Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

is this real?

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13

Browsing41 posted 9/16/2020 07:43 AM


You really need to be sure to follow through with divorce to protect yourself. When you are no longer legally tied to her you can go back and do whatever you want to do with her. You could go back and try to help her rehab if you choose when your divorce is finalized. I don't recommend going back but just because you're divorce doesn't mean you can't ever be with her if that is what you want.

Again. Please divorce asap to protect yourself from a legal stand point.
I really hope things work out for you, good luck.

[This message edited by Browsing41 at 11:05 AM, September 16th (Wednesday)]

reborn07 posted 9/22/2020 09:08 AM

whatís up subverted? everything goin ur way?

Buffer posted 9/23/2020 19:36 PM

She can't by law lock you out. Her or her father.
Get the police and lawyer onto this.
One day at a time

subverted posted 9/25/2020 08:38 AM

I am hanging in there....

Lots of stress

She has been served.

We had out first child support hearing. Which was a disaster for her since her audio was messed up on the zoom meeting, as well as the fact that she did not get any of her paper work turned in.

My lawyer stepped to the plate and told them to consider her an able body and to give me a minimum wage 40 hour a week credit. Which I think they will.

I dont have any numbers as of yet but things are in the works.

She still texts me constantly.

Her/Our biggest issue right now, is her car (the one I pay for) is having lots of issues. She cannot get the kids to school because of this. I am conflicted on fixing it, but I kind of guess I have too.

Last week when I was there to fix it her AP called from jail and she actually took the call in front of me while I was wrenching on her car... Very respectful I know.

The court told me to quit paying her. And If I do, make sure to get a receipt. So i shut off the direct deposit to her account. She eventually found out about this and flipped a nut, lol.

I still sent her money but 100 less. Since we now have agreed to have the kids week on week off friday thru friday, I figured Id give her 400 bucks bi weekly instead of 500 since I have to now buy groceries and lunches for 2 weeks out of the month. I also figured Id take some for parts for "her" car as she likes to call it.

She is trying to pressure me into trading it in for something a bit newer. I say no, I dont want to do that with a divorce in the works, and now I am an egotistical DB....

Whatever...She can say what she wants about me. She can wait for her AP to get out of jail. When/if he does I will have a PPO on him for my children...

Should I be fixing her vehicle? I kinda feel like she should be... But I have to drive my kids to school because she will just not take them....

Bad place to be in. I guess I will just bend over and try to be as helpful as possible, even tho she constantly says things like "I see your true colors now" "U promised you would help me" (even tho i am paying for the marital house she stays in, her car, her health insurance, her car insurance, and giving her 1000 dollars a month) Truth is she has done nothing for me, but cheat.

She is trying to twist me into the villain, but im not falling for it. I have been trying to ghost her texts as much as possible. My son has his 8th birthday coming up next week. Not sure how we will do it. Probably just have to go see her......

[This message edited by subverted at 10:17 AM, September 25th (Friday)]

Thumos posted 9/25/2020 16:37 PM

"I see your true colors now" - translation: You're not the steady provisioner cuckold she thought you would be and instead you're standing up for yourself.

"You promised you would help me" - translation: See above.

Here's the funny thing. These are actually two really meaningful phrases because she's projecting. The truth is you see her true colors now for what and who she is. And she promised you a bare minimum of faithfulness and honesty and she couldn't follow through on that.

You need to stop babying her along. You've done enough now. Stop the Mr. Nice Guy routine.

longsadstory1952 posted 9/25/2020 19:37 PM

Did you signup for VINE yet? If not that 2 minutes to do it. Pm me if you need more info.

subverted posted 9/27/2020 12:04 PM

Setting up VINE right now!

Thanks for the wise words Thum. You are correct.

reborn07 posted 9/29/2020 11:33 AM

everything sounds like itís moving along well subverted. as bad as it sucks, in the marital situation you had, with the type of person you had it with, these money and lifestyle negotiations are going to be there until you weed them out one by one. she is going to try to squeeze everything out of you that she can. sheís not accepting making her own way and sheíll fight and struggle every inch of the way to keep her situation the same, although your situation has had to change to accommodate her selfish bullshit. i would say the car is her problem, but iíve done things that i didnít feel like ďwere my problemĒ to accommodate making a situation work with someone that just wouldnít do their part. if the car issue is becoming your problem, you can do what you can if it helps YOUR end of the situation along, but your absolutely right... DO NOT let this woman sway you on any new financial obligations with her. sheís just trying to stuff her pockets full on the way out of the candy shop. although helping her along right now in a way may be helping yourself too, donít help her past your financial boundaries. sheís a grown up whether she wants to play the role or not. be careful with this woman and your finances, because when this is over you donít want to be totally ruined. the better financial shape youíre in, the easier itíll be to kick off your new and improved subverted life 2.0. donít let her guilt bullshit make you put yourself in check, ďtrue colorsĒ, ďyou promisedĒ, donít get subverted started on true colors and promises.... truth is, youíre in an ever changing situation that you are trying to make work one day at a time. youíre still figuring things out and you may have intentions that canít work the way you thought they could.. youíre still figuring this out. she needs to start figuring shit out too. you shouldnít be the only one juggling the balls that she threw in the air.. keep trying, make the best choices you can, and protect yourself and your kids.. shits gonna get better subverted. itís just gonna

[This message edited by reborn07 at 11:47 AM, September 29th (Tuesday)]

MickeyBill2016 posted 9/29/2020 12:08 PM

The car is not a complicated issue. Stop doing her favors.
Instead of you working on it while she twiddles her thumbs talking to her BF, take to a shop. Have them go over and fix what needs to be fixed. Split the cost with her.
Don't buy her a new car if you are on the road to divorce. We got my XW a car about a month before D Day. We put down $15k, at mediation I brought that up and ended up with $7500 in my side of the ledger and taken off her loan.

Notmine posted 9/30/2020 08:00 AM

i am paying for the marital house she stays in, her car, her health insurance, her car insurance, and giving her 1000 dollars a month

Give her an itemized receipt of these payments and send to her each time she complains. Do not engage.

Have the car serviced and split the payment. She can get a JOB, part time or full time. Stop paying car insurance. Health for the kids only. She can pay her own household bills with a JOB. If she does not take the kids to school, she may well lose custody. The Court will ultimately decide what you owe. It is time for her to face the consequences to her actions.

Sofarsogood posted 9/30/2020 08:53 AM

In the interest of safety for your kids, you can actually obtain access to the actual police reports from the court through the freedom of information act (FOIA). This will show details and if the charges were actually pled down. This could go a long way to prove you should have primary custody (maybe demonstrating what kind of people your WW may be exposing your children to). Please stay strong, keep documenting everything, and also, even if the lock has been changed and you needed access to your residence, I don't think you get in trouble for entering your own house (after all, as long as you are married, it's all mutual property). If you are concerned or have questions, call the jurisdiction your residence is located in (city, county, or state) Police can advise you on legalities. Best of luck to you!

subverted posted 10/9/2020 06:08 AM

Hanging in there.

This Saturday is our would have been, 12 year anniversary. I am not too worried about it. Whatever. Shes a bitch.

Shes really getting bent over with this divorce. shes losing everything. Literally. Cant wait for her to leave my house.

I got my child support ruling and it was, for the most part, good news.

I will be paying her 760 a month in CS. Since my lawyer asked the investigator to put her down as min wage 30 hours a week minimum, this saved me about 200 bucks a month in CS.

This is actually less than I have been paying her since we split back in july out of the goodness of my heart.

She knows I have been "dating" a particular women whom I really click with.Shes kind of losing it. She is very upset that she isnt getting more money. I basically quit responding to any texts she sends me, this is helping not only me to help forget but also I think the text storm from her is slowing down. The moment I hit back, shes back to texting up a storm....so I just stay silent and calculated.

I know she has been talking to her AP still but also other men. Not sure what she has in mind for money. Probably cam girling. Dont know, Dont care. As long as my children are safe.

This past Friday she was 45 mins late to our pick up/drop off court order. She was "dope sick" because the pharmacy had not refilled her suboxone script. She also kept the kids home from school one day because of being dope-sick.

She had threatened to call the cops on me because I took a few things from MY house. My attorney said I did nothing wrong and I know i didnt.

Basically the whole thing is a mess. Now that she knows she losing me to another potential women I think its hitting home. Now that she sees she bit the financial hand that feeds her she is breaking down.

She is going from living very comfortably to living on a min wage food stamp, wic, food bank, lifestyle. I don't think she has had any leads on getting a job.


MorbidCuriosity posted 10/9/2020 06:42 AM

That woman is cray af. It must be a weight lifted getting the legal stuff out of the way. But you seem to be able to see her as what she truly is. I hope you fall out of love as soon as you can so you can heal and move on to a better life and a better relationship. Hope the situation with the kids are in your favour man.

Westway posted 10/9/2020 08:54 AM

You know, in a year from now when the dust settles a bit and the love goggles finally shed from your eyes for good, you'll look at her and wonder how you ever fell in love with such a detestable creature.

Westway posted 10/9/2020 08:58 AM

Basically the whole thing is a mess. Now that she knows she losing me to another potential women I think its hitting home. Now that she sees she bit the financial hand that feeds her she is breaking down.

Pride cometh before the fall.

Her pridefulness will never let her admit she is wrong, nor will it ever allow her to truly repent for what she did to you are and her family.

NeverTwice posted 10/9/2020 10:53 AM

Back to your first post:

My wife suffers from PMDD...

So did I - yet, somehow, I managed to never go have sex outside our marriage. No EA, no PA - not cheating. It's NOT an excuse.

Just a thought.

Hang in there man.


reborn07 posted 10/9/2020 12:35 PM

bravo subverted, BRAVO! tickled pink to hear ya doin well. thought ya fell off the earth for a minute. glad to hear youíre gettin some wins in the column. no kiddin, iím with west on this... the farther you get outside of the fish bowl, the easier it gets to see what was inside it...... by the way, i gotta say this. my ex was junked out on suboxone too, methadone, whatever. we absolutely got a scoop outta the same pint. is her name stephanie? 😂

subverted posted 10/9/2020 12:41 PM

Morbid, West and Never,

Kind words.

And yes, the PMDD thing, she took over the top, LOL!! PMDD = May cause you to spread legs for random men.

Couldn't say it better myself.

Thanks you.

The hardest part right now, is the part where I have to go to the house and get stuff done. Or when I have to see her while dropping/picking up kiddos for the week.

The new girl I am "seeing" is much more intellectual, real, bonds with me on the same frequency, type thing. She kind of fell into my lap. Even tho early for a relationship, and we are taking it SLOOOOOWWWW... She is a good reminder of what i'm worth.

I love it when she tells me things like "I cant believe she had you and let you go" or "YOU are an AMAZING, SEXY man". A little boost for me when i am in my depression haze phase. I have only known her for 6 or 7 weeks but it feels like years. We talk and laugh a lot. She listens to me ferociously. She is interested in my activities. She wants to try the things I enjoy. She loves to see me in my element.

All of these things were missing with my EX! I did not see that then, as I was blinded. But I see it now.

Like I said, I know it is very much too early to get into a relationship, but this just kind of happened. Quickly, fiercely, romantically. We both feel like we lost control of the wheel and are letting our hearts take over.

[This message edited by subverted at 12:43 PM, October 9th (Friday)]

KingofNothing posted 10/9/2020 13:34 PM

Dang, subverted, I know itís early days yet, but you might see something positive out of this. Contrast this update to your first post. You are taking charge, you are wise to her manipulative behavior, and you are taking care of yourself. Iím glad you are seeing a future where you donít require her in your life to be happy. Emotional indifference to an abusive ex is a real blessing. Like many others on here I would advocate taking the other relationship slow and just donít bring it up around her, no matter how tempting it is. The new woman appears to be a huge upgrade over your STBX, Iím happy for you. Just donít rub it in her face or sheíll think of more insidious ways to mess with you. Keep safe, be strong. As Westway says (and he ought to know) a year from now you wonít believe you ever held her in high esteem.

NeverTwice posted 10/14/2020 14:54 PM

Hi subverted,

First of all - I greatly admire both your determination to get her out of your life ASAP and your obvious love for your children. You, good sir, are doing awesome!

But this?

And yes, the PMDD thing, she took over the top, LOL!! PMDD = May cause you to spread legs for random men.

I laughed so hard I spit soda on my monitor

Wishing you the very best! 💖

[This message edited by NeverTwice at 2:56 PM, October 14th (Wednesday)]

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

© 2002-2020 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy