X

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to Divorce/Separation

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Ok, here goes. Don't be me.

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5

The1stWife posted 8/30/2020 04:13 AM

Put your wife’s ugly photo on the target at the firing range and use it for target 🎯 practice.

I despise parents who engage children in the middle of a D.

99problems posted 9/1/2020 17:06 PM

Ha, I have a picture of her with the camera flash "red eye" where she is obviously channeling her inner demon.
Gonna put it on the dart board for sure.

99problems posted 9/1/2020 18:34 PM

I had a kind of epiphany the other night. The wind was blowing at least 40 mph gusts, and the old me would have been terrified that one if my dead trees (beetle infestation) was gonna blow down and hit the house.
I wasn't scared. I didn't care. I knew I could take care of whatever would happen. And then it hit me.
I have been living with crippling fear for so long. The fear of the pain she could inflict on me. It seemed like I wouldn't survive it and I would do anything to avoid it.
But now- I have survived it. My worst nightmare. And I'm still here. Kicking ass in fact.
Fuck fear. I feel like I've broken its hold on me for the first time in a decade.
I won't live like that any more.
I refuse to.

newlife03 posted 9/1/2020 19:41 PM

Fuck fear. I feel like I've broken its hold on me for the first time in a decade.
I won't live like that any more.
I refuse to.

Fantastic! Here's to your new and exciting future!

99problems posted 9/2/2020 20:30 PM

Ok, here's the developments of today.
My lawyer emailed her lawyer about the covid concerns and got no response for over 7 days.
Today my lawyer emailed me and said "I'm advising you to refuse turning over custody until a response is given and if your Stbxw shows up call the police."
Holy shit. It's getting real now. I am not sure I wanted it to get this bad involving the kid but I'm following my lawyers advice for now. Won't have an issue till Friday afternoon so hopefully the lawyers duke it out and resolve shit by then.
Not out of concern for stbxw but for my child. I don't want her to be all screwed up over this. None of it is her fault.

The1stWife posted 9/3/2020 04:05 AM

I hope this doesn’t affect your child too.

But you may need to have a conversation and explain the health issues and risks so your child understands.

99problems posted 9/3/2020 09:39 AM

My stbxw already had coronavirus during our separation and quarantined for 14 days so my child understands pretty well.
Stbxw? There's no teaching this lady anything. She does what she wants. That's why lawyers are involved.

99problems posted 9/6/2020 09:10 AM

Well the stbxw chose world war 3. She is angling for an alienation case and is going to try to get full custody.
I sure hope my lawyer knows what he is doing. All I wanted is for my child to have some precautions set in place so she is not unnecessarily exposed to a pandemic virus.
Stbxw is texting me every day with a copy paste text that I am "depriving" her of parenting time. I blocked her number again.(was only unblocked to facilitate child exchanges)
Emotionally I'm doing ok, but this situation keeps bringing up feelings of rage. Sadness seems to have left the building. 2/1/2 months later and still no appetite. Making myself eat small meals. Still not enjoying things I used to. I feel pretty stuck in rage mode. At least there's a sense of self-preservation that I have now that isn't going anywhere. I have felt in the past that my self-preservation instincts have abandoned me when I needed them the most so it is more comforting than you'd think.
I really wish I could just be divorced now and move on.

btdi posted 9/6/2020 11:40 AM

Ha, I have a picture of her with the camera flash "red eye" where she is obviously channeling her inner demon.
Gonna put it on the dart board for sure.

Baad idea. In case it were to pop out in the proceedings it would hurt your case I guess. Kids are kids and can blurt out inconvenient truths. There will be a time for this but now is not the time.

The system does not care about your hurt, Only providing a safe environment for your kid, emotional and physical. So let's pretend for some time and best WSN at her game of pretend.

99problems posted 9/6/2020 11:56 AM

Yeah I actually wouldn't do this anywhere there's the slightest possibility that my daughter could see it, which means I'm not doing it. I like thinking about it and posting it on an anonymous forum though!

99problems posted 9/20/2020 21:45 PM

Ok guys. Feel like I had a breakthrough of sorts.
One thing my stbxw and I seemed to bond over was a "us against the world" mentality.

I'll agree at the age of 40 that it's a bit immature, but I always felt solidarity and companionship about our shared perception of the world and our society.

The man that my stbxw has introduced as my child's new stepdad is a dyed in the wool typical guy.

He loves football, trucks, guns, the president, etc.

I could not be more opposite.

I guess that I'm still struggling with the fact that everything, and I do mean everything, about my 11 year marriage was a lie.

It's not that I need my marriage to be validated, it's that I can't believe what a gigantic tool I was for believing any of it.

Down to our parenting values, it was a fabrication. The lady I married had no core self at all. She made it up as she went along. Yuck.

It's making me realize that I really need a lot of work on myself before I can ever have a relationship again.
That seems like a significant impediment to my future happiness.

I hope to be happy and have a family again someday, I loved being the dad in a family and want to have that again before I kick the bucket.

Gimme those 2x4s, I know I need them.

HalfTime2017 posted 9/21/2020 14:48 PM

IdiotsMC, after reading through your post and read, I do agree you need lots of help. But keep in mind, its not about your future happiness only, it should be for the safety and happiness of your daughter as well.

As clearly demonstrated, your exWW is probably a NARC, and whatever she's told the new AP, she's also told to her friends, the other APs, all of her flying monkeys and don't be surprised if she's told your 7 yr old daughter stuff about you as well. If you have learned of what she's told her, you need to document that.

As for moving forward, I suggest that you let the lawyers handle as much as you can. It might be costly, but your WW should be paying for the attorney fees, you should be asking for that in your D, and even if your D is not finalized, she should be paying for your representation during the case as the fully employed.

Keep going to IC dude. You need to stay healthy for your daughter, she is your priority. Do you have the info on the ex using cocaine, have you shared that with your attorney? Any and all info of a negative sort, should be shared with your attorney for custody reasons. Start taking some classes, do what you need to do. You'll probably be entitled to 5.5 yrs of alimony, but you will need to start working on yourself. If your daughter is not in IC, I'd suggest that you ask in an email to you ex and cc the attorney suggesting that she get into one.

smolderingdark posted 9/21/2020 18:47 PM

Well the stbxw chose world war 3. She is angling for an alienation case and is going to try to get full custody.

Time to play your own ace. You have proof of her work place affair. Time to burn her fucking career to the ground. Report her and her AP to HR.

Give this option serious consideration. Give her no advance warning as a means to try to bargain with her. You know she is a narcissist. Her way or no way. They do no negotiate. See how long she will be trying to fight when she can't afford to pay her lawyer.

[This message edited by smolderingdark at 6:57 AM, September 22nd (Tuesday)]

leafields posted 9/21/2020 20:54 PM

IMS,

You were authentic and living your truth. Your part wasn't a lie. When you were happy, you were happy. STBXWW lied and manipulated, so some of your memories will need to be reprocessed.

You are the opposite of POSOM. You are faithful, true, caring, compassionate, and you didn't sleep with another man's wife.

99problems posted 9/22/2020 00:16 AM

Time to play your own ace. You have proof of her work place affair. Time to burn her fucking career to the ground. Report her and her AP to HR

On Wednesday, once the "mediation" farce is over and I have a little more insight, I may very well do that.
I don't disagree that my best strategy may be to burn everything down and level the playing field. But she also has a wealthy mother and I do not... so still not all that equal.
It is still on the table. I will do it if it serves the best interest of my child. I will not if I don't believe it does not serve the best interests of my child.

99problems posted 9/22/2020 00:22 AM

You were authentic and living your truth. Your part wasn't a lie. When you were happy, you were happy. STBXWW lied and manipulated, so some of your memories will need to be reprocessed.

You are the opposite of POSOM. You are faithful, true, caring, compassionate, and you didn't sleep with another man's wife.


Thank you for the kind words. I am working hard at the reprocessing. Surprisingly a lot of repressed, really bad things are resurfacing and triggering the hell out of me. Guess it's part of the process but I am not really enjoying it TBH.
I will emerge stronger and infidelity free with a beautiful kid. That is worth any amount of pain or stress.

99problems posted 9/22/2020 21:22 PM

Got my first karma story!!!
Stbxww got fired today. Don't know any details but I've gotta say, it put a spring in my step and a bit of whoop in my whoopie😀 Even though this will affect my alimony, it's still making me smile.
Now I can just hope that the bus stops and backs up 😈 Don't know if schmoopie(ap) got fired too, but I am gonna make that happen asap

99problems posted 9/22/2020 21:30 PM

Halftime- I didn't see your post until now for some reason...
So far, as I can ascertain, my daughter hasn't been told anything so negative it's affected our relationship. We are super close and I feel pretty good about how her and I are doing.
I plan on IC for her. It will become much more affordable for me once I get divorced.
I have no plans for stopping IC for me for very long time. I realize that I have abandonment issues and codependency stuff that can't be dealt with by myself. I've been struggling with these issues for 40 years and if I haven't made progress by now on my own , I'm not magically going to tomorrow without some help.
It's a lot of FOO stuff, among other things, and I am one stubborn bastard.

betrayedafter20 posted 9/22/2020 21:38 PM

Holy Cow IMS. I haven't been on this post for a while and am just getting caught up on your posts.

You are doing a heck of a lot of introspection. IMO a lot of growth is happening here!

I would def seek counseling now if you haven't already, while you are in this mode - it seems like you are ready - and that's when the most work gets done. I'm rooting for you!!!

Also - FWIW - I would visit your anonymous dartboard and throw one at her for ya

hey, maybe we have something there... a stream for a dart to throw, big pic of a dartboard, with some menacing looking emoji - with all our WS's "names" on it - and every time we had an anger moment we could go in there and throw a virtual dart - some kind of icon - with our WS name on it, i.e, WS of IMS, WS of BA20, etc.

??? how can we make that happen?? LOL Let me think about that. I mean we could probably do it in Fun and Games but I feel like we should have our own here on our S/D forum....

betrayedafter20 posted 9/22/2020 21:44 PM

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5

Return to Forum List

Return to Divorce/Separation

© 2002-2020 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy