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It seems that neurological stuff like seizures doesn't occur in a vacuum and there are often other issues present

Is this in combination with epilepsy or because of it?

My ex has epilepsy. So does his sister. Both very high IQ, no delays. His nephew had developmental delays said to be due to the medication his mom was taking for her epilepsy. Thats why my ex never wanted children. Once he weened himself off his medications, his seizures stopped and he has children now.

Hi Jana, ok was missing the backstory. I thought there might be more to it, but what triggered my rant was the comment to the effect of 'well he might be in normal range for the whole population, but that doesn't mean he is normal for your family'. That is f*d up thinking.

And yes, I was assuming preschooler was under 5, since kids enter K at age 5 here.

Annanew, that comment about him not being normal for the family (it was from the genetic specialist) fucked me up. I was very upset about it.

Is this in combination with epilepsy or because of it?

Im not sure? Just in talking to other parents with kids with epilepsy, it seems like there are other neuro things going on. I was talking to my family doctor about B and he smiled and said, it just sounds like he's wired a bit differently, neurologically (that sounds ugly, but he said it kindly and it made sense in context).

When you say "other neuro things going on" what do you mean?

I would think that since the brain is firing all wrong with seizures, the way the brain functions would be different than those without seizures.

What i do know for sure was that my ex suffered for years, bit off a part of his tongue during a seizure but managed to be an amazing computer programmer, lived every day to its fullest and now is happily married with two amazing kids.

I don't know how to separate the two, honestly.

I'm not saying that epilepsy makes a child unintelligent. But there's a high instance of ADHD, autism present in epileptic kids. Those things aren't necessarily bad, they just are neurologically different. I'm probably wording things badly and I'm sorry if I am being unintentionally offensive. Whatever is or isn't going on with my son, he's beautiful and wonderful. I just want him to get any help he needs.

Oh im totally sure he's beautiful and wonderful and happy because he has an awesome mom!

Annanew, that comment about him not being normal for the family (it was from the genetic specialist) fucked me up. I was very upset about it.

Yeah, I think it was a pretty terrible thing to say, on sooooo many levels. Plus, I don't think it's true. We're talking about a point in time measurement. At this young age, I would never assume it will predict a future measurement. I've seen kids that seem behind and those that seem advanced in 2nd grade and by 5th grade they are all pretty much on the same level.

So do keep in mind that the younger they are, the larger the error bars.

Even if low scores persist later on, your son will be amazing in some other way, I can almost guarantee it. :) Because you are the kind of parent who will see it and support it rather than dismiss it or squash it. (Not to make light of school struggles, I face lots of those with my daughter, it's not fun.)

This brought back some memories. I am sorry that doc was an ass. We had a pediatrician when C was in 3rd grade who told me IN FRONT OF MY CHILD that he was “restarted” and that I should not expect much more than where he was at that time.

I was so stunned I couldn’t even react. I can’t even tell you anything else he said that day. I came home and got madder and madder. We fired his ass the next day. It’s been over 20 years and I still get mad when I think about it. C remembers it and it gives him fuel and drive to succeed. When he graduated from high school on time, with a diploma and not a certificate he wanted to send an announcement to that guy but he wasn’t practicing here anymore. My son is not on anyone’s timetable His brain isn’t wired like anyone else’s and that’s okay. He is a very deep thinker, is spiritually wise and is kind. He is fiercely loyal and protective of those he loves. He is truthful (uncomfortably so some times, lol). He sees the very best in everybody.

His hands shake. He struggles to speak. Sometimes his wires get crossed and he interprets things wrong. He will most likely never drive a car. But he hates being dependent and is constantly working on ideas so that he can support himself and function independently someday.

All of these things are part of who he is. And who he is, is pretty great. Your son will be too. Because I know he has what my C has always had—a momma who will never stop fighting, never stop trying to find answers. You’ll be his advocate. And he’ll learn from you that he is perfect the way he is. He’ll thrive because you won’t have it any other way.

HFSSC that pediatrician is horrible! I guess people skills and sensitivity aren't required to become a pediatrician???

I'm glad you and your son didn't listen to him. He sounds like an anazing person and is lucky to have you as a mom!

I have now received both shipments of swabs for the genetic testing - and his psych eval is on Saturday. So we'll keep plugging.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 9:51 AM, March 28th (Sunday)]

Update. So, still waiting on results from the genetic testing. Had the follow-up call with the psychologist yesterday.

Trying to keep it short - B has some signs of autism, but not nearly enough for a diagnosis. Something like, 70% is the baseline for autism and he was 29%. "We all may be a smidge autistic" was what the doctor said.

B is right in line with where a kid needs to be academically for a kid about to enter kindergarten. Since he was redshirted (June birthday), he's a bit behind for his actual age, but not much. His listening comprehension and math were actually above average.

His only diagnostic finding was "at risk for ADHD." That isn't diagnosed until after 6, and B is still 5. He gave us some behavioral intervention strategies to help B with positive self-talk and resilience. Said his belief is that B should only be medicated if ADD is interfering with his quality of life. Not if he's "driving mom crazy or making the teacher work a little harder."

He wants us to find a tutor this summer. He said that will actually put B ahead of the curve. His words were, "He's poised for success, he just needs a little help."

This was a very, very encouraging call. Light years from what that geneticist said.

Said his belief is that B should only be medicated if ADD is interfering with his quality of life. Not if he's "driving mom crazy or making the teacher work a little harder."

I like your psychologist.

I hope you can keep moving towards being comfortable. Good people skills don;t always go with good content skills, and not being in the 'normal' box sometimes is a good thing.

You may know this already: If he's AD(H)D, he can hyper-focus on things that interest him. Some teachers recognize and exploit this capability for the benefit of the AD(H)D kid and of the class - the kid gets to learn by doing something that interests him without disrupting the classroom.

I really hope your son gets good teachers.

Sisoon, thank you. I'm a bit nervous because he'll be going to a different elementary school than my daughter, but it's supposed to be a terrific school.

Jana,

My DD had testing. It failed to find the root of her issues. One thing clearly happened, when she was testes separated from the class, her scores when up into the high zone,

Sounds like he needs to be retested in a more controlled environment.

PricklePatch, I'm not sure I'm following what you mean by a more controlled environment?

Great news Jana - Just make sure you work closely with the school and if he needs IEP or whatever your state calls it allow them to create one.

It allows your kiddo access to more resources and to be able to get some help should he need it.

The IEP and learning to read were the 2 things that kept my kid out of trouble in grades 1-5. When he finished his work he always had a book or two he was reading. This helped keep him from disturbing others, and being a problem for the teacher.

Just want to echo what Lionne said. My kid has pretty severe adhd and dysgraphia. He took an iq test before getting help for those things. He didn’t do so great. A doctor friend explained yeah, he has learning disabilities, he won’t do well on a test. So don’t put too much into his iq.

I might be more interested in the actual sub tests. My kid had a 40 point difference between executive function and verbal acuity.

Long story short, after getting no help from school (like your son his scores were not at the point where they offer help.). And a private school that didn’t really know how to help, we started Ritalin, moved schools, and now he’s an honor roll student.

We too believe that music lessons, particularly lessons where the correct note has to be "found" vs pressing a key on a piano, cause brain growth. Voice lessons do this too, that need to approximate the correct sound employs brain connections in new ways.I don't think it's a coincidence that upon starting violin lessons, DS's reading level skyrocketed, from 3rd grade to 8th grade level in 2 years. Of course there's also the realization that kids don't always learn on a schedule.

DS always did things differently. Not all teachers appreciated it, some were outright mean.

While I applaud your addressing this early, I also have years of experience that suggest patience and love are the best medicines. Not so easy to remember when you are awake at 3am fretting.

Insist he have handpicked teachers. Meet with the Guidance team who assigns teachers and share your concerns.

See if there is a preschool music exploration class, online or in person.

Also, as a first grade teacher for many years, as stereotypical as it sounds, WE ALL knew to keep a special eye on any kid, particularly boys, whose birthdays were in June-October. They aren't slow learners, they are just busy learning other things.

Kids seem to level off by 3rd grade. The kids that come to school already reading are caught up by their third grade peers. Early reading success has little to do with intelligence. The biggest challenge is to keep everyone interested in learning, maintaining that spark and curiosity. If a kid is experiencing frustration, they may shut down, lose self esteem. Keep him active in things he likes to do, Legos, drawing, sports, whatever. If he expresses worry because the kid next to him is different, tell him not to worry, it's up to the teachers and you to figure it out.

Have a look at a charming book by David McPhail Santa's Book of Names. 90% of the time, kids start reading in spite of us.

Many hugs...

[This message edited by Lionne at 1:56 PM, April 12th (Monday)]

WE ALL knew to keep a special eye on any kid, particularly boys, whose birthdays were in June-October

I've heard this so much from parents and teachers. That's why I argued with my ex until he agreed to red shirt him. Thank God we did, because . . . COVID. Virtual would have been a nightmare for him.

Thank you Lionne, I will check out that book! I just got the microarray analysis back and there are no abnormalities. So there may be an underlying genetic cause for his seizures, but the normal microarray is such a relief. All of this testing was at the urging of his neurologist, and I think she is just trying to be thorough as far as getting him intervention. I think music lessons are a great idea - we tried him in piano but I just dont think he's quite ready YET. He is loving soccer though.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 2:01 PM, April 12th (Monday)]

I agree with music lessons for ALL KIDS. I do think that waiting until reading is accomplished is important because it just makes it easier and allows them to ramp up more quickly so they stay interested.

As a ADHD kid with dysgraphia I benefited greatly from music lessons. I took sax lessons first begged to start piano and this is where the dysgraphia actually benefited me. Learning to read to lines of music simultaneously was easy for me. My kids also excelled in music one sax, one trumpet, trombone, piano, singer. Plus band kids are the best.

Plus band kids are the best.

Yesssssss

My daughter is going to join the band next year and I'm THRILLED.