SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wish I had done this earlier. As soon as I realized I was going to be on my own I got involved with being a Trail Angel for Pacific Crest Trail hikers coming into our valley. I meet the coolest people and have opened up my home for a place to rest their head before they hit the trail again. This is very satisfying. I also responded to an ad on CL, "farm hand in exchange for horse riding privileges". I now go out to this farm twice a week and get my physical labor in and then take a Dressage lesson. It has been so serendipitous. The ranch owner and I hit it off big time.

I am also busting a move on getting my business started. I will not only survive, I will thrive.

I am the WS, but that does not define me. We are both moving on after 6yrs of R attempt.

What are others doing to distract themselves?

I sing with a professional classical ensemble, and have for the last 16 years. Extremely satisfying and I've made a boatload of good friends. I've also served on their board of directors for the last 15 years.

I am training my young dog to run hunt tests and have joined a Hunting Retriever Club. Whole different group of people, but a lot of fun as well.

A couple of years ago, I did the HRC activities in the morning, then cleaned up and sang for an Easter Vigil service later that day. So sometimes they intersect! Glad I had time to clean up--I don't think my choir-mates would be happy if I showed up in the choir loft smelling like eau-de-dead-duck.

I also read a lot. I rarely watch TV.

Cat

I became an EMT and got advanced certification (I'm basically a paramedic now). It's all volunteer; I still have a day job.

I do 2-4 twelve hour shifts a week. I've met a whole new group of people that I work with and a couple have become my friends.

Bonus: I get to help some people at the worst point in their day/week/life.

[This message edited by WornDown at 11:58 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]

When things went to crap in my marriage I realized that all my giving and sacrifice meant nothing. So, I started a volunteer job on Saturdays. It was so incredibly fun and satisfying! It became MY therapy each week. I'm still doing it and my 20 year anniversary is in a couple of weeks. I was on the board of directors for 6 yrs and get involved in all sorts of other events and projects like teaching new volunteers.

So, yes! Getting yourself involved in activities is really important. Sure, not everyone has the time to get into something time consuming. But, a book club for an hour once a week or a cooking class once in a while is manageable. There are activities if you want to meet new people. There are activities if you want solo quiet time (painting, sewing, brewing wine, etc) Very worthwhile and good for the soul.

I am training my young dog to run hunt tests and have joined a Hunting Retriever Club.

I have just recently entered this world. We got a Choco lab to go with our older black lab in Feb. The old lady we trained ourselves to duck hunt and for what we did she was great. This new boy though is going to be something. We sent him for training for the summer, and he just titled in started last weekend. He is going for his first seasoned pass in 2 weeks, the trainers are running him for that, and he is already doing some hand signals, and is such a smart boy all he wants is to work. After that we plan to run him in seasoned ourselves in Sept and Oct hoping between the 3 tests we at least get halfway done.

I am SOOOO hooked though. I love going to the competitions and have met some awesome people. I LOVE to watch what these amazing dogs can do, and how driven they are to do it.

Oh and part of my own healing included learning to beekeep, and scuba dive, since I have also learned how to ride a street bike, keep chickens, crochet, and advance my diving skills, and could compete on any home cook show and do well.

I encourage everyone on this journey, no matter the outcome to take the time in their healing process to learn new skills, crafts, activities, and be happy in them. This is what makes a happy complete adult.

Next on my to do list is guitar lessons and pottery, both I have always wanted to learn, but have not.

Mostly my small kids keep me busy. But I'm back into running again, which makes me happy happy happy.

I joined a women's camping group, then bought a tiny teardrop trailer that I can tow behind my SUV. I've been on several trips, which after the cost of the trailer, are dirt cheap and so much fun. It gets me out in nature, clears my head, but I have solid walls around my bed and air conditioning and a TV and a kitchen.

I do many other little things, but that was the biggest change.

These are great responses, I love reading them. You people don't sit around, that's for sure, neither do I. I've read, Professional singing, dog training and competing, EMT (adrenaline = great way to stay in the present!), volunteering, art therapy, hobbies,and books! :)

I am growing microgreens. And I do a little yoga every day. Most days I take a shower and brush my teeth and adult.

Not flashy like riding motorbikes or climbing mountains. But small baby steps for me since my trauma levels from the infidelity were so high and my physical status so compromised from the severe lyme disease I was fighting when he decided to cheat.

I am truly happy for everyone's healing.

And excited for your grand adventures and cool activities.

But for those of us who are still struggling to uncurl from the sobbing in a fetal position like I struggle some days, just doing something positive however small is a major accomplishment. And I think you are all rock stars!

SheHawk thank you for that. Some days I'm ok and some days I consider it an accomplishment that I am upright and wearing pants...

I'm pretty new to being alone again so mostly just trying to adjust to my new normal. Trying to practice good self care and getting back in the habit of walkin my puppies.

I have a possible new job opportunity coming up tho that could really change the course of my life. Fingers crossed.

All of you have had some good ideas though!

Most days I take a shower and brush my teeth and adult.

Some days I'm ok and some days I consider it an accomplishment that I am upright and wearing pants...

Yes! That is moving forward! You don't have to climb a mountain, or build a deck, or take up weaving. Please acknowledge every step in the right direction. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to accept joy. After you have become accustomed to brushing your teeth and putting on pants then you can take the next step. Maybe that is making scrambled eggs. Maybe that is going to the salon for a manicure or haircut. Maybe that is going to Target and buying yourself those much needed new pairs of socks. Each step in the right direction should be honored!

Do you guys ultimately feel better after doing things? I do stuff, but I almost always feel like I'm just putting on a temporary mask.

edited: typos

[This message edited by Ganondorf at 10:48 PM, August 18th (Sunday)]

"I do stuff but I almost feel like I'm just putting on a temporary mask."

That's called "fake it till you make it.". We all do it. Especially in the beginning. In the beginning, it's all fake it till you make it. Then eventually, you really do start to enjoy yourself. And you'll go out and do things for the sheer joy you know it will bring you. You'll still have fake it moments. But they get less and less.

And yes, there are plenty of days I lay in bed eating candy and watching Netflix, and feeling somewhat depressed. But I never do it for more than a day. I get up the next day and fake it till I make it. Which usually doesn't take long, as I've been on this healing road a couple of years now.

Maybe that is going to Target and buying yourself those much needed new pairs of socks.

Literally just did this last night on my way home from work!

The laundry room in my apartment building closes at 9pm, which means the wash and the dry have to be done before that, and each cycle takes 35-45 minutes, so best bet is you have to have it in the wash by 7:30pm. I get off work at that time.

So guess who went to Target to buy new underwear and socks because there was no way for me to get laundry done this week?

I also know there is a laundromat not far from me that takes their last loads up until 11pm. Knowing that I needed to get a good night's sleep before work this morning, a Target run was the better choice.

Too depressed to do dishes? Buy yourself some compostable bamboo plates and utensils that you can toss after each meal until you get to a better place. Instead of watching dishes pile up in the sink and then feeling like a terrible person for never wanting to wash them.

There is always a workaround!

I went back to school and 4 degrees later, I am looking for a doctorate program that fits my interests Excelling at school gave me back something to focus on beyond the A and its aftermath

TN, let me know if you ever get out this way for hunt tests. My club runs an HRC test and an AKC test each year. I am hoping my boy will be ready for AKC Junior a year from now.

It's fun, isn't it?

Cat

PS: I forgive you for giving in to the Dark Side. Next time, step up to a Chessie--you won't regret it.

My 3 dogs saved me from boredom after the D. I also work a lot and read a lot.

I sold the marital home last year and downsized. Both home had a fair amount of yard, so that keeps me busy at this time of year.

I also broke down and got a significant other about 3.5 years ago that takes the remainder of my spare time.