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What does she say when she tries to talk to you? If actual words come out of her mouth, then maybe say something succinct. "You and I will not be engaging in any way." Anything else she says, ignore.

She sounds like she is fixated on you, and I doubt that anything you do or say, or don't do or say, could stop her. But you shouldn't have to deal with her following you around. If she continues making unwanted contact, document it and research conditions for restraining orders where you live.

I really think she’s just doing, as another poster posed, the "it’s not so bad" we should be friends again thing. She makes the unpardonable sin of alternatively trying to be nice or helpful….and minimizing her involvement in the A. As in when I confront her about online stalking through another athlete the whereabouts of my FWH…..she claimed that she knew FWH missed her and working out with her YEARS after DDay. Or she wishes me "well on my next race". Or, recently in these group chats….that I’d love a route that was being proposed. Now, mind you…..I’m thinking she’s doing said route and find a way to avoid it. It all sounds so petty and small as I write this….but it is what it is. I think I’m going to have to go the route of getting mutual friends to help do the heavy lifting.

There aren’t any laws against this. I HAVE made it clear a number of times that I/we won’t be engaging with her. I literally try to look through her when we do encounter each other.

Funnily enough, news of the A reached a previous boyfriend of hers who broke it off immediately when she vehemently denied it and demanded to know who told him. And, It wasn’t me. It is one of the worst kept secrets in this community. I’m sure the new one has been told that I’m the "baddie". I really don’t care what he thinks of me. Just find it odd that as I walk around events with 100’s of people….that they stay just within earshot.

LBM, since politely ignoring her only seems to empower her, perhaps an alternative approach is needed. Next time you notice her crowding you consider saying the following a little louder than you might normally, "Hello, AP. I’ve been trying to ignore you since you betrayed our friendship and slept with my husband. I thought you’d have picked up on that by now given that you’re a reasonably intelligent person and it has been 5 years, but apparently not. So, just to be clear, I have no intention of ever being friends with you again. Please go away." Repeat as necessary. Presuming you don’t care, that’ll have people talking!

After running into her in the group chats on the daily AND twice yesterday in person….I finally reached to one of the chat organizers. And my coach. Coach came up with plans to help. And the one organizer who didn’t know had the exact thing happen to him. His ex wife was also training with another man which led to an affair and their divorce. He had adopted her children. Really nice guy. Got so broken up by all of it that he attempted suicide. He understood and will keep us apart. I’m grateful for that suggestion.

I would get very chatty with her boyfriend. Googley eys, touch his arms. Make her feel a little insecure.

Oh.....that reminds me. The boyfriend actually said hi to me when she wasn't around....so there is that. God, this feels like freaking middle school

So, I’m kind of in favor of using body language and proxemics to intimidate people like that AP.

If she was standing close enough to hear me, I would purposely move closer. And closer. And closer. I would get so close she could smell me. And I would proceed to lean into her space, just "not touching" her. I would crowd her. A lot.

I would watch for moments when she is talking to other people, and move directly into her space and just linger there. At every possible opportunity. And sigh, LOUDLY, every time she spoke.

I would cough, LOUDLY, any time she opened her mouth, if she approached closer to me with her boyfriend and was having a "conversation" with him.

If she and her boyfriend were behind me, I would turn around so I could see them and ask my conversational partner to turn so they were looking toward them while we continued to talk about whatever it was we had been talking about. And while we talked, I would POINT at her, make faces like she was disgusting me, laugh and point at her, point at her boyfriend and snicker…but not ever really say anything about them at all. Just use the facial expressions and gestures to mock them.

I would stare at her, look her up and down - slowly and obviously - make a face and act like I saw something wrong, and then turn away.

My husband’s affairs were with "friends". One of them lives close, and is afraid I might beat her up. I’m an old lady, but this tactic works so well she avoids me completely.

She escalated further.
Literally crept up behind me as I was talking to another teammate about being unsure what I want to do after the BIG race. I asked a question in one of the group chats to which she replied directly to me again that "if you're serious about staying in the sport....you should do XYandZ". It's all very benign looking to anyone who doesn't know. This is after a week's worth of posts where she complains that as a single mother she can't work out as much because if she doesn't work they starve and that her X....the OBS abandoned her - that she knows I'm seeing.

I was WAY to polite and messaged her directly reminding her for the 4th time in so many years that I want nothing to do with her.

I'm researching the restraining order angle. She is psycho.

After running into her in the group chats on the daily AND twice yesterday in person….I finally reached to one of the chat organizers. And my coach. Coach came up with plans to help. And the one organizer who didn’t know had the exact thing happen to him. His ex wife was also training with another man which led to an affair and their divorce. He had adopted her children. Really nice guy. Got so broken up by all of it that he attempted suicide. He understood and will keep us apart. I’m grateful for that suggestion.

I'm glad that you are enlisting others to come to your aid - even if it's only so they are there to lean on. Re the restraining order, as a former litigator (I didn't get disbarred I just don't practice law for a firm any longer) my personal advice is to keep a log of your unwanted inter-action with her and who witnessed it (where, date, time, who was there, etc). Then, when you are ready, send her an email or hand her a letter (something you have a copy of of) stating in no uncertain terms that you no longer want any spoken contact with her.

It can be tricky (at least in the jurisdiction in which I practiced) where there is some common physical area where you may both be (I had a restraining order case where the parties involved were neighbors and the Court can't just order anyone to move except under very extreme circumstances), but it is possible for something to be issued that can help you. In my case, sending the email (and ccing the OBS and my WH) telling her that the next text/call she made to me would result in my filing a restraining order against her did the trick - she has never contacted me again (and she too was a nut-job - she threatened me because "I was trying to ruin her 4-year old son's life by outing the A to the OBS" ).

This is when confrontation while she is with the bf is needed. Don’t talk to her, talk to him.
"I am not sure what you two get out of following me around but she broke up her marriage by having an affair with my husband. He and I are still together. I am going to speak to a lawyer if this doesn’t stop. I am also going to video you both any time you get close to me. This is a form of harassment and is against the law."
Then turn around and leave.
This woman sounds unhinged and has probably told him a bunch of lies. He appears to be as nutty as she is to involve himself in something this immature.
I hope you get this fixed. Good luck!

Can you block her in the group chat?

This is after a week's worth of posts where she complains that as a single mother she can't work out as much because if she doesn't work they starve and that her X....the OBS abandoned her - that she knows I'm seeing.

"Maybe if you hadn't messed around on XH with my husband, you wouldn't be single and struggling."
"Aw, consequences are so tough, aren't they?"

I think the next time she crept up on me, I'd say something like, "Get away from me. Don't talk to me. Don't get near me. I've already enlisted help from Coach and my next step is a restraining order."

I assume that by getting a RO, she wouldn't be able to be a part of the team, right?

If I could block her I would. It’s a Facebook thing. I have her blocked on Facebook, but because we’re in the same group I have the option to either leave or stay anytime she posts something

Ugh this situation sucks. Honestly, I would have let her chase me out of the sport arena.

Otherwise, I tend to favor 100% honesty in all situations. I would out your WH and her affair and be transparent about it. Not defensive at all. Say to yourself, "This is not my shame to carry."

And I would preemptively warn her that any time there is a mutual person around, you will out her. You will volunteer "Hey, I wanted to let person X know that you had an affair with my husband."

Then say nothing else. And do it each and every time you see her or she tries to talk to you or be around you. And tell her you plan to do this. Each. And. Every. Time.

Picture that you’re putting on your running shoes with your next door neighbor at some event. Skank whore comes up and interrupts you sharing your broccoli casserole recipe. It would look like this-
You, talking to neighbor-"so blanch the broccoli. Oh hey, look it’s skank whore. Did you know she had an affair with my husband?" Then you start to give really intimate timeline details, like saying the pledge of allegiance. No passion, just reciting it. Over and over again. Bland. Add in "Yeah, my husband Jim says she gives good head because all the meth made her get dentures, and when she pops the dentures out, she sucks like a Hoover he said."

It will likely make your social circle smaller, but the ones that stick around will be worth it.

Maybe skank whore will learn not to fuck around because she is finding out.

No lies or drama. Just bland facts, passionless. She is liking the drama. Don’t let her throw you. Out her.

I would also tell them some minor but very believable lies while you share these things. Like maybe she has anorexia because her current BF called her fat. Mean stuff. Maybe she purges with laxatives and your WH saw shit in her panties because she is fecally incontinent from all the anal. Things that could be true but aren’t quite. If you add it into the middle of uncomfortable truths, people believe it.

I seriously think we need to create a "strangers on a train" thing where we do this for other people in the same situation.

I’d also send her current BF a package of anal stuff from her. Buy a Visa card and create an Amazon account using an email variant of her name, like Skankwhore1983 or something.
Buy him some nasty things to use in her in the mail order sex shop, or maybe some lingerie a size or two too small from Shein that will look terrible on her from him. Make the email from him, lol. Skankwhoresboyfrienddujouratgmail. So many options.

I always like to buy evil women clothes a size or two too small. It’s fun.

Or call your local health department regarding some std exposure he might have had. Lol.

Friend his mom on Facebook. Friend her mom on Facebook. Friend her boss on Facebook.

Sigh. So much fun.

Friend his mom on Facebook. Friend her mom on Facebook. Friend her boss on Facebook.

You wanna be friends? OKAY, LET'S BE FRIENDS.

Yeah.....these suggestions do make me chuckle.

When we do encounter each other most often aside from online....she has her kids with her. And, I'm in full on triggered panic mode. I'm not about to really wreck those kiddos further than they have been. I knew them before all this. In those moments I just turn my back, try to take deep breaths and focus on myself. I literally just want to be left lone.

Worst thing I've done is sign her up for spam and "please call me about scientology", shot her the bird a few times when she waved at me from afar, and shouted loudly for her to F-off on a run when she came up beside me, and sent a nasty email telling her that I'd out all of this to her friends if she kept pushing. Most everyone knows. It's been 4 1/2 years. It's like going on a cruise ship with 5000 people and your ex and you keep running into the ex. Except, we're talking 50 people....

But this..... Say to yourself, "This is not my shame to carry." That's it. It's not my shame to carry, as much as FWH would like this all to be gone (though he's done and continues to do....and now I know that I need to ask for.... the work)....she's meeting me in her shame and I took away her golden ticket.
She is either a bunny boiler, or someone who has not actually taken herself in hand and learn anything from this whole....and grooves on tormenting me....either with intention, or no.

People suck.

If I am not mistaken she is a dr. Someone needed to vet her. How would her practice go if you told how she is behaving.

For a long period in therapy I complained a lot about my boss's boss. My therapist kept turning the question back on me and my response. I didn't get it until I learned she agreed that my boss's boss was a crazy POS. (He spent $30M on new terminals, the cheapest he could buy, without verifying they would work in our 100 year old building. They didn't.)

My problem was that I couldn't govern my responses to his nastiness. I'd probably still have problems with the SOB, but not as many (I hope).

I think you have a very similar problem. Have you considered IC? A good IC can help you find relief, and I'd bet you're closer to a solution than I am.

Oh yeah…I have a great IC. Thank you. She thinks OW has turned me into the villain of her story because she can’t face her shame.

Saw your post and understood your dilemma immediately, the OW in my situation was in my immediate friend circle although not my close friend. I have had to totally withdraw from this friendship circle as not only did others know, they are still friends with her as like you say they don’t see her as the anti christ even if I do. OW in my situation seems in my opinion to derive pleasure from hurting people as she rubbed my nose in what she was doing with my WH. Initially I was like a wounded animal and terrified of bumping into her so stopped going to a lot of places. I think looking at the comments etc on facebook she really wanted me to react towards her because it would make her the centre of attention again. Anger has now made me really determined to take up as much room as I can in all these circles and generally I just totally ignore her as refuse to give her the attention. I would draw the line at sitting down in a group with her as like you even giving her the time of day is a waste of my breath. If the OW in your case will not leave you alone why not just say very directly "go away"