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SisterMilkshake posted 6/3/2019 17:42 PM

Hey, SD, can you check in with us, please? (((((((SD)))))))

Booyah posted 6/3/2019 18:03 PM

SD wish there was some magical words that I (or anyone else here) could say to you that would make this nightmare go away and get you back to a place in time where things made sense.

As others have said you've certainly been heard my friend and all we can really do is to pray for you, listen to you, and encourage you.

Just like any other storm in life this will eventually pass. You'll get through it SD. It's just one chapter in your journey of life. I don't know what "getting through it" will look like for you SD, but you have to keep the faith that better days are ahead.

This whole thing can be overwhelming. Do what you have to do to sustain yourself one day at a time. Heck if you have to go hour to hour so be it.

Hang in there SD!!!

God bless you my friend!

SaddestDad posted 6/3/2019 19:03 PM

Haven't done anything stupid yet.

SisterMilkshake posted 6/3/2019 19:09 PM

Thanks for checking in, SD. Please continue not doing anything stupid.

goalong posted 6/3/2019 19:23 PM

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path - Dhammapada.
So whatever you do mostly affect you. So regardless of what happened you should do your tasks and take care of your progress. Otherwise the only victim is you. Beside it is sexy to carry on productively in the face of adversity

NoLongerAlive posted 6/3/2019 19:31 PM

I see SisterMilkshake already posted to thank you for checking in, I wanted to thank you as well. As a survivor, I want you to know there are many people and options to provide support for you, that you don't have to make any potential permanent decisions now. I know it's so painful that you might not care today, but tomorrow can be different

NoOptTo posted 6/3/2019 19:33 PM


Sorry it's a bad day. Things that have helped me were to get out of the house, usually took a drive to the shore. Park in the parking lot, and let myself get lost in the waves... Not literally. Just watching the wave after wave break on the shore. I'd let myself feel what ever I was feeling, and if I'd cry, I'd cry. A other place I'd like to go to just think would be a local park and just watch people play what ever sport there was.... soccer, softball, handball, etc. And again just let myself think. You need some time away from your WW to just get lost in your self. I suggested earlier to you to take the kids away for a three day weekend. Granted you cant take time off. You can still do things for yourself while staying at home. I hope you find something that allows you space to so you can just be yourself with your thoughts when things begin to feel overwhelming.

Hobbyist posted 6/3/2019 20:49 PM

I hear you, buddy. I've been to that ledge myself. Think of something in the future you can look forward to if you can - the thought of not seeing my kids graduate helped keep me grounded. Or plan a trip - something to look forward to.

Pickup the book "feeling good" and do the cognitive behavioral therapy exercises on paper, those saved my life as well.

Send me a PM if you'd like. We're all here for you.

Chaos posted 6/4/2019 06:48 AM

Hey there SD. Glad to read this...

Haven't done anything stupid yet.

Thought you should know that reading this over my morning coffee made me smile. That's right SD - YOU were a reason I smiled today. Let that sink in. YOU made someone else smile.

SaddestDad posted 6/4/2019 07:02 AM

Thanks, Chaos.
Now if only I could get me to smile & get out of bed...

WhoTheBleep posted 6/4/2019 07:07 AM

I see you and I hear you, too, SaddestDad. Like SisterMilkhake, I was never suicidal, but I used to pray to just stay asleep for a long long long time. I didn't want to face my life. If I could accurately describes to you how much better life just really really does.

Your WW actions are NO reflection on you. None at all. She "can't remember?". Page 138 of the cheater's handbook. We all know that. That is her choice to "not remember". Your feelings and healing be damned. Just think on that for a minute. When waywards do this, they show that they still care more about themselves than us. And we need to ask ourselves, as BS's, why we are willing to accept that. Having been on both sides (accepting versus not accepting), I can assure you that there is nothing more empowering than drawing a line in the sand and enforcing that boundary. When I did that, I literally got my life back.

Do not accept anything less than 100% honesty and true remorse from your wife. That is your boundary. If she cannot rise to that occasion, that is her choice and hers alone. It is her flaw.

Keep taking those deep breaths. They really do work. Stand up straight and hold the line. You are worth it.

Sending huge hugs your way. There is life on the other side of this. Amazing beautiful life. Stick with us. Give yourself a goal, perhaps a bucket list trip, that you will treat yourself to when you get to the other side of this, either with or without your wife.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 7:08 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

SaddestDad posted 6/4/2019 07:33 AM

I wish I could fully grasp page 73, chapter 4 of The Cheaters Handbook.

Chapter's titled, "How to Compartmentalize".

The first paragraph is titled, "Get On With Your Day," followed by, "Everyone Knows You're Perfect."

Yeah... the ability to do that would be nice.

Wool94 posted 6/4/2019 08:12 AM

SD, I apologize for not responding. I have only been on sporadically here lately. Life is picking up and when it does the things like surfing the web or replying to posts goes to the wayside for real life.

I'm not sure if you know this or not, but you have so much support here even though we're not always responding.

I'm a big fan of yours. Let that sink in! You are an amazing person!

It does kindof suck that this thread isn't about sex though. j/k.

OMG, how I remember sitting in a bathroom stall at work wishing the pain would end and bawling my eyes out before I went back to work. Eventually it gets better. Although I was never suicidal, I can understand how you would get to that point.

That's no help right now though.

One of the things that helped me was my martial arts. I would go to class nearly every night and Saturday mornings, with the exception of church nights or days, and work out. Punching and kicking a bag or on the good days, sparring and kicking real people. Btw, in class, it's legal!!!!!

Are you speaking to anyone about this? What kind of support do you have?

Chin up bro. Your life won't always suck and I guarantee you're a stronger man now than you were before!

[This message edited by Wool94 at 8:13 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]

LostHope8008 posted 6/4/2019 08:17 AM

SD, maybe you can speak to your doctor about getting on an AD med? I waited over 2.5 years to do this and it made wonders for myself. I am able to smile again. It may be a temporary fix to help you get through the day.

Hobbyist posted 6/4/2019 08:26 AM

If you don't want to go full antidepressant, look into 5-HTP. I've tried prescription Wellbutrin and Zoloft, and neither were good for me long term. They might be great for you, it all depends on your body chemistry. 5-HTP has been good though, minimal side affects and I can dose it as needed (take none when I'm feeling fine and take some when I feel a depression coming on). It's just a supplement you can buy next to the vitamins, so no rx needed.

SaddestDad posted 6/4/2019 08:39 AM

Decided that since I'm starting late ANYWAY due to having been stuck in bed, I'm getting a haircut. Maybe looking better will help me feel better.

MalibuBayBreeze posted 6/4/2019 08:54 AM


No one and I mean NO ONE is worth harming yourself over. Yes the pain is excruciating. Yes you feel lost and disoriented. But your life is more important than anything.

Your existence isn't deemed worthy or not by the actions of someone willing to betray you. You matter to your family and friends. To those who love you. You will get through this. Believe that.

I'm also in NY and it is a beautiful day! Gorgeous weather. Fall like. Bright sunshine and blue skies and no heat or humidity or rain (a nice change!) So get up and out and enjoy it. Get a haircut. Get yourself a really good lunch somewhere and eat outdoors. Realize there is so much more to life than this shitty chapter.

Vent, write, scream in your car when you're alone, exercise. Do whatever it takes to purge this feeling. Get professional help if you're not already. I promise you the healing will begin. Have faith.

bookworm19 posted 6/4/2019 09:20 AM

Dear SaddestDad, the fact, you are even considering a haircut is a big step forward. I remember my dday and how I dyed my hair, it helped kind of, because the person in mirror who looked back was a bit different than the pile of misery I was back then. So go for it.
The other thing that helped was focussing on breathing. Thinking about the whole situation is so overwhelming, there seems to be no way out. When I was at the worst I just concentrated on my breath. One more breath, I sure can do one more breath.
You are getting stronger, I can feel it, your answers are short but I can see the touch of humor in it. You will be OK, just check in regularly. And breathe.

Big hugs from me

Chaos posted 6/4/2019 09:22 AM

Haircut = self care

This is good SD

Edie posted 6/4/2019 10:28 AM

Actually, a good long cry is fabulously healing. If you’re finding it hard, turn off all stimuli,, incl SI, and sit quietly, just being quietly with yourself, and doing slow, very deep breathing. Just being very present with your body and your breath. Hopefully you’ll reach those deeper emotions and can let them come out, with the breath. It may take a while, but it’s a coming back to yourself that can be very moving,

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