SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings

Shehawk posted 5/20/2019 09:36 AM

So as many of you on SI who have been following my story know, this past weekend was the anniversary of the culmination of my WH 's brutal betrayal and the pinnacle of his ugly discard of me after a 30 plus year marriage.

I am so grateful for this forum. The people here literally saved my life. I am 3 months into his driving away (with both of our marital vehicles no less) after I refused to live with any less than full NC with his affair partner and every person who knew about or supported the affair and all secret internet groups and activities. I have survived his actual efforts to end my life including him abandoning me while I was suicidal from the trauma and him handing me a bottle containing a many times fatal amount of medication and telling me to take it.

I am a survivor of infidelity (which I have come to believe is a severe form of sexual violence), TT, false R, the STD test walk of shame, betrayal trauma and late stage lyme. [Yep, he cheated when I was life threateningly sick.]

Listening to music (and singing) has been a big part of the healing work I have had to do to survive. I wonder if anyone wants to share their survivor playlists?

ibonnie posted 5/20/2019 10:26 AM

I have two playlists. I have one to hype me up and get ready to go out and kick ass, and I have another for when I'm sad and want to wallow and just cry and cry and cry. Tbh, the wallow-y one helps me more, I think, so I'm gonna post that one, too. Hope that's okay?

Death of Seasons by AFI
The Leaving Song by AFI
This Time Imperfect by AFI
If I Can't Have You by the Bee Gees
Mr. Lonely by Bobby Vinton
Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)? by the Buzzcocks
White Flag by Dido
Jolene by Dolly Parton
I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton
Suspicion by Elvis Presley and/or Terry Stafford
Mad World by Gary Jules
Tower of Strength by Gene McDaniels
Crazy by Gnarls Barkley
Lonely Teardrops by Jackie Wilson
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted by Jimmy Ruffin
Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division
Your Love is My Drug by Kesha
Smile by Lily Allen
Hey Ya! by OutKast
She's Got You by Patsy Cline
Faded Love by Patsy Cline
Strange by Patsy Cline
Creep by Radiohead
Crying by Roy Orbison
I'm Not the Only One by Sam Smith
The End of the World by Skeeter Davis
You Really Got a Hold on Me by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles and/or the Beatles
Stand by Your Man by Tammy Wynette
Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears
Mad World by Tears For Fears
Mr. Brightside by The Killers
Don't Leave Me This Way by Thelma Houston
My World is Empty Without You by The Supremes
(It Looks Like) I'll Never Fall in Love Again by Tom Jones
and lastly (and you have to end on this song)
It's Not Right but It's Okay Thunderpuss Mix by Whitney Houston

At this point hopefully you're all cried out, the last song hypes you up again, you can go wash your face and then go be a force to be reckoned with.

This is my feel good/kick ass playlist to follow up with:

Plain Jane Remix by A$AP Ferg & Nicki Minaj
Bring the Noise by Anthrax
Utopia by Bang La Decks
Womanizer by Britney Spears
Titanium by David Guetta & Sia
Confident by Demi Lovato
Scooby Doo Pa Pa by DJ Kass
Tambourine by Eve
No Limit by G-Eazy, A$AP Rocky & Cardi B
Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger
Makeba by Jain
Bring the Pain by Method Man and/or Mindless Self Indulgence
Get Ur Freak On by Missy Elliott
Chun-Li by Nicki Minaj
Shake Senora by T-Pain, Pitbull & Sean Paul
Lovefool by The Cardigans
Bring 'Em Out by T.I.
Rake It Up Diplo Remix by Yo Gotti & Nicki Minaj

Shehawk posted 5/20/2019 11:14 AM

thanks ibonnie!

Chaos posted 5/20/2019 11:30 AM

I'm sure I'll think of more

Sad (when feeling introspective)

Walk Away – Dropkick Murphys (the tune is kick ass but the words rip me to my core)
Reason to Believe – Rod Stewart
To Love Somebody – Bee Gees
Jolene – Dolly Parton
Time for me to Fly – REO Speedwagon
Before he Cheats – Carrie Underwood
Always Drive a Cadillac – Everyly Brothers
Like a Rolling Stone – Bob Dylan
The Hurting – Tears for Fears
Make Me Smile (Come up and See Me) – Duran Duran

Kick A**

Warriors Code – Dropkick Murphys
Rocky Horror Soundtrack – Rocky Horror cast
Listen to her Heart – Tom Petty
The Waiting – Tom Petty
I Hate Everything About You – Ugly Kid Joe
She F**king Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd
You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrisette
Positively 4th Street – Bob Dylan
Another F. U. Song – Reel Big Fish
Fall Back Down – Rancid
Lips are Movin – Meghan Trainor
These Boots are Made for Walking – Nancy Sinatra
I Will Survive – Cake
Dancin’ with Myself – Billy Idol
I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett

Furious1 posted 5/20/2019 21:55 PM

"I Am Not Nothing" by Beth Crowley
"Brave" by Sara Bareilles
"Numb" by Linkin Park
"Not Ready To Make Nice" by Dixie Chicks
"F-in Perfect" by Pink
"People Like Us" by Kelly Clarkson
"Raise Your Glass" by Pink

AbandonedGuy posted 5/20/2019 23:04 PM

Oh *will I*. I love music and I've marked dozens of songs to commemorate this terrible occasion. When we split for two months 10 years ago, when I thought she was cheating because all of the same tells were there, a bunch of songs I was listening to at the time were cemented in my brain as "stuff I listened to that time I was devastated when we separated" and during the marital separation, I punished myself by listening to a lot of those songs, too. Then when I got a job I *changed my tune* (I'll see myself out)...

Franz Ferdinand - Fade Together
Franz Ferdinand - Come On Home
Elton John - Sacrifice
Electric President - It's An Ugly Life
Muse - Hoodoo
Muse - Endlessly
The Bravery - Bad Sun
Trentemoller - The Dream
Billy Walker - Funny How Time Slips Away
Big Black Delta - Roost
Santo and Johnny - Sleep Walk
The Black Keys - Weight of Love
Psychic Ills - I Don't Mind
Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
Counting Crows - Long December
Autograf - Nobody Knows
Lorn - Anvil
Barrie - Tal Uno
La Femme - Ou Va La Monde
La Femme - Nous Etions Deux
The M Machine - Tiny Anthem
George Michael - Freedom 90
Cake - I Will Survive
Ariel Pink - Time to Live
Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride
KC and the Sunshine Band - Boogie Shoes

WhoTheBleep posted 5/21/2019 05:51 AM

Not so much a playlist, just a go-to song. Walk by Foo Fighters. It's all about me and moving on and leaving the crap of my marriage behind.

I don't listen to sad songs, as I'm not sad anymore, and I've actually never been happier in my life.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:51 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

welcome14 posted 5/22/2019 12:22 PM

Great song, whothebleep, I love their songs "Pretender" and "These Days" the lyrics are kick ass. I am also loving Pop Evil's "Be Legendary" and "waking Lions" and "Cut the Cord" by Shinedown al.

ForTheKids posted 5/22/2019 13:31 PM

One I have been playing a lot lately is a song called “my Sanity” by Bad Religion. I interpret it as regaining ones sanity when after being bombarded by false information....it really speaks to me as I continue to heal and regain my sense of reality.

“When you swore to be true, our bed was belief, but alternative facts snuck in like a thief, there comes a time to release the chord of self, and with confidence declare your state of perfect mental health”

[This message edited by ForTheKids at 1:32 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]

CaliforniaNative posted 5/22/2019 14:26 PM

“I will Survive”. Is about someone that is strong and empowered enough to leave a bad relationship, not R.

Chili posted 5/22/2019 15:05 PM

Just a little t/j, but on topic.

Someone recently turned me on to "What About" by Janet Jackson. Holy crapola. That would have been my go-to back in the D of the D-day for sure. Had no idea she could be so fierce. (Guessing for obvious reasons it never got any radio play when it was released).

Anyone else ever listened to it?

WornDown posted 5/22/2019 15:55 PM

The whole John Prine album, For Better or Worse

Especially, Dim Lights, Thick Smoke (And Loud, Loud Music)

IrishGirlVA posted 5/23/2019 07:57 AM

Time for me to Fly - REO Speedwagon

And ditto 1000x this one....

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

HeHadADoubleLife posted 5/25/2019 22:23 PM

My Fuck.This.Shit. Playlist

Some of it is telling our WSs and APs to fuck off, some of it is for reclaiming confidence in myself. I don't relate to 90% of Cardi's lyrics, but damn does she have some zinger one liners that just capture the mood.

"Truth Hurts" Lizzo
"Good As Hell" Lizzo
"Fuck You" Lily Allen
"Sorry Not Sorry" Demi Lovato
"You Oughtta Know" Alanis Morisette
"I Don't Fuck Wit U" Big Sean
"Dancing on My Own" Robyn
"Indestructible" Robyn
"Since U Been Gone" Kelly Clarkson
"Cry Me A River" Justin Timberlake
"Fuck Apologies" Jojo
"Leave (Get Out)" Jojo
"Sorry" Beyonce
"Hold Up" Beyonce
"Bitch Better Have My Money" Rihanna
"Bodak Yellow" Cardi B
"Money" Cardi B