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My terrible, horrible, no-good day (yesterday)

Topic is Sleeping.
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 6:08 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2023

Exactly five years ago this month, as we were contemplating whether we were going to move to SoCal from the Midwest or not, I found out I have a genetic mutation that puts me at a very high risk for colon cancer (up to 70% chance I'd get it) and I hadn't had a colonoscopy in five years. So we had to quickly get one scheduled because I wasn't going to move if I had a cancer diagnosis. I had a wonderful Gi doc who got me in within few days, and I ended up being all clear. But it was a really rough week or two. Now I get regular colonoscopies and they've all been clear.. not even a polyp.

Three weeks ago we listed our home here, since we are moving to the East Coast to be near our almost one-year old grandson. We ended up with 18 initial offers, which whittled down to seven after our counter. The offer we accepted is 20% above asking price, which we are thrilled about (the second closest offer is only $5K less than his). The timing is, we'd have a 30-day escrow, with a 29-day rent back for $1. This would mean we need to be out of our house by July 13th. All good stuff.

Last week I went in for my annual mammogram and ultrasound. Got a call back that they wanted to do a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, so I had that done Tuesday. I wasn't too worried because I have really dense breast tissue, have had several biopsies before, and they've all been clear. So I get the diagnostic tests done on Tuesday, and yesterday my breast nurse practitioner called to say the radiologist saw a mass, under a centimeter, that she wants to biopsy. She knows the timing of our move, and told me when I called to schedule it, if they gave me some crazy date of weeks out, to call her back and she'd pull some strings. So I called scheduling, and their 'soonest' available is June 7th - two weeks away. Also, in all of this mess, we're supposed to be on the East Coast June 13-21st, to meet with our contractor, architect and designer to get our project of the new home renovations moving along. We will be signing a lease on an apartment when we travel out there next month. We timed the trip to coincide with our grandson's first birthday party.

All in the same half hour I got news about the needed biopsy, we got word from our realtor that this bro who wants to buy our house is asking for $47K credit in closing costs for repairs, which is absolute fucking bullshit. We had a pre-inspection done prior to our listing and know what the issues are. It's outrageous - he basically wants the quality of a newly-built house. We talked to our realtor last night and told him we'd support $15K on our part, and that's it... we move onto offer #2 and/or #3 (which we already have contracts with if #1 falls through). So I'm furious about this insulting stunt on his part - for instance, we agreed we'd purchase a one-year home warranty for any buyer, but he wants 16K credit now for our HVAC system - which is older, but working fine - which would be covered under the fucking warranty if it goes. I had the annual service done three weeks ago, and the guy told me it was fine.

So here I am, totally freaking out about the breast situation, I can't get an appt. for two weeks for the biopsy, which means if it came back positive and I needed treatment, I'd be getting this news four weeks before we'd have to be out of our house. I called the scheduling people back again this morning to explain my predicament again and they are still saying June 7th. She said she'd speak with her manager to see if they can do anything, but I also called my nurse practitioner's office back and asked them to relay to her that the soonest I could get is not for two weeks. Hopefully she can pull some magic.

I am just an absolute wreck. It brings back all the memories of five years ago and needing a quick clearance so we could make a decision on whether to move or not. Our current situation is such that we have to move. Wheels are already in motion. I talked to my therapist and am going to see her today, but I'm just a disaster right now.

Funny aside, H ended up having to get a root canal yesterday morning, and in the afternoon after all this other shit came down, he texted, "Who would have thought getting a root canal would be the best part of my day?"

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8792486
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 8:34 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2023

So sorry you are experiencing so much chaos and uncertainty. the anxiety of the biopsy is probably amplifying all the other annoyances. hang in there, keep your sense of humor, and remember that it will turn out okay. (And fingers crossed for a clean bill of health on the biopsy).

Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5980   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8792510
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 8:46 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2023

Selling a house is so stressful. It seems like buyers expectations are for a like new perfect home. Even the homes that are well maintained have something "wrong" with them. With that much interest in your home I'm sure it will work out.

I hope they can get you in sooner for your biopsy and you get the all clear.

I can't believe your grandson is having his first birthday. It seems like you were just posting about becoming a grandma!!

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3586   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8792515
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 11:26 PM on Thursday, May 25th, 2023

Update - I got a call back from the breast center office and they will move some other patients around to get me in on June 1st; and they have also put me on their cancelation list. I told them I would drop whatever needed to be dropped for a cancelation spot.

I talked with several friends today. One made a good point - she asked me if my orders had 'stat' written on them. I said no, and she said if they were really worried, they would have order the biopsy stat. And there didn't seem to be any urgency like that. In fact, when the nurse practitioner from my breast surgeon's office called back later in the morning, she said June 7th wasn't a problem - I was able to tell them that in the meantime, I'd been moved up to June 1.

I also talked to my internist. I utilize a concierge physician for PCP, so it's normal for him to call, even though he's not directly involved in this situation. He talked to me about 20 minutes - he also knows the timing of the move, etc.

All we've heard from our realtor is that the buyer initially postured that he felt the difference was not fair. Zebra25 - you're absolutely correct, he wants a home that was in the same condition as it was when it was built over 50 years ago. We should know tonight which way he's leaning. If he walks, we automatically default to offer #2 - the contract is already written that way.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8792534
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PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 1:30 AM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

That’s a lot of stress. If you pull out what are the penalties. Could you go back and say no first offer or nothing? Please let us know about your testing.

BS Fwh

posts: 3267   ·   registered: Nov. 28th, 2011
id 8792551
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 3:10 PM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

If you pull out what are the penalties.

There shouldn't be any for either. Inspection results commonly trigger a new negotiation phase. The buyer can ask to have things remediated or price lowered to accommodate, but the contract usually just gives them a window (usually 7 days) to back out without losing their earnest money. So all Number needs to do is wait for the buyer to agree to her counter(typically has a 24-48 hour deadline). If he doesn't the deal is consider null and void and she can move on to the next. She could have just rejected his request, if it was official, and moved on also. It sounds like his 47k credit request may have been a trial balloon though not an official request. To do that would have been foolish with a house with that much interest. I would have rejected it right away just for requesting money to replace a working HVAC.

posts: 1580   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8792662
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 6:38 PM on Friday, May 26th, 2023

Grubs is right; if we'd pulled out prior to last night, there would be no consequences for either side.

But the stress of everything caught up with me yesterday, and when he countered, I told H I couldn't go through all of the inspections with a new escrow buyer. I needed something off of my plate, so we agreed with his counter. He initially postured liked he was offended by our offer, but then lowered his closing credit from $47K to 20K, after we'd offered $15K. There was no guarantee that he'd even spend the $47K on the 'repairs' he was asking for, so he may have just wanted the money, with no intention to do anything the inspectors were recommending. Another example... he wanted $195 for installing a new water filter at the front of the house. We already have an extra filter in our garage, and H could have done it (he's done it before). It was that kind of nickel and diming us that added up to the 47K.

Anyway, it's now off of my plate, and I can do what I have to do to take care of myself until my biopsy and results next week.

The other good news is that H does not have to get a crown for his root canal tooth; they were able to just fill it and he was done. So there's a few thousand dollars saved!

I slept better last night than I have in probably well over a week and a half since we went into escrow.

I still will never get past the practice in CA of real estate transactions not utilizing a real estate attorney. When you're talking about the kind of money people spend here for homes, it seems ludicrous to do so without the representation of an attorney. I mean, I don't doubt our realtor, and we always could have hired an attorney, but I've never heard of anyone here that has.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8792755
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 9:09 PM on Monday, May 29th, 2023

There w

as no guarantee that he'd even spend the $47K on the 'repairs' he was asking for, so he may have just wanted the money, with no intention to do anything the inspectors were recommending.

That's exactly what it was. He won the bidding war and was trying to unwind that. Personally, I would not have been as generous with the 15k as you were. I have an aversion to game playing and those that play them. Congrats on getting a deal through. Make sure you take that extra filter with you.

posts: 1580   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8793004
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 10:44 PM on Monday, May 29th, 2023

I know everyone’s situation is different, but I have had fibercystic breasts for 40 something years. And I have had probably. 5-6 repeat ultrasounds and 2 breast biopsies, one incised, and one needle. And none of mine have ever been a problem after the diagnostic biopsy.

Prayers for"all clear" results so you can get on with your plans!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8210   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8793016
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Jeaniegirl ( member #6370) posted at 1:59 AM on Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

He won the bidding war and was trying to unwind that. Personally, I would not have been as generous with the 15k as you were. I have an aversion to game playing and those that play them. Congrats on getting a deal through. Make sure you take that extra filter with you.

________________________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________

I totally agree with this. I would have replied with a SMILE and said "No, screw you, wouldn't wanna be you" and then instructed the realtor to take offer number 2.

"Because I deserve better"

posts: 3731   ·   registered: Feb. 1st, 2005
id 8793032
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 5:27 PM on Tuesday, May 30th, 2023

Thanks for all of the confirmation that this guy was a dick. Everything you've said is true. Had I not been blindsided by the fear that I might have cancer, we wouldn't have accepted his counteroffer. But I just needed at least one thing off of my plate. Tomorrow is the deadline for the last contingency - the loan - and if he asks for an extension, we will tell him to shove it and move on. He's already asked for a couple of extensions and I'm done, no matter what news I receive after my biopsy on Thursday.

Our realtor has offered to cover our costs of the pre-inspections we did, which was thoughtful. He has also given me a gift certificate for my next massage. I told him what was up with my health scare, and that's the reason why we wanted this deal closed and didn't fight back more. But yes, you are all correct - the buyer is an asshole.

And as much as I'd love to take the water filter with us, I don't think we'll have a need for it at our new house. Maybe I should try to sell it on Facebook Marketplace!!

The good news is that our permitting process for the new place is complete as of this morning, so demo will likely begin this week. The only thing the town asked for in addition to the construction plans that we submitted was a HERS involvement, which has to do with energy efficiency. That has been signed off, so we're good to go. The town turned the permit process around in less than two weeks! Speaks to the thoroughness of our architect and the structural engineer she collaborated with.

I got my BI-RAD score via my health portal over the weekend, and it's a 4 (range is 0-6, with 6 being cancer). Several years ago when I had the same kind of scare, in the same area that this mass is in, I had a BI-RAD score of 4, and it was just scar tissue from a previous duct I'd had removed several years earlier, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that's all this is. I remember when I got that phone call that it was benign feeling like I jump from here to the moon - I really hope this results in the same news. @Whatsright, yes, this does seem to be the path I will be on with my history of fibrocystic breasts. There is also a breast cancer history on my mom's side of the family (no BRCA gene, though), so I'm sure that's why they become alarmed when stuff shows up, and want to biopsy it.

We got a lot done this weekend in regards to some purging and packing of stuff we want to go into storage so it will be easier to tell the movers what needs to go where. I told H, if I want to get as much done now (we're about six weeks out from movers coming) in case I am side-lined with any sort of surgery or treatment. It also gives us an idea of how big of a storage unit we'll need to rent, when we look in a couple of weeks.

H may have dodged a crown last week after his root canal, but over the weekend, another tooth started to hurt, so he's off to the dentist again today. Every time he thinks he's seen our dentist for the last time, something seems to come up. We still has today off for a four-day weekend, so we will get more accomplished today. I just need to keep my mind distracted until Thursday morning.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8793099
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 9:27 PM on Wednesday, May 31st, 2023

I'm so happy to report that the deal has fallen through! The guy couldn't get his financing. They didn't like his debt to income ratio. He kept bragging about this wealth management company he has his money with, and does business with - evidently they don't think that highly of him. The guy was a douchebag - I can tell more about him now that the deal has fallen through. He's a former professional tennis player in another country whose career was ended when he tore his ACL. He was going to tear out all of the landscaping in the front yard (which is beautiful, lush, and well-maintained), put in privacy hedges, and build a pickleball court. I mean, WITH WHAT MONEY??? He couldn't scrape up enough money to buy the house, but he thought he was going to be able to put in a pickleball court? So all the repair credits he was asking for??? I'll bet he wasn't going to repair anything, and instead our credit was going to pay for his pickleball court. Now, I have nothing against private pickleball courts in people's yards - in fact, at our new house, the people kitty corner behind us have one. But I doubt they put it in at the expense of the sellers they bought the house from. So I'm glad to be done with this douche. He's also the kind of guy that likes to take pictures of himself bare-topped and paste them all over social media. So, yea; he's a bro. And I could have gotten past that if he hadn't come back to us requesting that much money in credits because he basically wanted a brand-new house.

Last night we served a 'notice to perform' statement to him, meaning he had until midnight tomorrow to get the financing done. So this means our contract with him is essentially canceled, and #2 is lined up and ready to go. In fact, #2's realtor has been in touch with our realtor, and they are so ready to move forward. It will mean another round of inspections, but maybe this buyer won't want want to have six different inspectors out.

Now if my biopsy tomorrow will also yield positive results! Am guessing I won't know until the beginning of next week.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8793281
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 9:53 PM on Wednesday, May 31st, 2023

Good luck tomorrow!! Fingers crossed your next buyer is more reasonable.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3586   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8793284
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 7:52 PM on Thursday, June 1st, 2023

Well, the story just got richer last night. The buyer's lender said he was so close to qualifying, so he asked our realtors to credit him $10K of their commission, and asked us to lower our price by $10K. And here's the zinger - he told them he had a $35K watch he was going to sell to someone in his office for $25K.

Our realtors were of course obligated to inform of us this last night, and we all just laughed. I mean, why doesn't he sell his $$$ Mercedes SUV? And if thinks he's going to get any sympathy from us, now that we know he has a $35K watch, then he's an idiot. He doesn't know how to live within his means, and we're not going to risk it all.

He has not responded to the note to perform by canceling the contract, so unless he does sometime today, we can't approach offer #2 with the news until tonight when that notice to perform kicks in. I doubt he's going to make it easy for us.

I mean, if his money was so tight, what was he going to use to put in that pickleball court and plunge pool?? Probably that $47K he was asking from us in closing credits.

In other news, the biopsy went well this morning - he took three samples, and it was indeed in the vicinity of my scar, so we're keeping our fingers crossed. It's possible I could get results tomorrow, but if not then, they Monday or Tuesday.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8793425
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 8:42 PM on Thursday, June 1st, 2023

Glad your procedure went well.

OMG. I would lose money with another buyer to not have to deal with this entitled, expensive watch wearing, Mercedes driving tool.


Reminds me of John Candy trying to sell his Casio watch to pay for a hotel room. laugh

[This message edited by zebra25 at 8:45 PM, Thursday, June 1st]

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3586   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8793434
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 7:39 PM on Friday, June 2nd, 2023

@zebra25 - unfortunately we did not get the option of losing money and going with another buyer. #1 came back in the 11th hour and said he would remove the financing contingency. We were so upset - we really wanted to move on and were prepared to, with four hours to go until midnight. He evidently has money somewhere that he will be able to access before closing that he couldn't access before the deadline approached. So basically he's a cash buyer, and if he defaults on the contract, we get to keep the $70K deposit AND if we end up not getting what he offered, we can sue him for losses associated with losing the sale. Our realtor told us that he's been in this business a long time and just when he thinks he's seen everything, something like this happens. Aside from selling his watch, he told our realtor he paid off the loan on his $200K (per our realtor) Mercedes G-Class SUV to better align his debt to income ratio. Once he removed the financing contingency, there was nothing we could do to get out of it.

I'm SO tired of the ups and downs, and I'm still not convinced everything will go smoothly until June 14th when we close, but I have to stop giving him rent free inside my head.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8793687
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 number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 4:03 AM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2023

Well, shit... just, shit. It's ductal cancer (the most common kind of breast cancer). Barely Stage 1, very small, slow growing, and not aggressive. But it will require a lumpectomy after we get back from the East Coast on the 21st, so that I'm free to head across country mid-July. The doctor is recommending radiation, starting anytime from 3-12 weeks after the lumpectomy, so that would take place in the Boston area. I know other women who have had very similar diagnoses opt out of radiation, so I will seek a second opinion on that.

So, yea, it sucks.

I had a massage scheduled this afternoon, and because I knew there was a small chance the call could come in, I left my phone turned on. I was on the table, face-up at this point, and my hands were already oily, and the phone kept slipping down. It was sort of comedic. But I was glad I was with my massage therapist, and not at home alone when I got the call. And yes, I did finish up the massage.

H will email his colleague at UCLA about a second opinion this weekend.

Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R

posts: 1318   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2018   ·   location: New England
id 8793721
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WhatsRight ( member #35417) posted at 8:20 AM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2023

Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry about this. So glad to hear that you caught it so early - but what an inconvenience to be dealing with this at all, much less during a move.

Don’t give the twit another thought. He hasn’t earned that from you. Either he or the 2nd buyer will buy the house, and that’s what is important.

Great that you will be getting your second opinion.

Please try not to worry, and keep us posted!

"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy

posts: 8210   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2012   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8793733
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zebra25 ( member #29431) posted at 1:49 PM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2023

I'm sorry number4. Glad to hear it was caught early and you have access to excellent medical care. Keep us posted.

"Don't let anyone who hasn't been in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces."

D-day April 2010

posts: 3586   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2010
id 8793750
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 6:08 PM on Saturday, June 3rd, 2023

My mom had the exact same she did the radiation refused the tamoxifen and is now 31 yrs free.
She did great with the RTx, went every day after work.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20173   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8793771
Topic is Sleeping.
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