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Betrayed Womenz Thread

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Chaos posted 8/15/2019 12:15 PM

27. Dear Lord. My adult daughter is older than that.

Fucking perimenopause is a bitch.

Truer words were never spoken.

I've got a long list of changes post Hysterectomy. I had one at 48. I hadn't been back to work more than a few days when DDay1 hit. Holy Hormones Batman!

cocoplus5nuts posted 8/15/2019 12:22 PM

I'm good with the perimenopause now except the weight gain. I started gaining at 43. Lost about 35 lbs winter before last. About 10 of it came back when I stopped dieting even though I was exercising every day. 😡

Interesting tidbit of info I learned about my fch last week. He and our 15yo have been talking about how the boy is now taller than the man. I took the boy for his sports physical. He is 5'5". I said, "You are not taller than your dad. He's 5'6" or 5'7". (Yes, we are little people. 🙂

We got home and I told my fch. He said boy is taller than him. WTF? Fch said he is 5'5"-5'6", depending on whether or not he did squats that day. I said that he told me he was taller. He swears he has never claimed to be 5'7". I could be wrong, but I know for sure he never said he was 5'5".

Someone left me a little money for my yoga class even though it was free. 😁

DevastatedDee posted 8/15/2019 12:25 PM

TallGirl, you don't have to go away with your WH this weekend. None of it sounds like it would be healthy for you.

Why does the marriage ending hit you so hard? You don't have to answer, just think about it and answer it for yourself. What keeps you holding on? What value is it to you to hold onto your marriage?

The idea of being with him doesn't give you any positive feelings, it doesn't sound like. Your MC is not interested in you two individually as much as she's interested in saving a marriage, which is technically her job. Her goals aren't likely to align with what's healthiest for you when the marriage is the patient.

The truth is, if he disgusts you and you don't want to be with him and he's still being a man-child, the marriage probably is over. You know what, that is absolutely okay. That is a reasonable and rational outcome due to his actions. I know it's not easy. All of this sucks hugely. Part of me still misses who I thought I married, but the vast majority of me is beyond grateful not to be in that marriage anymore.

I do have a bias against marriage and cheating man-babies, lol. I'll admit that.

northeasternarea posted 8/15/2019 15:50 PM

Tallgirl (I'm tall, too) stop comparing yourself to airbrushed photos. If you don't want to spent the weekend with him, don't do it. And even if you do, you don't have to sleep with him. I went away with my WH for a week when we were separated, and there was no sex. Be true to yourself.

My WH's AP is 24 years my junior. She was perfect for him to play Captain Save A Ho.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 9:56 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]

Tallgirl posted 8/15/2019 21:06 PM

Ha, northeasternarea, my wh(y) loves himself a ho. Without a doubt...

I know I don’t have to go this weekend.

I talked to the mc before the ho lover arrived. She said if we don’t spend time together, it is essentially calling off the M. I am thinking. I will see a lawyer soon and look hard at my options.

I am not ready now. If it is over I will be ready.

Not sure I can get over what the Ass-ho has done.

cocoplus5nuts posted 8/15/2019 22:10 PM

I talked to the mc before the ho lover arrived. She said if we don’t spend time together, it is essentially calling off the M.

What is it with these therapists? No, it is not essentially calling off the M. Like I said in response to Chaos, if a WS gives up because the BS needs more time or space or isn't 100% all in for R, the WS isn't R material.

Fuck those lying ass cheaters! We BPs don't need to do anything to appease or placate them. They are the ones who need to be doing ALL the work to win back us BPs and save the M.

DevastatedDee posted 8/16/2019 08:25 AM

Preach that. The MCs always want you to extend the olive branch and be understanding and that is such bullshit after the WS breaks the marriage like that. We owe them absolutely positively nothing in the aftermath. They should be doing all the work to show that they actually want us and the marriage and they should be putting their emotional necks on the line, not sitting around pitiful waiting for us to give them a smile or some attention.

cocoplus5nuts posted 8/16/2019 09:12 AM

they should be putting their emotional necks on the line, not sitting around pitiful waiting for us to give them a smile or some attention.

Exactly! That was part of my fch had to fix in himself, his ability to be emotionally vulnerable with me, because that's essentially what led to him cheating. If he can't do that now, we can't R.

Part of his reasoning for not being emotionally vulnerable with me was that he was scared of my reaction. He didn't want to be involved in any kind of conflict. He didn't want me to think he was selfish. 😂

See how that worked out? He caused the greatest conflict by showing just how selfish he was. He lost all of my respect for being a weak, selfish idiot.

EllieKMAS posted 8/16/2019 19:39 PM

I didn't know where to post this...
Have any of you tested positive for STD as a result of the cheating? I heard back from my doc today and damn.
Second round of bloodwork was submitted to the lab today, but I am just a bit shocky I think. I haven't cried or had a meltdown (yet). I feel like my brain is just on complete overload with the last 9 months of bullshit.

Praying it is a false positive.

Tallgirl posted 8/16/2019 19:57 PM

Oh Ellie. That sucks. I am so sorry. I would be livid. There are a lot of folks that have had this.

If you want broader feedback I would post in general.

Big hugs

EllieKMAS posted 8/16/2019 20:44 PM

Thanks TG. I am mad... But just my feelings are muffled right now.
I may post in general. Not sure yet.

SpeedBump posted 8/17/2019 02:30 AM

Hi Ladies - I'm just stopping in to say that whether you know it or not, this group is my everything these days. I haven't had the strength or courage to keep posting lately but I come here and bask in the wisdom, grace, humor and strength of your posts. I hope one day I can offer some wisdom and friendship.

I hope that for now you are OK if I sit off on the side and silently cheer you all on!

Tallgirl posted 8/17/2019 06:48 AM

Hi Speedbump

Post any time when you are ready. We are just a bunch of gals trying to sort ourselves out and make sense of life.

Ladies
The weekend has started and I am watching him sleep wondering what I can use to pummel him. Lots of triggers.

And I am covered head to toe with the most uncomplimentary night clothes I could find. I look like a sleeping bag.

Always amazes how raw the pain still is.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 7:16 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]

Tallgirl posted 8/17/2019 06:49 AM

Hi Speedbump

Post any time when you are ready. We are just a bunch of gals trying to sort ourselves out and make sense of life.

Ladies
The weekend has started and I am watching him sleep wondering what I can use to pummel him. Lots of triggers.

And I am covered head to toe with the most uncomplimentary night clothes I could find. I look like a sleeping bag.

Always amazes how raw the pain still is.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 6:50 AM, August 17th (Saturday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 8/17/2019 08:37 AM

TG, a pillow?

I'm not proud of this, and I do not advocate it, but I physically attacked my fch one night. We were in bed. He was asleep. I was drinking too much wine. I got so angry that I just started hitting him. He woke up, realized what was happening, and let me continue. He has nerves of steel. I wasn't hurting him. I can't punch worth a damn and his body is like a rock. I had never hit anyone in anger before and haven't since.

Speedbump, lurk all you want. That's what we're here for. Post whenever you are ready.

Fch and I had a really good talk last night. I think I'm going to start a thread about it in the R forum. I think he really gets it, and he's willing to stick around and ride things out while I figure out what I want to do.

gmc94 posted 8/17/2019 08:58 AM

Tall girl- I feel ya.
I’m spending some time lately thinking about why I want to punch my WH in the face. I don’t think it’s “just” the rage. I think some silly part of me somehow thinks if I can beat him up it will somehow be better or Ok. That the scales will somehow even out. That he will somehow hurt as I do. It’s really a bizarre urge. I can’t even call it a fantasy bc I don’t get any feeling of satisfaction from it - I know just how ashamed I’d feel if I followed thru.

I wonder how many BS whose WS are “doing the work” have this urge? I wouldn’t know what that feels like, so maybe I’m just on a “grass is greener” kick, but a part of me thinks I wouldn’t feel like punching him if I believed he had any remorse or empathy. Random ramblings of a BS brain I guess.

Tallgirl posted 8/17/2019 09:44 AM

well said gmc.

Totally on point

SpeedBump posted 8/18/2019 06:56 AM

I can't tell you how many times I fantasize about slugging asshat. So. Many. Times. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Scoobydoo posted 8/18/2019 09:41 AM

Hey ladies,

Is there enough room for another to join in here?


Feeling pretty lonely atm

Tallgirl posted 8/18/2019 11:17 AM

Welcome Scooby. How are you doing? I have read a few of your threads. Lotsa room here for more gals . Welcome any time.

What has got you feeling down.

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