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turnthepage posted 5/3/2019 13:06 PM

Hello all, I have been reading a while. My wife cheated on me about two years ago. She said she was posting in a site and I figured out pretty quick where she was posting. Lately it feels like spying so I told her that I read what she wrote. We decided that I should sign up so it will feel less like spying.

emergent8 posted 5/3/2019 13:34 PM

Welcome turnthepage. How long ago was D-day for you? Are you and your wife trying to R (reconcile).

The1stWife posted 5/3/2019 13:42 PM

I’m sorry you had to join our infidelity club.

Anything we can do to help you?

turnthepage posted 5/3/2019 13:59 PM

I found out labor day weekend a couple years ago. Yes, reconciled. Thanks for the welcome. I don't know if I need help. I have read here a lot and I feel mixed about this site, but we'll see.

AbandonedGuy posted 5/3/2019 14:05 PM

Welcome to the club. Incidentally, I also found out *on* Labor Day, last year.

Given your mixed feelings about the site, I'd caution not to let the discourse reopen old wounds that you've healed. You've got a couple years of progress under your belt, but a lot of people here are steeped in the worst of it. Maybe you're so far along that that's not a risk, but I know in my first few months, my healing stalled every now and then when I'd immerse myself in the discussion.

HellFire posted 5/3/2019 14:13 PM

Welcome!
Who is your wife?

numb&dumb posted 5/3/2019 14:16 PM

Welcome. Love the Bob Seger reference if that was the intent.

Notthevictem posted 5/3/2019 14:17 PM

Who is your wife?

Lol, don't answer that!

Welcome! Best club nobody wants to join. If you've been reading for a while and are a couple years out I can kinda guess where you are in your healing but it would be better for you to tell us yourself and what you're looking for here.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 2:19 PM, May 3rd (Friday)]

Oldwounds posted 5/3/2019 14:18 PM

I have mixed feelings about the place and I've nearly been here three years.

There are a lot of triggers and a lot of threads with people in pain, or dealing with anger. It's a fairly relentless wave of those unpleasant emotions.

But it has helped a bunch as the site if full of kindred spirits who understand what is I went through. Infidelity is a unique emotional trauma.

Anyway, welcome to the club no one wants to be a member in.

I think the unofficial motto is, 'take what you need and leave the rest.' Plenty to skip over if you're in a better spot in your recovery.

[This message edited by Oldwounds at 2:19 PM, May 3rd (Friday)]

turnthepage posted 5/3/2019 14:19 PM

Yes, Seger. Exactly! My wife is hikingout.

tushnurse posted 5/3/2019 14:45 PM

Love the Bob Seger reference if that was the intent.

Me too.... Welcome.
Care to share more on your mixed feelings about our wonderful safe space?
I've been her for a long time, and seen a lot of people get through this shitstorm and become a better stronger person on the other side, and the support they got here was part of that .

turnthepage posted 5/3/2019 15:07 PM

It's not meant to insult. It could keep things fresh. There is a lot of hard line thinking here. I am a more grey guy. She follows the formulas and theories, but there are more ways to look at a situation. I also have a hard time picturing myself getting advice here, wouldn't even know what to ask. I will give it some time and hang out.

HellFire posted 5/3/2019 15:12 PM

Thank you for answering. Your wife truly "gets it." So it's not surprising that you don't think this site can offer you much. But stick around. We might surprise you.

Adlham posted 5/3/2019 15:22 PM

Greetings and salutations, turnthepage!

Sometimes, it's just nice having a place to unload. I left my ex over 20 years ago. About 3 years ago, my ex-friend thought it would be great to confess that she was one of a string of many that he cheated on me with.

I have been happily married to my husband for 16 years, don't care about the ex at all, but needed a place to sort out my thoughts and feelings about what the ex-friend had dumped in my lap. It didn't feel fair to talk to my husband about it. At least not in great detail.

Not to mention, there have been a few bumps along the way, from the ex's family, my daughter turning 18 was a HUGE trigger and relief, and I really needed to unload on people who could relate.

I rarely have questions, but I do have times where I need to unload and connect with others who get it.

Maybe you can view this site in a similar way.

And one of the great mantras here is to take what you need and leave the rest.

GoldenR posted 5/3/2019 15:31 PM

Welcome, brother!

I'm a big fan of your wife! You have one of the very few WWs that truly "gets it".

Butforthegrace posted 5/3/2019 15:39 PM

Maybe try the "Betrayed Men" thread on the "I Can Relate" forum. It's pretty mellow over there.

BetrayedPR77 posted 5/3/2019 16:09 PM

Welcome!

In addition to your WW (who has been an excellent guide and source of understanding the minds of people involved in this emotional rollercoaster after DDay), you will find a great support network here, and help with those mixed feelings.

And I'm a newbie here (7 months since DDay), but this site has been a Godsend. It has helped/keeps helping understand what I've been going thru, my feelings, my WW feelings, and calm my mind and take control of my life.

Healing Library on the side, Fun and Games section the bottom, I Can Relate an excellent section... This is all for you. For us. For our peace of mind.

Absolution posted 5/3/2019 16:46 PM

And what have you discovered from your “spying”?

By the way, I’ve encouraged your wife to write a book. You need to find her an editor, a literary agent and an unlimited supply of ballpoint pens....

sisoon posted 5/3/2019 17:14 PM

1) Welcome. Thanks for introducing yourself.

2) Having mixed feelings about SI makes sense on a whole lot of levels.

3) Personally, I welcome triggers, as obnoxious as the are. I believe they're pain coming to the surface to be released. But that's JMO. In any case, the triggers aren't a source of my mixed feelings. I'd say what IS the source, but they're feelings, not fully amenable to thoughts and words.

4) There are lots of ways to use SI. I don't know what you will get from us, but I expect you can contribute, if you are willing to do that.

fareast posted 5/3/2019 17:15 PM

Let me add my welcome. I hope you find advice and thoughts that are useful to you. Leave the rest! Let me also echo GoldenR, in that I am also a big fan of your W and the wisdom she imparts and shares.