SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This past weekend I caught my WW texting her AP. She broke NC without my approval (which I would never give) and tried to hide it by deleting the text. I believe she forgot to delete it right away because it appeared in my phone records.

Her bullshit excuse was to let him know that our oldest Son knows everything. He knows the who, the when, the how, etc. I looked at her is disbelief at the crock of shit she was trying to justify. Told her it's none of his business, why would he care? Why would she care that he knows? She was even telling me she was upset that he didn't text her back. DUH! It's because she was his side piece! There was no "love" or respect from him. She was his newest adventure! And she cannot realize it.

I'm done with her not doing the work to heal herself! I'm done with the dishonesty and infidelity.

I moved out hours after the revelation. My kids are incredibly upset. My oldest (18 years old) was closet drinking in the basement and we called the social worker for my 2 younger kids so they have an avenue to release their anxiety. My WW sent me numerous texts about them this morning - playing on my heart strings. As much as I know this will hurt my children I am not going to bend and return home. To save them from her bullshit!

Also called the OBS to let her know my WW tried to communicate and to let me know if there was any on their end.

I've asked for no contact from my WW unless it had to do with my kids and finances/household business. This is the scariest and hardest task I have ever embarked on. But I need to get out of this situation!

Yes you do. You have been backed into a corner here, she has left you no choice. I am sorry it went this way. Instead of playing your heartstrings she should be taking responsibility for being the actual one who caused this damage. Instead of guilting you, she should be taking accountability.

Yes, I agree this guy is not going to be reliable for her, but that’s part of the consequences she is going to experience.

So sorry it came to this. Please make sure that you speak with a lawyer ASAP to make sure you’re leaving the house is not construed as abandoning the kids. Do NOT hurt your future with a rash decision. Make sure you go with lawyer’s recommendation to protect yourself. Protect your finances, too.

As much as this hurts - and it is so so hard - it is also a strange relief to have the clarity that you can get out of limbo or false R.

Hang in there. It will get better.

So sorry that she hasn't taken the chance to work on herself. Her incredibly selfish choices now have consequences.

It does get better. It may get worse before it gets better, but it does get better.

Oh, man. I'm so sorry.

Please make sure that you speak with a lawyer ASAP to make sure you’re leaving the house is not construed as abandoning the kids. Do NOT hurt your future with a rash decision. Make sure you go with lawyer’s recommendation to protect yourself. Protect your finances, too.

I second this with gusto.

Well, I hate to say this, but a few of us knew that this was the case all along w your WW. We aren't clairvoiant or anything. It simply ALMOST ALWAYS is the case. And so that is why we sound like these stuck whistles, it's almost always the same old song and dance. We received a lot of pushback on your previous threads though. It is what it is.

At any rate Friend I am truly sorry that we were right. You do see your path forward though, it sounds like. Please keep checking back in with us here, everyone here is rooting for you.

[This message edited by WontBeFooledAgai at 3:27 PM, Wednesday, September 11th]

My comment from your previous thread:

Your wife will try to be on her best behavior until November 1… just as she did when you threatened divorce. Then it will be back to business as usual.

I guess she couldn't even manage that.

As much as I know this will hurt my children I am not going to bend and return home. To save them from her bullshit!

If they're still there, how are you saving them from her bullshit?

Add me to the list of people who say that you shouldn't be moving out of the house unless you've consulted a lawyer. You're giving your wife an opportunity to claim exclusive use of the home + an advantage in child custody of the kids you left with her as the sole or primary caregiver.

If you really need to, take a few days away to clear your head... but not more than a week.

I've asked for no contact from my WW unless it had to do with my kids and finances/household business. This is the scariest and hardest task I have ever embarked on. But I need to get out of this situation!

Your wife has called your bluff. You've threatened your wife with divorce before and back down, so chances are, she's probably not taking you seriously at the moment. Based on previous experience, she expects the storm to blow over after a short period of time. Your challenge really begins when she realizes that you're serious and starts acting out... either in desperate attempts to "win" you back or to punish you for leaving (most likely both).

Prepare yourself.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 5:03 PM, Wednesday, September 11th]

Agree with not leaving the house she can get you on abandonment. Make sure you talk to a lawyer right away and get back in the house before she gains the upper hand in D.

I'm so sorry this happened again but at least now you know what direction to head in s she has not changed nor is remorseful and continuing to put you through infidelity.

Your challenge really begins when she realizes that you're serious and starts acting out... either in desperate attempts to "win" you back or to punish you for leaving (most likely both).

Yes this ^^^ many an unremorseful manipulative WS has pulled this crap including mine. Implement the 180 and ignore all her attempts. Only kids and finances should be discussed at this point.

Get back into the house. Move into a spare room. Only converse when it’s about the kids or finances. 180 her on everything else.

I don't have advice but I am here to say I am sorry.
I read your posts and was hoping she would come to her senses, keep posting as you need to.

You have a lot of people here for you.

I’m sorry. I’ve been through this. As much as it sucks, at least you know the truth and can act accordingly. There’s some relief in the clarity of the knowledge that this marriage is never going to get better for you. Because, duh. Your WS is never going to do "the work" and now you know exactly how delusional she is. That’s very powerful. Use it wisely.

Take care of yourself and move forward. Big hug.

wjbrennan78 — Peace to you and your children.

Hi WJB,

How are you going?
Are you still separated from your WW?

We are here to help you.
Regards,
FAWH

wjbrennan78

With the mix of emotions and all the work you have forced on you by your wife, I understand your absence.

From my unwanted experience - I know the hurt is the worst you have had except maybe death of a parent - but not that of a child.

So? Wish you would post and often the act of writing out your feelings and questions and thinking is enough to jog your brain out of a pit created by the "box" your wife has forced upon you.

If you see this - let us know you are moving forward and your 3 boys are ok.

And I repeat what is so often said, your life will improve and you will again find happiness.

A bit of an analogy - Ship I was on (USN) had a gyro compass. When in port it was turned off. Before getting underway, a Whitehat has the job of turning on the gyrocompass. This had to be performed at least 12 hours before un-docking.
Gyroscopes take some time to stabilize and in so doing - they wobble around. As they spin and precess - the wobble gets smaller and smaller to the point where the gyro stabilizes and becomes the perfect (mechanical) compass.

I think of this as "our" life being betrayed. When we get hit with the news - we are like that compasse - we wobble and wobble for some time. As time passes, we soon wobble less. Eventually you will stabilize. Probably in a few years.

You will stabilize - that is the way our brains work.

Hope you find a warm wind and a following sea.

wjbrennan78

I am so sorry to hear this, I absolutely understand how you are feeling and unfortunately I have seen my 11 yo daughter struggle with her fathers infidelity and how he gaslit me, blamed me, and blamed us for his A. She is now getting into counseling soon for it and his shitty behaviors after his A only lasted a few weeks , I can't imagine all that hell lasting longer. I am truly so sorry. The kids end up being the real victims in this shitty game of infidelity, with that being said it was her choice, not yours to put your children in that place so please do not take any of that blame.

I'm done with her not doing the work to heal herself! I'm done with the dishonesty and infidelity.

As you absolutely should be, you tried to give her the chance to change, a chance to put you, the kids, and the M first and SHE FAILED to do that.

I am sending you tons of good vibes for this journey you are about to go on because I know it won't be easy but at the end of the this I know you will find peace in your decision , no matter if we reconcile or D I know the healing process sucks.... but there will be healing at the end of this somewhere.

Keep posting as needed, we are all here to support you!