages from half of a .5mg tab, to half of a 1mg tab, to half of a 2mg tab in that time. I haven't had to take any of that in a week or two, so I'm doing better; I started taking more Propranalol to keep it managed, and whaddayaknow, disconnecting from the cheating STBEW has lowered my anxiety and depression, whodathunkit?

For now, I'm losing myself in my books. I re-read a scene last night that I had forgotten I'd written, and I had to get up and take a break from the computer. My main character was in a communal bath with other apprentices (she is a wizard in training), and a rival Master wizard attempted to force her and have his way with her. Three other apprentices came to her aid and diffused the situation, then they made good their escape, but it was really tense and, if I do say so myself, really well written. All of my beta readers left a note there along the lines of "Hoooooly shit that was good."

If I can tell a story that makes my readers catch their breath, cry, or become unreasonably angry, then I did my job. I want my books to be thrown across the room, then grudgingly picked up and read again because they simply can't not know what happens next. I had one of my fans send me a picture of one of my books with a crushed corner because it hit the tile when she read a certain tragic scene ("HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO X CHARACTER LOOK WHAT I DID TO YOUR BOOK BECAUSE OF IT THIS IS YOUR FAULT"). I had her send it to me, I signed it, and sent it back.

Metal therapy is great!

I'm more 70s/80s metal -

Iron Maiden, Metallica, Judas Priest, Motley Crue, Queensryche ("I Don't Believe in Love," anyone?).

Y'all must be youngins...

The '90s metal doesn't work much for me

(I actually shifted back to Country in the 90s after having grown up listening to it non-stop in the 70s (I was <10). Went from Country on the radio/8-track straight to Metal when I got my first cassette tape (Quiet Riot - Metal Health). Today it's a mix of that metal, country and modern "classic" country - aka Americana. Sturgill Simpson is the man!)

Good to hear you're making progress on the book Incarnate. Even better to hear that dissociating from the ex is helping your mood. Keep it up!

Absolutely. I was diagnosed with severe C-PTSD, anxiety, hypervigilance, and depression in July of last year. I take between 3 and 6 Propranalol for it daily, as well as having Lorazepam to manage panic attacks. Over the last few months, it's been determined that my panic attacks manifest as either overwhelming despair and crushing hopelessness, or bouts of blinding rage.

Damn, dude. Thanks for sharing this. I am of the humble opinion that men do not talk about mental health a lot, and I've known so many fellas that have been plagued by this type of shit in secrecy. Big props to you for seeking help and following through with it. Much respect sent your way.

disconnecting from the cheating STBEW has lowered my anxiety and depression, whodathunkit?

Now yer talking. This is exactly why so many people on this site have said that the 180 is about the person doing the 180, not about trying to take control of the other person. Yeah, you are definitely doing this right. Cheers to you for finding some peace!

It sounds like writing has been very cathartic for you, and what an art form. That is so cool that you have a fan base as well. It doesn't get much better than that.

I actually originally wanted to be an author when I was eight or nine years old, prior to discovering how much I enjoy playing music. That's great that you have been able to pursue your passion, and make it part of your healing process!

Y'all must be youngins...

WD, based on your tagline, I am a sprightly young man that is an entire two years younger than you. My user name was taken from a Maiden song.

I can't do country, man. Well, maybe some alt-country. That's as far as I'll go in that genre.

Y'all must be youngins...

The '90s metal doesn't work much for me

I grew up on Metallica, Megadeth, White Zombie, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, etc, but I really got into it when I was about 15-16, in 2000-2001. Started listening to a lot of Godsmack, Disturbed, Korn, etc. It kinda went on from there. I love discovering new bands.

One thing I learned about while researching depression was the "cycle of do-nothingness". I believe it was Dr. David Burns that came up with that one.

Thanks for that. Bookmarked. Will read later.

Hope you were able to enjoy some NFL yesterday and have some peace! I'm a Broncos fan, so, yeah, I am a glutton for punishment. Doing decent in my football pool so far, though.

Life-long Rams fan here, so I know the frustration when your team is on the losing end season after season. The latest for us was the Jeff Fisher years.

Under Sean McVay we have turned a corner. Watched the Rams/Saints game yesterday down in the basement with my loyal dog. We had a good time.

I haven't recorded any songs recently, but I hope to do so sometime soon. I picked up a Focusrite unit for my son, and completely plan to hijack that to get started. I just want to get some ideas going and get the creativity flowing. It has been so many years.

There's a digital audio workstation called Reaper that you can download. It costs $60.00 and works quite well. The learning curve is a bit steep but there is plenty of help on their website and on YouTube.

With Reaper you can do multi-track recording. Lay down an instrument, then listen back while you record the next instrument, and so on. You then mix it down to stereo.

This process was invented by the man, Les Paul, himself.

Had a phone conversation today with my WW's IC at her request. It was uncomfortable to say the least. The hopeful thing is that according to WW the IC commented on her "wicked past." The IC sounded to me like a no-nonsense type of individual. Maybe she will hold WW's feet to the fire.

[This message edited by Mr. Kite at 2:03 PM, September 16th (Monday)]

alt-country

Sounds like Western to me...I'll pass.