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What do you feel is the worst thing your WS did during the affairs, besides the obvious?

For me, on at least one occasion (he "can't remember" if it was more), my WH had sex with the AP and then purposely came home to get oral sex from me because the thought of it turned him on.

To me, that's one of the worst things he did. He brought her into our marriage, our car, our house, our workplace, everywhere, and ruined all of that, but he had to risk my health and taint my body, as well. And thanks to him, I've not only seen her nude (pictures), but I have actually tasted her. Every day tests my sanity: I wake up in the house he screwed her in, go to work in the car he screwed her in, I regularly see her at and around my workplace, which he also screwed her in, and then cycle back home in the same car to the same house. But the thing that sickens me to my core is that he intentionally came home to me during the affairs and endangered my health and violated my trust and my body and got off on it.

Oh, and she wasn't his only AP. She wasn't even his only AP at the time. Bah. I could spend days going over all the horrible things he's done, but I've had complete breakdowns lately over this one. I don't know how to move forward from that.

After reading that, I've got nothing.

That's some serious next level messed up shit, Breakaway.

I'm not at all surprised you're tormented by it. Can you process this in IC? Or journaling? I'm so, so sorry.

((((HUGS))))

After reading that, I've got nothing.

Yeah, that is pretty despicable. We had so little sex over the period of the affair that I hadn't even considered this, but now I'm going to obsess about whether I got sloppy seconds. FML.

I was going to say had sex with OM in our bed, but I'm actually more upset about the dishonesty at this point (give me 10 minutes and it will be something else... lol). In particular, the fact that she lied to our daughter about having to work late or travel for meetings. She did this even after I talked to her about the fact that I thought her working too much/being away was upsetting her. The being a bad mother (in part) aspect of this is very troubling to me right now.

Used the terminal illness of his parent to excuse away red flag behavior.

@Breakaway, my WW literally did the same to me, for the thrill.

She also bought lingerie to wear with him, then wore it for me as a Christmas gift.

Cheated while I was home grieving the death of our son.

God how I hate him for that.

Mine borrowed $1000 from his parents and gave it to OW.

We had never borrowed money from them before or since. He told his parents that it was for our daughter's wedding and our son's college bills.

Over two years since DDay #2 and still wish his parents knew the truth.

Took me out for Valentines on a Thursday the year of his EA’s. pulled out all the stops. Flowers. Dinner. Wine. Cupcakes. Taxi rides to the restaurant and back so “we could enjoy ourselves “. And then on that Saturday two days later spent 3 1/2 hours on his computer surfing dating sites for women :(

Didn't use protection.

...

Yikes everyone.

I can’t decide. The thing that bothers me the most this month is the stuff he told her I did. Telling her I was abusive and hit him, that I was cruel and controlling and frigid and a terrible, neglectful parent and then some just private stuff, some of which was true and some wasn’t, but all as unkind as possible.

There was no concrete benefit to any of it, since she had already shown she was open to having an affair with him. It was just part of making them both feel great about how magical and special they were and low they had stooped to be with us before they met each other.

Joined Ashley Madison while we were actively trying to conceive our second child (and screwing like rabbits at that!!). My brain still can't process that one. At all. I think my WH is an alien. A mentally ill alien.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:56 PM, February 16th (Friday)]

Same as you, Breakaway.

Additionally, he personally set me up to be friends with her. so, I hung out w her for a year because "she's new in town and doesn't know anyone here, I think y'all might become good friends", said WS at our child's sporting event. Subpoenaed phone records showed they had already been f*****g for 4 months at this point.

AND OW first H murdered her boyfriend and killed himself 15 years earlier because she did the same exact thing to him!!!!!!

So, what really helped me, Breakaway, was going to an outpatient 2 week program at a treatment facility, where several in my group had a WS.

2)Sandra Bullock had to deal with her H blatant disregard for her by cheating w so many disgusting women-so I saw how anyone could be tricked by am insane cheater.

3)Read "ADeadly Game" about Scott Peterson. Written by a former Judge, who had access to tons of evidence.

I realized I was duped by a sicko, like these other women, and it had nothing to do with something being wrong with me.

The love I have for my children is greater than the hate I have for XH.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 8:00 PM, February 16th (Friday)]

Texted OW "I love you!" as he sat next to me in the delivery room with our hours-old son.

Cheated while I was home grieving the death of our son.

God how I hate him for that.

Scarlett 😥💔

I'm so sorry. Cruel beyond words.

Breakaway

I can't even imagine......

I think I'd be in jail.

Omg I don't know how you would ever get past that. I know jb would be out if the question indefinitely! That's just as findingjoy said, "serious next level, messed up shit". I think I would seriously want to seriously harm my cheater if that happened to me. I know it didn't because I don't give BJ.

What I consider the worst thing my cheater did was was ditching protection after the first few times he was with her.This was something we had discussed intently when we first got together all those years ago and had been brought up randomly over the years, we agreed if either one of us was low enough to cheat that they would at least protect the others health. When he finally TT months later that he broke this it was equally as devastating as finding out about the A. His reasoning behind it was so pathetic it made me see him in different light, ways I'd never seen him. Weak, pathetic, self centred, disgusting. I hated him for it. It was bordering on a deal breaker for R for us. I have had to draw strength from places unknown to me to move forward from this. I still struggle with it and think of it often. Coming in a very close second was him banging her on his birthday while we were home waiting for him. How he walked into our home knowing what he did with her an hour before still hurts me deeply and his birthday will always be a reminder of his disgusting behaviour even if everything else about A is in the distance one day.

No protection ever even though he was a serial cheater thus playing roulette with my life and health.

Took him to one of our pastures beside a beautiful little river in the truck I bought her to screw for the first time in a beautiful quiet spot we liked and enjoyed.

Fucked in my office in my home.

Took me to a staff BBQ at his place where she went innumerable times for nooners and quickies after work.

Had sex with me after him earlier in the day. Bothered her so it never happened again.

Said ILY to me whenever they were travelling at the end of our daily telephone calls and immediately called him to her room on the room to room phone so there was no record on her cell phone.

Well damn OP.

Are you still with him? I don't think I could move past that at all :(

My WS suggested a threesome with the OM......

(This was before I knew about the A)

Breakaway I’ve not read any of the other responses yet but has to comment on your post, I could almost cry for you I’m so angry and horrified on your behalf.

Rarely do I comment on if someone should stay or leave but this man does not deserve you. I hope you find a way out soon, you can most definitely find peace and happiness again without this monster and his consequences in your life.

I wish I could give you giant hug

So many ...but most memorable..

1) Had to take our daughter to the ER for her heart and he was text ow the whole time. When my phone died and I asked him for his as I went to grab it he yanked it out of my hand. How did I not figure it out there and then??

2) condom in car he says it was our daughters. - unbelievable

3) I use the iPad and see searches for cheap hotels near our house?? I ask him about it he said it was for a valentine getaway.. I said at motel 6 - thanks but No..

4) at the cardiologist for my daughter doing her stress test and eco etc.. he is MIA all night .. Fucking his OW.

These broke my heart because it’s more than betraying me but it’s abandoning his child. 😢