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My mom died tonight

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pureheartkit posted 2/23/2019 10:14 AM

Truth, your mom loves you and she is in a good place. She is with family who loves her and from their perspective of unlimited time, it will only be a blink until you are with them.

Think every day about the person she was, all the good she did. Keep that love coming in to balance the sadness. I'm sorry you are in pain. Moms are special. Moms are precious. They give us life, the greatest gift of all.

newlife03 posted 2/24/2019 18:46 PM

(((TSMF))) I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are feeling. I lost my dad four years ago and couldn't figure out how I was going to get through it. But I did. And you did. And now you're faced with it again. I have no words of wisdom but can offer my prayers and a listening ear if you ever need to talk. I do know that, when my dad passed, I joined a support group and it was so helpful. Hugs...

truthsetmefree posted 2/25/2019 22:16 PM

Tomorrow will be my first day back at work. And I am just realizing Iím going to go to work, come home...but not be able to call my mom. I called her every day as soon as I got home.

Edie posted 2/26/2019 02:23 AM

((((Tsmf))))

You can still have a conversation with her. I still have many conversations with my mum, sheís still with me, not as fully as Iíd like, but I find her presence comforting,.

Tallgirl posted 2/26/2019 04:04 AM

((((Tsmf )))) so glad the funeral was beautiful, it helps to say goodbye.

I wish you the best at work tomorrow, donít worry if there are tears, people understand. It took me four months to be able to talk about it without tears every time. I used to email my boss about it because I knew I would cry, I Sat right beside her.

My sister in law sewed a quilt for me Ö a way to wrap up in love. I was so excited by the quilt that the first thing I did was run to the phone to call mom and tell her. I caught myself mid dial. You may have a few of these moments, and it is ok. It changes and gets easier over time.

Now I talk to mom when I am in the car alone. I figure people think I am on a cell phone - I am - of sorts.

Sending you caring thoughts.

thebighurt posted 2/26/2019 08:51 AM

((((Truth)))) I wish you the best.

My first day back at work after losing my Mom was very difficult. I worked in a large company and not everyone had heard why I had been out or maybe not even that I had been out.

I went to the copier in a hallway and felt the grief as I waited alone there for it to be done. It must have shown as a male co-worker who obviously didn't know came along to use it and cheerily said to me, "Hey, what's wrong? You look like you lost your best friend!?" I looked at him and, almost in tears said, "I just did".

I often saw things or thought of things I wanted to show her, bring to her or tell or ask her for a very long time after. Same with my Dad who passed away a couple of years later. Keep talking to her.

Dorothy123 posted 2/26/2019 09:12 AM

(((truthsetmefree)))

sisoon posted 2/26/2019 17:50 PM

I'm very sorry for your loss.

(((tsmf)))

truthsetmefree posted 2/26/2019 19:34 PM

Thank you all for holding me up - and especially for sharing your own stories. They are so comforting. I know my mom is still close - I can feel her. And if Iím distracted enough, Iíve even heard her make typical comments here and there. I just have to get beyond some of the immediate so I can better tune to her in this new way. Itís strange...when I do manage to have more normal moments, I then get washed over with guilt - like I shouldnt be feeling better. I know that makes no sense (even to me) in the big picture of everything.

Iím also coming to a point where this is not as front and center with everyone else...I guess this would be the point where ďlife goes onĒ. And thatís hard because I feel more alone, more cognizant of how much my life has changed - yet also hasnít. Itís a relief in one sense - to have the distraction. But itís also a panic...like itís slipping away and Iím going to really loose her or something.

NorCalLost posted 2/26/2019 19:47 PM

(((truthsetmefree)))

You are in my thoughts. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I want to share a sentiment with you that another SI member tells me on a regular basis: your health and happiness matter to me.

I can honestly say that is true for me about everyone on this site. It's such a hard journey just to be betrayed. To add a profound loss like yours to the mix makes it even harder.

Thank God for this site, for the support from the souls who found their way here through their own grief and pain.

Stay with us. Vent, cry, post. Many of us know the pain of losing a parent. We will be your virtual family, seeing you through it.

[This message edited by NorCalLost at 7:48 PM, February 26th (Tuesday)]

truthsetmefree posted 2/26/2019 19:57 PM

Beautiful post, NorCal.

I love you guys so very much. Youíve all been my family for years...and Iím so glad to have you here by my side through this.

truthsetmefree posted 3/2/2019 20:23 PM

If I had just known...

I would have spent more time with her after my dad died. I tried - but I went back to work last July after FT left. But I would have waited...could have lived my savings.

I would have come every weekend to visit rather than just call. It was only 30 minutes away.

I would have made sure she she would have eaten at my sonís restaurant. She talked about wanting to do that so much. But it was a trip down and a trip back and then do that again. But I didnít. And she commented on FB every time he posted a new special. I have the GC now that he gave her two years ago. 😢😢😢

And none of that time seems important now. Iíve made that trip down now probably 10 times in the last two weeks - but sheís not here.

I now donít have to work - though I still am...to fill up the emptiness. Probably will continue for the same reason.

If I had just known.

truthsetmefree posted 3/2/2019 20:35 PM

As an only child I was so afraid she was going to become dependent on me, clingy, needy, after my dad died. And I didnít have it in me to manage that...I was empty and dry. So I put up boundaries, walls even...and it was messy and defensive and often rigid...because I was afraid I couldnít give her all that she would need...and I had felt so much pressure to do that before in my life.

But I didnít know she was going to die...or that she would die this soon. And she didnít handle my boundaries with anger and more pressure like I had expected. She was graceful and kind and understanding. She comforted ME often. And I had found that the years of resentment had melted. I didnít come when I was tired or overwhelmed...but when I did come I ENJOYED her. It wasnít any longer duty...but just companionship.

And now sheís gone. Close friends point out how blessed I am to have had this year of so much healing and closeness - and I am grateful. But the loss now...itís just that much bigger. It doesnít feel comforting.

onlytime posted 3/2/2019 20:43 PM

(((truthsetmefree)))

hopefull77 posted 3/3/2019 06:41 AM

My heart goes out to you.

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