SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I feel you TX, the last 2 weekends I barely left the house.

Screamed at my WH on the phone last week. He's been more attentive this week. Poor muffin (Chaos' appropriate name) had his feelings hurt because I visited his & my nephew and didn't tell him - hello, we are separated... "It's family, you should have told me".. . really, I'm your wife and you didn't tell me who you were fucking and you had five years to tell me. (He literally found a whore - try to rationalize that against your self worth, thus the hiding). So between hiding from life, working hard, and hurting like it is still new, it's been a tough few weeks for me too. I was starting to crack.

So appreciate the support here. I haven't rebalanced, not sure I will ever be normal again, but maybe just maybe I'll be stronger and more respectful of my own needs.

And I do have some fleeting moments where I am me.

I haven't quite found my peace, but know I have to let go of the anger to do that, otherwise I will have frown wrinkles, and that just can't happen.

Why I wear his shame as my own, I still have to figure out.

But not tomorrow because it's all about the toast.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 10:18 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

I rarely drink alcohol anymore, but I will join with a virgin daiquiri!

"It's family, you should have told me".. . really, I'm your wife and you didn't tell me who you were fucking and you had five years to tell me.

You tell him Tallgirl!

I wish I was able to live in the present like that. Instead I just ruminate and trigger and want to throw something at my WH. Then I cry and feel disconnected from myself, my kids, my life and the world. Infidelity sucks.

TX, I feel you, PISD is so real! It's sad to me how "triggered" has become such a buzz word in the past few years, and very frequently used negatively or in a mocking way to indicate that someone is over reacting to something. If only they had to experience it, they wouldn't be laughing!

Some events of note today

1. I went on Facebook for the first time in a long time. Forgot that I'm still following XH's poetry page, and up popped one of his recent posts.

His writing has always been... let me find a nice way to say this... not great? He mixes tenses as well as metaphors. Every stanza is one giant run-on sentence. He has about 10 words that he chronically overuses because he thinks they make him sound intelligent. Along with a slew of others that he misuses and refuses to admit to misusing despite being confronted with the definitions.

Despite all that, I tried so hard to be supportive. I read them all, and always told him how proud I was of him for consistently putting his work out there - how much courage it takes to do that, and how I could never do the same. I helped him edit. I would even email him photos that I thought he would like, as he puts his poems into text on top of photos to make them into graphics.

In months past, that pop up would have really thrown me for a loop. I would have been emotional, wondering if he was thinking about me, what the poem meant, if it was about her etc. Today, I saw it and thought, "Wow, I'm so happy we aren't together anymore so I don't have to pretend to understand this, or worse, pretend to like it." I can laugh at his inability to grasp basic concepts like punctuation, and not feel bad about it. I felt... relieved.

Is this, indifference? I have to admit, it feels strange. But also, like I can finally take a deep breath.

2. Older step daughter had her car broken into yesterday. Even though she was two blocks away from her dad's house, she called me, not him. I of course went into mom mode and helped her calm down, then went through the check list of what needed to be handled - cancel debit card, check. Order a new driver's license, check. Call body shops re: window replacement, check. I was proud, as before she called me she had already handled the first two, she just needed help figuring out what to do about the window.

We then made plans to have dinner - me, her, and her boyfriend - tomorrow night after I finish work. So I will be toasting while sharing a meal with my lovely daughter! (and her tolerable boyfriend )

I have to admit, after my initial reaction to the poem, I went even further and kind of had one of those moments with the angel and devil on opposite shoulders. Angel said - maybe the OW is good for him. Maybe she really likes his poetry. Maybe she shares the same misconceptions about grammar, syntax, and meanings of words, so to her, his poetry actually IS good. And maybe he deserves someone who will actually like his poetry, instead of having to grit her teeth through it.

Devil countered - OR maybe this is her punishment - doomed to a lifetime of reading horrible poetry and fighting the urge to cringe, but knowing she has to grin and bear it, or otherwise be yelled at. And his punishment is being with a woman who is so weak, such a "yes" person, that she will never challenge him, or encourage him to improve. So he will go through life thinking that his poetry is hot shit, when in reality it makes her want to puncture her own ear drums rather than hear him read it again. Meanwhile she's so passive, she'll be forced to endure it.

Ok, ok... I'm not as far along the road to indifference as I would like to think. But I'll toast to the (slight) progress!

[This message edited by HeHadADoubleLife at 11:52 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

Chiming in real quick here.

Few things -

Drink - Any drink in any glass that YOU feel is pretty. Wine [red or white], margaritas [another favorite of Chaos], martinis, soda, water, tea - whatever you wish to toast with at 8pm in whatever time zone you are in.

Undies - well in the Land of Chaos I go t my Friday started early. Shimmery cage bra with pink sparkly cheeky panties. BUT ladies - YOU wear what YOU wear in underthings to make YOU feel invincible. IF that is flowered granny panties that could be used as a parachute - rock them. If it is commando - you go girl!

Hair/Make up - mine is done for the day at work but if I get a date night tonight [teen talking about a sleepover at a besties] I'll switch to full on night time glam. BUT if that just means a good moisturizer and chapstick for you - you apply the best quality one that you have.

Lets get this SI Betrayed Womenz Friday started!!!!!

PS - Tallgirl your poor muffin of a WH is acting like a flaming horse's patoot

HeHadADoubleLife - any progress is progress - even in microscopic measurements. You raise that glass!

GMC - bad ass suggestion on this Friday. Much like McDonalds - I'm lovin' it!

I don't drink alcohol, but I'll put a lime wedge in my water to make it fancy.

HHADL, sounds like a step toward indifference, at least.

PISD is a real thing. I suffered from it for 4 years, until I had EMDR. I was amazed at how miraculous it was. 34 years of talk therapy that felt like it just kept me treading water and one session of EMDR and the PTSD is gone.

Tallgirl - Your WH is ridiculous. Of course you aren't going to keep him up to date on YOUR life right now.

Why I wear his shame as my own, I still have to figure out.

Amen. I can say all day long that this is WH's problem and has nothing to do with me, but dammit if it hasn't seeped all the way in yet.

HHADL - That made me laugh about the poetry. What a relief to not have to pretend bad poetry is good! Good for you for getting to a place where you even had that thought at all! And sweet on your step-daughter calling you. She knows you are stable and love her. :)

Chaos - I love your attitude. I had that attitude after DDay 1 and the infidelity diet made me like the way I looked in string bikinis again. I went on a craze buying lingerie and short shorts. Perhaps to show WH and myself that I still "had" it and he was stupid to even risk losing me. TT DDay 2 has got me feeling gross. Funny part is that I weigh even less and still "look" good, but not feeling good on the inside has a big impact. Perhaps I should pull out some fancy undies just for myself tonight!

TX1995 - pull them out, put them on and raise a glass.

While there are no ugly undies in the Land of Chaos - the lower I feel the more risque my undies. Why? They make me feel invincible. They make me feel bad ass and bullet proof.

Some superheros wear capes and utility belts. Chaos wears a pink sparkly thong and a choker bra and doesn't give one fu*k what anyone else thinks. Including WH.

In fact today he saw my Friday under ensemble while I was getting ready. He asked about it. I said I was feeling it this morning and went about the business of blending eyeshadow. He said (trying to be playful) "I hope no one else but me will see that". I looked at him, smiled sweetly and said the pets might but they can get their own. Then applied my mascara.

When we would go out in the past I used to ask if there was anything he'd like to see me in. Post DDays, I wear what I want and makes me feel good. I'm invincible when I feel good. And I like it.

Me too. I wear what I want. Birkenstock's and granny panties...

I like earrings, like 'em big and "out there".

wine is purchased, dinner bought, getting ready to toast.

Impromptu night out. Tonight’s Womenz Toast shall be paid for by WH. Oh the irony. He knows nothing of SI. I’ll smile extra when raising my glass to all of you beautiful ladies.

Cheers my beautiful SI friends!!!

Bottoms Up! (clad in granny panties)

Tallgirl's toast to us:

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

yummy Malbec

Toast #2 (gotta few)

Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap

Toast #3

Alcohol may be your worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. (Sinatra)

Cheers! Changed to black lace for the occasion. And a pink shimmery lip gloss and Better than Sex mascara.

I don’t have anything as clever as Tallgirl so I’ll make my own

Raise my glass. Donut Whore of an AP can kiss my lace clad BASGU ass!

Edited to add - Tallgirl - rock those GPs

[This message edited by Chaos at 7:57 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

Purple undies that have KISS MY ASS written across the back and a giant glass o moscato in my favorite wine glass here!

Tooooooaaaaaaast to the BASGUs - may the APs be stricken with boils on their cheaty asses and jerky douchehole WSs get explosve diarrhea!

May have had a little too much moscato now when I think about it LOL

Love it! Tall Girl and Chaos your toasts were fabulous.

I'm late with my toast. Ended up with Prosecco.

I decided to go commando for the night Part of the reason I'm so reluctant is that I think my WH doesn't deserve to see me and my fabulousness in ANYTHING much less sparkly lacy things. But I might be shortchanging myself if I do that.

Chaos, have a great night out! I get to run over and fix my son's computer at his friend's house before I can actually finish this glass of Prosecco! Stupid parental controls get me every time!!!

Elle - actually that's perfect - and may the explosions happen WITH their APs. Nothing ruins a fantasy more than the smell of shit. I told my WH that his AP thought his shit didn't stink bc she hadn't been cleaning it out of the toilet for the past 20 years.

Finally got back from fixing the computer issue, put on some fancy nightclothes, filled that Prosecco to the rim and am going to start binge watching some Netflix. A friend told me that Working Moms is funny so I'm giving it a go...

To all of you BW, I am beyond grateful that there are such amazing, strong, inspiring women here that find ways to lift each other up even when we might be feeling down ourselves. Cheers!

I am naive.

I did not fully understand what or how “massage parlours” worked.

I am more disgusted

5 years

((((Tallgirl))))

I had my toast with a white wine spritzer (not as fancy as I wanted), but with a nice pedicure that includes BLUE toenails for the 1st time ever (I've never done anything outside of the red or nude spectrum).

Waiting for DD to get off work to have dinner (tho it's getting kind of late now)

cheers.

And tallgirl - I don't really know how they work either, but I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Uh oh. I'm not sure what revelations you have had. If it makes you feel better, I didn't know what my husband thought his "job" was at strip clubs. (Getting hard during lap dances) Which is why I didn't care he went to them with buddies for their bachelor parties. I also didn't realize strippers put their boobs in your mouth - until I went to a strip club with my WH's friends (mine too) and they thought it would be funny to buy me a dance. I kept apologizing and backing away. I thought my husband wasn't a lecherous dirty asshole who objectified women. But oops. He was.

Sucks when you think one thing and find out the truth is NOT at all what you thought.

Was stuck at work for our 8pm toast, and I’m still here, so a 9pm toast will have to suffice! Here’s to all the BWs! *chugs an ice cold water bottle because drinking at work is frowned upon*

Dinner with daughter will have to wait until tomorrow :/

Sorry all you ladies are having to find out these dirty truths.

XH used to brag about how he’s only been to a strip club twice and found it so degrading to women that he didn’t understand how men enjoyed it. Then I checked the call logs after DDay and found oh so many escorts in there... would love to know his rationalization there

So if it makes you feel any better, there really is no winning when it comes to these immature assholes. They may pick different ways to show their shittiness, but an asshole is still an asshole, no matter what shit comes out.

May there be nothing more for us to find out!

I thought my husband wasn't a lecherous dirty asshole who objectified women. But oops. He was.

literally LOL on that one!