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Newest Member: Watermelonhigh

Off Topic :
TW: Death- Prayer Request

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 PSTI (original poster member #53103) posted at 11:38 PM on Friday, June 14th, 2024

Hey. I know not everyone here was a big fan of me or approved of my lifestyle but at least some of y'all knew me and I wanted to post an update because I think that having to tell the story over and over in various comments will hurt too much.

In a lot of ways everything in my life sucked except my love life. Kid stress, financial stress, health stress, extended family health stress... you name it. Then DH had a heart attack and died suddenly at home, age 37. I found him when I got home from work.

I am absolutely drowning in grief right now and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this. DS and I now have an anti-suicide pact because we see how it just shunts the pain onto everyone else... but the idea of getting up every morning tired, not being able to function throughout the day and just running out the clock to try and fall into some kind of a broken sleep and do it all over again just to cross another day off the calendar? It seems like sheer torture at this point. Like I've been sentenced to a life filled with nothing but pain.

I'm very grateful for DBF at this point because he's doing his best to keep the household running, cleaning and making sure there's at least a hot meal every day, but he's suffering his own loss. They were friends and not lovers but the four of us were a family. Having DH gone has left a jagged gaping hole in our family and we're all grieving.

Any helpful words would be appreciated. Yes, doing our best to seek out therapy but low income and virtual required (DH was the driver, I can't drive for medical reasons) is severely limiting our options. Doing our best to get supports.

[This message edited by PSTI at 11:40 PM, Friday, June 14th]

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 917   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8839799
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 3:05 AM on Saturday, June 15th, 2024

PSTI =- so so sorry to hear about the loss of your DH. The grief is overwhelming right now - but if infidelity teaches us anything, it’s that we are stronger than we know and that grief does lessen with time (dreaded 4-letter word).

I ** believe ** there are grief support groups online and hospices offer them as well. Use all available resources.
Sending you strength and deepest condolences. (((Hugs)))

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6069   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8839822
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 7:54 AM on Saturday, June 15th, 2024

So sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself at this time. The firsts and seconds after a loss stink, too. (Holidays and other important family dates.) Give yourself grace during those times and don't take on any extras during those times.

Peace to you and your are during this difficult time.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3584   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8839838
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 3:11 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2024

I'm very sorry for your loss.

The 'no suicide' pact - keep it. There's no way you can commit suicide without harming the ones you love, and your grief will be temporary. I went through a period of wanting to kill myself, and the 'no suicide' contract I made with a therapist 25 years before my despair made it much easier to stay alive until I started wanting to live again.

If it helps, keep posting.

You can get through this loss and thrive.

(((PSTI)))

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:45 PM, Monday, June 17th]

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30051   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8839845
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 10:22 PM on Saturday, June 15th, 2024

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Huge hugs.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3605   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8839872
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 12:50 AM on Sunday, June 16th, 2024

Oh, I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t imagine that your lifestyle choices could diminish the pain you are feeling.

My H passed away about 10 weeks ago. I’m going to guess that it will provide some level of comfort for you to have your BF present in your life, but I also imagine it can’t take away the pain.

We must do our best to continue to breathe in and out…try to get up every morning…eat…sleep…and continue to live life as best we can.

I have no idea what is left for me, because I am many, many years older than you. But my kids still need me. And my grandkids. And if for no other reason, I will continue to get out of bed each morning to support them. And to try to put off them having to lose another parent / grandparent any time soon.

I hope you can find your impetus to keep moving forward, despite the pain / loss. You are so young. And just as you found happiness after your H’s infidelity, you can find it again.

Please keep posting. Talk to family and friends if that helps. And access your higher power, if that applies to you.

Again, I’m so very sorry for your loss.

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8218   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8839889
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 PSTI (original poster member #53103) posted at 1:32 AM on Sunday, June 16th, 2024

WHat'sRight, I'm so sorry for your loss as well. And you're right- I'm sure it doesn't take anything away from my grief to have another partner. I'm still hurting so much I feel like I wish I were dead too. Like in fact a part of me is dead already. Having another partner just means I do have an additional support person but then again they're also grieving and who knows what effect this will have on our relationship so there are also additional complications too. Life is complicated.

But lately? It just seems so very hard to keep breathing.

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 917   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8839893
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 PSTI (original poster member #53103) posted at 2:19 PM on Sunday, June 16th, 2024

Today is DH's memorial service. I don't know how I'm going to get through today.
Looking through our photos to make a slideshow... that's our life. How can it be over already? The songs for the music are all the original artists that he played his own covers of on the guitar. He was such an amazing artist, and kind and generous man, and a wonderful father.
The days ahead without him seem to stretch on endlessly and to no purpose.

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 917   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8839926
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icytoes ( member #79512) posted at 4:31 AM on Monday, June 17th, 2024

I am so sorry for your loss. How did the memorial service go? I am thinking of you and your family and sending all my care and strength to you.

posts: 63   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2021
id 8839977
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Rocko ( new member #80436) posted at 2:37 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2024

Please find Grief counseling for you and your Son. Experiencing Infidelity was nothing compared to losing my daughter. Grief counseling pulled me through a very dark time in my life.

posts: 44   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2022
id 8839989
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SadieMae ( member #42986) posted at 3:24 PM on Monday, June 17th, 2024

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your are able to find some resources for counseling. I can't imagine how shocking the loss must be. Your H was so very young. I'm so sorry.

Me: BW D-day 3/9/2014
TT until 6/2016
TT again Fall 2020
Yay! A new D-Day on 11/8/2023 WTAF

posts: 1421   ·   registered: Apr. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Sweet Tea in the Shade
id 8839993
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 12:35 AM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024

So sorry for your loss. It sucks. I came close to losing my H 2 weeks after his 40th bday with a widowaker lesion. We were very fortunate they were able to Stent it. Needless to say I contemplated the loss of H and what that life would be.

I hope you can find peace and comfort with happy memories and do not hesitate to reach out to your loved ones for support. Definitely keep IC in your back pocket as you navigate this and heal. Feel the feels. There are no shortcuts to healing .

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20207   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8840154
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 PSTI (original poster member #53103) posted at 1:47 PM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024

I'm really struggling. I was able to access some funding for low income people for some online counseling so that helps. But everything hurts and while I am not going to kill myself, I really don't want to be here. I'm tired of just running out the clock every day... it's not living.

He and I just fit together like left hand/right hand. The idea of life without him is just beyond considering. I just can't.

Me: BW, my xH left me & DS after a 14 year marriage for the AP in 2014.

Happily remarried and in an open/polyamorous relationship. DH (married 5 years) & DBF (dating 4 years). Cohabitating happily all together!! <3

posts: 917   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2016
id 8840187
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 4:25 PM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024

I can't imagine the pain you're experiencing. Just take it one day or one hour at a time.

When you're ready, A support group might help.

Sending you strength.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3605   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8840199
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:45 PM on Thursday, June 20th, 2024

Hang in there PSTI. Grief is a beast and you have to let it do its thing. You can’t imagine life without him, but I promise there is a good life out there for you. You will always have a loss and sadness, but with time (more than you want I am sure), you will learn how to live with that grief. I don’t know how— but I know it is true. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until grief starts to stabilize. Use all resources you can find.

Sending you a big virtual hug.

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6069   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8840204
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