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Mene posted 5/3/2019 17:31 PM

If all of us BS had a wife like yours who gets it, R would be an easier process and we would see more successful cases. Her views are very well respected. Youíre one of the lucky BS post affair who has a solid foundation to rebuilt because your WS gets it. Stick around. We are here to help.

[This message edited by Mene at 5:32 PM, May 3rd (Friday)]

stolenyears posted 5/3/2019 17:38 PM

Welcome! I hate that all of us qualify to be here, but I am glad you are here to hang out.

I love reading your wife's posts as they provide great insight into my own wife's thinking and process. Her recovery journey seems to be a lot like what I hear from my wife, and the introspection is something I am very grateful for...but I have thanked her in the past.

The best advice I have seen here is to take what you can use and leave the rest. You can decide what is helpful for you and what you should just leave alone. No worries. Oh, and I can tell you where to get the chaps for when you want to vacuum...

BraveSirRobin posted 5/3/2019 18:02 PM

Welcome to SI, turnthepage.

I won't pile on about you being lucky, only because I can imagine you might have some mixed feelings about that given the reason why hikingout arrived here. I will just say that there are relatively few remorseful WS on SI who are giving perspective to a very large pool of BSes. We are the ones who have been fortunate to have her insights, and by extension, we are lucky to have had your support for the time she spends here.

I hope you're able to find some things that are useful to you personally. I signed on after a long lurking period "just to respond to this one post," and here I am, 300 posts later.

HardenMyHeart posted 5/3/2019 18:19 PM

Hi turnthepage, I am jumping on the welcoming bandwagon as well. I'm also a big fan of Bob Seger. Many great songs with an amazing band.

My marriage has been reconciled for over 10 years and much of that success I owe to the members and staff of this site. One of the reasons I still come here is to try and pay it forward for all the help and support I received. I've read many of your wife's posts and I'm not surprised that you two have reconciled. She truly understands what it takes for a wayward spouse to successfully reconcile. Congrats to both of you for what you have worked through.

Marz posted 5/3/2019 18:40 PM

From what I've read of your wife's posts/threads she's done a lot of research and work on herself.

If you could point to one wayward who really gets it and understands what true Reconcilliation is and means she is the gold standard.

However, I'm sorry you're both here under these circumstances.

rambler posted 5/3/2019 20:00 PM

There has to be a reason you have been reading. It is better to work through things than hold them in.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/3/2019 21:23 PM

Welcome Dear Sir!!! Your wife has helped a lot of people on this site... and she deserves the praise for sure . I have to say though that it takes BOTH people to be ALL IN for R to be successful... and I know that YOU have put in a lot of hard work also in order for yíall to be this far...so kudos to YOU too !!!

So many of us were hoping that yíall were going to R...and we have followed yíalls journey in getting to where yíall are today. It was a little scary at times... and my heart sank a time or two for yíall. But yíall have persevered TOGETHER... and that is what counts !!!

I hope one day that you will come to see this is the BEST club you never wanted to join...and you may even enlighten us with some pretty cool posts of your own !!!

turnthepage posted 5/3/2019 21:25 PM

Thanks for all the kind words and welcomes.

Things were still bad when I started reading. Didnít see much of anything that I didnít know. Sometimes I donít agree with her. Sometimes she thinks things are worse than they are and she can be hard on herself. I told her this week because I donít feel right about spying anymore. She understood and said I should join. Thatís it, no story. Itís been a mindfuck but things are getting better.

Absolution posted 5/3/2019 23:51 PM

You know turn the page you have recaptured your wife on a physical level. She yearns to have you on an emotional level as well. Itís whats sheís praying for. For us guys thatís tough duty. Most of that is hard for us to fathom or to express. But hikingout is desperate to fulfill your emotional needs and to feel an emotional connection with you. She mourns for it, prays for it, gets down on her knees and begs for it. You are that important to her. I have no advice other than what I understand from reading hundreds of her posts. Most BS would love to have a woman so in tune. Donít let this blessing fall by the wayside. You guys have a chance for a fantastic marriage a reconciliation. Donít fuck it up:


onthefence123 posted 5/4/2019 00:12 AM

Donít fuck it up:
None of this is on him, ever. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what the WS does in the aftermath, it's a dealbreaker. The BS doesn't shoulder the guilt if things don't work out, they didn't screw their family over.

I can relate to turnthepage's mindfuck. My WH wants nothing more than for me to turn back to him and love him for who he is today. It's an extremely rough road and as someone else told me from SI, there are no guarantees.

I do wish HIO and turnthepage the best of luck and look forward to hearing from you, turnthepage. I think what you would have to offer would be appreciated and very helpful for other BSs who do have a WS who is trying.

t/j WH took me to Bob Seger's final tour, it was amazing!!

amethyst0323 posted 5/4/2019 00:53 AM

Turn the page,

Hiking out is one poster I always read. She has helped give me insight and you and her give people hope in reconciliation!

Having a ws is truly an awful part of life but my WH appears to be like your WW. He seems to get what he has done and be determined to improve himself whatever our future holds.

I hope you find help here if you need it and I'm rooting for you two to last. Good luck

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/4/2019 03:14 AM

The BS doesn't shoulder the guilt if things don't work out, they didn't screw their family over.

EXACTLY.

Dragonfly123 posted 5/4/2019 04:37 AM

Welcome turnthepage. Iím another one who has found your wifeís post to be some of the most helpful around in understanding my WHís affair. Itís funny because as I read your initial post and you sounding so secure in your progress with reconciliation I guessed you were hiking outs BS. I can imagine your path has been a difficult one but as someone else said it takes two to truly reconcile and youíve clearly offered grace, compassion and empathy and have worked hard to heal yourself.

Butforthegrace posted 5/4/2019 06:06 AM

Turnthepage, I would be interested (if you are willing to share) to hear your version of what your marriage was like in the months or year leading up to the start of your WW's A.

cheatstroke posted 5/4/2019 09:21 AM

Welcome turnthepage, hope you do find some valuable things here. I also look for your W's posts and she is an invaluable resource to all of us who are trying to "hike out" of infidelity.

You don't have to answer, no problem if you'd rather not, but I was just wondering about a couple of things regarding your request for a divorce from hikingout, a number of months after D-day:

1) What do you think was the prime motivator for asking for a divorce?
2) How long did it take you to decide that you didn't want a divorce after all?
3) Why did you decide that you didn't want a divorce?
4) Did you ever consider a scenario where you would legally divorce hikingout, with separation of assets and everything, but stay living together in the house and see if you could "fall back in love" enough to re-marry?

turnthepage posted 5/4/2019 09:48 AM

We had a great marriage before or I would be gone. I agree with her accounts. There are some pretty miserable people here who were miserable long before they were cheated on. Fuck that, life is too short not to be happy. I stuck it out because it seems more like she had a breakdown. She was really weird for a long time and I would sometimes feel patient and others pissed off. Especially reading the bullshit she was writing here then. When she got a handle on herself it was obvious.I donít agree the marriage died. I never stopped loving my wife. I got fed up with the bullshit at times and I am not happy about the cheating. But, I think she was sick. My wife is a bundle of effort. She is learning to be laid back and to enjoy the view and just be. This is the version of her that I like the best.

turnthepage posted 5/4/2019 09:56 AM

I asked for the divorce because it wasnít getting better. I donít believe people should stay married for the sake of it. I changed my mind almost immediately because she finally had some clarity and she gave me some fight. Truth is I donít think either of us would have been happy to be apart. I donít know about remarriage, hard to say. Probably not, you have to flip a cold switch to sign those papers and keep going.

wa9872 posted 5/4/2019 10:15 AM

Hello sir, I also am impressed with how articulate your wife is online. However I am not one to forgive an affair. MY question is, Why couldn't your wife analyze the fallout before having the affair? Because she was going thru emotional stuff, BS. I have a hard time trusting someone who is so gung ho about fixing a problem that they should not have caused in the first place. My suggestion sir is to not be a doormat and to watch out for "I have done a lot of work and you seem to be laying there doing nothing". Hope I am wrong but good luck.

pinkpggy posted 5/4/2019 10:46 AM

Welcome. If you've done your reading over on the Wayward side you know your wife and I have ridden this rollercoaster together a bit. I hope she continues to feel comfortable enough to share and post (same for you as well)!

turnthepage posted 5/4/2019 10:51 AM

I am no doormat. Not going to live my life in fear either. I told her when we got married I am going to be happy, and that is still the case. So trust when I say you donít need to worry about me, or my wife for that matter.

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