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Missing Messages

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MamaDragon posted 5/17/2019 13:13 PM

Last night I was using my FWHs phone and for shits and giggles, I started looking at his text messages. Now, I have 100% transparency since his Ďaffairí 12 years ago. I have not had a desire to check it lately but since I was on his phone, why not. I didnít see any strange numbers that he was texting but I did see that from april 13 to april 19th there were no text messages at all. There is no way he went 6 days without getting a single text Ė he is the hub of the family since he is a SAHD. There is always someone texting him. I mean, we have three kids plus one that lives in our house Ė plus the pool guy, the yard guy Ė yup all stay in contact via text. He noticed I was looking and asks me in a fake kinda kidding voice if I was checking up on him. To which I answered, Yeah, I am, why you hiding something? He laughed and said no, you know I donít. Yeah, you donít have anything to hide buddy Ė cause you deleted it.
So I got curious and logged into the billing- where I can download his call and text log. Iím going to be going over it today and seeing whose number he is trying to hide from me. I know it is not his old AP, but there was a girl he was talking to at a recent convention we attend each year Ė so I am curious to see what the log will reveal. I'm meh at this point, and I'm not sure if I care or not. I love him but I don't need him to be happy - I just want the truth, ya know?

Would you be suspicious if you noticed a block of days like that on your WS phone?

nekonamida posted 5/17/2019 13:22 PM

For an avid texter like you said? Sure. It's possible he didn't but it's not likely. Plus it sounds like you have other reasons to be suspicious. I don't think his reaction says much about whether he's hiding something or not - could go either way.

Google "How to get call and text log for Cellphone Provider" and it will give you steps. It sounds like you might be able to download recent logs but if not you can try calling them if you are also an authorized user on the account. If not, you can ask him to do it. Should be fine if he has nothing to hide.

ibonnie posted 5/17/2019 13:24 PM

Yes, I would be suspicious, BUT it's also very strange that ALL texts are gone from those days. Why wouldn't he only delete the "bad" ones? Why not leave the normal conversations from those dates? In six days, surely you or one of the kids must have texted him?

Chaos posted 5/17/2019 13:29 PM

I would be suspicious. I'd also look at the company contact/billing log and see what activity is there vs what his phone shows. If that also shows nothing, I'd call/live chat with the company and see if there was a technical glitch.

I wouldn't panic. But I'd be on high alert.

SaddestDad posted 5/17/2019 13:32 PM

Yeah, I'd personally be suspicious.
What was his response when you said, "yeah, because you deleted it?"

MamaDragon posted 5/17/2019 14:12 PM

I don't know why he deleted all of them unless he was in a hurry to delete them. I will double check the text log when I have time to delve into it deeper when he is not around.

I'll try to answer the questions, if I miss one let me know.

SaddestDad - "No I didn't, why would I do that" then he basically tried to tell me that the text messages only show the last time you text someone. I'm pretty tech savy so I had looked at a few of his text conversations that I know text him regularly (like daily) and did not see a single message on those dates, and I knew for a fact our daughter had messaged us those days cause I have the text on my phone. He is not aware of this though

nekonamida - yep. I do. lol
*I know for a fact there was a female that was very interested in him at the convention (think comic con type). I have met her, no I did not like her, she made my spidey sense go off. She was overly excited to see him again this year and hoped they got to eat breakfast together like before. **I sleep in at conventions, he gets up extra early and has to eat, one year there was no open tables and she asked to sit at his empty table. He was with his brother and all three sat and talked. The next year, they met up again at breakfast two days in a row - he told me about it and introduced her to me. They apparently had a lot in common (go figure, right?)

*This year she had emailed him on social media and asked him if they could meet up that she wanted to introduce him to her partner. I will say now, I have found out that she is poly. WE ARE NOT. I do not play well with others. Poly is fine but not for me. He is well aware of this. I don't know if they met up or not, he didn't say and I did not ask.

*During con, a close friend of ours and his wife did a photo shoot with me and another female in our costumes. FWH was invited to attend, and there was several of our friends at the photo shoot. Towards the end of the shoot he shows up and looks upset. I ask what is wrong, thinking he is upset because the shoot ran longer than we expected. He claims nothing is wrong. I've lived with him for 28 years, I know when something is bothering him. He never told me though. I dropped it, I'm not going to beat a dead horse or beg for info. Tell me or don't -

*During this con, we have a lot of friends and we don't always hang around with one another. (we actually are on staff for this con so we know a lot of people, some friends some just workers). He has a few trusted by me friends that he normally hangs with - this year he didn't hang with them. Which was odd and set off spidey sense. I don't know where he was during the photo shoot, who he hung out with and when I asked, he just said he went around to visit some parties and was with one of our mutual friends and her boyfriend. Said friend does not remember much from this night as she was drunk, drunk drunk. FWH was just...in an odd mood, almost reflective - and he went out of his way to have sex that night. **He has low sex drive and we had already been frisky the night before - two days in a row is odd for him. I did note he had taken a shower again. **Spidey sense again*

**his doctor has "told" him that he needs to stop taking his testosterone shots because of his blood/liver. I don't know if this is true or not, or if he is trying to cover up sexting or something else, in case he can't perform with me or not. I go to the same doc and I'll be asking next week. I find it hard to believe he'd be able to have a PA with anyone since we always have someone at the house and he never goes anywhere without someone with him. I'll keep an eye on the car and gps though.

Last year I caught him on an adult group on FB (that I was not invited to -which is one of the rules) and he messaging with a young 20 something year old off that group - nothing to raunchy or sexy (yet) but in his KISA way, I could tell if I didn't nip it, he could have slipped into an EA. Not excusing him but he is on the autistic spectrum and has problems distinguishing when a girl is coming on to him and when they are just being friendly. I've seen it in action, but still - he knows I would not like it otherwise he would have mentioned it. When caught, he stopped chatting with her and blocked her. He also dropped out of the group. (FYI I am now a member of it on a fake account. lol)

I'm not to worried at the moment, I'm just watching and giving him enough rope to hang himself with. I just wanted to know I was not crazy and being super jealous. (which I am super jealous sometimes)

MamaDragon posted 5/17/2019 14:13 PM

Oh and I did find a suspicious number on his phone that he talked to several times for over 30 minutes each time when I glanced at the bill last night.

Oddly enough, it is from the area his "Con Friend" is from. Yeah I'm a bit curious now.

DesertLily posted 5/17/2019 16:14 PM

A similar incident happened on my WH's phone. All the text messages for a week were missing. He admitted attempting to erase texts from one person for the week he was out of town and accidentally hit "erase all."

His little boo-boo busted him.

pureheartkit posted 5/17/2019 17:46 PM

Comic con is full of flirty wanna be APs. It's quite feast for the eyes too as far as sexy outfits. My WS and his AP were there together. Ruined it for me. Anime cons are the same way. People dress up and act out plus they have hotel rooms.

Hurtbeyondtime posted 5/17/2019 19:21 PM

Yes I would be suspicious... in fact I have had a similar conversation with my fWH. His got boundary issues and often is giving out his information to women. He said he figured it didnít matter after 7 years of transparency.
I said that only works if your not deleting texts and SM messages.
I have not bothered even checking ATT log. Iím sure I will sooner or later.
Im way to busy with work and supporting us.

nekonamida posted 5/17/2019 19:31 PM

Mama, that's a lot of smoke. There should absolutely not be any secret phone calls with flirty poly girls on his phone. Definitely EA territory. Have you thought about what you will do if and when you blow the top off of this budding A?

J707 posted 5/18/2019 08:07 AM

I've never deleted any of my texts before, why would he do that. Even if he deleted ones from his kids or friends, why, there's no reason to. Sounds like he was getting rid of something from that time period. Sounds suspicious along with the number he was talking to from that area.

MrCrumb posted 5/18/2019 12:34 PM

I've had success getting deleted messages from my WW phone with a program called DR Fone.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 5/18/2019 13:36 PM

Depends the kind of phone but in my iPhone you canít delete all by date that Iím aware of. Youíd have to go through and delete a date range for each person which would be weird. I did do a phone upgrade that deleted a range of time from everyone so that could happen. The phone records are your best bet. If you have att or sprint you will have a year available online.

MamaDragon posted 5/18/2019 18:11 PM

oh yeah I have a plan for if I catch him, he will be looking for a new home.

I inherited our house with our kids so he can't touch it. I *might* have to pay alimony if we divorced but who knows. I am also not adverse to staying married - IF he comes clean about everything and toes the line (I don't know if he can though)

I'd also stay married but live apart so I don't have to pay alimony. Luckily I make the money in the home!

Wilting posted 5/19/2019 16:42 PM

Did he also delete the call logs made to the number?

You don't delete/erase evidence if you have nothing to hide. You'd think that he would have learned something from the affair years ago.

Keep us updated!

Shocked123 posted 5/19/2019 21:06 PM

Have you looked in his phone contacts for suspicious numbers? He may not be calling her and probably only texting her but her number would appear in his contracts. My H had numbers stored in his notes instead of his contacts and he gave his whores street names instead of proper names.
Look for strange names as well...
If you do uncover her number, then text from his phone. Just say hi. See what she answers then delete everything.
I engaged with a prostitue and pretended I was my H. This confirmed what I suspected and he never knew that I contacted her as they do not initiate contact, ever. They wait for their customers to text them first.
Good luck

MamaDragon posted 5/20/2019 10:32 AM

Know what is nice about a H that sleeps really, really hard? You can do anything you want with their phone & laptop :)

So I was finally able to review the bill - the test messages have been recovered via Dr Fone. A little disjointed but I was able to piece together the conversations. There were more than one - the first, I'm happy to say was him turning down the girl who apparently had a crush on him at Con. He told her that he would not be meeting for breakfast at cons any more because he was happy and married and didn't want to fuck that up. Unless she was willing to meet both of us for lunch maybe. She turned him down.

The second number, I'm a bit pissed about but it is not an AP. It is his Mother. Long story short, his Mom went crazy when we first married - and ended up bringing a drug dealer and hard core drugs around my then toddlers so he cut her out of his life. She has been arrested in the past, spent time in jail bc of Drugs and apparently found Jesus in Jail. She has been attending AA and going to a drug councilor/IC. She got his # from his youngest brother & his wife (which I'm pissed off about) and has been calling my hubby bc she wants to meet our youngest child & our grandchild (her great grand child) before she dies. She is using a friends phone who is from Texas. The messages were pretty long, and somewhat jumbled but from what I could tell he basically told her that I'd never agree to seeing her and she was shit out of luck & to leave him alone. I then find out she has been blocked - which I don't know if that would cause the messages to disappear? I have to test that out.

Oh, and the other girl has been blocked on the phone too.

I went through every single app he had, and none are ones that you can talk on. He also has not downloaded an deleted any that I could think of (whats app, snap chat etc).

Laptop - nothing found either except he has now blocked con girl & his mother from his social media accounts. Went through his emails, archived/deleted/sent and found nothing unusual.

The only thing I'm pissed about is him not telling me what was going on. His Mom contacting him explains his stress lately. I know he loves the Mom he grew up with but knows that she is bad news for us. He should have told me about BOTH of them & I will be addressing that in the near future but will wait until the day of his next IC appointment which is next Thursday.

nekonamida posted 5/20/2019 13:46 PM

I really do wonder why he lied about that and then went further to cover it up since he deleted other texts too. If you were informed, it's doubtful that you would have a single issue with what happened. This could have all been avoided if he showed you the messages immediately before blocking them. There is a huge problem here if he can't even be honest with you about him keeping good boundaries and putting you through stress and discomfort for no good reason.

AbandonedGuy posted 5/20/2019 14:31 PM

I'm sure there was nothing to hide in the missing 18 minutes of the Nixon oval office tape. Suuuuure. Your suspicions are valid.

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