SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

sending hope and prayers...

My H had a breakdown too...a lesser one, that was never treated.... then years later, a bigger one...I took him to a facility that deals with this...during the A's.

This will take some time...this affects life everyday.... moving forward....and feelings.....overcoming...understanding..

Now I wonder, if one had anything to do with the other? Was it all a symptom? these questions will come....again....I pray strength and healing for you both..

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 2:30 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

Like several others have said, I’m surprised and disheartened by this development. I wish you both a complete, and hopefully quick, recovery. You deserve a break in this whole thing.

I'm a latecomer to your threads but there's something about you and your wife and the trials & tribulations you've faced which has really resonated with me. I'm so sorry to read this and my prayers for your wife's well being, and yours, and that of your children, are offered up humbly and wholeheartedly.

Oh no. Like others have said, I too thought enough time and healing had happened that she would be able to process your threads in a healthy and constructive way. I'm so sorry this has happened. Sending you both love, hope, thoughts and prayers. 💕✨🙏

Are you still doing a couples counselling? If not, might be a good idea to get back into it so she can process these thoughts with your support in a safe place.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. I went through something like this with my ex-wife. My ex-wife took some pills and scared me to death.

Be there for her but don’t forget to take care of yourself.

I'm so sorry, Walloped. My prayers are for MrsWalloped but for you and your children, too.

I thought MrsWalloped was doing quite well. She seemed to show strength and she certainly contributed very well to SI and helped people, I believe.

I pray there's a silver lining in all of this. Perhaps this is the rock bottom she really needed - the reality of her actions on you. I pray that it's an upward path from the bottom for her. Dare I say to love her.

When you have the time and strength can you keep us informed. While I pray that it's upward from here for MrsWalloped I think she should take a break from SI. She's been very active since signing on and has fielded some very tough questions and attitudes.

Again, I pray for her and I pray for you Walloped.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I hope she gets whatever help she needs to help her get thru this and heal. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Walloped:

Your wife has always seemed remorseful. In reading her posts it seemed that she was "getting" it. But the human mind has its own way of dealing.

Apparently, something she read has now really triggered the reality of what her errors of judgement have cost and her & you.

I wish only the best for you both, and will pray for her recovery. I also hope for your quick healing from this further chapter in your story. I pray that your children can aid in this also and that your wonderful family finds its way home.

Your story is the most enthralling I have read on SI.

This breaks my heart . MrsWalloped helped me so much in a post I had just a few weeks ago. She was so gracious and kind...a true ANGEL for me in my time of need. I hope she knows how MUCH she has helped ALL of us Betrayeds. I will be praying for y'all (((HUGS))).

Ah crap. I'm so very sorry to hear about this. I have all of the empathy in the world for her pain, and for you and the rest of your families pain. I hope and pray that this is the absolute bottom and that she can start to find her way up soon.

Sorry to hear this Walloped.

It seems very weird to me, because your threads actually portrayed her very kindly considering the circumstances. I mean, she was the perfect, shining example of a remorseful spouse in your threads. It seems so weird that she would have such a horrible reaction to them, especially since she has surely read much worse about the other waywards here.

Do you think it was an attention seeking tactic on her part? Or maybe does she have an underlying mental illness that made her have such an extreme reaction? I guess the professionals will sort it out!

The "problem" with Mrs. Walloped at this point I think is that she really IS remorseful and "can't handle the truth"...at least not all at once like that.

If she were still just a fog riddled self-entitled, unthinking, non-empathetic wayward in her heart,then she would have likely just seen you as an overreacting, judgemental guy instead of a person who loved her that she broke horribly and without just cause.

I think that as horrible as this is for both of you, at least you both can know that she's a VERY different person now than she was when she made those choices that caused you both such pain and horror and misery.

Good thing she has you, Sir. She obviously needs a good, strong, REAL man to love and care for her right now. Not that she's in any doubt about that or about you at this point, but I want to encourage you for being the man you are and being so fully there for her in all of this.

Prayers and a tip of my hat to you and for the both of y'all.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 4:18 PM, March 11th (Sunday)]

Prayers for both of you and your family.

I read several of her posts, I honestly thought she is a WS who "got it."

I think reading your posts must have triggered the shame and disgust with herself.

Remember, this is NOT your fault.

I’m a WW and know all too well what your wife is going through. It sucks.

I guess I am one of the few who are not entirely surprised that reading your early threads would cause a powerful reaction in your wife. Not your own posts, Walloped, which were quite measured and expressed puzzlement, sadness, and rightful anger more than the derision and slut shaming expressed by the "burn the bitch at the stake" crowd. Gosh, I came to SI as a BW ten years ago, and found myself powerfully triggered when I read them because of the absolute hatred toward women expressed by some of the posters.

Let me suggest that, if you and she ever do go back to those threads, you point out that those hateful opinions of her are not, AND WERE NOT EVER yours.

I am pray ing that you, she, and your children someday find peace.

It seems very weird to me, because your threads actually portrayed her very kindly considering the circumstances. I mean, she was the perfect, shining example of a remorseful spouse in your threads. It seems so weird that she would have such a horrible reaction to them, especially since she has surely read much worse about the other waywards here.

It’s not always about what Walloped (or any BS for that matter) writes, but the collective tone of the thread.

It’s one thing to process in bits and pieces and another to soak it all in at once. In bits and pieces it’s much easier to take what you want and leave the rest. I’m certain that reading it all at once brought on a lot of shame in heaping waves that lead her down a spiral. I’m certain there were also revelations about Walloped’s process that were painful to read.

I can tell you from my own personal experience that I have broken down on more than one occasion. Not to this extent, but broken down, none the less. My BH is a member here, as well. I read each one of his posts and he read mine. Nothing came as surprise when I read his posts, only some of the responses. I had the opportunity to process each one as they came and that wasn’t always easy no matter how remorseful I was. I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for her to read it all at once. That, in addition to her own thread, I’m sure opened up wounds that she was hoping were healing.

My heart goes out to your family as a whole. I wish Mrs. Walloped a quick recovery. Please let her know I am thinking about her and that we are here for her when she is ready.

Walloped

The Guilt of Betrayal (Google Gottman Institute)

The betrayer also experiences a great deal of emotion. The hopeless feeling of witnessing your partner in pain and knowing you can do nothing to alleviate their suffering is a horrible experience. The feelings of guilt, shame, and humiliation are almost unbearable.

Please look in Wayward and note what ASoCallLife

posted: 1:28 PM, March 11th (Sunday), 2018

Read the post to your wife several times.

When she read your posts the true depth of hurt she inflicted on you became very real as she read your words. When she read what you wrote about your phone call to the APs wife and her reaction and then "the 100 questions" and the answers. I am sure she was blinded by a torrent of tears and sobbing to the extent of having to stop to breathe.

Given the FOO she grew up with, she (I think) was sort of a ticking bomb. The stress of getting your first daughter married was a catalytic turning point in her emotions. The afterwards is going to continue for many years I fear.

Now that all of the truth of what you have been dealing with is on the table face up - I think you really can begin to rebuild your relationship.

As a business leader, you know sometimes you don't have all the info you would like to have when you have a deadline to make a decision. So you make a decision based on what you do know and toss in what experience has taught. I think you need to decide to try (not assuming anything about what you have decided!) to stay the course and work to save your family.

I think when she stabilizes, she needs a 1000 re-assurances that you are not seriously considering a divorce.

Looking at your posting over the 2 years I see dedication to your family. Now is the time to really be a rock - I don't doubt you have the ability but want you to make sure you are honest with yourself and not only work to get Mrs. Walloped back to health but also rebuild your relationship - and discuss a thousand times if necessary what is written in your posts and how you feel now that you have a few years of experience in dealing with such gut-retching emotions. I am sure what you wrote was very real at the time but, how about now? I am not suggesting hiding truth but maybe rephrase now that you have worn off the sharp edges of the initial discovery.

I believe Mrs. Walloped is going to take several years to find the inner peace so that she will only be occasionally saddened by the history she has created for your family. Can you meet that test to support her and can you keep your sanity while you do? I think so.

Like all the others posting before this, I am saddened by Mrs. Walloped's meltdown - but not surprised. ASoCalledLife's post is a good place to start the recuperation thought process.

I really have a intuitive feeling she is worth the work you have before you.

I hope these few words help -

Godspeed

Oh Walloped my friend. I was away all weekend working and out of cell range and only just saw this.

My heart hurts so much, I love you both very much.

I will be thinking of you, and your sons and daughters, and Mrs. W, and praying as much as a non-praying man can.

I think that sites are great when you need to outsource thought process. Different perspectives, life experiences, viewpoints.

I think right now you need to rely on your shared perspectives, life experience and viewpoint. Simplify this entire emotional maelstrom.

While it sucks to say I think both of you need a good bunch of months away from this place.

I am sorry that happened.

Perhaps it can be a catalyst for help and healing.