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Ok, here goes. Don't be me.

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5

fooled13years posted 8/21/2020 15:11 PM


Ok, here goes. Donít be me.

I am afraid that many of us were just like you.

It took us a long time to understand what was going on and get traction in order to move in the direction that was needed.

Once we got traction and started to move forward we soon found ourselves ahead of the games.

It appears as though you are ahead of it now too.

Here's hoping for a November date for everything to be finalized.

Stay strong. You are in the 7th inning stretch.

99problems posted 8/22/2020 10:56 AM

Welp, MY lawyer told me we would be lucky to be done by October 2021.
So much for that. It's more in line from what I was hearing from other people though so no surprise.
I am doing better today, I exploded and screamed for 10 minutes straight at the top of my lungs yesterday and punched the hell out of a tree (no serious injury) and I think I needed that. My anger is extremely focused on not having my daughter 50% of the time. That is a hard thing to reconcile in my mind. I can let go of the cheater, money isn't a problem, I hated the other house and love mine, but I am having a HARD time being away from my daughter.

99problems posted 8/22/2020 12:37 PM

Wow I just read your story. You are one tough cookie. Thanks for the support- means a lot coming from you.

99problems posted 8/23/2020 11:48 AM

Okey dokey. I thought that I was going to appeal to her inner narcissist and get things to stay civil for the kid.
That plan has fallen through.
She called to discuss the child sharing schedule for the school year. We had previously discussed that I would do the schooling(as school in my area is going to be done remotely from home until further notice, covid).
So as we discussed the parenting schedule, I proposed that I would watch the kid mon-thurs, all school days, and she would get Fri sat sun overnights. A sweetheart deal for her, she gets all weekend off with our kid while I work all weekend, I only get school days.
She did not like this idea. She wants every other weekend to spend with the AP, because even though they work together, it still has to be a secret because she will lose her cushy job if it is discovered.
I said, "how do you expect me to survive If can only work every other weekend?
How will I do all the schooling if I don't get the kid mon-fri?"
She then reneges on our earlier agreement and says her mom can do the schooling. (She cannot, she is 75 and cannot use her phone, much less keep track of 3 different logins for different learning programs and getting into WebEx meetings)
I tell her that if we cannot come to a compromise that the courts and lawyers will decide.
Then her AP sends me a threatening text message from an anonymous message service saying that he will physically attack me if I will just come to his apartment( he does not have a driver's license lolololol )unless I "respect" stbxw. I block his number.
Then stbxw texts that she will not relinquish custody to me so that my kid can virtually attend school on Monday.
She demands the computer that school provided in order for her to accomplish attending school. I refuse, saying that she should not violate the previous agreement. She calls the cops on me. Saying that I threatened to come forcibly remove the child from her residence. They tell her that if I am not there actually attempting that that there's nothing they can do. Lol. I text her that I never said that I would take that action, she did, and that I will always contact lawyers and police before I take any action in order to confirm that any action I take is legal and ethical.
Jesus. These people.. I guess that this will all be done through the courts. I am in for a hell of a ride.
I do not know when I will see my daughter again. First court date is Tuesday. It is just an initial hearing, my lawyer is going to request an emergency temporary custody order.
Wish me luck y'all.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 6:26 PM, August 23rd, 2020 (Sunday)]

steadychevy posted 8/23/2020 12:55 PM

I do wish you luck, IMS (I'm not going to call you Idiot). I thank the Lord that I didn't have to go through anything like this. My daughters were all adults.

Did you keep the text message from POD AP? Might be handy to have a threatening text message even if it's stupid.

99problems posted 8/23/2020 14:56 PM

Oh yes. I'm pretty good about documenting things. Also my phone is recording any audio if we have a conversation in person (although I've been avoiding that for 3 weeks and don't plan on it again, she's the type to make false dv claims for sure).
She continues to think that I'll roll over and be her puppy dog for some reason. She's not going to like court at all.

smolderingdark posted 8/23/2020 16:55 PM

There is no reasoning with a narcissist. If you choose to "fight" they draw fuel from the conflict. It is not like you will have any other choice save abandoning your kids and walking away - unacceptable.

She wants every other weekend to spend with the AP, because even though they work together, it still has to be a secret because she will lose her cushy job if it is discovered.

Perhaps you should give serious consideration to exposing her secret/affair to her employer. Do so discreetly so that she is unaware you are responsible. Burn her life to the ground and give her something to keep her busy. Would also keep her AP busy if he is fired too. You should not dismiss his threats out of hand.

I realize you likely have financial considerations that have stayed your hand as far as exposing your wife to her employer. I was married to a narcissist. Your divorce will only get delayed and more and more expensive. She will want to break you. Level the playing field and take away her advantage/cushy job.

Think it over. You have nothing to lose that your wife won't try to take away regardless.

99problems posted 8/23/2020 18:20 PM

I will always have that as an ace up my sleeve. I have the phone number that can end her job instantly saved on my phone. And if it comes down to me realizing that this battle cannot be won, I will use it instantly and end her and her AP's jobs.
Edit: I do not dismiss AP's threats, he is violent and stupid. I am well protected at my home by a pitbull and firearms. I will not ever put myself in a dangerous position. I will not set foot on my stbxw's property ever again. I do wish there was a way I could see where I could get my daughter away from him permanently, but it seems as if that is not an option in any way.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 6:25 PM, August 23rd, 2020 (Sunday)]

Westway posted 8/24/2020 16:29 PM

Asshole! Your STBXWW is an asshole!! I just now caught up on this thread and I'm at a loss for words.

Dude, you tell that layer of yours to get mean and waste this bitch.

99problems posted 8/25/2020 13:43 PM

So I had initial conference/court date to decide the timeline. First temporary orders hearing is December. That sucks, its gonna be a very long wait. Until then I guess I'm on my own with a narcissist playing games with my life and my daughter's life.

crazyblindsided posted 8/25/2020 14:01 PM

Wow WTH her AP sounds like a lunatic. I would try to get as much proof as possible of his violent threats and make sure your daughter is never around that man. Very scary!

Your STBXWW sounds like a classic Narcissist. Someone here recommended I read this book and it has been helpful because my STBX is also a Narc.

This book was written for situations like yours and mine. It's called "Splitting" by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 2:16 PM, August 25th (Tuesday)]

JanaGreen posted 8/25/2020 14:12 PM

Oh shit dude. I'm so sorry. Wow, what a couple of selfish assholes they are!

siracha posted 8/25/2020 16:51 PM

You are a great father and i guarantee that your daughter is going to value that above anything else
You also seem like the type of person who will be happily re married soon ( yes im part gypsy) just make sure the next person deserves you
Encourage your lawyer to not show any scruples , really rooting for you

betrayedafter20 posted 8/25/2020 20:05 PM

Just chiming in here - been following, and now I'm pissed!

WHAT WESTWAY SAID!!!!! No more Bull. Get a good lawyer NOW and save those kids from her selfishness

99problems posted 8/25/2020 21:18 PM

My lawyer is a good guy, I really trust him. Thank you everybody for all of the support. It means a ton.
I know things will go my way if I stay the course. And I'm feeling better every day.
Yay for me! And for you guys.
I will read splitting, that seems like a good read for me. Agree that she's a full blown narc.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 9:19 PM, August 25th, 2020 (Tuesday)]

99problems posted 8/27/2020 19:13 PM

So my stbxww decided that she didn't need to tell me that her place of employment is having a covid outbreak and that her and her AP will be exposing my child 5 days every two weeks. I found out from the state website. Lawyer says there's nothing I can do. So now I will have to be exposed and cannot work or see friends. My daughter likewise will not see her friends. Hope there's a chance that the court will take a dim view of this behavior.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 8:02 PM, August 27th, 2020 (Thursday)]

99problems posted 8/28/2020 20:06 PM

My 11th wedding anniversary is tomorrow.
I'd really like to celebrate by shoveling pig shit all day or destroying something.
Something cathartic.
Anybody got any ideas? They can be funny or angry or whatever. Just want to hear what y'all got.
Thank you everyone on these boards for all you've done for me. I was a lost freaking soul 4 years ago.
I don't feel lost now.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/29/2020 11:42 AM

I'd really like to celebrate by shoveling pig shit all day or destroying something.
Something cathartic.

Why don't you head out to the range for the day? That will get your mind off of things and they might have stuff that you can blow up .

99problems posted 8/29/2020 11:57 AM

I would LOVE to blow some shit up. Or shoot something. Thanks for the idea.

99problems posted 8/29/2020 19:33 PM

11 years ago, right now, I was making a fucking mistake and saying "I do".
Fuck these feelings. I want to murder them.
But I guess we all have to go *through* these things and keep on going.
So that is exactly what I intend to do.
Had a great day today with my daughter, took her swimming and to feed ducks.
She is the best. Truly my best friend.

[This message edited by Idiotmcstupid at 6:42 PM, September 1st, 2020 (Tuesday)]

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