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What were your WS Whys???

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ThisIsSoLonely posted 6/30/2020 23:43 PM

My WH has said just this:

Fundamentally it was because I wanted to. I was in a very bad place and the attention felt good.

AT the time I thought it was a cop-out. I was looking for some profound statement like "it was because I was unloved by my family in ways that made me feel good and I find myself looking for it everywhere and can't get enough" (all that was/is true in his case) but at the end of the day, the fact that he wanted to told me all of that and more.

Deejay523 posted 7/10/2020 11:49 AM

Thank you all for your time and help!

TwoDozen posted 7/21/2020 05:28 AM

On Dday - Drunk
2 days later in MC - She had been unhappy for years - this was news to me, she had never told a single person except POSOM, we were and still are the benchmark couple in the eyes of everyone we know
1 week later - it made her feel sexy / we had been room mates for years - again news to me
After the fog cleared - MLC / exit A / low self esteem / getting old / was flattered by attention of much younger man / she is an evil person
Now 9 months from Dday - she was unhappy & thought she’d made that obvious - she hadn’t and tbh this is the most likely reason we won’t make it to 3Dozen, not the A but her reluctance to dig into her why’s and how’s. Or more specifically that her reasons are not good enough for me and I’ve stopped asking.

Fact is she was the last person in her FOO to not have an A and whilst I thought she was the most stable, reliable, honourable, trustworthy person in her FOO (and my life) and would be the 1st to break the cycle (actually never occurred to me that she could or would, not once) she actually took it further than any of the others. Even after chastising and almost dis-owning her sibling for an EA a few years previous.

My own research indicates this was a car crash in slow motion. 2 broken people with poor boundaries, sharing inappropriate feelings about their partners over months maybe years, which they’d both neglected to share with their partners. just needed opportunity and alcohol and hey presto FML

Will at some point share the full story

justastatistic posted 7/22/2020 10:12 AM

1. She wanted to. (selfishness)
2. She didn't think she would get caught.

Trapped74 posted 7/28/2020 20:04 PM

1. He wanted to
2. He didn’t feel needed
3. Didn’t think he’d get caught

SlapJacks posted 7/29/2020 13:32 PM

I got some goodies....

1) I worked too much, and didn't spend enough quality time with her.

2) He gave her attention, and he "loved her".

3) He did all of these "things" like bike riding with his kids, having barbeques with friends on the weekends, and he had a lot of friends and was social. Apparently I am an introverted homebody that works too much.

3) She felt like she was having a mid-life crisis.

4) I don't spend enough time with our kids. Even if true not sure what this would have to do with wanting to fuck another man.

5) He did cool things like spontaneously playing guitar to a music video on TV???

6) She wanted to see what if the grass was greener.

7) She didn't think I would be that upset because I had never exhibited signs of being jealous during our marriage.

8) I had gained weight. This is a goodie, because while I did add 15-20 lbs, I was still working out 4-5 times per week. The weight gain was due to the fact that I had stopped running running marathons about 10 years ago.

9) He was "honest" because he kept demanding that she leave me because he was morally opposed to having an affair, but was overcome by feelings. That's some serious mental gymnastics.

All of the above are total and complete BS. She simply wanted to do it. She exercised her free will a thousand times between point A and B.

ann1960 posted 8/3/2020 00:54 AM

My FWH wanted to destroy the marriage.

Problem was he neglected to tell me. So for the 2.75 y of the A I thought we had a normal ongoing marriage.

He later says he actually must have been ambivalent about destroying the marriage. My translation...he told himself the marriage is over, my dick is hard and I’m doing this! I don’t care if anyone finds out...although I will lie, plan and scheme to keep it secret.

Truth: his why is because he is selfish and he wanted to.

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