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Off Topic :
What age makes a person middle-aged? old?

Topic is Sleeping.
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 sisoon (original poster moderator #31240) posted at 7:58 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024

Have you reached that age? How did it hit you? If you grew up with, 'Don't trust anybody over 30,' how did 30 hit you?

Asking for a friend ...

Thanks.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30051   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8836009
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SacredSoul33 ( member #83038) posted at 9:48 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024

I didn't feel "middle-aged" until my late 40s. But I started a five-year roller derby career at 43, so I may not be the norm. laugh

I didn't start feeling "old" until about 54, when everything started to hurt and I noticed that I was getting jowls. People stopped expressing surprise when I told them my age. tongue

Remove the "I want you to like me" sticker from your forehead and place it on the mirror, where it belongs. ~ Susan Jeffers

Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.

posts: 1340   ·   registered: Mar. 10th, 2023
id 8836026
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 11:05 PM on Thursday, May 9th, 2024

45
For most of us that is when it's half over.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20207   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8836032
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 1:35 AM on Friday, May 10th, 2024

As an old-age defier and the queen of late life starting over, the truth didn't sink in until I was almost 60, when my 54 year old sister passed, 4 weeks after I'd finally earned the college degree I'd started at age 18. There wasn't even time to feel jubilant about having achieved a life goal I'd spent the previous 4 years working towards, surrounded by 20-year-olds. Up until then, even during my sister's year-long decline, I'd not experienced myself as really old, since nobody believed me when I did tell them my age. But her untimely death was a shock of recognition. And I think really old age is when you are the last sibling alive, as I am now, at age 73.

So, the awareness of mortality has a lot to do with when I have felt these milestones approaching.

[This message edited by Superesse at 1:42 AM, Friday, May 10th]

posts: 2073   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8836039
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:34 AM on Friday, May 10th, 2024

Just in the last couple of years - and I’m 57. When friends started dying, it really sunk in that I am at the beginning of the distribution curve. My mom died at 70, and most of my friends are 65+.

And when I realized I qualified for (and started taking advantage of) senior discounts.

I am curious when I will feel "old".

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6069   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8836042
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 sisoon (original poster moderator #31240) posted at 3:00 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2024

Thanks.

I thought I entered middle age when I turned 35. I welcomed 30, 35, 40, 50 (I felt wise at 50), 60, 65, 70 (set my retirement age when I hit 70 - at 70.5). I still don't feel old, but I know I've already passed into old age - and it is hitting home as my next birthday comes roaring at me.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30051   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8836089
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 3:27 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2024

The second part of your post is much more difficult to define. It is NOT a number.
It is when your mental and physical limitations prevent you from doing the things you want to do.
I see daily folks in their 90s that are young cycling, walking, lifting weights, and staying healthy. I see folks in their 50s with complex medical issues that can't get up and down the 3 steps to enter their home. Sometimes it is due to things out of their control. Other times it's due to a lifetime of bad choices and living hard and fast.
I also see and help people turn the clock back by improving their health, getting stronger, and better managing their health. So the clock is somewhat changeable.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20207   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8836118
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:40 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2024

For me, I felt middle-aged at about 45. I recently turned 61, but I don't feel old. It will probably hit me when I'm filling out one of those stupid demographic questionnaires and I have to move to the next age bracket.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3584   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8836201
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HFSSC ( member #33338) posted at 5:46 PM on Friday, May 10th, 2024

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I am going to my 40th year HS reunion next month. And that somehow makes me feel OLD, much more than being age 57.

I also don't feel as old as 57 used to look to me, lol.

I tend to think of middle aged beginning in late 30s/early 40s. And old... well, that goal line keeps changing as my number increases. Not sure if those events are related or not, lol.

Me, 56
Him, 48 (JMSSC)
Married 26 years. Reconciled.

posts: 4956   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2011   ·   location: South Carolina
id 8836204
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annb ( member #22386) posted at 1:17 AM on Saturday, May 11th, 2024

I'm 68 years old and didn't really feel middle aged until probably ten years ago.

At 50 I felt as though I was in my prime, unfortunately that was the year D-Day hit. sad

I still don't really feel old, my face shows it and my body feels it sometimes, but my head tells me I'm still very young at heart.

I have two grandchildren now and I hope I'm here long enough to see them grow up. smile

posts: 12181   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 8836230
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 10:27 AM on Saturday, May 11th, 2024

40 = middle age
60 = old

I, like everyone else, do not feel middle-aged or old, but I am also someone who does not like to lie to myself, especially post-infidelity. I have decided to ask myself about age objectively, from a 30 year-old's perspective, and that's how I came up with ages 40 and 60.

Where I get hung up is in wondering what those numbers or concepts even mean. Am I supposed to behave differently in middle-age? Or when I'm old? I am very conflicted. Only in the last year have people stopped acting surprised at my age. My response to the years of feigned surprise had always been, "I embrace immaturity to keep my youthful glow." But now I think, "Is it ok to wear short skirts? Tall boots? A bikini? A choker? To use current slang? Use the word 'hot' when talking about a celebrity?" Hmm. As I shed more of my old habits to conform to my age, I feel less like myself.

I have always listened to music in the car, probably too loudly, and sang at the top of my lungs. My commute is 60 min each way, so it's a lot of singing. I also sing very quietly (like a whisper) at the gym every day; I always have. But now I feel more self-conscious. Am I allowed to sing passionately? Do people think, "What a crazy lady. Does she think she's young?" No, I don't. But I still have a strong desire to be me, and I feel so great and happy when I sing (and I am terrible, so singing in the car or "whisper singing" are my only options). Once a same-age friend said to me, "You make me feel old" because she doesn't have much energy anymore. It felt as if she was saying, "So start acting your age." Which is how exactly?

I can be middle-aged or old and not care about the number as long as we're "allowed" to act however we want. But are we?

I'm curious, Sisoon, is this birthday that's fast approaching a milestone birthday? Is it coming with certain expectations or dark thoughts? Aging is a lot like recovering from infidelity--you need determination, a strong sense of self, and the ability to reframe the negative thoughts that crowd your mind. So what sorts of negative thoughts are you having about this number that's approaching?

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5890   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8836246
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 sisoon (original poster moderator #31240) posted at 6:33 PM on Saturday, May 11th, 2024

Milestone? You bet - 80. (I see that number and think, 'But I'm just a little boy! smile )

My concept of 'old' was 50 when I was 22, 65 when I was 50, 75 when I hit 65. At some point, I pushed 'old' to 80, but it's not moving any more. My life expectancy at birth was something like 64.5.

I think what's bothering me is

1) I don't know what to expect of myself now that I think I'm old.

2) I'm afraid that thinking I'm old in itself will slow me down.

My mom lived past 102. Her short term memory was problematic for her last couple of years, but she still read a newspaper and watched news shows every day. She made new friends to replace those she had lost. She spent time with friends. She went out to dinner. She had great relationships with our son and GS. She walked - not far but she walked.

I used to visit 2 neighbors who lived past 100. One of them stayed vital until almost the end of his life; one didn't.

I wish I could make absolutely sure that I am going to remain vital!

I'm still riding my bike. I'm not as fast as I was 40 years ago, but I'm faster than last year at this time. I still read for enjoyment. I really enjoy TV shows from Europe and Asia (with subtitles, alas). I get a lot of joy out of life.

I never had an image of what 'old' is and does, so I'm at a loss. I don't feel used up, but I'm not sure what my limits are. I'm not sure what I can do or what I want to do, other than maximize joy.

I suspect I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing - enjoy what I can and keep working to solve questions about life. That's been enough so far. ('Enjoy' includes an element of service to others. I've always enjoyed solving problems, and I made/fell into a career doing that.)

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:36 PM, Saturday, May 11th]

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30051   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8836264
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:15 AM on Sunday, May 12th, 2024

I volunteered this morning at a senior mobile home park doing chores some of them can’t do (weeding, mowing, painting, pressure washing, etc.) Watching the variety of folks in the park, there are LOTS of ways to age. Sounds like SIsoon is doing a splendid job. It inspired me to keep my fitness level up so I can maintain my own home as long as I can. As Dory said, just keep swimming. 🐠

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 6069   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8836289
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OwningItNow ( member #52288) posted at 3:01 AM on Monday, May 13th, 2024

My mom lived past 102.

Then you are middle age!

I never had an image of what 'old' is and does, so I'm at a loss.

I honestly think this means you are doing it right. The only limits are the ones you impose on yourself, right?


So here is a question (or three), Sisoon? Do you have to enter a phase where you perceive yourself as "old"? Is it required? What if it only lasts for six months, from 101.5 to 102 years of age, and then you leave this place and continue to enjoy being you in the beautiful hereafter? That sounds like the perfect way to age to me, that's for sure! Just 'skip' feeling old. I am two decades younger but plan to follow your lead. I think you are doing it right.

I read once (maybe you've seen the same) that the age you FEEL is a great determiner of your physical and mental capabalities as you age. Those who feel decades younger when asked the question report far more enjoyment and life satisfaction as they age than those who say they feel much closer to their actual age. You are proving the point! I plan to do the same. As I near 60, I actually feel only 40. I still bike, box, ski, run, weight train, work, cook, read, garden, refinish furniture, create my own jewelry, use my miter saw and nail gun, do home improvement projects, drink wine, and volunteer. I'm just gonna keep going until something stops me, same as you've done. Seems like the perfect plan for aging well.

Sounds like SIsoon is doing a splendid job.

Agreed!

Happy early birthday (whenever it gets here), Sisoon!

me: BS/WSh: WS/BS

Reject the rejector. Do not reject yourself.

posts: 5890   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2016   ·   location: Midwest
id 8836328
Topic is Sleeping.
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