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At a Loss!

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fallleaves posted 10/29/2019 19:12 PM

Ok, my story starts 16 years ago. I've been with my husband 20 years. Married for 14. 16 years ago before we were married he broke up with me while we were living together. I did not want that, but he did and then he refused to leave and proceeded to tell everyone we were room mates and present himself as single. He asked that we not date others unless we told each other. I agreed but then really didn't feel I owed him anything and did sleep with someone else. He found out and at the time acted like it as 100% infidelity and we went through the whole hysterical bonding, making up and then eventually getting married. He never forgave me for "cheating on him" until just recently--15 years later!

Ok, fast forward to the present. I've been faithful to him as a wife. Over the years I have lost 100lbs, recently had plastic surgery (boobs, etc) and have taken up fitness as a hobby. I am 48 and look great. I am comfortable with my body and honestly I would be one of those people who would go to a nudest resort for vacation if he would go. That's just who I am.

Ok, next thing which will probably be touchy for some. we have had a mutual male friend that I have been close to over the last 18 years. We have only even lived in the same city as him for about a year and a half when I first met him. He was a friend of my husband's first. I have helped him through breakups and hard times. He has spent Christmas with me, my husband and my daughter who is now 8 2-3 times in the last 10 years. He got married 2 years ago and I was a guest of honor at his rehearsal dinner. We talk openly on the phone and text. If he calls and we are both in car I answer on speaker phone. There are times when it ends up the 4 of us on the phone in seperate cars on speaker phone. Last August he and his wife spend time with us in California. There have never been any issues with us. And we have never crossed any lines. There is just this one friend of my husband who always eggs my husband on that me and this long term friend have a thing going on.


Ok, so that's the background and here's what happened. My friend and I now talk like once a month or so on the phone and text on and off once every few weeks. Most of our texts are about either work or dieting lol.

Thursday night we were talking about my fitness progress and he asked to see an update photo. I told him I just took one a little while ago and I had not edited my privates out but I would send it and he needed to erase it. I had no sexual intentions when I sent it . I could have been sending it to a girlfriend. I sent it . He replied back "wow! you look great. how do I make that kind of progress" and I told him about my hormone replacement doctor and my trainer. That was the conversation. The last thing he said was that he erased the photos and congrats on my progress.

Well later that night my husband looked at my phone and saw the photo. And even though he saw the thread he says I cheated on him and he wants a divorce because now I have again betrayed him like I did 15 years ago.


I fully understand that he has a right to be upset. I made a bad choice and though my intentions were not sexual in nature and the response was not sexual in nature, I did not consider his feelings when I did it. I honestly didn't think at all.


So here's my question. I am truly truly sorry that I have hurt him. I asked him what I can do to make this better. He asked me to cut the friendship. I agreed. I sent a no contact text and blocked on all accounts. Although there was not an inappropriate relationship tied to those photos I get why my husband would want that.
But nothing I say is right. He will ask me "why did you do it" and when I answer him honestly and explain it was a fitness update (per the thread) he says I'm making excuses. If he says he hurting and I say I'm sorry he says not to say I'm sorry because I am not sorry and sorry means nothing. Sorry just makes him angry. If he tells me how he feels and I just nod and listen and try not to react or respond he tells me I'm being defiant. I am being genuine and honest with him. I am sorry.

What I did was wrong. I hurt him and I want to make it better. But he has already canceled our vacation, canceled Halloween at our house for friends and family, canceled a friend that was coming to visit the first week in november and made an appointment with an attorney to file for divorce. I am just devastated for my daughter. My husband and I were in love and doing great. Great sex life and having fun together at this point in our lives. Please help me to help him heal from this. I don't know what to do?????

[This message edited by fallleaves at 7:31 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

Zugzwang posted 10/29/2019 20:04 PM

What did you do that was wrong? Your reply is that you hurt him. So, you are apologizing for his hurt feelings. Not for your actions. Why were your actions wrong? Get it? Your apology is shallow. Because you are apologizing for him. For him feeling hurt. Not because you did something wrong.

MrsWalloped posted 10/29/2019 20:17 PM

Hi fallleaves. Welcome to SI.

He never forgave me for "cheating on him" until just recently--15 years later!

He never forgave you but he married you? I donít understand that. Could you explain? Why did you marry him if he hadnít forgiven you?

he says I'm making excuses

I think heís right. It doesnít sound like youíve really put a lot of thought into why you thought it was okay to send a naked picture of yourself to another man. You kind of just brush him off and say itís an exercise thing. Being sorry doesnít mean anything if you donít really think you have anything to be sorry for. Itís great that you went NC with him, but it sounds like you have boundary issues.

I know this is a little harsh, but I donít see much empathy for your husband in your post. Itís more like you recognize you shouldnít have sent it and you admit it but think your husband is totally overreacting and want him to move past it. I donít know if he is or not, but I do know that not empathizing with him and seeing things from his point of view is not helping.

Justsomelady posted 10/29/2019 20:17 PM

You do not send nude photos to people to share fitness progress, that is the silliest thing Iíve ever heard. I truly think you are lying to yourself. That is basically sexting coyly even if it wasn't how you phrased the texts. You were also looking for approval - ego kibbles - from another man for your naked body. That was hurtful to your husband and shows your lack of boundaries, which then makes him feel unsafe.

His reaction was heavy but based on your past infidelity (it was) and perhaps your husband feeling less cool about the close male friend than you thought, add up to betrayal. I do hope you can try to empathize with him and that you both heal.

Seriously aside from this don't send even a girlfriend a naked pic; naked pics never end up where you think they will. Just watch the news it happens every day.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 8:24 PM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

EvolvingSoul posted 10/29/2019 20:17 PM

Hi there fallleaves,

Welcome to SI. This place helped me a lot and I hope it can help you too.

It feels like you have a very tight narrative of why both of the mentioned incidents (sleeping with someone else before you were married and sending a nude photo to another man) were not really infidelity, or at least less than 100% infidelity. What you are missing I think is that no matter whether he broke up with you, told everyone he was single, refused to move, etc., you made an agreement that you would tell him if you were going to date (presumably that includes sleeping with) anyone else. You agreed. And then you broke the agreement and hid it from him and he found out about it. That is a betrayal of his trust and it is a trauma that can take a long time to heal. If you didn't feel you owed him anything, you could have said so. So that's the first thing you'll need to figure out. Why do you think you decided to lie about dating/sleeping with someone else rather than be up front?

Over the years I have lost 100lbs, recently had plastic surgery (boobs, etc) and have taken up fitness as a hobby. I am 48 and look great. I am comfortable with my body and honestly I would be one of those people who would go to a nudest resort for vacation if he would go. That's just who I am.
Is this who you were before the weight loss and before the plastic surgery? It would probably be a good idea to examine your relationship with the "male gaze". As someone who went from being fat to fit, from being invisible to turning heads, I know how seductive that feeling can be. After a long time of being ignored, having men staring and honking and commenting on how great I looked was very addicting. I paid a lot of attention to whether they were looking at me. I went out of my way to be seen. I took belly dancing classes and practiced my "moves" at the gym. I did go to clothing optional places. I was not looking for dates. I was not looking to hook up. I was simply looking to be desired. I challenge you to think deeply about whether this is "just who you are" or whether you are a little bit of a junkie reveling in the approval you receive for the way you look and going out of your way to seek it out. If so, that would explain why it seemed reasonable to send a naked photo of yourself to someone not your husband. Maybe it wasn't sexual, but was it really necessary? Ask yourself if you would have done it with your husband standing next to you with his full knowledge that that is what you were doing. Do you think he would have been okay with it?

I think it would be a good idea to read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and to ask yourself whether or not you have actually been in an emotional affair with this friend. You talked about phone calls in the car on speaker phone in the presence of your spouses as evidence that nothing untoward was going on but I would look more closely at the kinds of conversations you had when your spouses weren't around, the ones to which they never would have been privy. If you're sharing details about yourself, your spouse or your marriage that you would not share with your spouse or with your spouse's knowledge, that's a red flag.

As to your BS's response, do not be dismissive of his feelings or try to tell him that he's wrong or over reacting. The book "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald will be a big help. Also, read the post on this board "What every WS needs to know" by HUFI-PUFI. I'll bump it up to the top for you. There is no quick fix for betrayal. It tends to break the betrayed's subjective reality in a way that has them questioning everything. Your BS is probably wondering if there is anything else he doesn't know about. Are there other things you have hidden from him? They don't have to be sexual/affair related, just things you kept from him in an effort to manage his feelings?

These are uncomfortable places to start poking around, I know. The truth is, wayward spouses lie very effectively to themselves and healing can't really happen for either party until you start seeing any self-deception for what it is.

Proceed with conviction and valor.

Best to you from a fellow EvolvingSoul.

MrCleanSlate posted 10/30/2019 07:54 AM

fallleaves,

Your husband isn't filing for divorce simply based on a photo. There must be more of a backstory to your marriage that led to this point.

From what you describe it sounds to me like you were having an emotional affair with this male friend. You were engaging this other man way more than just a friendship. And I bet that your sending the nude was intended to elicit a response that perhaps would lead to more...

How was your marriage before this?

Did your husband know about your relationship with this friend (the texts and calls, etc. between just the two of you)?

If you really want some help here you need to really be honest. Look we're all here because we cheated so no one is going to judge you.

Were you already in an affair previously, other than the pre-marriage one?

How mush other 'inappropriate' stuff did you discuss or share with this friend (flirting, personal feelings, etc?) and did you want to take this emotional affair to another level?

hikingout posted 10/30/2019 08:19 AM

Hi Fall leaves,

I am the WS in my situation, so please know that what I am about to say is really without judgement, moreso having now understood some of my own behaviors I would like to try and help you illuminate yours to you.

The reason your husband is reeling is you have shocked him. He made himself vulnerable to you again and then he finds that you have sent a nude photo of yourself to another man and it's taken that mended bone and broken it again.

And, if he could even see that you were taking any accountability for it, that might would have helped. But you have chosen to minimize it and dismiss it as "no big deal". What if your husband sent a nude photo to another woman? Can you honestly say that wouldn't bother you? Or how about if the wife of that man sent a naked pic to your husband? Wouldn't you feel that was a betrayal towards you? Won't you feel embarrassed when she finds out you sent that to her husband? There are a million clues here that you knew all that but chose to do it anyway. So, asking yourself why and really evaluating that would be so important for your own personal growth regardless what happens with your marriage.

And, really, with the way phones are today, and as stupid as I can be on how to use them, even I can block out anything from a photo with the drawing tools in less than 30 seconds. You didn't take that time - so here is the question to ask yourself - Why did you want him to see you naked?

I have my own theories here:
1. You wanted him to pursue you or at least validate how good you look naked. You did all this work to yourself, why only show your husband? You would like to show the world and go to a nude beach.
2. You "know" or "feel" that you look better than his wife and you wanted that validation.

Likely this comes from a deep well of insecurity from when you were not as healthy or attractive. Your outsides have changed but your insides have not changed, so you need a lot of validation to try and quell those harder feelings you have on the inside.

If you want a shot at your marriage, read the book Evolving Soul mentioned, get real with what caused this event in your life, what the root of it is and be honest with your husband. You are trying to control his perception of you by minimizing it, hoping he won't feel it was as bad as it was. But, reality is that by doing that you are not taking accountability and that is making you look far, far worse in his eyes. So, if you want a shot with him, you need to get very humble, very honest, and also get some IC to deal with the feelings of still needing that extra validation over the way your body looks. My guess is you have a false sense of self love over how you look now versus then, but you need to gain a self love based on things that are of a better foundation.

I think I have been pretty tough on you, but know that it's coming from a good place, you need to hear and consider this information for your own good.


landclark posted 10/30/2019 08:41 AM

I can only speak from my own point of view since I don't know either of you.

when I answer him honestly and explain it was a fitness update (per the thread) he says I'm making excuses

This would NEVER fly with me. Never. It wouldn't have taken much time at all to either A, retake the photo with clothes on, or B, cover the naughty bits. If my husband sent a nude photo and this was his excuse, I would also have a very strong reaction.

You were clearly comfortable sending this man nudes for some reason. Maybe in your mind you see him as one of the girls, but he's not.

It's great that you're proud of your body. You go, girl, but sending nudes to a male somebody not your husband, friend or not, is NEVER ok.

I would suggest changing your response if you want a chance of working things out. I don't think you're being honest with anybody, even yourself. There's more to the WHY you felt it was ok to send him a nude photo.

[This message edited by landclark at 8:41 AM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

HellFire posted 10/30/2019 09:02 AM


If he asked for a progress photo,and the only one you had was a nude pic, then you send then one you took prior to the naked picture. One where you aren't naked. Sending him a nude picture should never have been acceptable to you on any level.

If a male friend messages me and asks for a recent pic, and my most recent pic was a nude photo, then I don't send that particular pic, I send another one. Fully clothed.

Only an idiot would think it was ok to send a pic like that to a male friend. And your post, while lacking in empathy,doesn't appear to be written by someone who is lacking in intelligence.

Does his wife think the picture wasn't a big deal?

Your husband has probably had his suspicions for awhile. Clearly there weren't very good boundaries in place with this man, for quite some time. Otherwise it never would have occurred to you to send that particular picture. It wouldn't have been an option.

RedHeadTemper posted 10/30/2019 09:11 AM

Stop justifying it and own up to it. Just because you're OK going to a nude beach doesn't mean your husband is OK with it. I might "want" to sleep with hundreds of women "because that's just who I am". Doesn't mean that it's ok.

Put it into perspective. No one will ever know, but being a dude, with guy friends, I would bet this friend of yours really enjoyed your nude pic and has probably used it to jack off many times now. Trust me. I've got a lot of guy friends. And the ones that got nudes never delete them. You gave this friend of yours permission to use you for the rest of his life! Lol, if I was a guy and you were sending me nudes I'd be thinking how gullible you were and how lucky I was going to be that I get a nudie. Guys will say/do anything to get nudes. But the fact that you fell for a 'I just want to see how fit you've gotten' might just take the cake for the dumbest line that was ever believed! He has probably been jacking off to your other fitness photos you've sent him.

Your in denial. The fact that your husband's friends saw something was going on and you couldn't screams something was going on. My friends warned me about my WW and her friend also. I wish I would have believed them.

I hope you can wake up and figure out what's wrong with what you're willing to do and morals that you will compromise.
Understand that you just got played and used by a guy. You need to understand that he is probably at work now showing your titties to all his guy friends and forwarding it on to them. If you think, 'he would never do that' or 'he is my friend' you are in denial and a group of guys are loving your picture. Some of the most 'respected' men I know do that garbage all the time. A real friend would realize it is wrong, and would be against you sending it. Your husband sounds like a smart man when it comes to considering this cheating. It's wrong and has so many red flags. I'd get out of there.

I'm a millennial and I still can't even believe how stupid people are with sending crap like that.

[This message edited by RedHeadTemper at 2:40 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]

HeartBreaker11 posted 10/30/2019 10:03 AM

he broke up with me while we were living together. I did not want that, but he did and then he refused to leave and proceeded to tell everyone we were room mates and present himself as single. He asked that we not date others unless we told each other. I agreed but then really didn't feel I owed him anything and did sleep with someone else. He found out and at the time acted like it as 100% infidelity

This is not infidelity.

It sounds like he was really wanting to have his cake and eat it too back then. He wanted to present himself as single and see what other options where available to him, but also keep you on the hook.

The way he has acted about this being "infidelity" is absurd and quite frankly pretty manipulative. You broke up. He initiated the break up.

The fact that the two of you never really worked through AND that it's something he didn't "forgive" you for and held over your head for years is pretty alarming actually. That isn't to say that what you did recently is okay but what I am saying is that the foundation that this marriage started on seems rocky to me.

There is just this one friend of my husband who always eggs my husband on that me and this long term friend have a thing going on.

How does your husband feel about this friend?

Has jealousy been an issue in the past with this particular friend?

Thursday night we were talking about my fitness progress and he asked to see an update photo. I told him I just took one a little while ago and I had not edited my privates out but I would send it and he needed to erase it. I had no sexual intentions when I sent it .

Can I ask what your intentions were when taking nude photos of yourself?

I take nude photos of myself sometimes when I am feeling sexy and confident...and with the intention of sending them to my boyfriend.

I don't know of a lot of people who take nude photos of themselves without intending for other people to see them nude.

People don't send others nude photos of themselves as a fitness update. That is ridiculous. It sounds to me like you were looking for affirmation from another man. I get it. It feels really good when other men notice you, call you beautiful, congratulate you on hard work, etc. But it is also something you need to examine deeply and figure out other ways to get those ego kibbles elsewhere.

I would HIGHLY suggest MC for the two of you. It sounds like there are some old wounds that were never dealt with very well, as well as what is going on now. If your Husband is open to it, I think MC could help you two a lot.

In the meantime, I would seek out an IC to work on the boundary issues you have.

Newlifeisgreat posted 10/30/2019 13:17 PM

Did you previously send that same photo to your husband?

If not, why did you originally take it? And how long were you holding on to that photo before you sent it to ďyour friendĒ?

I think that if you were brave enough, you would copy and paste the previous texts here in the wayward section, the other waywards here would help you see your faulty thinking through the entire process.

hatefulnow posted 10/30/2019 13:57 PM

If I were your husband I'd wonder why you couldn't just take another picture of yourself...in clothes...and send it. You could be in gym clothes and show your new body. Why was that not an option?

HopefulTelephone posted 10/30/2019 14:30 PM

No stop sign, sorry if I shouldn't be posting.

We're living in the future. With flying busses and handheld super computers and virtual everything.

Not having a clothed photo showing off your gains is a problem that can be solved in like 30 seconds with your phone and a bathroom mirror. The excuse is incredibly flimsy and I wonder if you're not lying to yourself about your motivations for sending that photo.

At the very least, "I believe I have an issue maintaining proper boundaries." is a much better starting point to put in the work than "It was a harmless fitness update."

edit: I think HikingOut mentioned pretty much exactly what I wanted to say and much better at that. So I agree with her.

[This message edited by HopefulTelephone at 2:34 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]

onthefence123 posted 10/30/2019 18:28 PM

He never forgave me for "cheating on him" until just recently--15 years later!
Did you ever wonder why it took him so long to forgive you? Why would you get married if you knew he had not forgiven you? After the behaviors that you shared in this post and going back to this statement, there is just this undercurrent of you not respecting him as your husband. Did you perhaps hold resentment towards him because he did not forgive you from before you were married?
He got married 2 years ago and I was a guest of honor at his rehearsal dinner. We talk openly on the phone and text. If he calls and we are both in car I answer on speaker phone.
Ok, but what happened when you took calls without others around? Did you share those calls with your husband? Did you share your discussions with your husband? How transparent were you really?
And we have never crossed any lines.
Yes you did, you sent him a nude photo.
There is just this one friend of my husband who always eggs my husband on that me and this long term friend have a thing going on.
You two must have been openly flirting with each other. There must be something there that is obvious and it made someone's radar go off. Generally speaking, no one would suggest indecent behavior if there wasn't anything to support it.
Ok, so that's the background and here's what happened. My friend and I now talk like once a month or so on the phone and text on and off once every few weeks.
Does your husband know how often? Does his wife know? Do you share with his wife your conversations?
Most of our texts are about either work or dieting lol.
This "lol"
is bothersome. You are having private and innappropriate texting with another man, giving him attention and seeking his attention, and just pretending it's no big deal because of the topic.
I had no sexual intentions when I sent it .
It's called sexting. You sent it to illicit a response from him. You are a proud person of your body and for whatever reason, you wanted this man to tell you how great you look. The only person you should be trying to prove yourself to is--yourself. Know what I mean? What's with this outside validation?
I could have been sending it to a girlfriend. I sent it . He replied back "wow! you look great. how do I make that kind of progress" and I told him about my hormone replacement doctor and my trainer.
You kept the conversation going because you wanted to hear more about how wonderful you looked and what an amazing job you have done.
The last thing he said was that he erased the photos and congrats on my progress.
Because he didn't want his wife to see it--not to protect you--he knew it was wrong and probably couldn't believe that you actually sent it.
I fully understand that he has a right to be upset.
After reading and pulling apart your post, gently, I don't think you do at all. Another man has seen his wife's naked body. It sounds like you don't really understand how significant that is.
I made a bad choice and though my intentions were not sexual in nature
Ok, so maybe you weren't thinking of hopping into bed with him, but it was still sexual in nature. You sent a nude photo to someone who is not your husband.
I did not consider his feelings when I did it.
That is one of the worst things as a bs. Like you were so insignificant that you weren't even a thought or a worry.
I honestly didn't think at all.
I am trying to be as gentle as possible here, but what a cop out. You were thinking, you were definitly thinking, just not about your husband or the consequences, like it was no big deal, he can just get over it if it makes him mad.
when I answer him honestly
But you are not answering him honestly, and he knows it. You have to own what you did, all of it and for all of the terrible and stupid reasons that you don't want to tell him.
I say I'm sorry he says not to say I'm sorry because I am not sorry and sorry means nothing.
From your post, it doesn't sound like you are sorry. It really sounds like you think it is no big deal because you have eluded to it over and over again, explaining that it wasn't sexual in nature. When it comes to your behavior, it's never about the intention, it's about the perception of that behavior. Your husband thinks it was infidelity, that's all that matters. You need to stop trying to get him to see this your way, because it's not going to happen.

If he tells me how he feels and I just nod and listen and try not to react or respond he tells me I'm being defiant.
But you are being defiant, aren't you? You are refusing to justify his reactions, minimizing his feelings, and trying to minimize your actions.

What I did was wrong.
I don't think you really believe that as you keep saying that it was not sexual in nature, it was just an update, it was nothing, it's just my confidence in my body, like sending a picture to my girlfriend.

But he has already canceled our vacation, canceled Halloween at our house for friends and family, canceled a friend that was coming to visit the first week in november and made an appointment with an attorney to file for divorce.
There just seems to be more to the story in regards to your boundaries. I 100% do not believe that he is overreacting, everyone reacts to infidelity differently and they have every right to deal with the aftermath in a way that's best for them. What this does say, though, is that there are other things that have happened during your marriage. Have you been caught or accused of other inappropriate behavior with this man? Other men?

Robert22205https posted 10/30/2019 18:58 PM

In your husband's mind it's a double betrayal. You and the OM didn't communicate just by texts, it's an accumulation of smiles and body language and shared moments over the years that created a situation where you got too close and felt comfortable sending a nude pic.

He's judging you by your behavior (not your words). What he sees is that he caught you just as your relationship with the OM was escalating to sex.

Your reasoning behind sending the nude picture is not believable. I sounds like your excuse is a sad grown up version of a child trying to play dumb.

There was no urgency, and you had other options (and as an adult and a mother you had to know it was inappropriate) - but you chose the nude pic.

Your husband trusted both you and his friend to engage in appropriate private text chats.

The OM didn't have time to fully process your picture so (in your husband's mind) he's not off the hook either. If your husband didn't blow up your 'friendship' with the OM, you may have received a nude picture next week.

Take the initiative and get into IC to fix yourself. Read self help books. Be fully transparent and going forward identify and apply boundaries to avoid suspicious behavior.

Stop being in denial and acknowledge to your husband that your behavior was inappropriate for a married woman. It's not enough for you to say: "I'll never do this again because of the pain it caused you".

DIFM posted 10/31/2019 08:46 AM

He asked that we not date others unless we told each other. I agreed but then really didn't feel I owed him anything and did sleep with someone else.

You said you did not feel you owed him anything. Said another way, you made an agreement, then you felt entitled to not honor the agreement. That is the core personality trait of a wayward (entitlement) from which all other dishonorable wayward traits emanate.

Did he break the agreement first? It seems that there are missing essential facts that would matter to the usefulness of our responses.

....and when I answer him honestly and explain it was a fitness update (per the thread) he says I'm making excuses.

Sharing naked pics as a means of providing a fitness update, and defending that as the reason, makes you an unsafe partner. It is a dangerous viewpoint or perspective for a betrayed spouse to consider their wayward spouse is capable of having. It makes the relationship unsafe.

BeyondRage posted 10/31/2019 10:00 AM

And, if he could even see that you were taking any accountability for it, that might would have helped. But you have chosen to minimize it and dismiss it as "no big deal". What if your husband sent a nude photo to another woman? Can you honestly say that wouldn't bother you? Or how about if the wife of that man sent a naked pic to your husband? Wouldn't you feel that was a betrayal towards you? Won't you feel embarrassed when she finds out you sent that to her husband? There are a million clues here that you knew all that but chose to do it anyway. So, asking yourself why and really evaluating that would be so important for your own personal growth regardless what happens with your marriage.

You are treating this like the classical "mistake". this was no mistake. It was a conscious decision for ego kibbles. As other may have said, a mistake is forgetting to buy Tide ath the grocery store.

I am sorry for you but I am also amazed at how with a history of some bad behavior a woman can just nonchalantly send a totally nude photograph to another man. who knows what would have happened if your husband had not found out. You looked so great. i guess we should assume he would not ask for more.

doesn't say if you also sent this to his wife since you say you were all friends. So my guess is only her hubby got the picture. I hope you picked up the phone and told your "friends" wife exactly why you are not going to be friends with them any more. That might make your husband a little bit less angry rather than telling him its not big deal and you:re sorry.

This is not good but it seems like going right to divorce is pretty radical,. is there more to this story????

Before you answer, you might want to read the thread by Life destroyer.

Good Luck

totallydumb posted 10/31/2019 10:46 AM

Every once in a while I get amazed at the mental gymnastics that some people go to, to justify their behavior and actions.

If you are looking for opinions on your weight loss success, perhaps you should encourage your husband to share your nude photo of your success with all the members of your and his family? After all, they have probably known you longer, and have a more serious connection to you than your "friend". Therefore, their opinions should mean that much more to you?

Good grief, your excuse to send nude photos to another man are truly pathetic.

Do some soul searching and get some counselling to discover why you think it is okay to send nude photos to other men and then try to justify it to yourself and others with lame excuses.

KingofNothing posted 10/31/2019 11:31 AM

Come on, now. You knew exactly what you were doing. Nobody sends a picture without "your privates edited out" by ACCIDENT. Don't even begin to think that he will believe this story. I can't help but feel there is much that you aren't saying in this narrative.

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