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This just made me remember something else. Another reason why I try to kill my libido. As a woman (and this isn't always the case, there can be other variables to consider), if you're not turned on, then you might have a harder time getting wet down there. You might remain dry. Drier can feel like tighter. Isn't that why anal is so enjoyable for guys? Because it's tighter?

Mr. Silver used to complain when I was too "into it" because there wasn't enough friction for him. He would accuse me of cheating, when in reality I was feeling relaxed enough to enjoy what we were doing. But he doesn't complain when I'm not turned on. I think he enjoys it more, because it gives him more friction.

Expect no, want them to, yes. Most of the time, yes, they did.

And why did they? Why, when you weren't going to go down on them? Or, asked another way - why was it OK for them to go down on you, but for you not to go down on them?

Pain? That's probably too strong a word. I hate to say this because of what women are going to think, both of themselves and of me, but I did gag.

Most of us already think this way, or worry about this. If anything, you just confirm that it isn't a figment of our imaginations. Why do you think so many of us focus on men's pleasure, rather than our own?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 8:00 AM, February 19th (Monday)]

Mr. Silver used to complain when I was too "into it" because there wasn't enough friction for him. He would accuse me of cheating, when in reality I was feeling relaxed enough to enjoy what we were doing. But he doesn't complain when I'm not turned on. I think he enjoys it more, because it gives him more friction.

Wow. No, I've never wanted "dryer". Ever. Think about it, that's like a woman wanting her lover to be "softer". Wet is a sign of attraction and excitement for me, and I think it is for most men (they brag about it; she was so wet, blah, blah..).

No, anal is not so enjoyable because it's drier. Frankly, having had anal sex a number of times, it really doesn't feel (assuming you use lubricant, and, if not, you're just an asshole) tremendously different than vaginal sex. A little tighter, maybe? IDK, it's been a very long time, so I don't honestly remember all that well anymore.

But I do remember why I enjoyed it so much, and those memories have nothing to do with how "tight" it was. It was entirely mental/emotional, "I can't believe we're doing this", "She loves me", "She can't get enough of me". And, the visual is also very stimulating (assuming you can see it), hence the reason it's shown in 4K detail from an inch away in porn.

assuming you use lubricant, and, if not, you're just an asshole

Literally, right?

Drier can feel like tighter. Isn't that why anal is so enjoyable for guys? Because it's tighter?

I didn't know people even thought that way. You're being so considerate with this one, that its counterproductive.

In my book, the wetter the better.

so, would any of you guys agree to receiving anal as well? i mean, if you're gonna ask for it you should be ok on the receiving end as well.

so, would any of you guys agree to receiving anal as well?

If my W was really interested in it, yes, I would. Not from another man, absolutely not, but her doing something "anal" to me, yes, I would be open to that.

And, probably more to the point, if I'd done it with my AP, I would offer it to her if I thought there was any chance she wanted to do it. I wouldn't dream of denying it to her if I'd done it with another woman, no matter what it was/is.

Seward-

I know this topic annoys you, hence the facetiousness.. but I’ll answer honestly. If I did it for an AP, like or not (no, I wouldn’t like it), I would do it for my BW if I honestly hoped for R. This Isn’t any different, male or female.

If a WW never did it for her BH, or the AP, it’s not an act that becomes a trigger. It’s not something that was used to demonstrate elevated value of an AP over a BH. But if it was given to an AP and not me, and then denied me, R would be off the table until she realized the significances of her choices and actions. The question to ask yourself as a WS, male or female, is why the AP but not the BS? And further how can I be given a chance to R if I can’t prove to My BS they deserve the best version of me (whatever their opinion of what that is may be)

IF I did it for an AP, I’m doing it for the BS , should they want it. Fog, limerance, brokenness are pretty much all excuses but don’t be solve the problem at hand.

so, would any of you guys agree to receiving anal as well? i mean, if you're gonna ask for it you should be ok on the receiving end as well.

I think you are missing the point entirely... or purposefully?

In our 13 years of marriage (and 6+ years of dating) I tried to get anal once. She obliged, but had to stop about halfway in because she couldn't take it. I have never tried again. Honestly, it isn't that big of a deal, vaginal sex is much better. It is the taboo of anal that is the draw for me. I'd probably be into doing it every once in a while if she was into it, but it isn't important to me at all.... UNLESS she did it with AP.

I'm not sure how many more ways this can be said, if she did something with AP willingly, I expect her to do the same with me willingly. She is free to decline and leave the M. It does not matter if it is going out to steakhouses with AP (which I love and she doesn't, and which I now have to check on... #$&@!) or (as I previously stated) dressing up as Wonder Woman and having anal sex [or substitute any sex act] in the lavatory of a 747. If he got it, she better provide me with AT LEAST that level, and actually more.

I'm not going to be the silver medalist any longer. She is free to step aside and allow me to go for the gold elsewhere.

"so, would any of you guys agree to receiving anal as well? i mean, if you're gonna ask for it you should be ok on the receiving end as well."

As to agreeing to receive or doing any sexual

act in a relationship is negotiated between the

two people. That is a straight negotiation prior

to infidelity so it is not impacted by a woman

cheating.

Once the affair happens trying to use your

example is comparing nothing remotely the same.

For a BH it is not about what the WW and the OM

did. It is all about what the WW did with the OM

that she refuses to do with her BH now that the

affair is over and recovery is being attempted.

The affair has left the scale of justice greatly

unbalanced for the BH.

lol

Yes Seward, life is peculiar and funny like that... people may not like the truth about BS feelings, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t real. I’m sure that plenty of WS have been able to save their marriage following the thoughts laid out here by the BS who expressed their needs. At least I hope so

so, would any of you guys agree to receiving anal as well? i mean, if you're gonna ask for it you should be ok on the receiving end as well.

Personally, i'm not going to ask for something unless i am willing to reciprocate. so yeah, if i wanted anal, i would have no problems ponying up so to speak lol...

I could be wrong, but i believe a sign that a woman is turned on in general is having moisture down there(knowing medical issues can affect it etc). So to me its a huge turn on, because its telling me that she is turned on.

Lazarus, that was a very inciteful post. I think the stumbling block for me in following that chain is the importance given to the act. You say that anal sex has not been a massive thing for you previously.

That says to me it's not a primal desire for the act itself that leads you say that it's now a deal breaker. What is it then? Jealousy maybe? It makes me wonder how that translates in the act itself. The thought of being anally penetrated by someone who holds anger and resentment towards me makes me feel nauseous and terrified.

Please understand I'm not saying that's how it is. I don't know how it is. Just trying to explain the thought process I have when reading these posts.

That says to me it's not a primal desire for the act itself that leads you say that it's now a deal breaker. What is it then? Jealousy maybe? It makes me wonder how that translates in the act itself.

It's not jealousy, or not exactly. Many people see more sexually "explicit" acts, swallowing, anal, orgasm inside a woman, etc as a "measure" of a partners love for you. I know I do, right or wrong, I do, and I think that's what I'm seeing a lot of in this thread. Does anal sex feel good for a man? Yes, it does. Is it the "end all be all" of sex? No, it's not. But does it say something when a woman is willing to do that with you? Yes, it does, very loud and clear; I love you more than the men who I didn't do this with. And you can apply "anal sex" to any sexual activity, it's just that's the common one in A's. It's probably common for exactly the reason I just outlined, male AP's know that only women who are "really into you" will do it and push for it, and women know that "doing it" will show a man how much you care for him and love him. If that's a conscious decision or not, I have no idea. But it's how I see it, and how a lot of other men appear to see it. Honestly, it's kind of "common knowledge" in my group of close friends, nobody would ever question that a girl who had anal sex with you was anything but "totally into you". It's implied.

Rideitout, thank you. Some more questions if I may...

If I accept that a women's participation in these acts is a show of love or being 'into' a guy. Is there then an assumption that women do not actually enjoy these acts for the act? That it's always about showing love or dedication? About pleasing another person?

Many people see more sexually "explicit" acts, swallowing, anal, orgasm inside a woman, etc as a "measure" of a partners love for you. I know I do, right or wrong, I do,

"If I accept that a women's participation in these acts is a show of love or being 'into' a guy. Is there then an assumption that women do not actually enjoy these acts for the act? That it's always about showing love or dedication? About pleasing another person?"

Through the years I have read that the WW never did

anal before the affair. Two main reason for the

WW allowing anal (or other sex acts never done

before) during the affair was that the OM pushed

for it and the WW wanting to keep the OM caved in.

Another reason the WW in marriage could not let her real sexual side out because she did not want

to let her BH to think poorly of her.

Madonna/Whore Complex.

All the BH see's is that his WW gave the OM

things she always refused to give him.

Why does the BH do hysterical bonding?

The BH is sexually reclaiming his WW back from

her OM. Sorry having a WW stop having sex and

going NC with her OM for the rest of her life

only stops any more sex happening between the WW

and the OM. This does not provide any sexual

reclaiming his WW back from the OM.

So if the OM got anal. The BH needs to reclaim

that part of sex back from the OM.

If once a night was enough for the BH pre affair

and the OM got it 3 times. That BH is going to

tell his WW she's doing it 3 times in one night,

maybe 4 times. Even if he has to over dose on

vitamins. And if the BH fails, oh boy. Now the

BH has to accept that his WW cheated on him, and

the OM was better than him.

And the BH stays because he does not want to be

a part time dad, have kids grow up in a broken

home, lose his house, take a financial hit,

retirement plans gone.

Eventually with time he does not trigger often,

the triggers pass fast. Marriage may recover,

maybe stay in limbo.

Personally, i'm not comfortable with someone doing something unless they enjoy it. Or unless they are interested in experimenting with it/trying it out to see...

Not wanting to be intimate with me is the deal breaker.

"The BH needs to reclaim

that part of sex back from the OM."

because it's a battle between the BH and the OM. Jesus.

like the WW doesn't matter.